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anthropologist | museum worker | comedy booker | bon vivant | representing no person or institution but myself 🎈

1,457 Following   3,167 Followers   18,978 Tweets

Joined Twitter 2/19/11

Attention: All Friendsgivings that are just a big group of 15-30 white people are henceforth considered a Rally.
Retweeted by luisa díez @FishermanRdr2 i never make plans that include snagging a bf, there are so many more interesting plans to make ¯\_(ツ)_/¯it’s finally Wednesday!!! if you’re not stuck in an airport, train, or bus, come to @luckyjacksnyc tonight for…
Retweeted by luisa díezHey! I’m on a brand new @FoodNetwork series is called Food Debate and we are breaking down important food arguments…
Retweeted by luisa díezI had this conversation with Justice Sotomayor a year ago. She's my idol but when tell our children than any of the…
Retweeted by luisa díeznetflix tries to make me watch narcos so often i am starting to suspect this is personal and extremely targeted :(Here’s something: EVERYONE has a boyfriend except me and you.
Retweeted by luisa díezchicken over rice, no onion in the chicken, fresh onion extra tomato on the salad, half french fries, one falafel,… @AnyaVolz they're faking it to try and seem old and cool like us! :D @AnyaVolz hey, babe we are forever young just embrace it 😎😎feels like the perfect time to bug michelle to do my free bar show why notit’s finally Wednesday!!! if you’re not stuck in an airport, train, or bus, come to @luckyjacksnyc tonight for… will tell my grandchildren that I let Michelle use my phone charger once.
Retweeted by luisa díez @C8bit thank you! plz tell them i co-sign 🙌🏼🙏🏼❤️Moved to New York 5 years ago and saw Michelle Wolf on bar shows. It's so surreal to see the president tweeting abo…
Retweeted by luisa díezlol definitely missed my stop while tweeting hateful shit and ended up in buttfuck queens lol i love new yorkNew York New York a truly beautiful place. It’s got it all: Broadway!! The Statue of Liberty!! Halal cart!! Sharing…
Retweeted by luisa díezthis year, like every year, allow me to encourage you to stay home this time if you fuckin love it so much, punkRACIST FAMILY MEMBER: you’re a cuck ME: no you’re a cuck HOST: woaaah break it up you two. let’s go to our judges J…
Retweeted by luisa díezah, the start of holiday season, when everyone leaves new york to “go home,” finally revealing their true allegiancesI bet you'd be on my side if I had killed a journalist. #BeBest
Retweeted by luisa díez
DNA reveals at least three "ghost" populations of ancient humans that we never knew existed
Retweeted by luisa díezThe promotional tweet below refers to me as a "turkey." Because of this I will host the show under protest.
Retweeted by luisa díez @TreyGalyon @geofftate96 @CentralKnox jealous :( @THEYCALLMEAHRI i also can't wait to find out!!!been listening to my top songs of 2017 spotify playlist for all of 2018 and looking forward to 2018's top songs pla…’s one that didn’t make the cut on “This Week at the @comedycellarusa
Retweeted by luisa díezHim: We need to talk. Me: Skip intro.
Retweeted by luisa díezIf comedy is in fact a "craft", well I guess that makes me Ethan Allen.
Retweeted by luisa díezI’ve never once thought about my eyebrows. Should I think about my eyebrows? I know what you’re gonna say but I don…
Retweeted by luisa díez @ComedyGroupie you’d think so, but i’ve gotten from people who don’t even get drink tickets yet bc they wanna know how to start! @AnyaVolz 🤗❤️just so you know: asking someone you don’t know to drinks to talk about yourself, your origin story, aspirations, a… @AnyaVolz 😬😰😰 @kelly_carlin i don’t know but i think so? trying to confirm correlation!i went to a montessori school is that why i’m annoyingthere is a shortage of therapists in the u.s. which means statistically at least 40% of you are seeing therapists w…
really want some pollo tropical rn 😒😒😒😒In 2014 an Ohio judge punched his then-wife 20 times and slammed her head against the dashboard of his car five tim…
Retweeted by luisa díezI love my beautiful statistically ugly son
Retweeted by luisa díez @samlymatters noooo of course not 🙄🙄🙄🙄😂😘To make better decisions, combine different ways of seeing the world
Retweeted by luisa díezhonestly i can't believe i just invented talkspace/taskrabbit/uber for comedy representation 😂😂😂😂 @FishermanRdr2 hahaha goddammit @melisshious lol just a little light sexual harassment directed at no one in particulari've also deleted FB now, so you can't find me there anymore. follow me on Ko-fi to ask me anything you might have… @lilsmichelle i mean, i can try harder i guessfrom now on if u ask me to get coffee/lunch/drinks and i don't know u i will assume u are tryna fuck 🙃haha! thanks to @BrettRedacted for buying me my first "coffee"!!! please support him in return by going to see his… @lilsmichelle lol damn that is rude af but also i admire the interviewer's efficiency?finally, no of course you don't have to pay to submit a tape to be on a show i am booking. just ask the regular way… examples of things you might ask: . feedback on your tape/packet . who books that . festival tips and tricks .… we know each other, yes, let's have actual coffee* and ask me whatever! ❤️ *whiskey thanks! sincerely-trying… of it like talkspace for comedy representation! Much cheaper than getting an actual agent or manager, and pro… i actually only drink coffee while working (not socially) so just do this:, here goes! i am an independent comedy booker/consultant (read broke) and while i would love to help everyone wh… @carl_mann perfect gifMondays are cool bc they are almost Wednesdays 😍😍😍 come laugh and drink with us @luckyjacksnyc on 11/21 🦃🍻💕 big ol…
