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Captain Hippo, Better Call Saul, UCB. Cartoons for Full Frontal with Samantha Bee, Last Week Tonight w/ John Oliver, Adult Swim, The Onion. Opinions are my own.

2,979 Following   5,912 Followers   8,370 Tweets

Joined Twitter 6/26/10


@cassidyrouth There is a dimension where you did get the shoes and also you are Spider-Man and also @corypalmer is… https://t.co/rbaxp18CIqLadies and gentlemen... the spaghetti that got stuck to the bottom of the pot. Spaghetti: {Beautiful opera singing}Thinking of drawing a series of profile shots of characters I like right now. Here's Peggy and Luanne from King of… https://t.co/cun9kTLlQ8
Retweeted by Daniel SpenserWow, immature INDEED. https://t.co/jceEFwWYdkI need a goddamn meatlover's coffee.
12/15
2018
I hope people thought my twitter was funny because it is about to become 100% sincere Spider-Verse content.Deep dish? Just say bowl, man. Oh wow, you're crying.A mumblecore movie where a national tragedy happens on the same day a struggling comedian gets to be Tig Notaro on twitter. @ChaseMit @AlisonLeiby @joshgondelman @LPizzle I have this painted on my wall and look at it when I get confused. https://t.co/k8buyNpky4I could never be Spider-Man because I'd have had to touch that one spider.
Retweeted by Daniel SpenserTFW you burst out of your grotto, rip off your beard and scream. https://t.co/7IdiLpNHHxI am your Secret Santa. ‘Tis me, him, unmasked. My clever disguise (plain) was no match for your keen eyes, detecti… https://t.co/gsKr0XZ64tAll three people who know me have heard me say “if Kathryn Hahn or Spider-Man are in a movie I will go see the movi… https://t.co/OZGevlKx7jFuck, I want to go again.Spider-Verse is one of the funniest and best-looking movies I’ve ever seen and I am a jaded hipster with a heart made of ash.
12/14
2018
Please watch this special. I finally go to use the puppets I keep in a garbage bag in my closet. https://t.co/LtP7q5dsUz @bryanbrinkman @FullFrontalSamB !!! Thanks, dude!Hello and welcome to LearnFinders. Can fish feel? I have been yelling at one for fifteen minutes to find out.Hahaha my comedy is so raaaandummm. HONK HONK HONK hahaha.🎵Here in my car I am here in my car I am here in my car Honk honk HONK honk HONK HONK In cars🎵 @DanGurewitch Also I think Sylvester Stallone was in it as a buff ant and I think it's really funny when buff actor… https://t.co/I3XKwyGPvR @DanGurewitch It's good but it's called Antz!Some days I can’t believe there is a whole movie called “Antz.”Doctor: "Much like Jared Leto's fantastic take on the character of The Joker, your leg is damaged and a bit twisted."Some drawings for an animated bit I did for last night's @FullFrontalSamB https://t.co/d8lVXefSBpHappy midnight, everyone. I read that once every seven minutes we completely shed and regenerate all of our hair an… https://t.co/mTQpBHkYa8Very humbling that international superstar Lorde has not followed me back.I am going to leave this world the way I came in, regular-style. @pixelatedboat Wow.Hi! @MikeDrucker wrote this and I animated it and @amy_hoggart should be in more cartoons! Merr-bee Christmas. https://t.co/dedPUfgoxYNobody like this tweet. It's private!!!!Welcome to the MCU. https://t.co/OFD5giYCUF
12/13
2018
You can never keep me and My Boys out of the studio, no matter how many locks you put on the air vents or how many… https://t.co/wlpuum10ObHappy to announce that the boys and I are back in the studio and working on stealing equipment until morning.I am seeing Into The Spider-Verse tomorrow and am excited which means I will probably die tonight.Whoops, Spider-Man is one word #2018In5Words https://t.co/ETMNn1Ok2CUh oh, this guy looks like trouble. https://t.co/ryr7rIT6WzThat Sixpence None The Richer song "Kiss Me" works just as well if you replace each "kiss me" with "frisbee."https://t.co/3ucg8Dd1HlWant to feel old? The Stranger Things kids are now one massive adult.Pirates should be called Borats because they say "R" inside a "boat" I don't know guys this is a busy day. @darrendmiller It is my destiny.St. Peter: “Welcome to Heaven, Danie-“ Me: “Are my Nintendogs here?” St. Peter: “No, they are in hell.”Adding anyone who has said “ruh roh.” @philorphilip Press X and O together to meet cute.If Christian Bale is playing you in a movie, you must be very attractive or average or ugly or very ugly. @missbreton Please kill me.I am in a real bad mood and am taking it out on cat twitter and I'm not even sorry. Get a real pet like a dog or a… https://t.co/3mFUxoxhItHahaha what if cat could talk "meow meow I do not love you yes I do inside outside I eat from trash my kidneys they… https://t.co/GQE4NnKv20
