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Erin Markey @ErinMarkey New York, NY

comedianish insta: erin_markey

1,088 Following   2,864 Followers   7,755 Tweets

Joined Twitter 3/9/09


I wish I had had kids when I was an infant so I could hang out with them right now. I would be a good mom to children of my same peer group.
2/25
2017
"A Ride on The Irish Cream" by @ErinMarkey is coming to #Chicago next weekend! FREE as part of #OnEdge 2017. Info -… https://t.co/ruYlKgo9x8
Retweeted by Erin Markey
2/17
2017
ew two too many white girls asking beyonce to be their momY'all wanna feel old? Be ten years old, but be a large dogyou better thank Celine for saying hello like she meant it #Grammysi used to have a lover who referred to my sacral chakra as Little Big TownGrammy Camp sounds like my kind of campif this doesn't move organically into Tracy Chapman's Fast Car i don't know what the do-over was about #GRAMMYs @MissLoreleiLee not gonna waste this bachelor's degree @MissLoreleiLee i'm just saying i don't think we have to risk 18 years with a new thing we'd have to take care of to look good on tv @MissLoreleiLee the right abuse of the right pills will help us @MissLoreleiLee we can bloat you to look cool. that's my plan. @kennymellman r u seerIs Bruno Mars the only lesbian performing at the #GRAMMYsi'm queer tho so i'm just gonna jam a burrito inside myself and hope for the same look #beyonce #selfcare #GRAMMYsheaded out to get preggo! #selfcare #beyonce #GRAMMYs
2/12
2017
@tylercoates get on that raw honey girl
2/8
2017
don't you want to go on a ~musical adventure~ with @ErinMarkey? https://t.co/vD1hsakBtx https://t.co/S2r3TMo9qB
Retweeted by Erin Markey
2/6
2017
Impressed by hulu swagger pushing The Handmaid's Tale at OT
2/5
2017
So smart so beautiful https://t.co/yHycwf77Nv @ErinMarkey it seems related to me ordering things like "chicken cutlet sandwich" at the deli and the entire trump campaign/administration @SocMalpractice srslyWhy is every commercial a psoriasis commercial now
2/2
2017
One good way to cope is to only listen to We Built This City on Rock n RollRep. Maxine Waters: ‘We are not playing. We’re stopping Trump.’ https://t.co/5fFqPP4ih5 via @shareblue
Retweeted by Erin Markey
1/31
2017
This is deeply troubling: 6 reporters charged with felonies after covering DC inaug riots. https://t.co/7g9vSs8OYM
Retweeted by Erin MarkeyJust added! @ErinMarkey presents the original cast album release of #ARideOnTheIrishCream - 3/12! Tix: https://t.co/CEwmYQZf9o
Retweeted by Erin Markey
1/25
2017
"wtf was up with that angry press conference where Spicer lied to everyone's face? Why do that?" Here is why https://t.co/BZY5tJPf5d
Retweeted by Erin MarkeyHelpful graphic for those trying to claim Spicer's pic proves media lied about size of inauguration crowd. (L: Medi… https://t.co/m2lnNSwRye
Retweeted by Erin MarkeyOur reps can't LIE to our faces and keep their jobs. @CNN @nytimes PLEASE use the accurate word. Falsehoods is soft… https://t.co/60ovbxINbn
Retweeted by Erin MarkeyI'm curious about his digestive health https://t.co/y4YEHAjPBo
1/22
2017
When you ask a closeted racist/sexist person why they voted for Trump. https://t.co/Tn2wJ0juLD
Retweeted by Erin Markey
1/21
2017
The most expensive honey in the world can't make you love your own voiceThere is no better way to wake up than to a steel drums cover of Mambo Number 5 followed by steel drums cover of Auld Lang Syne
1/18
2017
Is it weird that my core strength is getting inaugurated the same day as DT?I just renamed my brother Candy Apple. My family is gonna freak!
1/16
2017
@reggiewatts flip it and reverse it! @tylercoates uhhh that's exactly why you should reveal.
