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Comedian, talk show host and ice road trucker. My tweets are real, and they’re spectacular.

36,617 Following   50,307,802 Followers   11,408 Tweets

Joined Twitter 8/14/08

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This knit is bananas.
You have 5 seconds to win a $10K Target gift card from 5 Second Rule! Okay, you have a little more time, but hurry dad.
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneresThis kid really likes his morning shower. weekend is about being with family. But if you've had enough of that already, there's a big sale at needs to get pressed up against strangers? Get yer Black Friday in the Ellen Shop! (unless that’s what yer into)
#happythanksgiving from us!
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneresI'm thankful for each and every one of you. Now stop hiding in the broom closet reading tweets and get back with your family.I love Thanksgiving! When else can you eat too much and watch football? Except for like every weekend.Happy #ThrowbackThursday #TBT is about being with family and loved ones. But if you also see a funny-shaped squash, please send me a photo. so much going on in the world, I'm glad we can take a moment to be thankful. For every day. Every moment.I just stole some vegetables from my neighbor’s garden to make my centerpiece. I'm calling it my “CornucOprah”
It’s not easy being this adorable. Heads Up! holiday deck is back, & it’s free! Perfect for when your extended family starts talking about politics. are a few life-saving tips for your Thanksgiving dinner. made a new lady friend in my audience.’s your chance to win all of today’s giveaways right from Twitter! #Ellens12Days’s Day 3 of 12 Days and the gifts keep coming!
Stache OR 😺 with a stache?
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneresIf you’re about to fly home for the holidays, you may need to see this. told me he wanted to meet @BritneySpears. Done. and I did the exact same photo shoot last weekend. Except with money. adorable Kai Langer can’t feel his face when he’s with me. many wonderful gifts on my show today. And you can enter to win them all right here. the second day of 12 Days, Ellen gave to me…
“I told her my name was Marilyn. Like Marilyn Monroe." was a beautiful weekend. is here! I loved him in Rocky, Rocky II, Rocky III, Rocky IV, Rocky V, Rocky SVU, & CSI Rocky.’s @MileyCyrus’ birthday! I guess that’s why I’m seeing so many photos of her in her birthday suit..@AndyLassner makes me happy. 3 years old, this little girl knows elements like Xenon and Scandium. I thought those were reindeer. of my followers is winning all of today’s giveaways. Happy Day 1 of #Ellens12Days! audience ain’t the only ones winning my 12 Days of Giveaways. Check out all of the ways YOU can win right here.’s the most wonderful time of the year! Thank you #VisaCheckout for sponsoring this year’s 12 Days of Giveaways.
.@JustinBieber should be given an award for that performance. And a towel. #AMAs.@Macklemore and @LeonBridges. Blown away by that amazing performance. #AMAs.@Coldplay is incredible. It was hard to see through the monkey suit, but they sounded great. #AMAs.@CharliePuth was amazing. So was that kiss. I had to cover the dog's eyes. #AMAs.@ddlovato, you just tore it up, taped it back together with scotch tape, and tore it up all over again. #AMAsHappy birthday, Scarlett Johansson! You are absolutely my favorite female Avenger without a super power.
Hold onto your Ellen underwear, the Ellen Shop is now on eBay!
Who wants to go to @theAMAs this Sunday in Hollywood? #Seriously #IHave2TicketsI hope you’re ready for some holiday cheer because I have big news. The 12 Days of Giveaways starts MONDAY!I want my cat to hold my hand while I sleep. writers, @kevinlemanII and @pommyrantz, had a love/hate experience at #DSW. decided to end the week with a bang. anyone know what a “kitten caboodle” is? I feel like I should have one.This girl is about to blow you away. @Adele, have you heard this? did @Adele cross the road? She wanted to say hello from the other side.My friend @GwenStefani is doing well.
Roll some breadcrumbs on her and she’s ready for the fryer. #ThrowbackThursday #TBT Birthday @AllisonBJanney and Noah Ritter. Together you’re 63! The breakdown is not important! Grace and Rosie are back! And they’ve multiplied. audience got a big @AMZNUnderground surprise today. #LaughDancePartner a guest on my show is a scream. may have just saved the California drought. Seriously. Bananagrams with Portia and she refuses to believe JZQYYOK is a word.
Be honest, have you ever even once spelled Wednesday without silently sounding it out in your head wed-nes-day?.@OneDirection told me about life P.Z. (That stands for Post Zayn) #1DonEllen here last week. Directioners here today. DeGensies here every day.Yes, do so now.’t look now, but there’s a monkey in your bed. loves to celebrate fall. #1DonEllen the kids in the other room for a second and enjoy the trailer for @RebelWilson’s new movie #HowToBeSingle got real with @OneDirection #NeverHaveIEver #1DonEllen
Love ya right back #1DonEllen didn’t scare @EricStonestreet today. Seriously. on #Periscope: Don't miss my @OneDirection show tomorrow! can do amazing things nowadays. So can my audience. #PCDoesWhat #LaughDancePartner surprise guest today left me shaken. Not stirred. woke up to big trucks backing up to my garage. Looks like they’re unloading a lot of amazing giveaways. I wonder what that could be for.It’s windy outside in L.A., so remember to tie down your patio furniture and your supermodels.
This is my new favorite dance duo. I call them Whip and Nae Nae. look fantastic. With or without clothes.’s Have a Party With Your Bear Day! I’d like to take this moment to remind you again that I still don’t have a day.If you have a photo of your football fan baby, oh boy do I wanna see it. remember. You were like WHAAA?! And I was like I KNOW!’m so grateful to be able to do what I do every day. Here’s why. a sweet moment to ellentube with #MySweetStory & you could win $10k from @MyMMscom! Sounds pretty sweet to me is back right where he balangs. gave me an update on Lamar and Caitlyn. You can get her book right here.’s so windy in L.A.! In other news, if you’ve seen my giant inflated blue bouncy castle, tweet me.Get ur tix to @JustinBieber's #PURPOSETOUR early with code ELLENJB do it fast before it opens to the other Beliebers
After #KUWTK, don’t miss @KhloeKardashian on my show tomorrow! And check out her new book, here: can’t wait to watch me and my sisters on the “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” premiere tonight! I’m blowing you all kisses. Love, Karla
Hold on to your sparkly tutus, something very exciting is happening next week. Sophia Grace and Rosie are back!.@RebelWilson chose to donate to this school with help from @Shutterfly. This was their response. saw the cat eat 3 pieces. Don't tell Portia. is hilarious.’s a new deck in Heads Up! that’s all about the ocean and it’s free! Thanks @CarnivalCruise.
I'm thinking about the people of Paris tonight.🇫🇷 ❤️The reports from Paris are harrowing. Praying for the city and families of the victims. -H
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneresOne of the world’s greatest debates has finally come to an end @PortiaDeRossi. #ellentube dancers opened for @JustinBieber!
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneresIsn’t it weird that a butt dial and a booty call are two completely different things?I ended #BieberWeek with a bang. Thanks, @BestFiends for sponsoring the outdoor concert! #LaughDancePartner’s Friday the 13th! I don’t believe in superstitions, but I did give my gardener a hockey mask to whack the bushes out front.
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