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Welcome to my page where I make fun of things, point out absurdities and tackle serious subjects like the cutback

777 Following   489,932 Followers   8,533 Tweets

Joined Twitter 4/6/09

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With a bunch of #MyFavoritePeople on my birthday. Thanks everyone for the wishes. If anyone… https://t.co/0qXWvF16as
2/11
2016
@whoisjob and I battling for those 'QS points this year. Should we place a side bet, Jamie?… https://t.co/pcUjyMA023
2/9
2016
My last wave during the #VolcomPipePro...didn't make it but at least I got to have a look. There… https://t.co/ileJ12D3Jt
2/8
2016
Can you thank a wave for a lifetime of your best memories? What a week/month/winter! Congrats to… https://t.co/Iapa3DpivD
2/3
2016
@blakemcelheny @GovHawaii @MayorKirkHNL $7M?! It's a parking lot and small deviation. Should cost a couple hundred grand at most and 1 week!
1/31
2016
Is it that difficult 4 city&county to figure out this never ending #TurtleTraffic at Lani's? Unbelievable. 20mins Waimea-Laniakea. >2 miles
1/30
2016
Well that was fun...Sitting here watching closeout sets roll thru after getting sent to the… https://t.co/V5J6cYIGpPwalteriooss and @bjorniooss...I scouted locations for your next #SISwimsuitShoot and there's… https://t.co/R3wC7uwq4m
1/27
2016
Thank you, @surfer_magazine! I still can't believe it. Look for some more info coming soon on… https://t.co/hstIWqwEj7
1/21
2016
#Carnage https://t.co/d9WU0AWtTH#Carnage https://t.co/gEGG80IUmB
1/20
2016
'Tea Leaf' gotta eat! (No, her name's not spelled 'Ti'). https://t.co/buEye6om0w
1/18
2016
It's amazing how big 'small' Jaws still is. 😳 A couple of #Leftovers last night. Thanks to… https://t.co/QpDUCTTyGN
1/17
2015
He won't let me pay him half the time so the best thing I can try and do is try and make him… https://t.co/SzYptL5rEg
12/29
2015
#ShoutOut and congrats to my good friend, khalilrafati, for his recently released autobiography,… https://t.co/97psMzgvz0
12/27
2015
#MerryXmas everyone. I wish I had ten of me I could send all around the world and visit with all… https://t.co/ybNR5hdSMa
12/25
2015
#MarkFoo and #DonnieSolomon both passed away while surfing during this exact hour on this day in… https://t.co/A8QsgA9Skx
12/23
2015
Best caption (funny, smart, mean, dumb, witty, etc. all work) wins the small and simple gopro… https://t.co/xYXLH5xHYP
12/22
2015
Just posted a photo https://t.co/iEHvHDbGYc
12/21
2015
Even #JohnCReilly knows when you come to my house you've gotta put in a little time babysitting… https://t.co/9VDorDFi4p
12/20
2015
When the boss is your houseguest you gotta let him win a #ThumbWrestle battle. @danawhite takes… https://t.co/veHiXTkGqc
12/19
2015
Kelly Slater and his friends have built the greatest man-made wave ever https://t.co/Tyx6OwJhA7 https://t.co/r2Vs8FspKc
Retweeted by Kelly SlaterBreaking News! @kellyslater built the best man-made wave ever. https://t.co/0YiJQcgpET https://t.co/1AE2qUdssS
Retweeted by Kelly Slater @KSWaveco and I have built the first world-class, high-performance, man-made wave! #FreakOfTechnology #KSWaveco https://t.co/VbkJtMsP92Now that the world title has been decided and events for the year have finished, I’m excited to… https://t.co/do6EqWRyh7There is no substitute for hard work and desire. Natural talent on its own has proven many times… https://t.co/rjwYfte1Ra
12/18
2015
#Pipeline doing its best visual impersonation of giant, hollow #JBay yesterday, just a little… https://t.co/zd8LPunFLs
12/17
2015
At the #BillabongPipeMasters supporting my man @kellyslater https://t.co/2KStBuC5DQ
Retweeted by Kelly SlaterWhat a day! Hope you guys watched the action on the wsl app or website (https://t.co/zGuJBdA0ev) from… https://t.co/lYcSKvokVo
12/16
2015
One really good wave yesterday. I just happened to be in the spot. I didn't make it, the wind… https://t.co/y8WaYJ25vzWho's ready for this #PipeMasters to start up again?! Let's do this thang. Maybe tomorrow. @… https://t.co/PmIUK7A1AB
12/15
2015
@mystomane no, i meant like Nick Diaz and what happened to him (5 year ban) or like Michael Phelps winning 8 gold medals.Now let's just hope @TheNotoriousMMA doesn't get caught smoking weed and banned for 5 years by the athletic commission. 😬😂
