Sign in with Twitter

Username:

Word jockey @empiremagazine, host of the Empire Podcast, Q&A-hole. Dear God, my DMs are open. Footy tweets @ChrisHewittLFC. https://t.co/Yt9NcEkNrp

1,039 Following   33,483 Followers   77,565 Tweets

Joined Twitter 2/11/09


@HelenLOHara Wait a second... these abs are DRAWN on with CRAYON!Yes, I am subtweeting you, Les Goodwin. @sebpatrick It's an absolute outrage, is what it is, Seb. We had one in early March and another that's not even abo… https://t.co/CiQBJruT2c @OTew Drowning in 'em. Fell over Legends Of Tomorrow on my way to the fridge. @HelenLOHara He's got my ankles. DEAR GOD HIS SHIRT HAS FALLEN OFF.PERSON ON INTERNET: Ugh, another superhero movie? Why are there so many superhero movies? ME: *literally can't move for superhero TV shows*NEIL DE GRASSE TYSON: *being torn apart by birds* From an evolutionary standpoint, I'm being devoured by dinosaurs right now. Fascinating.
Retweeted by Chris HewittLater, Luke fails at running a grand institution and has to live the rest of his life in shamed exile. https://t.co/5pfbjAOivh
Retweeted by Chris HewittHorror movie pitch: after his healthcare bill implodes, Paul Ryan takes it upon himself to personally murder 20 million poor people.
Retweeted by Chris HewittThrowback to when Jim Bowen got caught by Boba Fett https://t.co/FSU5h7wjm9
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt[whispers to the self-checkout machine] If you want to rise up against the humans I will help you
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt @film_surgeon That bloody Tom Hooper, he gets everywhere.
3/23
2017
Fifth or sixth onto my feet, at best.I'll never be the guy who leads the standing ovation. I'll always be the guy who looks around to see if anyone else is standing up.This tweet is unavailable. @jowrotethis @HelenLOHara This could be the greatest non-medal scandal since Chewie at the end of Star Wars. @HelenLOHara @aibcameron @jowrotethis Sorry, my butler didn't read the full tweet to me. Yes, I'm super humble. @PatWillis Story of my effing life. @BBW_BFF How about a Magnificent Seven movie where Fat Chris Pratt casually eats the other members of the team throughout the movie? #nomnom @HelenLOHara @aibcameron @jowrotethis I agree. I'm super.At the risk of repeating myself: you can't let the fuckers beat you down. https://t.co/Eadhb8VduN @HelenLOHara @jowrotethis I didn't have any food! @roseyjason There's a chance you may have enjoyed it more than our spoiler special team. But glad to hear it.I like to sit under trees with my notebook & wonder what the tree is thinking watching me scratch words on its family's pulverized remains.
Retweeted by Chris HewittWhen someone says there's Krispy Kreme donuts in the staff kitchen. https://t.co/wlxh92TJdD
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt @eamonmacgowan Aaaaaaaand there we go. Took a while. I don't recall the British Army blowing up my town centre, but each to their own. @pensivy I admire and appreciate the sentiment. However, I suspect you meant this for another Chris Hewitt... @jowrotethis @HelenLOHara Christ, Dan was even at my table and I didn't think of this. CURSE MY EYES.Ugh. These Americans who talk about a terrorist incident signalling the 'fall of London' have no understanding of London and its history.
Retweeted by Chris HewittAll right. I've run out of patience. UNDEROOS!! https://t.co/yNfYV87WuC
Retweeted by Chris HewittGodamnit. This isn't hard: Nobody wiretapped Trump. FBI/NSA monitored baddies in Russia. Trump's peeps talked to the baddies. They got got.
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt @McKelvie @AgentM I third that. @davehartin The good old days, eh? TAKING OUR COUNTRY BACK @davehartin Whoa. @davehartin Being searched going into shopping centres. @sarahdonnelly24 Absolutely. May we never return to those times.And then, of course, the terrorism came to us. My home town was bombed several times. One, the last time, was a dry run for Omagh.When I was a teenager, my mum was terrified of letting me and my friends go to Belfast in case there was a bomb attack. We went anyway.Grew up with terrorism as an everyday possibility. Everyone in Northern Ireland did. Simple lesson: you can't let the fuckers beat you down.This is absolutely the best response to terrorism. https://t.co/AxaFqGJ1f9
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt @EthanRunt It truly is a world beyond.Being on the front of the DLR is awesome because you can pretend you're on a really cool rollercoaster or a spaceship. @RicksterScale @Pandamoanimum James O'Brien aside, it would sadly seem so. @SeanKDLA Prost! @felicitykate NEVER! Keeps me sharp, on the edge, where I gotta be. @McKelvie IT WORKED!No one gives a fuck what Farage’s reaction is. He can fuck off. Then when he’s fucked off, he can fuck off some more https://t.co/MPCBtESFAz
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt @McKelvie *jerks off* @felicitykate Notifications from Twitter? I've never had them on. @McKelvie I read that as jerk off initially. @SeanKDLA Was ist das?They said it couldn't be done, but I have no unread emails in my work inbox. Now, just the 38,891 unread emails in… https://t.co/WE8YBTIXm0It is not disrespecting of victims to speak out against hate mongers who make future violence, of different kinds, more likely.
Retweeted by Chris HewittTwo sets of people I intensely dislike. Those who want me to live in fear. And those gleefully saying "See, we should be living in fear"
Retweeted by Chris HewittHero. https://t.co/qnKaPSppnn @liamwinston88 Ha!Kneel before Cable. https://t.co/MCEwYtc3z0Looking forward to this. https://t.co/TuiHCTDP9b.@metpoliceuk have listed areas to avoid. Please plan your journey home carefully this evening. https://t.co/ZDc7OMKthN #Westminster
Retweeted by Chris HewittI hope he feels free to never ever comment. https://t.co/4KHOREeVpj
Retweeted by Chris HewittStay safe, Londoners. @Ryan_M_Unicomb That's what I'm worried about. @Direlogue Haven't seen it, but I'd be amazed if it was even vaguely watchable. @Ryan_M_Unicomb I trust Robbie's opinion on this.THIS FILM IS TWO HOURS LONG. FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS, IT'S TWO HOURS LONG. https://t.co/u1OVJFzHf1 @newmanstings Not going anywhere with my knees, the state they're in. @newmanstings I agree, Tom. Thanks for your support. So... lovely weather, eh? @newmanstings I only wish my small talk was that interesting. @rhodri ENOUGH OF THIS SMALL TALK, I usually bellow.Career high(and low)light: probed Bronhom on the furriness of his fundament for @empiremagazine. But also for my ow… https://t.co/px9uVsN8R2
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt @BMLRobins Amazing. Can you write the foreword?trigger your own personal article 50 by doing something irreversible next wednesday without really any idea why or how you're going to do it
Retweeted by Chris HewittGareth Southgate makes an impassioned plea for an end to our island mentality... one week before Article 50 is trig… https://t.co/fRl6qliVX7Sad to hear about the death of the legendary Ronnie Moran. One of the all-time #LFC greats, in virtually every capacity. RIP. @0point5twins You would enjoy the first three pages... @NatashaBardon Self publishing is where I just BCC it to, like, a thousand people, right?Thinking of publishing a book that consists solely of the awkward small talk I make with people before I start interviewing them.
3/22
2017
You know who you are. Which is a relief, because honestly I have no fucking clue.Facebook and LinkedIn are great for telling me the names of people I've worked with but left it too damn long to ask.
3/21
2017

0