12/12
2018
Not the cartoon, please do not send me gifs from the cartoon.I bet the person that invented gargoyles was goth as fuck."I, the world's most unbearable man, had just gone to a Duane Reade and bought a "Best Of Text Avery" DVD and a Che… https://t.co/EdGE0V96fqThis is part of my remake of The Fly but instead of becoming a fly, he becomes The Mask.{The Mask voice} "Ssssssssomebody kill me."Ah yes, The Minions. https://t.co/mOxwjanpDH“We need to find a new man to host!” “How about a woman?” “But can we find a man who isn't homophobic?” "What about… https://t.co/wEafRdJaQN
Retweeted by Daniel SpenserOne fun bit to do at work is when lunch comes and the take-out place has labeled yours "Beef Fried Rice / Daniel" y… https://t.co/YgyudHSLEcMy favorite album of 2018 was that SZA album from 2017 that I am still listening to.I could save so much money if I loved dog food. @amandascurti {Mouthful of gum} THAT'STH MEEEF!I am the fastest gum in the west. {In the blink of an eye I cram a piece of gun in my mouth, chew it VERY loudly an… https://t.co/0gS58q8JluJust had an idea for a TV show (maybe a movie???!) where someone has to keep doing flips or ELSE. @corypalmer Dude, we’ll see you in the morning. @jacobs_steph @Kekeflipnote I wish.
12/11
2018
While you are here, why don'tcha donate??! https://t.co/yZu1Upqqrv @thejessgoodwin MUSCLE CHRISTMASIf you are anything like me, you've spent the morning singing "buff sonic" to the tune of the "crossfire" commercial. @EatFellowHumans @feliciaday Thanks!{Eleanor Rigby voice} Sonic The Hedgehog Picking up rings while he jumps and he spins on bad guys Muscular thighs https://t.co/o9GjNJMed9Was not amongst the 1000 winners at this year's #toppyawards and honestly I am livid. Did not have enough #buzz. Wi… https://t.co/EzLiAdW24BThis is why I never laugh, because I am just too embarrassed.I have that thing where whenever I laugh I sing the word “ha” over and over to the tune of Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life).
12/10
2018
I have invented Franch Toast (cool ranch french toast.)I love Home Alone 2: Boston New York, but the title is confusing.Just kidding everyone, I wish coins were extinct and I haven’t seen my toes in decades (I’m a socks-in-the-shower kinda guy.)I wish I could flip a coin with my toes.I really can't stay (okay) I've got to go away (okay) This evening has been (hm?) So very nice (yeah dude, thanks f… https://t.co/kC0mFTLppA
12/9
2018
Was just asked to host the Avengers? Seems like some wires got crossed here. @HeyWhitney I am moving to Worms. @BrianLynch Didn’t they swarm Jack Nicholson and when they dispersed he was a skeleton?If The Minions host the Oscar Awards I will go ballistic. @danielleweisber !!!! Finally! @danielleweisber I am sorry.Spending my Chanukah money on this Manuka honey, https://t.co/toPY1rrvel
Retweeted by Daniel SpenserStraight up I am partial to sweets. @missbreton I watch this every week https://t.co/uFn3UhVdRg @DancesWithTamis Fix my concrete boy.Deck the halls with boughs of holly Fa la la la la la la la la Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa Fa la la la la la la la la F… https://t.co/sayx4jqk3cI can't wait watch Tony Stark eat all of his iron man suit. https://t.co/uvMXkkrZwb
12/8
2018
Me: "Hey the only Oscar host I need is an ice cold beer on a Friday night." Co-Worker: "What?" Me {yelling into wri… https://t.co/MpRWeyWsr8 @DancesWithTamis I cannot operate on this concrete he is my son. @missbreton Okay! @missbreton I don't know, dude. @matthewsstarr You had me at Butt Ghosts. @matthewsstarr Oh wait, shit. https://t.co/HryuTBVhCx @matthewsstarr Yes, please.Happy Halloween, everyone!For those of you who don't know, when you die you report to a Ghost Chief that assigns you a partner and a house to… https://t.co/57oE76Yky5Could you imagine being a Victorian-era ghost and then being assigned to haunt a house with one of those psycho hil… https://t.co/lIANOboGAZIf I am ever haunted by a ghost I hope it is the kind that slowly walks around and opens cupboards and not the kind… https://t.co/ltdv5kCcAe
12/7
2018

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