12/14
2015
@TheNotoriousMMA got stupid #RichAndFamous this year by making fun of people & ko'ing em. Sound like some kind of (American or Irish) dream?#Doppelgänger early 2000's. https://t.co/fI3EnmFOQfHow's this combo from the #ComboKing, _clay_marzo, on stackingclips?! Craziest speed whip I've… https://t.co/M4c2fSc8SV
12/13
2015
Seen my synchronized shark surfing clip? Random catch by a pulled back camera angle up on a hill… https://t.co/4XIY13DoMg
12/12
2015
Little #SwitchFoot practice for the #PipeMasters in #Fiji last week. @ https://t.co/WprO6C7er1
12/9
2015
Thank you surfer_magazine and all the people out there voting for keeping me in the running of… https://t.co/lSJisxOGDn
12/8
2015
Shout out to andre_botha_662 for most likely saving @evangeiselman's life at #Pipeline today when… https://t.co/Bg364TAm5v @billy_kemper you're an animal! Congrats my man. First ever #PeahiChallenge winner in a heavy… https://t.co/4u0U6a2UGygerglong you are as gnarly as it gets! #ManLove. Must've learned how to pull into 30 footers in… https://t.co/Yxq9k7g3lx @billy_kemper you're a monster! How big is this wave?! After only the first heat it's a joke… https://t.co/nhHBb6FtvjIf you're not watching the #PeahiChallenge at #Jaws on the either https://t.co/7mPBSHAH8p or on the… https://t.co/BevSq9sbZD
12/6
2015
In other news...if you've been living on the (blue) moon and didn't know that @johnjohnflorenc's… https://t.co/gzqhSVs9qSThank you the #AikauFamily, quiksilver, and all the surfers involved for my invite and inclusion… https://t.co/LksyAt5U6eThank you to Staci (and her niece, Isabele) for joining us on the @tavaruaisland trip after… https://t.co/ZrcfDAWOdi
12/4
2015
Pulling the eject button. You could probably build a few humans with the amount of skin my… https://t.co/8hLSJCgbXRWho's #PhotoBombing here? #Framegrab @liebervision. @ Tavarua https://t.co/oK0RCRG5zY
12/2
2015
#PowerRangers!? #MeanAbs @ Tavarua https://t.co/mi0EOITx9t
12/1
2015
Just posted a photo @ Tavarua https://t.co/KTVvHyU8dlBeen trying to find something better for about 38 years and I'm having trouble. Anyone?… https://t.co/GlV2KqL6g5
11/30
2015
Wanted to show some support and say thanks to the guys at the #BWRAG (Big Wave Risk Assessment… https://t.co/kUMO2PWvSQ
11/29
2015
Just posted a photo @ Restaurants, Tavarua, Fiji https://t.co/uBjqQIXXNCBest way @shanedorian808 and I could think to send off #ChiefDruku? Get ridiculously tubed for him at… https://t.co/0Zq5Di1umT
11/28
2015
Ratu Sakiusa Nadruku Lalabalavu (#ChiefDruku) was laid to rest today. The sadness would not be so… https://t.co/6i8UmDPrlT
11/27
2015
I meant to post this yesterday but got a little caught up with flights, datelines, and passing out… https://t.co/0Oy5wYmRLF
11/26
2015
I saw this shot on a friend's feed last night and couldn't believe this wave. Then I realized the… https://t.co/UElbUuoh5C
11/24
2015
#LongStory...Finished product from last night. It's funny when shaping how many ideas go through your… https://t.co/jz2RtVSluS
11/23
2015
Late night shaping in @sslaterboards's shaping room. Been a while. #CantSleep https://t.co/5iB01UCihq
11/22
2015
@darth_slater and I playing with #VanCarterSlater in the rain. @ Florida's Fresh Grill https://t.co/y28oZu4bE0
11/21
2015
"If you’re aware of something & you know it’s wrong, you need to voice it”@kellyslater https://t.co/R1hcRVUlL9 https://t.co/wNsGvnHlL2
Retweeted by Kelly Slater
11/19
2015
It's funny to walk thru a store with people who don't really know who you are but sell your stuff… https://t.co/BLv7RnVoHf
11/16
2015
@ufc and interested to see if @RondaRousey can keep another fight under a minute or whether @_HOLLYHOLM knows something nobody's figured out
11/14
2015
This world is a sad place. Lost souls running around with no purpose but inflicting hurt on others. I… https://t.co/xsa5SMuyQESo we've just picked our winner for the trip that @shanedorian808 and I put together with @omaze.… https://t.co/4EwWSjNp7R
11/13
2015
My best #JohnnyCash impression, underwater version. 📷: toddglaser. I'm just not sure why I would ever… https://t.co/yuym8132ljWell I screwed that up. #MySpecialty (usually). #GlutenFree, #Chia, protein pancakes. https://t.co/xYm5a5S02N
11/12
2015
