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Erin Markey @ErinMarkey New York, NY

::a rat a tat tat:: @oneninehundredcake on instagram

1,038 Following   2,710 Followers   7,355 Tweets

Joined Twitter 3/9/09


@AliLiebegott don't break my heartI don't know any fools who like raisins
5/31
2016
BK’s Funniest: Erin Markey, a comic who blends stand-up, cabaret, and performance art https://t.co/bywqAXABhO https://t.co/0EXrXrFyvg
Retweeted by Erin Markey
5/28
2016
Tomorrow night's #BRUCEFORMA guest @ErinMarkey is one of the 50 Funniest Brooklynites! https://t.co/v1B0IStmj1 https://t.co/yJZhFYQdab
Retweeted by Erin Markey
5/26
2016
Found out the touchscreen way that a cure for mild depression is steel drums cover of cheeseburger in paradise while playing kardashian app
5/22
2016
If you see one live show ever. Make it this. https://t.co/WrjPmIFEze
Retweeted by Erin Markey
5/20
2016
I'm not the only one telling horsey sweet lil war secrets #huma #weiner @ Hot Diggidy Dog https://t.co/IT0ZWkztQV.@ColeEscola but what if that's my retirement plan @lilyblueyez so wait. She's divorcing her parents and that's how the series ends???
5/14
2016
FREE THINGS TO DO IN NYC: get the inside scoop on shingles while you wait for your psoriasis scripts at duane readePeople at the bloodwork lab think I'm pretty and fun. Only in nyc!
5/6
2016
@tomleger @AntiochReview WOW the essay is so so so condescending, like dangerously so.
5/5
2016
Save The D if ya got it in you. MAY 12. A night of duets with me and Emily Bate. Critics Pick in @TimeOutNewYork https://t.co/qAAKhXwqbN @SocMalpractice @AiANews my fantasy is that i'm only playing to my friends' parents, aunts and uncles
5/2
2016
"Oklahoma's a show about a picnic. Carousel's a show about life." -Jody
5/1
2016
@macartney @HalfStraddle https://t.co/oU0e6XkfLN
4/28
2016
I've spent some of the best afternoons of my life watching soaps in the callen lorde 5th floor waiting areaWhat I mean: Come see Ghost Rings runs thru Sat only! https://t.co/18ZoHoM2e4i would donate $$ to research to make it possible for me to hold my baby while i look at the ocean but baby doesn't exist before or after.
4/27
2016
Proud to shay that Ghost Rings got an awes review in the NY Times yesterday. 6 shows left. Tix… https://t.co/THtpBAJ3zH
4/26
2016
New beginnings: in this gorge cottage in France starting research on my first novel Ms. Eat Shit and Die If Yer Nasty. Thank you, Warren!
4/22
2016
What's the cutest thing your roommate has ever baked from scratch? Crackers round this a way.
4/21
2016
Count down! @HalfStraddle GHOST RINGS w/@chris_giarmo, @ErinMarkey, Kristen Sieh,Tina Satter https://t.co/eL4zQq3Dkq https://t.co/5DsQeMOxkv
Retweeted by Erin Markey
4/20
2016
@mbsycamore already wearing the tell tale sticker. They'll never let me in. And it's permanent!I had an opportunity to be drunk inside an elementary school and I blew it. Feel like I wasted my vote. @NicoleJGeorges @ChiChiDeVayne wait I'm not finished watching!!!! @tomleger you should be her friend
4/19
2016
today I took a class called Diesel and while we were in a squat the teacher told us to crack that nut also ryan seacrest is gay
4/17
2016
I would vote for Hillary to be commander in chief of giving choice ass eye roll to her bff offstageI think Hillary would definitely be way more qualified than Bernie to be a judge on Rupaul's Drag Race buy i might like watching Bernie more"I'm the only one on this stage" -Hillary ClintonThose pearls came from my oystersHill is wastedI dare you to innovate the word wanderlust and then hashtag your Meyers Briggs personality type into your tinder profile
4/14
2016
Your insta gives me the bumps
4/13
2016
First Look | @ErinMarkey infuses identity politics with gut-busting humor—@SocMalpractice: https://t.co/lp9WrDNMol https://t.co/sqfrEibqHv
Retweeted by Erin Markey
4/11
2016
Not a joke: I write (#tinder) on a deserted island off the coast of wall street & when I hear the party boat toot at 5:45pm it's time to go
4/8
2016
Drew Barrymore's life seems fun
4/7
2016
From our April issue, online now— @ErinMarkey, #FischliWeiss, #CharlotteMoorman, #MichaelHeizer, #AnriSala: https://t.co/uL8cdkk3it
Retweeted by Erin Markey
4/1
2016
Got profiled in @ArtinAmerica today with the Irish Cream folk by @SocMalpractice! https://t.co/7phq3zaFyA @ErinMarkey I know this is old news but i relive it every dayDavid Letterman retired so he could become the real Santa. not a joke. google image him.
3/31
2016
"You're the richest poor person I know" -mom
3/25
2016
just went through 5 months of my twitter feed to find out if i'm funny and i found out a ton about shows coming up in the past
