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Chris Scott @iamchrisscott Washington, DC

writer // contributor @ClickHole // gardener // sober //

965 Following   16,893 Followers   54,847 Tweets

Joined Twitter 1/29/09

Yes I know we had a bizarre falling out and then I stopped speaking to you for reasons that will probably never be… 👏 is 👏 sexyVery excited about my new job at Pitchfork giving every single Death Cab album a 6.0 and saying “I dunno, I guess I… wanna go on a long road trip with the Krassenstein brothers. Just the 3 of us talking, arguing, laughing, trying… @TheBaconBuzz jesus @nealbrennan :DI've already lost 3 friends for insisting on calling kombucha "booch" and I'm not afraid to lose a dozen more
@Arpwel oh HELL yeah @Arpwel I would be interested in positive subtweets Conor, will you join meSome of you guys are so good at memesThey should make a cat version of ALPHA where it’s just a bobcat clawing at a guy’s face for two hoursTell you what: I’ll check out this Mitski album as soon as young people start listening to the greats like Bob Dyla… in the grass, looking at the clouds, imagining Trump going through a big Bright Eyes phase @LHGarrett I think people are really complicated @LHGarrett Maybe she just wanted to end your friendship on a high note. I tell myself this constantly.A couple times now I’ve shared good news on Facebook and then promptly been unfriended by someone and I’ve decided… People who make fun of Trump misspelling things in tweets don’t actually think they’re singlehandedly takin… @aelaineo Love you bud. Thanks for having me 💚It is important that I know as much about Pete Davidson as humanly possible
I like getting to dinner parties a half hour before they begin so I can just stand in the kitchen and talk while th… @MsShade Holy shit dude! I'm beyond enviousMy favorite way to dress is “smart casual.” For example when someone says they like my shirt, I say “Thank you, it’… disrespect but life is pretty cool sometimesReally nice #NationalNonProfitDay in LeDroit Park doing a tree inventory with one of my favorite nonprofits… @MikeOdenthal Thanks for saying this @parva_x Happens to all of us @TheBaconBuzz Oh hell yeah @danielleiat oh man! What a cutieActually it appears daddy long-legs might be arachnids after all. Sorry guys. Sorry Mike if you're reading this.
@lukeoneil47 I'm gonna start chanting this in front of Instagram headquarters @parva_x No, that's about it. Please never fix this typo.I'm sorry but if you're over 50 and you still think daddy long-legs are arachnids, then buddy, get a grip. You bet… personally really like the new Animal Collective album. Obviously it’s not for everybody. Most music isn’t. Every… really enjoy writing jokes and comedy but nothing I write will ever be as funny as whatever shit MoviePass is doing on any given dayOK just planted the fuuuuuuuuuuck out of some hydrangeasIf he ever appeared in my kitchen I would kill the Pillsbury Doughboy without even thinking twice about it
Retweeted by Chris Scott @emilyhughes happy happy birthday!Our Tweeting President @EricTrump You're better than this, manStill the best tweet
Twitter, am I right? @karahaupt Thank you, I personally can’t stand them @LHGarrett Someone is pulling your leg, Liam. It brings me no joy to tell you this. @catygreen I have never tweeted anything more sincere in my life @joeyalison I'll take hahaha over LOL any day of the week @catygreen sometime today you should text me "hahaha" that'd be funnyReally happy my account wasn't suspended. I would've hated to see all 16,000 of my followers permanently delete the… favorite text to send is "hahaha" @LHGarrett Is it really or are you just saying that @kat_blakc It isn't @Arpwel isn't it everybody's?Hot Guys Apologizing To Each Other @charles_kinbote They filmed some of Ted 2 on my block in Boston a few years ago and it’s a testament to how much I… uh there's a minivan parked on my block that has a couple dozen VHS tapes of the motion picture SPEED on the das…
Retweeted by Chris ScottGood morning world, I am very proud of my eggplants @ringostarrmusic SameThis guy really sucks at his job awhile now I've been really inspired and moved by the music of Japanese composer Chihei Hatakeyama (… excited to announce that my yoga instructor has discovered Feist
@allisongeroi Wow, more wild mischief and trickery from the notorious Slender Man @aelaineo Oh man, what a great photo. They're gonna miss you too buddy.Everybody in media likes each other and is rooting for one another’s successAbsolutely Amazing: Biblical Scholars Have Discovered That Christ’s Eyes Were Much Lower Down On His Face Than Prev…
Retweeted by Chris Scott @thejessgoodwin No problem @LHGarrett I am doing the best I can, Liam @thejessgoodwin You’re right, that was over the line @Belaariela Good for you!! @RVoronaCote All over the place but these are in the Tenleytown station, a neighborhood known for pushing the limits of marketingThis is edgy because DTF usually means “down to fuck.” I’ve been standing next to this sign explaining it to everyo… @AryehCW Believe it!Have a good Wednesday @joeyalison Hell yes you are! @jduffyrice I think we still have some of those spices @jduffyrice Crazy to think we used to live just down the hall from each other, and now look at how far we've come!"What's Twitter in 2018 like?" "Everyone's angry all the time" "People must find a strange kind of solidarity in…“Oh nice breeze!” I say to anyone who will listen
Retweeted by Chris Scott
Adam Driver is a big ol’ Hollywood cutie pie and I’m not afraid to say it!When it comes right down to it, nothing beats a ripe delicious peach on a summer day. Good riddance to any followers this costs me.