Last couple few hours to enter me and @shanedorian808's trip to @tavaruaisland at the end of the… https://t.co/3NVErpkFoz
11/11
2015
'#ArmyCorpOfEngineers is building a seawall out of sandbags and destroying the dunes in Montauk. Most… https://t.co/lcCAs2usr9
11/8
2015
Amazing group of good people together this evening for @punkerpat and chloe__barton's wedding in… https://t.co/aWfyjNNVVE
11/7
2015
Goodbye and thank you, #LillianNuuhiwa. You were a beautiful soul who made this world a better place.… https://t.co/n9byeTLiAg
11/6
2015
When you get to a London hotel room and they've done the #LateNightSnacks thing all proper like.… https://t.co/TUdQVoVdlx
11/2
2015
Comfort never quits. Introducing TITANTOUR IGNITE. #IGNITEit Learn more: https://t.co/perOIMnGQs https://t.co/tD095u8ccP
Retweeted by Kelly Slater
10/29
2015
Happy 50th Birthday to mrpottz (the first English-South African-French-Australian world surf champ😳).… https://t.co/gUFONTXtuJ
10/28
2015
Obscure #Nazare where the land meets the sea. If you ever get the chance, you have to stand on this… https://t.co/9nCLwHsTAM
10/27
2015
Join @shanedorian808 and I with a bunch of our best friends for a 7-day trip to Tavarua Island… https://t.co/WUNjYlHqcB
10/23
2015
Thanks to pierre_agnes for letting us camp at his house year after year in France. Also thanks for… https://t.co/gGvUjijYwX
10/21
2015
@fioravantil congratulations! #WorldJuniorChamp in the under 18's at the #ISAWorldGames. Started the… https://t.co/zwNZADf8PE
10/18
2015
#ColinCook is the latest #SharkAttack victim in the seemingly inflated number that have occurred in… https://t.co/qXMjXMRtnf
10/16
2015
Special thanks to @kindsurf crew (headed by @aritzaranburu and @almudena_fer) for putting together… https://t.co/xx7fvPHh69
10/15
2015
Lemme try that again...congrats @sunny_garcia for finishing the #IMKona and punishing your body for… https://t.co/2I2hKh6EtD
10/11
2015
"Hey bud. Let's party!" #Baywatch throwback. How's the hairdo?! I actually think someone put lemon… https://t.co/qS6MEqpscq
10/10
2015
I get the feeling @mattwilko8 really doesn't care how I feel about him dropping in on me at #Hossegorhttps://t.co/mbCTyIv9RW
10/8
2015
Our prisons lock up too many people + ruin lives. We can’t afford that. Join me + demand #JusticeReformNOW #cut50: http://t.co/7dM1h84QkK
10/5
2015
I once knew this girl who didn't miss a day of high school in four years. I thought she was weird.… https://t.co/hLxqQiHkLeIt would be really funny if we all started putting our names on our surfboards like this. Might be my… https://t.co/fk3XOzPK70
10/4
2015
Playing the #AlfredDunhillLinksChampionship with this guy and guess who has a 3 stroke lead at… https://t.co/fQHoLiwOfW
10/3
2015
#HueyLewis, #OliverHorowitz (author #AnAmericanCaddieInStAndrews), stephenisbelly and I finishing up… https://t.co/fm1KYoKx1n
9/30
2015
I'll be baffled if anyone can name everyone in this photo from left to right including the person in… https://t.co/QEBUkuHuQz
9/26
2015
Same spot (#Crowdbreak, in Japanese), same section on the reef, same photographer (toddglaser), same… https://t.co/bViWvZiTU3Excited and honored to take part in a project called #SurfersAndShapers, the brainchild of… https://t.co/8DibXUur1U
9/24
2015
Golf talk with scottycameron last week at the #shecklerfoundation golf tourney. Scotty made me a… https://t.co/XHv0sOvRFt
9/22
2015
#KevinAncell #UncleKev inspecting his work before it goes on display. Is he looking at... A)… https://t.co/lstbHjFMfa
9/20
2015
#FBF Back when board and wax logos were more apparently important than your clothing brand. I surfed… https://t.co/cKtRx5EqLx
9/19
2015
You ever look up the number one song from the week you were born on #Wikipedia? #AlGreen's… https://t.co/BbnEp9VK5w
9/17
2015
#NoDestination trip from around '96-'97 with @patchy_o, @taylor_knox, #ChrisMalloy (I know you have a… https://t.co/LceRpl6JfV
9/16
2015
Got this #FortuneCookie the other night. Sorta came true. Might start eating more #ChineseFood. https://t.co/QhERddJRp7Fun week at #Lowers. Interesting debate about scoring, progression, contest conspiracies, sponsor… https://t.co/gOpRP4VHtm
9/15
2015
#Lowers #SpeedBlur 📷: toddglaser https://t.co/lxXjgsEsP3
9/11
2015
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