::a rat a tat tat:: @oneninehundredcake on instagram
@AliLiebegott don't break my heartI don't know any fools who like raisins
Found out the touchscreen way that a cure for mild depression is steel drums cover of cheeseburger in paradise while playing kardashian app
FREE THINGS TO DO IN NYC: get the inside scoop on shingles while you wait for your psoriasis scripts at duane readePeople at the bloodwork lab think I'm pretty and fun. Only in nyc!
"Oklahoma's a show about a picnic. Carousel's a show about life." -Jody
I've spent some of the best afternoons of my life watching soaps in the callen lorde 5th floor waiting areaWhat I mean: Come see Ghost Rings runs thru Sat only! https://t.co/18ZoHoM2e4i would donate $$ to research to make it possible for me to hold my baby while i look at the ocean but baby doesn't exist before or after.
Proud to shay that Ghost Rings got an awes review in the NY Times yesterday. 6 shows left. Tix… https://t.co/THtpBAJ3zH
New beginnings: in this gorge cottage in France starting research on my first novel Ms. Eat Shit and Die If Yer Nasty. Thank you, Warren!
What's the cutest thing your roommate has ever baked from scratch? Crackers round this a way.
today I took a class called Diesel and while we were in a squat the teacher told us to crack that nut also ryan seacrest is gay
I would vote for Hillary to be commander in chief of giving choice ass eye roll to her bff offstageI think Hillary would definitely be way more qualified than Bernie to be a judge on Rupaul's Drag Race buy i might like watching Bernie more"I'm the only one on this stage" -Hillary ClintonThose pearls came from my oystersHill is wastedI dare you to innovate the word wanderlust and then hashtag your Meyers Briggs personality type into your tinder profile
Your insta gives me the bumps
Not a joke: I write (#tinder) on a deserted island off the coast of wall street & when I hear the party boat toot at 5:45pm it's time to go
Drew Barrymore's life seems fun
"You're the richest poor person I know" -mom
just went through 5 months of my twitter feed to find out if i'm funny and i found out a ton about shows coming up in the past
not to one up Sarah Paulson but I watched the OJ white bronco chase from Disneyworld
Looking to unload some product at my new start up leftover rice dot comNothing makes me feel safer than when Ariana Grande feels like a dangerous woman. donate & make her dream come true: https://t.co/TY1Qj9TbBkIf you don't like to flirt with your exes that is a vote for trump
@captaindingbat i was too scared to take their picture but i had to tell them i was a really good actress to get them to leavejust did an impression of the time my mom fell down the stairs while i was on the phone with her and now the police are at my apartment
Jerry orbach is speaking at this gala without his eyeballsFirst to finish my salad course dot netFeeling like like such a jenny from the block at this gala
I do like hillary's giggle
They used to call me slop sink @ErinMarkey only 22 hours left to vote in the Cat Stevens pollWho would you rather hang out with in Cat Stevens' song "Father and Son?"
face it paintings are the prettiestYou probably just need some money to make that happen, huh.RT if u wipe front 2 back
my kidneys only answer to the name Olive KitteridgeYour presence is required at joes pub on march 18. I'm back! https://t.co/HxlPx6NCeI
It took a second for hundreds of us Kings County jurors to independently find the nearest Chipotle on lunch, but we did it.I'm embarrassed for my country that this courtroom has zero pay-to-play massage chairsSenior Court Clerk just yelled "Jeffrey, we're not in kansas anymore, bruh"#FreeErinIs our nation at all worried about me serving as a juror with a lesbian triage nurse confirmed UTI
My favorite kind of lesbian is medical field lesbian.
Amazon Orders a New Jill Soloway Pilot, I Love Dick https://t.co/3LJQBWxlms
i only want to get married if my wedding can be a networking event for teens with psoriasis
@ErinMarkey tubbs is my vp!!
@bhoggard a simple google search would help your vote
@ErinMarkey only 18 hours left to vote @maxjenkinsyall are you guys ok @maxjenkinsyall I'm confused?i wish rayna jaymes would help me be myself betternever mind. i'm not fit to run for president. I just bare-butt sat on an amtrak toilet seat. maybe next term. @ErinMarkey only 22 hours left to vote @ErinMarkey only 23 hours left to votewould you rather watch Coldplay jam on a football field together every moment for the rest of your life OR Trump is US president for 1 termBOSTON! Tomorrow Night! https://t.co/2y7Pp97w3UIf I DO cut off Trump's face and stitch it onto mine and run for prez, who should be my running mate?should i cut off trumps face and stitch it on to mine and JUST SEE IF I CAN WIN THIS THING???i'm on the amtrak eating cheetos from penn station duane reade realizing by the time november hits i will be age eligible to run for prezif you are a vice president who can't get it together enough to like Amtrak then sorry I can't fight for you on FB I won't winI'm only voting for Hillary Clinton if she uses Chester Cheetah as her running mate I dunno how else a woman could win Ryan Seacrest is gay @WBJenna currently watching season of the amazing race from 2012 and it feels more relevant
Wish padma would tell me to pack MY knives