Sign in with Twitter


comedian. writer. the opposition, the president show, triumph, others. alison (dot) leiby (at) gmail (dot) com

1,254 Following   16,090 Followers   24,606 Tweets

Joined Twitter 9/4/10

@blairsocci me tooYou should vote the same way you have sex: every chance you get and after you've made sure everyone's cool with it.…'s a national mandate that every coffee shop play "Just Like Heaven" at least once a day. @LizHackett I have a hard time walking on Broadway and 73rd where my "home" Loehmann's was. It's too painful.communal dressing rooms shaped who we are as women!!!!The strongest connections I have in my life are with other women who shopped at Loehmann's. @michcoll one of her best lines
Finally making peace with the fact that I'll never be lithe. @karengeier yesssssWe're finally in fucking BISQUE weather!!!!!I wore eye makeup Saturday night so I have like two more days with it before it's fully off.I just hope I die lying down.Drinking a glass of red wine you never know if you look normal or if you look like you just ate a live deer. @steve_boyle Breakfast veggies are so important!!!!
It’s illegal to enter a room or building on a reality show and not say “knock knock” out loud.Come hear us talk about late night! worst personality is "always cold." @AntoineJameson i mean, it's both a joke and very real.Everything fell into place in my life when I finally found a signature scent.heyNY @ucbtny East 7:30pm tonight @IYBIComedy @alisonleiby @Alingon @KatRadley @AnthonyDeVito_ @emilygalati @shanetorres @lindseyjane_ha
Retweeted by Alison Leiby @Ninjaharlot okay well that is a great idea.Imagine putting on a full face of makeup to hang out with your friends.
Going to Nordstrom Rack to find a fall sweater/myself. @MehranX @babethsfeast see, now this is the extremely helpful information i was hoping for. @Gennefer VERY on board.I'm ready for a quiche renaissance.TONIGHT! Come to @ucbtny east at 11:30pm for the SIX YEAR ANNIVERSARY of It's a Long Story with @AshleyBRoberts,… @megangailey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Croissants are the most reliably pastry.
@JaredLogan i just died a little inside. @jtsizzle @waltien help! @waltien nothing. this is the only way.Clearly the best way to write a pitch is think of a catchy title and then kind of reverse engineer the rest from there.Come to this show tonight and buy me a drink! Featuring @yoitsthesav, @AlisonLeiby, @jtrain56, @Mattbachus, and…
Retweeted by Alison Leiby🦄 NYC: This Sunday 9/23 our lineup destroys! @alisonleiby hosts @Alingon @KatRadley @AnthonyDeVito_ @emilygalati
Retweeted by Alison Leiby
Well, it's that time of the month when I don't remember what I changed my credit card online password to and I try… @ComedyCentral Half Hour premieres next Friday 9/28! Hell yeah dawg!
Retweeted by Alison LeibyAvoiding writing in this coffee shop by just staring at my one weirdly long arm hair glistening in the sunlight.Makeup has gotten so intense that you need a fine arts degree to even apply it.Not ashamed that I am a SPRITZER person!
@MehranX YOU areTonight! It's big. It's long. It's sets. It's Big Long Sets and I'm guest hosting! JUST WANT TO BE ABLE TO WEAR A GODDAMN SWEATER!!!!!Good thing I stopped using plastic straws! Now all I use is plastic cups, garbage bags, tooth brushes, toothpaste t… deeply love that @PadmaLakshmi wore a gown she'd worn to another event to tonight's #Emmys, making her both a reg…
The surgeries in Dr. Death are the same spine surgeries I've had, but my first surgeon was much, much worse. He was…'re not really friends if we haven't sent food back together.Savage Von Wolff: THE SHOW returns this Thursday September 20th at the Von (3 Bleecker St.) Doors at 7pm, show sta…
Retweeted by Alison LeibyUm hi “A Simple Favor” is very very fun and great and everyone in it was excellent!! @lisa_curry The nice one Lisa, obviously. See you there!!I have such a moral dilemma between ignoring toxic voices on here or pointing out why they are a problem or swan diving into a quarry.
