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Erin Markey @ErinMarkey New York, NY

comedianish insta: oneninehundredcake snap: erincmarkey

1,050 Following   2,776 Followers   7,460 Tweets

Joined Twitter 3/9/09

August 31st is the final install of this summer series. Catch duh fever. Tix:
Imagine my horror at forgetting 2 milk my Bday 4 the last 17 days. Guess somebody's finally becoming the angel her psychic told her she greatest weakness *acting mortally wounded by credit card minimums* is also my greatest strength
Great I missed Simone Biles writing that tweet. THANKS A LOT MOMSunday, while we were driving down the freeway in a rainstorm my mom found video footage of a nursing home on fire
With my beeboo cool ranchin it all the way to Hershey Park
I like to have a beer with my mom on her porch and then do about 9 minutes of prenatal yoga in the guest room in case I ever get pregsOmg when will kylie jenner's snapchat birthday end?? (I'm aug 20 btw)
@ErinMarkey Mom to Dad: your nose is getting really longParents fighting about whether or not my mom encouraged or discouraged my dad to sing lead on "Born to be Wild" with the bandWanna know how they mic that net #Olympics #kerriwalshWatching beach volleyball with my dad and he's saying things like: Slama-Dama That IS a Fat Braid What a crappy--come on girlsI like kerry walsh jenning's fat braid #OlympicsUSA women on multiple teams bringing it ear-wise with cool studs. Finally a patriot! #Olympics @FeldmanAdam "the likes of you" is boldLook forward to seeing this! #GoLily
Retweeted by Erin Markey
"The Joanne Holiday Show" premieres now on @NoBudge!!
Retweeted by Erin Markeyone of my favorite summer things to do in nyc is sit in the callen lorde waiting area with a jar of hot coffee Wish I could show my 7yo self @jessehl artfully worded :)
@aliadarola erincmarkey
@ErinMarkey #ImWithHerThis november: Vote Erin Markey, President of World Gymnastics Association (casting division)Somebody's doing their floor exercise to a fiddle arrangement of phantom of the opera. Would love to see Christine Daae take a crack at beami'm looking forward to looking like i probably would qualify for the Olympic men's gymnastic team by Thanksgivingif hillary clinton was smart she would stop sending me 3 emails a day begging me to help her. it's exactly how you lose me as a friend.
@ErinMarkey and TV is about that too, not just winning AKA rank AKA plot #Olympics2016 #feminismHonestly the people whose fly technique I'm most into visually are not the fastest swimmers #Olympics2016 @sstefanovic or just watch the olympics more often than every four years @sstefanovic I have to travel moreOne of the stars of the Croatian water polo team has a name that is pronounced bee-atch and it is a pleasure to hear how well he's doingJust doing some market research. If I started a prank yoga class, how much would you be willing to pay PER class
Still reeling from sochiI know with 100% certainty that I am my dog's therapist and that it's my fault he needs one which is why I'm willing to not charge himRIP messy buns
Would you like more books, articles and short stories by trans women? Help us nurture the next generation:
Retweeted by Erin MarkeyWe need to convince Warren Buffet to seduce Melania so she files for divorce. WHO'S WITH ME? #Hillary2016
@QuizGuy66 @reverse_vampire I'm over 30 frealz nowSnapchat. Preese find me there because I Love it. So. Much. More. Than. Twitter. Or. Insta. @ErinMarkey I control your feelings tooWhen I turned 26 I decided I had turned 30 so I could control my feelings about aging. This is just to say to 26-29 y/o peeps, you are 30!Doing weekly budget & I'm curious: If I gave you $50 to put towards your newborn baby's college savings, would you name the baby Flat Tummy
This day is already so rob kardashian
@ErinMarkey Clue: LED candles + whiskeyI can tip u off re: meeting place for largest population of white men in bowler hats across the cis-->trans spectrumNO NEED FOR ME 2 SHIVER AMERICAN THEATER GIVE THE AC CASH TO ACTORS INSTEAD OF CONED AND JUST LET IT BE AUGUST FOR THE LOVE OF SANTA ON HIGHWould you ever eat at my pop-up: Greasy Bangs
Hillary IS a badass & a good listener. Pumped to b part of vocal group pushing her towards peaceful & inclusive leadership when she's prez..@billclinton got a balloon and he is keeping it. #DemConvention #DemsInPhilly
