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comedian. writer (currently: the president show). i'm here because @alyssawolff said she'd bring snacks. alison (dot) leiby (at) gmail (dot) com.

1,172 Following   15,311 Followers   22,668 Tweets

Joined Twitter 9/4/10

@lisa_curry absolutely not @samsuperstar It’s literally what I was born to do. @LeahBonnema @ucbtny @tonydeyo @AkaashSingh @whodougsmith @caseyJsalengo @danjperlman yessssssSome Sundays I’ll eat like an Olympian and some Sundays I’ll eat like My 600 Pound Life is coming over to film. There’s no inbetween.
Retweeted by Alison LeibyheyNY @CarolinesonBway 7:30pm tonight @wayansjr 10pm @wilsylvince 7:30pm @ucbtny East @IYBIComedy @AlisonLeiby
Retweeted by Alison LeibyTrying to find kombucha in a Safeway: The Alison Leiby story.
It’s like my parents and I play a game when I’m home called “how many TVs can we have on at once?” We are all winning. @jp_mcdade I just lost it at this🎶Just take those old records off the shelf/ I bought a sword and I need the shelf🎶
Retweeted by Alison Leiby @THEYCALLMEAHRI @mary_cella I still have it. It’s the best thing I have ever done in my life. @THEYCALLMEAHRI @mary_cella I kept a loehmanns receipt that said I saved $1982 on a Chloe skirt for almost a decadeDads love curling. @mary_cella @THEYCALLMEAHRI Mary, I know you’re not Jewish, but it’s things like this that make you an honorary jew @mary_cella that’s how I got that new marled rag & bone sweater @KaryinBrooklyn omg yesOf course @megangailey has the same birthday as my dad.Just heard a woman tell her daughter to get the “classic option”. We’re at a Forever 21.
Retweeted by Alison LeibyThe world can be broken into 2 groups: people that want airline workers to be funny & people that are normal.
Retweeted by Alison LeibyAmtrak trains: come make your loud phone calls here!
@opennoise Close enoughGod @kathbarbadoro is so funny. @opennoise I mean, it’s honest @kathbarbadoro creepin on you from my chair being v casual between screaming about masturbating @weismanjake @Splitsider I'm so proud of jewTonight! This show will be very fun! @mary_cella hi yes @irene_morales you could just text me this.NEW @JTrainPodcast with @AlisonLeiby! Nothing Is Too Weird If You Can Explain It >>
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@annadrezen omggggggg yes. @ThisPaul he's sobbing but has so much "maintenance" botox that he can't move his face. it's brutal. @irene_morales my list of "okay when I have money" items is longer than any amount of money I'll ever have @irene_morales irene. @ThisPaul he's unquestionably the worst one on the show. not worst person, but worst like, overall.
@joshgondelman whoa. yes. @70Ceeks that look is criminal.there's no way i recover from this LOOK.I'm catching up on Vanderpump Rules and need someone to walk me through what led Sandoval to wear a COWL NECK sweat… you for your thoughts and prayers -@SenJohnMcCain
Retweeted by Alison LeibyUnfortunately the most evergreen thing we've done on The President Show. is truly nuts that we live in a world where it is breaking news when the president says he is against domestic violence. @caityweaver put this on every night before bed. i've been using it for years and have the lips of a rather alive p…'m old enough to now realize that my only two passions in life are spending money and watching tv. @steve_boyle i fully get this.My bodega guy asked if I'm "celebrating tonight," and it's like I still have wine mouth from last night, what do you think?
@gregstone_ @alyssawolff Honestly it’s so hard to keep track @alyssawolff @gregstone_ Ah yes, Armageddon year @gregstone_ Wait I did this today to @alyssawolff @yoitsthesav he kept talking about "bools" @biloon he has said "Again, welcome" at least four times.It's legal to punch someone in the neck if they are hosting a webinar in a coffee shop, right?My book “Dead People Suck” is out today. It’s a comedic death-oir about cancer, hospice, grief, funerals and losing…
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@alyssawolff Oh my godNBC: OMG CHECK OUT CHLOE KIM!!!!!! ABC:
Retweeted by Alison Leiby @MehranX Is your fly still down? @yoitsthesav The seventh rule I think is plastic surgery @yoitsthesav Ugh right @yoitsthesav It’s the first Vanderpump ruleThe Olympics are so long it’s like a white girl’s 26th birthday. @johnlevenstein Exactly what I was thinkingAn ambulance just went by and the siren was in like, a minor key?The best host on the planet is @MehranX. Accept no substitutes. @nanglish my day involved making an entire package of these way too fancy organic kids chicken nuggets that I coated in old bay. @nanglish my hangover food choices today have been a real mixed bag but it's all totally worth it. @nanglish ooooooookay i also drank a glass of water! minus: i also ate an entire bag of pita chips.Last night I took off all of my makeup and jewelry and hung my dress up back in its garment bag when I got home. It…'m missing Vanderpump Rules to be on @HushMoneyNY tonight at 8pm at Pink's so you KNOW it's going to be a hot one.YO! TONIGHT, 2/12, @Pinks242! @MehranX and @lilliandevane present: @baratunde @AlisonLeiby @joezimmerman
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I flagged down a waiter from the back corner to bring more wine, which is what they should really give awards for. #WGAAwardsIt me, a lady. #WGAAwards @nanglish @adampally Guys!!!!!!!!!!!Wearing makeup is just painting a slightly better face on top of your face.My go to evening look is “wealthy witch.”Perfect Light Beings! TOMORROW NIGHT, 2/12, @Pinks242! @MehranX and @lilliandevane present: @baratunde @AlisonLeiby
Retweeted by Alison Leiby @hels i've never been more ready for a story in my life. @petergrosz look, it's no "Excellence in Office Mezze Style Snack Lunch," but it's still an exciting honor. @petergrosz french toast being the calamari of brunch is arguably the smartest thing anyone has said all week. @steve_boyle spending money on restaurant eggs is never worth it