TONIGHT! 09/16: Frog Boyz! Celebrating 2 years of animation with brand new cartoons and live comedy w/ @JesseElderV
Retweeted by Alison Leiby @jtrain56 which apps?I got 12 hours of sleep last night and now I'm like "oh so you don't have to always walk around feeling like you're…
@johnlevenstein I should put up a post it about that. good call.Heathcliff, it’s meeeeee Cathyyyyyyyy I’ve come hoooooomeUgh, SING along. I’ve had a wine or two.Kate bush is on now, is it too much to ask if they all want to song along????Eating by myself at a restaurant bar and the only other people here are some over 30 enjoying themselves alone and it is EXHILARATING. @joshgondelman See, that’s nice and creative!Let’s get more advanced meats in breakfast sandwiches. @lisa_curry Baby steps. Well, not “baby” steps for us because like, well, you know. @brandtadams Yes!!!I want to become a vigilante who installs hooks in bar bathrooms that don’t have them.
@elizaskinner I feel like my entire life has been driving me to this point. @elizaskinner Fleetwood MacBeth @GMPaiella have you watched the halloween parade coverage though??? @jtrain56 and I look forward to it all year.I love @maevehiggins and this @grubstreet diet is so delightful! ride into the sunset and explode with @shanetorres @stollemache @AlisonLeiby @2tonbug @DivaDelux @thejamham
Retweeted by Alison LeibySUN 09/16: Frog Boyz! Celebrating 2 years of animation with brand new cartoons and live comedy w/ @JesseElderV
Retweeted by Alison Leiby @HalleKiefer get on board.'And I Am Not Lying' brings burlesque, stories & standup back to @ucbtny East Village at 11:59PM Fri 9/14:…
Retweeted by Alison Leiby @PhilanthropyGal that's the goal!!!!Making my fall food all about: -sour bread -shaved carrot salads -sparkling red wines -chicken parm sandwiches -persian cucumbers -clams
Running up that hill but make it fashion
Retweeted by Alison LeibyQuick Dish NY: @frog_boyz Celebrates 2 Years of Animation 9.16 @UnionHallNY hosted by @JesseElderV & @seanwnewman,…
Retweeted by Alison Leiby @asherperlman @monsyhansy PLAIN BABYSorry I canceled our plans, I’m at an in between hair length right now. @karlhess This is the only take I care about.
TONIGHT: Thoughts & Prayers A Mandatory Assembly featuring @KristenBuckels, @laceyjeka, @dulcesloan, @Justsydnyc,…
Retweeted by Alison Leiby"I really want a Diet Coke." (orders $43 of delivery) @opennoise THEY ARE ARMS!!!!! @joshgondelman and when they lose and get eliminated from competition, the judges "send it back."I don't care what anyone says, a dog's front legs are arms and its back legs are legs.Twitter and Instagram at this point are basically “want to see what you missed two days ago?”.I love when animals are friends except when one of them is a BIRD!!!!!! Birds are NOT ANYONE'S FRIEND!!!
Craving a slice vs craving a neapolitan pie vs craving a frozen Trader Joe's cauliflower crust (SURPRISINGLY GREAT)… life has been turned upside down now that one of the shopping emails I get every day comes in the evening instead of the morning!! @andalander @jtrain56 @JTrainPodcast Sorry I accidentally deleted my intital thanks, so, again, thanks!! Always fun!Tonight at 9:00PM, East Village, come see Homeschooled: A Comedic Lecture Series, with: @TyTheFisch (Last Week Toni…
Retweeted by Alison LeibyBeing in my mid-thirties just means when I get randomly nauseous I don't think "oh god I'm pregnant" I just think "oh god I'm dying."Tonight! Come to @ucbtny east at 9pm for Homeschooled to see the triumphant return of my presentation: CROWS. Here’… @bradkporter Throw that party. @eshap until we're living in a society where unlimited garlic bread is a backbone of the dining experience, I won't be happy. @JennaLCrowley either/all! @silkyjumbo I mean, absoLUTELY.I've said it before and I will say it many more times before I die: garlic bread is VERY important!!!!!
WED 9/12: Thoughts & Prayers: A Mandatory Assembly featuring @KristenBuckels, @laceyjeka, @dulcesloan, @Justsydnyc,…
Retweeted by Alison Leiby @TimJDillon Where is the crab cake from?Sometimes I think the only thing standing between me and being hot is having thin arms.