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Erin Markey @ErinMarkey New York, NY

comedianish insta: oneninehundredcake snap: erincmarkey

1,082 Following   2,839 Followers   7,679 Tweets

Joined Twitter 3/9/09


Thank the good fucking mommy on high that #NoDAPL Sioux badasses know how to organize a MOVEMENT @chrischris011 hahahahahaha
12/4
2016
I made the lisht! https://t.co/UVjVCqcHK5
12/2
2016
@RuPaul please sweet Jesus we need youNever forget https://t.co/C03wTtnH61 @dereksasquatch thank you I need these notesAlways the most grateful for my health when I have to squat over a toilet in a moving vehicle
11/30
2016
@ColeEscola hahahahahahahaha
11/27
2016
A Miller Lite and a spreadsheet is a recipe for a nap on a pullout couch from overstock dot com
11/26
2016
Just told my nephew he could have a surprise* if he finished his turkey *planking with Grammy @MissLoreleiLee is this also true of the sequelJust got into a fight about calamari with my fam @BeefcakeFactory subway commute
11/25
2016
@tomleger just tried it, my mom repeated her name twiceWatching football with my family They just cut to a man in a headset named Jim Bob Cooter https://t.co/ofsXtNnF06Please watch @nbc in about 10 minutes! I'm one of the handlers for the Hollywood Access Bus float! @captaindingbat sitting next to man in a pilled NRA tshirt
11/24
2016
Poor Unfortunate Soul is a thickly veiled Pirate Jenny @MissLoreleiLee i have a private email account though so i feel like i already screwed myselfwill my live shows about having been a sex worker ruin my chances at a US presidential candidacy or is this pic eno… https://t.co/1geFMdIA3ythe truest portrait of my american feelings when i shut my eyes and imagine is fainting in a post office right before it's my turnpeople can change, they just need to be touched the right way. Listen to the right indigo girls album at the right moment.Just found an op-ed I wrote in my high school newspaper with headline PDA: Public Displays of Atrocity
11/23
2016
@EMAC1030 are you flirting with me @EMAC1030 yes
11/22
2016
@EMAC1030 we are very neighborly here actually @EMAC1030 Just making it clear that people closest to him hate him. The rest of the usa isnt his neighbor so wouldn't know him that way.The spectacular @erinmarkey will be performing 12/5 at #EverythingSpectacular. 🏆🎂🎶🏆 Got yer tix… https://t.co/10MaULfnp1
Retweeted by Erin Markey @ColeEscola @ColinJost 1st thing i saw when i looked at him was my dick in his mouth (my dick is an old aquafina bottle i refill with tap) @maarkm your mom took the right vitaminsTwo questions: Where were you when the Challenger exploded? Where were you when you first learned the word gerrymander?
11/21
2016
@tomleger Nederlander owns most bway theatersNederlander, owner of theater where Hamilton is playing, is a large-donation trump supporter FYI. https://t.co/VN7H7iJ55t @thedavidcrabb their publicists are working in tandem to rile trump base AND make pence look like heroic straight man. It's craft.
11/20
2016
@tylercoates I deactivated fb. This is the new me. @tylercoates so was mine but then I realized I could take this opportunity to prove to 2 or 3 ppl that I did really well in undergrad @tylercoates but I'm in love with u #conflictisnotabuse @tylercoates also there isn't something inherently noble or progressive or good about "performance art" @tylercoates but it expands comsumer base from boutique to stripmall which is where my left ventricle shops
11/18
2016
@ErinMarkey or actually he would have just spouted off whatever he thought a large enough block of new yorkers wanted to hear so who knowsIf Donald Trump would have run for mayor of NYC--the city where he actually lives and spends time, he could have never ever ever wonSteel drums careless whisperThis is real! Not a drill! Get dollars for yr passport! Trans ppl become the citizen of the world u were born to be! https://t.co/Ct05MTUsSX
Retweeted by Erin Markey
11/17
2016
President Elect Suave 24 Hour Protection https://t.co/XC2kLMInukPresident Elect Peggy BundyPresident Elect SmurfettePresident Elect Angela Davis @tomleger but does it matter in nyc @tomleger I have been dabbling with the idea of running for a lil office
11/13
2016
@ErinMarkey I don't particularly care about the sesame oil toothpaste handmade on site but my domestic partner swears by it @ErinMarkey I also love the cedar chips they put in our drawers and the turmeric popsicles they give to the kids at our free daycareBeing a professional protestor is awesome bc of paid vacation and sick dental but mostly bc gordon ramsay often guest chefs in our HQ cafWorth reading the whole thread https://t.co/OlGs7RUmPc
11/12
2016
@BroderickGreer it's like she's talking about a bratty 13 year old who spent 3 hours not blowing stink bombs off in the shed
11/11
2016
Hurry up and marry your immigrant friend while you can still marry any gender. #strongertogether
11/10
2016
Nobody likes it when I refer to @HillaryClinton as Colonel Cutie but I consider being cute a sign of x-treme strength in the right vesselMy fat juicy heart goes out to people who are voting for #HillaryClinton in Trump Country. Be brave, you have people. I'm one of em.when the person in front of u at Chipotle gets more meat https://t.co/TN0qE0Z5KW
Retweeted by Erin MarkeyMy body is still traumatized from being born into Reagan administration #psoriasis2016 #ElectionDayIt's not too late to register to vote in many states. There's no excuse! https://t.co/8ttsSwcsnl https://t.co/K54XRYkMbb
Retweeted by Erin MarkeyNot gonna lie was hoping my polling place would be closer to the Grand Tetons so I'd have a good excuse to go :(Today I felt kind of panicky like If I take a picture of these haystacks in this gym I'm gonna ruin it for Hillary
11/8
2016
Historically most lesbian bars were located at the bottom of the lake
11/7
2016
I am doing some kind of shhtand-up equiv in Worcester, MA tonite w @rickshapirotv, @MrMatthewFlynn & @RonBushComedy https://t.co/i9aknS3Sv3
11/6
2016
Started taking turmeric pills to effortlessly shut down my foes
11/4
2016
I already have a bluetooth speaker so this year for xmas I'd like a baby who can cook and loves doing itThere's something restorative about egg mcmuffin posters
11/3
2016
being a receptionist teaches me a lot about hosting eight hour long sparsely attended parties
11/2
2016
The primaries are important too https://t.co/UVmiXJFNG4
10/30
2016
I just went to nasty women dot com fully expecting it to take me to the clinton campaign site and what I got was more like Huma who?shhhhhh dot govDressing up as heidi klum this yearToday I'm just laying on my couch in dark matte lipstick wearing the heart of the ocean
10/29
2016
Tix now on sale for new show Erin Markey: Boner Killer at @UTRFestival in January at @JoesPubhttps://t.co/zmfQzWVhTGtoo painful to think about my life before gif keyboard
10/27
2016
@kennymellman deer hoof
10/26
2016
Titanic holds upWearing a hoodie that says in fake paint splatters: New York City while cruising philadelphia real estate listings on the bolt bus
10/23
2016
I can think of a time when I had an adult temper tantrum cause I had to stop hanging out with my favorite person for two hours
10/22
2016

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