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Anna Drezen @annadrezen New York, NY

Joke witch for SNL + @Reductress + @UCBTheatreNY. I did books: https://t.co/MruQ0ThmRd

892 Following   23,944 Followers   9,391 Tweets

Joined Twitter 9/23/09


My sweet daddy https://t.co/n3LUGWmgDA“Oh my god I used to get so fucked up at that place!!!” -me passing my old officeUrinals are insaneah yes, the two genders, https://t.co/xeytGV7w7o
Retweeted by Anna Drezen
4/24
2018
Rampage is, at its core, a story of mothers and daughtersUhhh let’s just say, my butthole? It’s seen some shit. 😊
Retweeted by Anna Drezen
4/23
2018
Did u idiots listen to @silkyjumbo’s album yet??? TREAT UR ASS!!! https://t.co/iNvFE9Gb3W
4/22
2018
I’ve seen 3 sets of twins today so I guess this is goodbyeI will splash my peepers on ur dog from across the street. I don’t care u in a hurry, I’m gonna take a freakin gand… https://t.co/Pis85FnHUlEveryone please start calling stairs “climbies” thank you
4/21
2018
I know this will be seen as bragging but women have been discouraged from sharing their accomplishments. Huge thank… https://t.co/BUGsbMfs2w
4/19
2018
Chewbacca Mom on wing of my plane. tearing engine apart
Retweeted by Anna DrezenSober date ideas! ✨bowling ✨shoplifting ✨cut off thumbs and switch to other hand/sew on new thumb ✨shit ur pants ✨… https://t.co/z1dKsShPud
4/18
2018
My big tall husband heard a car backfire and now he’s spooked himself so bad he’s stuck up on top of the kitchen cabinets @lenaeinbinder This took my breath11pm TONIGHT Dirty Laundry @ucbtny Hell's Kitchen @Reddsaidit @Pjetey @katewillett @annadrezen Fumi Abe, and Jeak Head.
Retweeted by Anna Drezen
4/17
2018
If ur not following @jestom u should put ur phone delicately in the toilet https://t.co/P9iZ63fGJRwhen I used to do party drugs I would know the molly was working when I could look into the crowd and think, "I forgive you"
Retweeted by Anna Drezen
4/16
2018
Give me abortion daddee!!! https://t.co/GjvanvHfAr“What do u do for work?” “I’m a chemist who makes sarin gas to poison my fellow countrymen” “Oh neat I do social… https://t.co/Xp0TAera5aJust occurred to me that some of y’all are not always panicking?
4/14
2018
Things my granny asked me to google for her today: -Names of guests on a daytime talk show I had never heard of cal… https://t.co/JHK4FAb913
Retweeted by Anna DrezenMy tall husband cracked his head on one of our exposed beams and now he thinks he’s the Pope 😂
4/13
2018
My friend is a 1st grade teacher and her student Anthony gave her a betta fish as a present and she said “what shou… https://t.co/NThj4igqpQMaybe not the best spokesperson for empathy https://t.co/Bk7I0oeBWv @mollypriddy Too tall, huge gorgeous man out of range of soundwavesMy tall-ass husband just found out about drag queens and is so confused he’s treed himself
4/12
2018
I respect lambs because they scream whenever they feel like screaming, they’re not big on tamping it downFacebook will have an ad about a sandwich i thought about 12 minutes ago, but don’t know when I’m being called the… https://t.co/ngPBUqvu6a
Retweeted by Anna DrezenIt’s been so long since the FBI raided my Michael Cohen’s offices and hotel room if u know what I mean 😉 😕
4/11
2018
Husband still out watering the lawn, foundation of house beginning to shift, getting concernedLove to make a game with @juliothesquare / directed by @davemccary https://t.co/pHL9LIs57CIf Hannity really wants to scare Jimmy Kimmel he should threaten to have his graphics guy come work there https://t.co/Dj51imAyrs
Retweeted by Anna Drezen
4/10
2018
I didn’t want to share this publicly but since the rumors are out there, I can confirm that I’m happily dating both… https://t.co/WnqWg8O1Us @rosellewriter @lynnweingarten My instant thought as well
4/9
2018
Me n @will_stephen’s awful son on TV https://t.co/k7NqIUfC8vCrazy how pee is actually blue but you can’t tell because bathroom lighting is universally weird
Retweeted by Anna Drezen
4/8
2018
Not with that ugly suit he isn’t https://t.co/ijrToCR4QK
Retweeted by Anna Drezen @KarenKilgariff Hel lo da ddeeIf I had a nickel for every time an owl killed my stepmom I’d have 20 cents
4/7
2018