1/13
2017
@AronCanter https://t.co/wWh2w3MsmJ
1/9
2017
@AnthonyBLSmith maybe Kathy is but sherie renee scott isn't @maarkm so do u, thank you for being GAB (game as balls) @maarkm https://t.co/Y5H3PeJ3of
1/7
2017
@maarkm prophecyFYI you can buy Plan B online, Walgreens is having a 17% off sale w/code START17 (so, buy 5 get one free basically) https://t.co/7aDp1e9qxF
Retweeted by Erin Markey @maarkm BUT I'M PSYCHED UR KERMIN @maarkm SCHNOT A MUSICAL
1/6
2017
@ryan_hudak thank you!!
1/5
2017
no you read my cookie policytix just released for tomorrow night's previously sold out Boner Killer at Joe's Pub https://t.co/JY5ivOtGIE @FeldmanAdam :)This week's best cabaret includes shows by Ute Lemper, Barb Jungr, Jomama Jones, Erin Markey and John Arthur Greene… https://t.co/dSGBmQ7jNP
Retweeted by Erin Markey
1/3
2016
Just winked at a sausage on a cutting board :(just directed my niece to pretend she is a tear streaming down a cheek as last leg of relay race and then my nephew begged for the same legThis Christmas, I bought myself 9 distant stars and named them all Ok Google
12/25
2016
Whoah Ivanka Trump is on my flight dressed as Elsa, and she's passing out little tin buckets of liquid nitrogen to passengers in Zone 1!Voluntarily listening to the Wicked soundtrack at LGA after turning down $500 to take a different flight feels important career wise
12/24
2016
Interview w @jdcarter for my new show Boner Killer at @PublicTheaterNY January 4, 6 and 10 Tix still avail here:… https://t.co/Q6TPTgitqaHow bout the Rockettes who don't want to perform at the inauguration start a new dance team called "Did I Stutter"
12/23
2016
Do you want to build a snowman? ⛄ https://t.co/G7mPRILn7z
Retweeted by Erin MarkeyWalmart costs taxpayers $6.2 billion every year in public assistance programs by not paying their workers a living wage. That is insane.
Retweeted by Erin Markey
12/17
2016
This will never not be hilarious. https://t.co/eqdALmchHi
Retweeted by Erin Markey
12/13
2016
Join @MrTonyHale, @BridgetEverett, and special guests for a night of comedy, music, and merrymaking! https://t.co/0nkgZ0SwJB
Retweeted by Erin Markey
12/11
2016
GHOST RINGS at @AmericanRealnes 2017 !! SO happy to be part of this Festival @chris_giarmo @ErinMarkey Kristen Sieh https://t.co/Dz8no0kdPm
Retweeted by Erin Markey
12/10
2016
Skanks who are chill with ohio need to get off my magic carpetThaz m'grrl https://t.co/V6TZJtne00i can't give him five stars but i can make him a staryesterday i told my Uber Driver I was too young to drive. He asked my age. I said twelve. and then it immediately turned very sexual for him
12/8
2016
@AnthonyBLSmith the only heartbeat bill i want passed @dangerfishback i'll be deleting this now.The Person of the Year has been @katebornstein holding hands with Angela Goddamn Davis for like 40 years now, you big dumbasses.Wanna SCUM manifesto the shit out of Ohio lawmakers #Buddha @MissLoreleiLee DISAGREEIf you don't like hearing about my dreams when I wake up then I cannot support your kickstarter, not even for the $5 reward
12/7
2016
If you're gonna pass me on the stairs with your giant Burlington Coat Factory bags you better be able to outrun meREALLY setting urself up here, E: So can private jets & fraud lawsuits &failed airlines & - what did u pay to get 2… https://t.co/BsPAegHmYL
Retweeted by Erin Markey
12/6
2016
@imteddybless hahahahahahaha @NaoBustamante i know but it's fun to confuse them @NaoBustamante more like hubba hubbajust found out i like to watch wealthy femme/femme lez wedding videos online right after i find out Ben Carson is Sec of Housing & Urban Dev
12/5
2016

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