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comedian. writer (currently: the president show). i'm here because @alyssawolff said she'd bring snacks. alison (dot) leiby (at) gmail (dot) com.

1,150 Following   15,088 Followers   22,000 Tweets

Joined Twitter 9/4/10

Finally, America has the same level of integrity of an Alabama mall security office!!!Only the president could discover a secret constitutional amendment.
Retweeted by Alison LeibyI bet Ivanka blows out the Hanukkah candles. @ErinDeweyLennox @joshgondelman only if you find some on sale. @jtrain56 @THEYCALLMEAHRI a great choice. unless they have the spring chicken. I would drink that pesto vinaigrette with a straw.Welcome to California, where everything is on fire and no one cares. @THEYCALLMEAHRI @jtrain56 you're eating a night salad??? @THEYCALLMEAHRI @jtrain56 ahri, wake up. it's salt. @AmySilverberg @joshgondelman WE ARE IN LA.Hey LA, tonight I'm hosting a very fun show for the wonderful @joshgondelman at The Virgil at 8pm! Come celebrate t… @ErinDeweyLennox it is.Thinking about having a kid so I can justify that I keep nutella and chicken nuggets in my kitchen.This piece is excellent. Workplace sexual harassment is more about the workplace than the sex., I see simply the word "Jews" is trending.
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@jtrain56 Just here to ruin everyone’s day, every day. @jtrain56 It’s salt. They use a ton more salt. Sorry.My only litmus year for people is whether or not they have ever bought food at a TJ Maxx. @peter_miller Loving all the Garfield content!!Thanks @PasteMagazine The 25 Best TV Performances of 2017 via @pastemagazine
Retweeted by Alison LeibyHonestly, it would be more helpful if my period tracker alerted all of my contacts rather than me.Still looking for a menorah designer to take on this project
Retweeted by Alison LeibyMy parents and I are going on a week long vacation at the end of the month so I'm starting a list of acceptable con…! Tomorrow night at The Virgil, in addition to me you can see @KevinAvery, @AlisonLeiby, and @MarlenaRodrigz!
Retweeted by Alison LeibyIf I can hear you chewing gum, you should lose your gum privileges.Good! We are so lucky to have them. @PresidentShow saw that firsthand:
It's nearly impossible to tell the difference between a gift guide and a suicide note. @annadrezen oooooookay @annadrezen sometimes I remember how soft your dog is and it feels like being in a coma (in the good way). @anniejcanada Sadly no! But watching for padmas outfits for sure! @alyssonholt Oh thank you so much!! It was so fun!!Every bar in LA is just a line for the bathroom.
So bummed I'm not in New York for the snow, it looks so fun to complain about.Netflix should default to "skip intro."
I Came Up With Christmas, A President Show Christmas will encore on Monday, 12/18 at 12AM after a very special…
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@frynaomifry It’s a look!!!!My personal style is extremely “cool young male professor on a 90s teen sitcom when the kids eventually all head to the same college.”Whenever I need to laugh I go through and read the (sadly short) entire timeline for @Lost_Mom_ and scream laugh un… @SelenaCoppock oh yeah, those and the black pepper are both v good.Philby needs a WAG award. need to stop saying that dinosaurs and birds are related. DO NOT GIVE BIRDS MORE POWER.Then you’ll LOVE our special “I came up with Christmas: A President Show Christmas”
Retweeted by Alison LeibyTriscuits are just the cracker version of hay. @UnemployedAnna Nordstrom Rack: home of the currently unemployed.Congratulations to the best writers in the biz on our WGA Nomination! @petergrosz @nanglish @jasonjross
Retweeted by Alison Leiby @opennoise you have no idea how many 3 day/2 night vacations I think I'm going to win.Duh.[on my deathbed] I regret that I didn't enter more online sweepstakes. @JaredGreenstein thank you!!!! it's an INCREDIBLE team!Truly nothing helps the anxiety of unemployment and not knowing where your next paycheck will come from like spendi… house is on fire
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MEN: we're gonna stop flirting at work and giving unasked-for hugs WOMEN: great MEN: wait, no, you don't understand, those were threats
Retweeted by Alison LeibyEntertainment has only let one woman have the spotlight at a time and finally, when a bunch of us are recognized at… Second Chance: This Amazing Organization Helps Disgraced Pedophiles Rebuild Their Lives By Getting Them Elected T…
Retweeted by Alison LeibyI think my uber driver is eating pie?
@NikkiGlaser I’m also about to do a show and like “do you guys like crying?????” @NikkiGlaser It’s so dark and so sad on top of other things that are so dark and so sad @NikkiGlaser I saw the same thing and closed my phone and sat silently in my uber for the rest of the ride no jokeAlmost died falling down a flight of stairs moving my own boxes out of my sublet. Not how I should die. I should go…"Who paid for you?" he whispered. But the old wall keeps her secrets.
Retweeted by Alison Leiby @julezmac ugh. @noahgcomedy you can do both, i believe in you!Men spend too much time on sneakers and not NEARLY enough time on sweaters.TNITE @ucbtla $7/8pm Solomon Georgio Alison Leiby & more + hosts @cameronesposito @RheaButcher! Tix:…
Retweeted by Alison LeibyHey men, if you don't want to be confronted about your bad behavior you're free to not be a huge piece of shit in the first place!!!Last night I made a snack plate so good it earned me a Nobel prize.Great minds Pence alike: The @PresidentShow last week vs. @TheAtlantic today
Retweeted by Alison LeibyheyLA @ucbtla 8pm tonight @pyhtshow @cameronesposito @RheaButcher @solomongeorgio @AlisonLeiby @DannySolomonn @irene_tu @CasualVelvet
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Native American tribes expected to challenge Trump’s decision to drastically reduce size of two national monuments
Retweeted by Alison Leiby @mary_cella I saw a TEEN in them once and lost it @mary_cella Our one true love!!! @nanglish it sounds ideal. the best drinks kind of hurt. @nanglish okay yes, this is an excellent dog, but no Philby. the paws make the dog!!! @nanglish please share resultsOne of the most amazing things about the @PresidentShow Christmas special is that it was actually ON TELEVISION. I…
Retweeted by Alison LeibyFor me, every day is a battle between having a savings account or buying Common Projects sneakers."oh, backless with yarn for straps won't work for you? go buy a sack."So many dresses are perfect except that you need to have small boobs/your boobs need to be bolted to your chest.I really wanted to see someone photoshop the tax plan to have Robert Durst's "BEVERLEY" written in the margins. Did…