Retweeted by luisa díez @jimtews i'll follow you on there so i can see/buy! 👀me: it takes a long time to answer questions and give comics advice in a polite way coworker: but they're comedian… @jimtews thank you!!!! this is exactly what i meant!! you're the best!can you do a patreon for an ama? like $3 per question you ask me (for artists, $10 if you are industry)? @jamieflam jamie!! can u send me that episode of your pod you never released that is all about submission tapes? i… haven't watched stand up tapes since before schtick but i will be watching tapes over the next few weeks to book…, for all of history: Women and gays aren't allowed Women and gays: Create something inclusive for everyone who…
Retweeted by luisa díezim bisexual — i have sex with men and then say byeeeeeeeeeee!! lol
Retweeted by luisa díezi was so ready to fight and now i can't stop laughing where do i put this ragelol i swear to god i just had to call MTA customer service and they were quick, friendly, helpful, and knowledgeabl… have made enough movies about how a white person was nice in the sixties.
Retweeted by luisa díez
@OlutosinFashusi @JuliaLouisOlson congrats! i fear my drinking schedule doesn’t allow for daily workouts but I’ll t…’m certainly not “wifey material” but based on how divorced people look at me i definitely have strong second or t… @OlutosinFashusi @JuliaLouisOlson oh my god a real volunteer is my worst nightmare, olutosinWho wants to personal train me for free as a personal challenge for you??????
Retweeted by luisa díezDo normal people look at a pretty house and wonder if anyone is locked in the basement
Retweeted by luisa díezif u post 30 pics of u and your friends spanning 3 or 4 years it becomes a flipbook of everyone's fluctuating weigh… @thismyshow PARTY TIME, EXCELLENTjust posted 30 tbts back to back on insta on a saturday night with zero shame bc i do not give an fBeing American is cool because you get to work until you die!!
Retweeted by luisa díezThere shld be cliff notes for podcasts so u can find out if ppl are talking shit without having to listen to 57 minutes of bad riffing
Retweeted by luisa díez @lilsmichelle some reports indicate i went to a second location after matchless 🕵🏼‍♀️ @TotallyAllen very much struggling with recall rn but trying to make sure i top last year?????does anyone remember what i did last new year’s eve
which part of late stage capitalism is teaching underaged children to be wartime battlefield doctors because specia…
Retweeted by luisa díezGoing out to a bar on big Wednesday to see people you knew in high school is a pointless charade. Come to this show…
Retweeted by luisa díez @AnyaVolz @georgeciveris george has shaken us all today 🙏🏼❤️ @AnyaVolz @georgeciveris anya, i’m thinking of unliking original tweet in light of this evidence that i’m not one o… completely normal looking person walks on stage and says “So...this is what I look like...” and let’s it hang in…
Retweeted by luisa díez"Who is Latino?" goes directly to the question as to why anyone at all entertains that Latinidad/Latinxs exist as a…
Retweeted by luisa díezPeople want to define Latinidad from a static point because it's lucrative from an economic and political perspecti…
Retweeted by luisa díezMy album 'Serious Goose' (the opposite of a silly goose) is out TODAY! Thanks @ComedyRecords Yay! Check it out on i…
Retweeted by luisa díez
@BrooklynRon if i ask her for short ribs she will make sancocho, ron!Credit cards are like rich people’s pets. You can’t swipe them anymore because they all have a chip.
Retweeted by luisa díez @feraljokes @jp_mcdade @TreyGalyon shakespearean geography!!! @feraljokes @jp_mcdade @TreyGalyon incredible recall and surprising speed, even for a non-pothead!!! @jp_mcdade i was making @TreyGalyon watch it with me thinking it would be an easy beat and he wiped the floor with… @bob_biggerstaff i spent my friday night going-out money on thursday night and now i gotta stay home tonight but i…'m so glad next week has a holiday and the city will be empty and i can finally sleepA cornucopia of comedy #favs for those lucky enough to be in New York on a holiday eve 🦃🦃🦃 @mcdadebaby hosts…
Retweeted by luisa díezYou: William Goldman died! Me:
Retweeted by luisa díezI wish everyone would stop forcing bots to watch things this feels like how it all starts.
Retweeted by luisa díez