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Chris Scott @iamchrisscott Washington, DC

Contributor for @observer and @cafedotcom. I also review movies I haven't seen: https://t.co/jKtd1QEZ1B. I love you very much.

941 Following   16,021 Followers   52,285 Tweets

Joined Twitter 1/29/09


Confession: I have never been sorry to interrupt @LouisPeitzman I don't know, some inconsiderate piece of shitCan’t believe I even have to say this in 2018 but if you’re going to text me from a wrong number at least make it f… https://t.co/DV32yXNUdwI'm the 136,984th funniest person on twitter. Nobody can deny this. @davidgross_man it's already a classic hour of television @Punkaboo we miss you tooa) What a weird analogy. b) Even if you're the biggest Oprah fan in the world how would this not be a grotesque nig… https://t.co/uM8E92X4Xf @amandamull "Thanks so much for coming out tonight guys, we're the Deep Basics, and a one, and a two..."Great stuff https://t.co/nCDnqAidk0(compiled by Crissy Milazzo)Here’s a really awesome spreadsheet of affordable therapy options sorted by state and city/town. If, like many, you… https://t.co/wLmfOroHPD
1/21
2018
I am to blame for the government shutdown and I take full responsibility for it @alliewach lol yessssss I can't resist saying this whenever I see one, it feels so good[Patrick Bateman "I have to return some videotapes" voice] I have to respond to some Facebook event invites.You heard meSbarro more like subpar-oUh these are actually the only actors I knew *for sure* auditioned for Dawson's Creek, idiots https://t.co/4QXXemZ3Z8And just like that #WomensMarch2018 is ruined because Ed Sheeran couldn't wait one more fucking day to announce his engagementLife hack: Miles Davis' Complete Jack Johnson SessionsOn the anniversary of his inauguration, let’s help @realDonaldTrump celebrate by tweeting this classic image at him https://t.co/8vG3UEdagV @realDonaldTrump I remember your inauguration! Like 20 people showed up, it was really fun.Man I thought this was some strange mantra or ancient spell about the shutdown deadline at first https://t.co/bXgQDHcCU9
1/20
2018
Donald Trump out here making deals left and right. America is a deal factory now, our chief export is deals. Loving all the deals. @_nanitass me too @ellesep thank you DanielleI will fix the government. I have what it takes.He's still there, hasn't budged @bonerhitler see you in hell @bonerhitler the only one who will be crying is you @bonerhitler Don't you fucking tell me how to parent my rabbitI left my seat for like 10 seconds https://t.co/zhvuz8EGNBIt took 83 years to build the National Cathedral. It weighs 150,000 tons. @meredithmetzler hey thanks pal <3This is really, really cool --> 10 Rediscovered Minimalist Masterpieces from Japan, Thanks to YouTube https://t.co/HaCA0ozyNy @tylerbarstow I'm not even a huge Star Wars fan and I loved the hell out of thisWho in the actual fuck would ever walk out of Phantom Thread and think "Yeah Reynolds Woodcock is the kind of man I aspire to be like"lkjasdklfjasdklfjasldkhfasdlf https://t.co/c9BJnEVj71I never thought I'd say this but I think I've heard about all I care to about Donald Trump's sex lifeHow have I never seen this before https://t.co/Sbkd7e59jyBeautiful read for a Friday morning news break: “Two Stories” by @iamchrisscott https://t.co/dgTiKbXxsm
Retweeted by Chris ScottRight now there are multiple people in the White House advising the president not to tweet about his dick
1/19
2018
If any members of congress need a place to crash when the government shuts down, let me knowYes their job prospects are also my number one concern https://t.co/P1yQDUJ2BHCrazy to think that all of this could've been avoided if Hillary had just picked me to be her running mate @Home_Halfway A lot of people are going to tell you to stop this. I will not be one of them.Has anybody tried asking Alexa to destroy herself? @lynnbixenspan lol you're out of control @lynnbixenspan :PDo you guys ever love just being random with your friends? Just doing random things? Do you enjoy being random?My friend @AlexTforTexas is a great human being and currently running an excellent campaign for congress in Texas's… https://t.co/WBNhzPE3D5https://t.co/Veoqhq4Aj1 @mekosoff loving Pixelated Boat's followup! @sethdmichaels I love this band so much SethHOLY SHIT I was not expecting a new The Sea and Cake album, this rules https://t.co/LXv2mT6FSdBuild your headquarters on the moon Amazon you fucking cowardsLet’s all go back to MySpaceExplosions in the Sky was playing in the background as I made the most meaningful and emotional 6-month dentist che… https://t.co/W2dFTYwZBa @bananalise yeah I could've used a few hundred words about what exactly a nipple is. I mean other people could've used that.The wikipedia entry about the Janet Jackson/Justin Timberlake Super Bowl halftime nipple thing is over SIXTEEN THOU… https://t.co/yZbDDKsYkSWe are trying to get 1000 women to sign up to go through a campaign management training by this Friday:… https://t.co/xkZOhQw4bs
Retweeted by Chris ScottIt’s possible Trump doesn’t understand public policy terribly well. I mean obviously we all hope that isn’t true but you can’t rule it out.
1/18
2018
The "G" in Kenny G stands for GsaxophoneDon't get me wrong Mother Teresa did some really cool stuff but I once faved a tweet that had a typo in it and then… https://t.co/AV10DFGleAAnyone else feel like this week has been eerily similar to that one week when Obama gave out Fake News Awards and w… https://t.co/srC7w1qzPy @HobokenPudding I love them @heathermg @Folkways I haven't but I've been meaning to -- thank you!Hi friends, what are some of your favorite ambient albums/recordings? @ChrisCaesar I love himGreat replies to Trump’s tweet Jacob https://t.co/oB6cYGrEdc @PWElverum Your new song is gorgeous. Your music has inspired me for a very long time. Thank you for sharing it wit… https://t.co/rBXdjShdS2There is literally nothing worse in the entire world than finding out someone you don't like completely agrees with you on a divisive issueDonald Trump claims he's 6'3" and weighs 239 pounds. Big Bird is 6'2" and weighs 220 pounds. Hmmmmmmmmmmm https://t.co/W02MhENfA2I don't know, I guess I just assumed Donald Trump was great at sex. I'm going to feel really stupid if I was wrong. @mattytalks @charles_kinbote thanks so much for not taking two seconds to find the video yourself and link us to it @charles_kinbote @mattytalks I had absolutely NO idea that the lead singer of Phoenix was the same guy who did voca… https://t.co/QAZg3nY9mFI wrote a piece that's one-third a 💌 to other women's work; one-third an outline of why most official reactions to… https://t.co/qghvHjoCJa
Retweeted by Chris Scott @TheIsabellaR I agreeHello from us https://t.co/YX8NgHgjokNew Mount Eerie album coming. Saw him play this one at St. Stephen Church a few months ago and it's a stunner https://t.co/9mU1YdEtIo
1/17
2018

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