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I write good tweets professionally and bad tweets personally. She/her.

972 Following   1,781 Followers   26,028 Tweets

Joined Twitter 6/28/09

I need to do better. Step 1: keep opening your eyes to these stories that are painful to see.I remember making jokes about the pee tape. Truly finding humor in the situation. That’s so fucked. We need to do better.Hello I am about to finish Surviving R Kelly and I’d just like to add my voice to the chorus of people saying we ne…
my kink is watching kamala harris back racists into a corner @Mediaite I mean kinda yeah. @TookyMonster No, you’re not a comic if you don’t joke about menses. Period. @chipgoines @ClemsonFB psssh yeah it's a real MESS hall amiright??? hamberders aside, he’s bragging about paying for MAYBE $1k worth of fast food. @Veronicatheblog Co-signI just keep thinking how all these filets of fish are definitely lukewarm by this point.
My friend asked her 5th graders to write about the "Southern Border Crisis" in the context of international law. T…
Retweeted by Marissa Breton EmanueleAh lovely! A collision of two things I get extremely ragey about: the cost of insulin and this bullshit shutdown.…
Did you know if you ask for an extra snack on JetBlue they’ll just give it to you? @yashar @AOC and what percentage of those Trump interactions are bots? 40? 50?related: getting the chase sapphire reserve card is one of the best decisions I made this year... for the free loun… @anneheathen @amywestervelt @pchh @Leahbats I truly never thought about the totem pole issue but now that it was po… breezed through security at logan. thank your TSA imposter syndrome is at an all time high when I'm in the businesses lounge at the airport. @TookyMonster @ammamarfo Oh! Let me watch too and then let’s regroup.Your occasional reminder that our current president lies as easy as you and I breathe air. Every day, all day, reflexively.
Retweeted by Marissa Breton EmanueleSo @melgotserved made @FrankRamblings a Cool Backpack Guy glass and we can all retire from gift giving.
This is my ASMR
@Alex20001 they call it a subtweet for a reason. you're SUBPOSED to stay out of it.See also- planning your cheseboard layout everything out the night before so I can set up easily tomorrow: type A or genius? @Alex20001 Get out of here! No one was talking about you! @sfilagem @kaitlynbristowe Girl. Don’t say catholic in your profile if you’re gonna be a dick on here.Pauli’s is awesome. Give Pauli’s your money if you can. Also seriously fuck this shutdown. @ndimichino I did my time fielding those horrible emails. I deserve this.Reading this tweet reminded me how grateful I am to report to a Senior Director of Social Media who actually unders… I know I talk about @Lin_Manuel a lot on this website but I just really respect how he embraces his feelings and… @TheShteph Also real talk your bladder does adjust a bit over time. @TheShteph I think of it as my little hourly break from other humans @kciccolini"I am deeply disturbed by my friend's actions, and I truly hope he's learning from this experience. I stand with th… be fair, he's come close once or twice. @sethmoulton brand is strong you ever see someone in public who looks vaguely familiar and then you're like ".... did I talk to you on OK cupid in 2012?" @mekosoff baked brie is always amazing, but sort of standard. I would lose my absolute shit if I walked into a part… need this tweet on a t shirt Cruz the only dude that looks worse with a beard
Retweeted by Marissa Breton Emanuele
I had the same exact experience in middle school. And yep- I'll never forget being one of the few girls over 100 po… I too old to go to boston calling because I'm tempted this year @palb1234 @BostonGlobe @KevinHart4real yes I amoh this is interesting @BostonGlobe @KevinHart4real hi this is how an apology worksLearn a book, Seth. administration is full of the most inept super villains of all time. E.coli to own the libs
Retweeted by Marissa Breton EmanueleI think about this quote every time I see his face