3/22
2016
not to one up Sarah Paulson but I watched the OJ white bronco chase from Disneyworld
3/21
2016
Tonight! Our girl @ErinMarkey is BACK! We are excited and you should be too. 7:30PM!!!
Retweeted by Erin Markey
3/18
2016
Looking to unload some product at my new start up leftover rice dot comNothing makes me feel safer than when Ariana Grande feels like a dangerous woman. donate & make her dream come true: https://t.co/TY1Qj9TbBkIf you don't like to flirt with your exes that is a vote for trump
3/17
2016
@captaindingbat i was too scared to take their picture but i had to tell them i was a really good actress to get them to leavejust did an impression of the time my mom fell down the stairs while i was on the phone with her and now the police are at my apartment
3/15
2016
Jerry orbach is speaking at this gala without his eyeballsFirst to finish my salad course dot netFeeling like like such a jenny from the block at this gala
3/14
2016
I do like hillary's giggle
3/6
2016
They used to call me slop sink @ErinMarkey only 22 hours left to vote in the Cat Stevens pollWho would you rather hang out with in Cat Stevens' song "Father and Son?"
2/27
2016
face it paintings are the prettiestYou probably just need some money to make that happen, huh.RT if u wipe front 2 back
2/25
2016
my kidneys only answer to the name Olive KitteridgeYour presence is required at joes pub on march 18. I'm back! https://t.co/HxlPx6NCeI
2/24
2016
It took a second for hundreds of us Kings County jurors to independently find the nearest Chipotle on lunch, but we did it.I'm embarrassed for my country that this courtroom has zero pay-to-play massage chairsSenior Court Clerk just yelled "Jeffrey, we're not in kansas anymore, bruh"#FreeErinIs our nation at all worried about me serving as a juror with a lesbian triage nurse confirmed UTI
2/23
2016
My favorite kind of lesbian is medical field lesbian.
2/22
2016
Amazon Orders a New Jill Soloway Pilot, I Love Dick https://t.co/3LJQBWxlms
2/18
2016
i only want to get married if my wedding can be a networking event for teens with psoriasis
2/13
2016
@ErinMarkey tubbs is my vp!!
2/12
2016
@bhoggard a simple google search would help your vote
2/11
2016
@ErinMarkey only 18 hours left to vote @maxjenkinsyall are you guys ok @maxjenkinsyall I'm confused?i wish rayna jaymes would help me be myself betternever mind. i'm not fit to run for president. I just bare-butt sat on an amtrak toilet seat. maybe next term. @ErinMarkey only 22 hours left to vote @ErinMarkey only 23 hours left to votewould you rather watch Coldplay jam on a football field together every moment for the rest of your life OR Trump is US president for 1 termBOSTON! Tomorrow Night! https://t.co/2y7Pp97w3UIf I DO cut off Trump's face and stitch it onto mine and run for prez, who should be my running mate?should i cut off trumps face and stitch it on to mine and JUST SEE IF I CAN WIN THIS THING???i'm on the amtrak eating cheetos from penn station duane reade realizing by the time november hits i will be age eligible to run for prezif you are a vice president who can't get it together enough to like Amtrak then sorry I can't fight for you on FB I won't winI'm only voting for Hillary Clinton if she uses Chester Cheetah as her running mate I dunno how else a woman could win Ryan Seacrest is gay @WBJenna currently watching season of the amazing race from 2012 and it feels more relevant
2/10
2016
I'm doing a show this Thursday night in Boston at @ClubOBERON! BE THERE WIDDLE WUNZ!! https://t.co/Yg7R3jZahN https://t.co/RXLNiY09xjINTERNS WANTED for our show opens NYLA in April w/@chris_giarmo, @ErinMarkey Kristen Sieh + Tina Satter SEND RESUME: halfstraddle@gmail.com
Retweeted by Erin Markey
2/8
2016
@josephkeckler @Chavisawoods her youtube handle is @americanidolbeckyneed a post-lunch chuckle? look no further than @ErinMarkey, performing at @ClubOBERON next Thursday at 8PM. https://t.co/j6YXXDOV9w
Retweeted by Erin Markey
2/6
2016
@hbrikin can't wait to see you and neither can ol' beckersThis is our final week. Sold out but waitlist works! https://t.co/aIVzAU5hKI
2/2
2016
Smiles for Myles. Still some tix left for next week. https://t.co/HcY8FireDA @sean_keady @ClubOBERON confirm
1/30
2016
Wish padma would tell me to pack MY knives
1/24
2016
@BarbotRobot @dereksasquatch @soundofmaddie @itsdlevy the best part about this is that i'm wearing jeans and a t shirt
1/23
2016
@NewOhioTheatre @AbronsArtsCtr thanks, we will fix!
1/22
2016
@imaswampwitch @HarliKo it's not sold out! it got extended. https://t.co/eJUESPBhul
1/21
2016

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