Retweeted by Erin MarkeyWhy is everyone suddenly so anti-pantsuit. That's been the presidential look since 1789.PS voting for hill obvi
If she was smart she would have a guy on stilts juggling AK 47s behind herIn my first 100 days I'm gonna launch Babysitting University just to screw Ann M. Martin for the fun of itI'd give my third eye to work at the Scranton Lace Mill @ErinMarkey there's more than one way to build a movementI voted for bernie ok but i think idina menzel should be sitting next to him right now quietly humming let it go @ErinMarkey this isn't a sex joke. Its a tv ratings as votes tip, and I'm not even close to kidding around @ErinMarkey I'm actually into tim kaine but think it would have been stronger for her to nominate monica as vp @ErinMarkey I am telling you that is how you beat trumpThey should have had monica introduce herCHELSEA PLEASE DO NOT WEAR NUDE PUMPS IN 2016 IM SORRY BUT YOUR MOM JUST LOST A VOTEI demand partial writing credit on this tweet
Retweeted by Erin MarkeyThe only way we can landslide win is if hillary sings Hello and humiliates Adele by refusing to duet with her on the second repeatAmerican straight women need to be able to imagine their president fucking them. I vote for hillary to come outDo you think hillary's gonna singSTAY COOL THIS SUMMER: treat DNC like episode of The Voice. Listen from the kitchen & slam your hand down on the table when u got your girlTrying to find somebody who goes by jennifer to get mad at so I can call her Clownifer behind her back @yuriOkwon @JoeBiden SEERIOUSLY. GET OUT THE VOTE.
Colby Keller just gave me all of his delegates.! Erin Markey: Humping a Gatorade Bottle at 9:30pm Tix:
We just figured out that Wasserman should wear a Bernie disguise when she works on Hill's campaign. WHO'S WITH MEI'd like to see the oligarchy put on ONE HELL OF A BROADWAY SHOWDoes bernie know that a microphone is amplifying his voice
Soda streams farting across the courtyard as I yell VICKI NO to the kitten eating my armTiniest sinks on the east coast
Feel like I'm drinking a microwaveI can think of another organization that also "changed the New York skyline."
some kind of footsies thing happening w Laura Ingraham and Celine Dion backstage at RNC? can anyone confirm?
Ew. I'm on a bus and I just took off my Veuve Clicquot promotional glasses and winked at the freeway while listening to Dan Savage
Betch I cannot take a picture of you with every drag queen here it's my Bastille Day too @cassiejsneider bustin makes me feel good"The Joanne Holiday Show" screening at @NoBudge festival at @Videology Monday July 25th..
Retweeted by Erin MarkeyReplace cops with all the nuns who want to be priests and see if that is a better solution. Not sure it is but would love to just see.
We used to beg him not to play Neil Diamond's America in the van
And I Could Have Watched A Hundred More Selena Music Videos That Night, Doctor by Erin Markey **presale starts next week**
need to see the cash under your mattress before you say new york is a whore pretending to be a lady
One thing I know for sure: if you try to prank call people in NYC they will only pick up if you are dialing from an LA area codeexcited 2 research fun facts about @CVS_Extra for twttr this wknd while my body loses ability to fight off its disease waiting 4 a refill.
I would like to get this response printed on my bedding and sleep under it every night.
@dereksasquatch @WellsFargo @KimKardashian @ChipotleTweets I miss Whitney Houston :( @dereksasquatch @WellsFargo @KimKardashian while waiting for my macaroni and cheese water to boil @dereksasquatch @WellsFargo i just watched a trailer of the @kimkardashian sex tape from 10 years ago two times in a row
I'm guesting on this awesome podcast
Interview in Vice! Tickets to Erin Markey: Humping A Gatorade Bottle tmrw night: my LANK and I'll keep your toes awake on that elliptical, gerrr
Brenter. Tix to ERIN MARKEY: Humping a Gatorade Bottle
Tickets to ERIN MARKEY: Humping a Gatorade Bottle
@JulianFlei meat pie is murder
Look for me IN the gay pride parade this year. I'll be playing electric clarinet on the Will and Jada's Kids float!
My new summer series starts in a week and a half at the duplex. @ The Duplex Cabaret and Piano Bar don't normally RT compliments but this is the best one I've ever gotten