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Chris Scott @iamchrisscott Washington, DC

Contributor to @ClickHole and @observer and etc. Sober for over a year. I garden and bake pies. Work in progress. Slowly, surely.

949 Following   16,112 Followers   53,679 Tweets

Joined Twitter 1/29/09

@arb thank you for the warning, I'm not readyHope everyone had a good Take Your Child To Work Day, and please please please DO NOT FORGET to take your child home from work @MsShade I will be king of rabbit island before the next presidential election @MsShade You're my hero, ColetteHello my name is Chris and this is how I live now @marysoonae It can and it is! Amazing @70Ceeks There it isThere are a lot of people I could blame for Kanye’s choices the last couple days. First and foremost Kanye, perhaps… @kept_simple @pattymo I was attacked by a swarm of Hoggs last night when the guy who was supposed to be on watch fell asleepWhy are DC people so against Amazon HQ coming here? We’ll be able to go order stuff directly in person whenever we… @lauraolin When they first announced Ronny Jackson I legit thought they were talking about this guyThe royal baby’s name will be Travis, you heard it here first
@TimHerrera That’s a great shot, Tim! @aklingus And a trophy to you as well my friend @tobyherman27 Thanks Toby!A lot of people don't seem to know this but the controversial right wing columnist Kevin Williamson is the same Kev… @behindyourback thanks Maura!I have decided that my path to contentment and self-actualization will no longer hinge on an intimate familiarity w… @kateemick Appreciate you friend! @toomuchnick hey thanks man @jhermann This is so true @GraceSpelman Thanks dude 💚 @bananalise Thanks pal @ahharissa @TaylorACox_ @paulschreiber9 I’m just some guy who probably shouldn’t have as many followers as I do, sorry!Some happy news: I’m contributing to ClickHole now, a website I cherish very much. I’m psyched, I worked pretty har… to Noodles & Company, we hope your precious ass is ready for some noodles because we have a whole fucking lot of them.Venom looks incredible. He’s like Spider-Man but his costume is black and he’s a bad guy. Doesn’t get better than that, for my money.
My Infant Son Has A 43% On Rotten Tomatoes. Does Anyone Know How This Happened?
Retweeted by Chris Scott @aklingus There's something to be said for having the guts to go out on a high noteThanos kills everyone and INFINITY WAR is the last Marvel movie. You had a hell of a run, Marvel. RIP.Hey guys, please help get the word out about this -- N Street Village does absolutely vital work. Thanks! wrote the song “I Will Follow You Into The Dark” and sold it to Ben Gibbard for $500 @RVoronaCote Working farmers markets means I’m outside in quite a lot of poor weather lately!A neat invention would be an umbrella that actually keeps people drythis is an uh, interesting claim to make about how DC has changed
Retweeted by Chris Scott @ellesep Burger!Just learn from your mistakes. Then you can forget them, because they'll be of no use any more. -Chris Scott
Retweeted by Chris Scott @jonnysun @byshondaland Yeah so the way it usually works is anything good that happens is thanks to me and anything…’m still a couple months out from this but when I hit 500 days sober I’m going to tweet “(500) Days of Sober” just a heads up!! @tylerbarstow Hell yeahI love spending $28.99 on a hardcover book that’s already got all the good parts posted for free all over the inter… RT: Every floor of our downtown night shelter needs new sheets - we're looking for 213 sets (any colors, uno…
Retweeted by Chris Scott @libbycwatson Why did I ever let you take him to the Shenandoah with you. He doesn't even like hiking. @libbycwatson I miss him so much. Please. I know in my heart this isn't the real you.Libby is extremely good at her job and I know some of you fit this description -- please reach out to her ASAP WAR: Wow. No spoilers, but my heart is still racing. Whether you're a casual fan just interested in seeing…'ve begun communicating with my therapist exclusively using the "me: / also me:" meme @jordanzakarin Well perhaps you should be a little more thoughtful about your metaphors in the future then @jordanzakarin Ok this is clicking for me nowI'm in
Retweeted by Chris Scott @jordanzakarin Keep this metaphor going for 20 or more tweets and I’ll buy a ticket
Ok, tweeting this now to hold myself accountable: I'm going to google what socialism is by Friday @jonnysun @byshondaland you're welcome Jonny! @gabrielroth Good man @EllenKilloran CheersWe should continue calling the royal baby "the royal baby" even as he ages. So when he's 45 everyone still refers t… Marvel movies are real lifeNo disrespect to any of the characters who didn’t make it. But I would’ve been fine I’m pretty sure.Not trying to be a showboat but I would’ve survived everything in A Quiet Place. I would’ve been totally silent. Just saying.My hot air balloon business hasn’t really gotten off the groundIt’s possible that rich celebrities are extremely weird and also don’t care about you @OhNoSheTwitnt Ice coldRight now I am laying on the grass outside of the Swiss EmbassySuper excited to be working with @CmmnGoodCtyFarm’s awesome Little Farmers program this year. If you know of any 2-…
@gabrielroth Indeed!Like many people, I was introduced to Shania Twain's music through her contribution to the TWISTER soundtrack. I'm… @Awakeland3D That's all any of us are looking for here @Awakeland3D You are, in my opinion @DothTheDoth I'm sure he's notAnyway he's playing a show in DC soon and if someone venmos me ten thousand bucks I'll go and confront him about it @Psyanics the best three months of his fucking life @tigersgoroooar Honestly I care about him even more nowA while back a songwriter I've loved since I was a teenager starting following me out of the blue and it was awesom… @saraherib love you too palAll I need’ll die before I ever let a single fucking one of you diminish my sparkleI’m so tired of rehashing 2016 over and over. Democrats should just clear the field for a Hillary Clinton vs. Jim W… @jakebeckman I knew you’d understandHell, I’ll go ahead and do it again right now: A positive attitude is a person’s passport to a better tomorrow.