I still think it's fucked up that Ringo Starr has an album prepared for release upon Paul McCartney's death entitle… https://t.co/Y8Qx1QfcsM
Retweeted by Anna DrezenIf u never learned how to stifle a sneeze chances are we are not friends#Tbt to celebs @annadrezen and Lady Bird recording with the ladies. #LadytoLady https://t.co/54kZDt65wo
Retweeted by Anna Drezen
4/6
2018
I really relate to Trump saying “I think he’s gonna be great” in response to the question “Are u going to fire Scot… https://t.co/6yRXkNS3jvJust saw an IHOP sign that said IRMA DAMAGED BUT STILL OPEN me too Irma girl me too
Retweeted by Anna DrezenMy vibe is “girl whose friends didn’t go on the field trip”Being sober is mostly just simple substitutions, like now instead of vodka I soak my tampons in tonic water
4/5
2018
I’ve spent most of my life in acting classes and I can tell you, almost everyone is bad at acting. I am bad at acting. Actors are bad!The least credible aspect of the “crisis actors” conspiracy theory is the idea that there are thousands of good, co… https://t.co/4WpoB1nveBWould love to see a hunky male character in a Western who’s incredible with horses and good at taming them and says… https://t.co/6pYnyGyRHrJust got the news: my husband is tall.
4/4
2018
Italian greyhounds are having a moment
4/3
2018
And now my favorite genre, Models Confidently Wearing Fanny Packs Wrong https://t.co/2wzfYO3XeYThis gave me full-body chills https://t.co/PVpk3QWjLvNever trust a straight man who knows his anglesLove that every fourth sentence my mom says is “She was the PEOPLE’S PRINCESS”
Retweeted by Anna DrezenI didn’t know Elon Musk looked like that
4/2
2018
Debra Messing is on safari
4/1
2018
Bob Dole, 94 - still tweeting, btw Gore, 69 - global leader on climate Kerry, 74 - became Sec of State McCain, 81 -… https://t.co/nSN2Gy65gu
Retweeted by Anna Drezen
3/31
2018
Chihuahuas are God’s way of saying “lol I’m crazy for this one”
3/30
2018
Every time Dave Davies breathes directly into the mic or shuffles his papers loudly while his interview subject is… https://t.co/Eyn2zdJcl0Here are some totally overused jokes I think we should retire! Feel free to comment with your own! https://t.co/daTGjbupJP
Retweeted by Anna Drezen
3/29
2018
Today my vet said my dog is a Sagittarius @tweetrajouhari Me a hawk!!!!!!Shout out to the top 5 waters in the world, holy, tap, you can lead a horse to, baby with the bath and bridge over troubled.
Retweeted by Anna DrezenWhat the hell is “housesitting”
3/28
2018
House can be like restaurant if u only try! #cookingStormy: the president had sex with me while his wife was post-partum and tried to coerce me into doing it again, th… https://t.co/vbyVil6K0R
Retweeted by Anna DrezenNothing should ever be this specific/the feeling of community is ELECTRICI know Facebook is invading my privacy because an accidental click landed me in a private group for child-free fans… https://t.co/C8MuYsa3os
3/27
2018
The girl Flo Rida sings about in Low was wearing apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur, baggy sweatpants, AND reeb… https://t.co/1IjjP2RvLo
Retweeted by Anna DrezenI went on Shark Tank to pitch that berry that makes sour food taste sweet but for making everyone’s face look like… https://t.co/muYRwHXooL
3/26
2018
the fact that you think god gave you the right to own a gun means you need to be disarmed immediately, you fuckin l… https://t.co/WgoFGTnFuS
Retweeted by Anna DrezenBlack skin is not made of steel. You don't need 20 bullets. That's not "fear", that's rage. School shooters, church… https://t.co/9zswwALJbt
Retweeted by Anna DrezenImpossible to say if Ricky Gervais believes in God or not. I believe he does, however.
Retweeted by Anna DrezenEven his sentence structure is dehydrated https://t.co/uEohS5F3EgTransgender troops have been serving openly for more than a year with no disruptions to unit cohesion, no morale pr… https://t.co/YREhWIyJdE
Retweeted by Anna Drezen
3/25
2018
trying to build up that spirit while still in human body so when I die i’m a full opaque ghost not a questionable o… https://t.co/y4BQIIuNP2
Retweeted by Anna DrezenI wrote all of “Westworld” as an inside joke with my camp friends
3/24
2018

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