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Joined Twitter 1/6/14

My man I'm gonna fly down there during the ceremony and smite you with heavenly chokeslamsAustin is better even with the traffic safe and don't die it's boring up here can you believe they don't have XFL on VHS at all just old copies of frie…'s what they serve in hell documentary about how the robots will control us
Yes but the slide is within any u have to learn how to slide up it's not even a thing I a robot am I a robot angelWatch out you'll prob only get like 59 yards of offense so do Bryan a bunch of other lazy angels up here walkin around no clothes at all and it's obvi Championship pickHe ain't up here
They always root against hell up here one are we in we are ready I'm an angel Bliuiett is valedictorian of smashing faces'm learning to shoot lightning so that's pretty cool will strangle you with this halo think I did bc up here they force u to care about basketlol don't see how gunby can lose with his hair all like that is below it
Angel things thinking about asking for a demotion to purgatory they have slides up here but we have wings so it's s… warren face pretty squishy DONT HAVE ANY THEY ONLY HAVE ANGEL FOOD CAKE I MEAN walk now are u serious Glad I'm a angel yeah totally definitely No who do we play this week Oh 💧
I guess all the fans are angels to huh U serious was a little Richard mustache not a beefy Jeff fisher mustache should have grown a mustache like Jeff fisher than I really couldn't have been firedFuneral are for the dead I'm an angel
Just the one he is too strong plus we angels are arm tacklers anyways swear I'm gonna take these wings off for just a minute and smite you up w that soccer talk'm in heaven over DKR it where I'll stay's a game where guys use giant wood hammers to whack wood balls through little wickets come to think of it wicket… he has been dispatched to hades you Christine my earthborne intern't sleep on earth don't sleep in heaven they are on fleek up here you wouldn't believe
No chicken protein tubes up hereMore like Tennesseeimnotcoachingthere they already have wings comin don't want to know hey sumblin can u hear me it's Charlie's angel get it anyways hope ur goodIt's really what we love to do most really
That is real pick me up let's go oh no wait I'm an angel I will fly there like Latin it's all they speak here in heaven and I don't get a word of it to these guys at texas monthly again course I'll be flying around in the sky do actually everything is zero calorie left those for you you're gonna need them against USC next year assuming I'm not still coaching
Can't find any wheatgrass up here. may be an angel now but I will come down there and deliver a godly chokeslam about the change of power between @ChuckFnStrong and @TomTheHerman? Look for my joint interview on @TexasMonthly tomorrow.
Retweeted by Chuck F'n StrongMaybe I'll take up nun chucking my man parts too vanilli angels get interviews'm an angel now and we don't have twitter in heaven obvi so @TomTheHerman is who you should complain to about our… FIRED it an apparition I said I can never be fired even when I am fired's all they do up here sundays they don't understand why people spend 3 hours erry Sunday taking about heaven whi… what's up brian tell you that there is a god and she loves you much Jenga talk other than that he seems legit bc turtlenecks play in heaven I look good up here
Yes now that I'm an angel I called in a favor from the big man Morgan freeman'm going to stay right here as an angel coach. swear if I wasn't an angel