@thehill don't like THATsometimes in life cake appears in the office kitchen exactly when you need it @aubrybracco right now we're just focused on boston based, unfortunately! come back to me!Awesome role on my very smart and fun team. Looking for a social expert who knows a bit about sales, or vice versa!… @VEPritchard @eknielsen YES I have what tends to be the cheapest brand/has a ton of sales, but it's TOTALLY worth i… seriously just move to #SalemMA it's way cheaper and we have great beer. do you know that's knows stuff about b2b sales and social media? slide into the ol' dms please!Here's @AyannaPressley's full One Minute, which earned her a warning from the speaker pro tem @GKButterfield "to re…
Retweeted by Marissa Breton Emanuele @thesarahkelly Lmk if you get any good results @HiThisIsMarissa @skydart Yeah if someone says “god bless you” when I sneeze I’m pretty comfortable saying they would never abuse anyone
Retweeted by Marissa Breton Emanuele @HotelFoxtrot @skydart “If he nice 2 me he must be nice to every1!!!!” - men @skydart @bonesbord @HereWeAre1 @RonFunches I was a LONG time Hardwick fan/listener but when I read your story, I w… @skydart we see youDudes will always stand by dudes > credible women @skydart @thejamesroach @bonesbord @HereWeAre1 @RonFunches Chloe - fuck all of these people who don’t believe your…
@TMZ are you... familiar.... with how... abuse works? @KatieELambert I once worked at a company where there were more guys named Matt or Mike than there were women.this has tickled my funny bone in some kinda way @amandamull "There are a lot of fundamental problems with existence, but among the most pressing is that you need t… is what EVERY COMEDY CLUB OWNER should be doing. it's not that hard. 2 spikes were the week Brett Kavanaugh was nominated to the supreme court, and the week he first denied the s… I missed this when it first came out and now I'm just... I need a minute. you're crying shut up @msaunsen a mini fridge is a worker's rights violation. @msaunsen OMG MEGAN. YES! (this applies mostly if you have a packed fridge. if no one uses the fridge it's a non-issue.)once I called someone out and they were like "yeah but it takes up the same amount of space in the bag vs all the i… @RTTPresents I would literally go on a hunt to find that person and destroy their life.people who put their entire lunch bag into the office fridge are bad people and I am 100% right about this.According to @JuliaEAinsley’s reporting, more people in the terrorist database were stopped at the northern border…
Retweeted by Marissa Breton EmanueleI saw this tweet yesterday and cannot stop thinking about it. Need To Shoot My Phone
Retweeted by Marissa Breton EmanueleAfter hitting a real franchise low tonight, I remembered this moment will never not make me laugh #TheBachelor
Retweeted by Marissa Breton EmanueleLol my mom is also watching #thebachelor and just sent me this text without any context. SAME. @chrisbharrison please stop reminding us this thing is 3 hours I’m tired already. #TheBachelorAll this virgin talk is starting to feel like we’re queuing up for a human sacrifice in the finale. #thebachelor
hey thanks for dm’ing me a post from that meme account on instagram thats private so i couldn’t see it and had to g…
Retweeted by Marissa Breton EmanueleCool job alert 🚨*slams laptop shut, puts on coat, and leaves the office. never to be seen or heard from again* @style_wire I will add you to my list of vigilantes 🙃 @KyleSGibson we've found this too, how difficult it is to get the right prescriptions cleared by insurance. it's an ongoing battle."Several people... described insulin as being like oxygen: Scavenging for it invokes a primal fear, like the gasp y… both have great jobs, and good insurance. But the out of pocket expenses are still something we struggle with. A…"One in four diabetic patients reported rationing insulin because of the cost. Very few of those patients were unin…"In 1996, when Eli Lilly debuted its Humalog brand of insulin, the list price of a 10-milliliter vial was $21. The… then I'm reminded to check my privilege, because so many families IN THIS COUNTRY need to make those life or de… my anxiety tells a dramatic post-apocalyptic story about how we'll keep him alive after the government co… husband has type 1 diabetes and I think about this constantly. just did this again.'m not too proud to admit this specific outrage cycle has taught me quite a bit about how tax rates work. 🤷‍♀️