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anthropologist | museum worker | comedy booker | bon vivant | representing no person or institution but myself 🎈

1,457 Following   3,167 Followers   18,978 Tweets

Joined Twitter 2/19/11


Attention: All Friendsgivings that are just a big group of 15-30 white people are henceforth considered a Rally.
Retweeted by luisa díez @FishermanRdr2 i never make plans that include snagging a bf, there are so many more interesting plans to make ¯\_(ツ)_/¯it’s finally Wednesday!!! if you’re not stuck in an airport, train, or bus, come to @luckyjacksnyc tonight for… https://t.co/0nf8Ayd22X
Retweeted by luisa díezHey! I’m on a brand new @FoodNetwork series is called Food Debate and we are breaking down important food arguments… https://t.co/rLr9gKL6HW
Retweeted by luisa díezI had this conversation with Justice Sotomayor a year ago. She's my idol but when tell our children than any of the… https://t.co/1LeP0UVvEq
Retweeted by luisa díeznetflix tries to make me watch narcos so often i am starting to suspect this is personal and extremely targeted :(Here’s something: EVERYONE has a boyfriend except me and you.
Retweeted by luisa díezchicken over rice, no onion in the chicken, fresh onion extra tomato on the salad, half french fries, one falafel,… https://t.co/Ls8t1XdhrY @AnyaVolz they're faking it to try and seem old and cool like us! :D @AnyaVolz hey, babe we are forever young just embrace it 😎😎feels like the perfect time to bug michelle to do my free bar show why notit’s finally Wednesday!!! if you’re not stuck in an airport, train, or bus, come to @luckyjacksnyc tonight for… https://t.co/0nf8Ayd22XI will tell my grandchildren that I let Michelle use my phone charger once. https://t.co/2wZcwOJrd3
Retweeted by luisa díez @C8bit thank you! plz tell them i co-sign 🙌🏼🙏🏼❤️Moved to New York 5 years ago and saw Michelle Wolf on bar shows. It's so surreal to see the president tweeting abo… https://t.co/mTyEobiTsA
Retweeted by luisa díezlol definitely missed my stop while tweeting hateful shit and ended up in buttfuck queens lol i love new yorkNew York New York a truly beautiful place. It’s got it all: Broadway!! The Statue of Liberty!! Halal cart!! Sharing… https://t.co/8lQjmhRqem
Retweeted by luisa díezthis year, like every year, allow me to encourage you to stay home this time if you fuckin love it so much, punkRACIST FAMILY MEMBER: you’re a cuck ME: no you’re a cuck HOST: woaaah break it up you two. let’s go to our judges J… https://t.co/2OwrlwU3KK
Retweeted by luisa díezah, the start of holiday season, when everyone leaves new york to “go home,” finally revealing their true allegiancesI bet you'd be on my side if I had killed a journalist. #BeBest https://t.co/bZ91Cg0QCr
Retweeted by luisa díez
11/21
2018
DNA reveals at least three "ghost" populations of ancient humans that we never knew existed https://t.co/2nnWXZhOLF
Retweeted by luisa díezThe promotional tweet below refers to me as a "turkey." Because of this I will host the show under protest. https://t.co/OEIPNSd4rf
Retweeted by luisa díez @TreyGalyon @geofftate96 @CentralKnox jealous :( @THEYCALLMEAHRI i also can't wait to find out!!!been listening to my top songs of 2017 spotify playlist for all of 2018 and looking forward to 2018's top songs pla… https://t.co/QsBoH9UclfHere’s one that didn’t make the cut on “This Week at the @comedycellarusahttps://t.co/cLqjIVBE3O
Retweeted by luisa díezHim: We need to talk. Me: Skip intro.
Retweeted by luisa díezIf comedy is in fact a "craft", well I guess that makes me Ethan Allen.
Retweeted by luisa díezI’ve never once thought about my eyebrows. Should I think about my eyebrows? I know what you’re gonna say but I don… https://t.co/YUDb9SQT8Q
Retweeted by luisa díez @ComedyGroupie you’d think so, but i’ve gotten from people who don’t even get drink tickets yet bc they wanna know how to start! @AnyaVolz 🤗❤️just so you know: asking someone you don’t know to drinks to talk about yourself, your origin story, aspirations, a… https://t.co/WGUz4Jz3GM @AnyaVolz 😬😰😰 @kelly_carlin i don’t know but i think so? trying to confirm correlation!i went to a montessori school is that why i’m annoyingthere is a shortage of therapists in the u.s. which means statistically at least 40% of you are seeing therapists w… https://t.co/BKZSSxU7AB
11/20
2018
really want some pollo tropical rn 😒😒😒😒In 2014 an Ohio judge punched his then-wife 20 times and slammed her head against the dashboard of his car five tim… https://t.co/GE5HpUkezD
Retweeted by luisa díezI love my beautiful statistically ugly son
Retweeted by luisa díez @samlymatters noooo of course not 🙄🙄🙄🙄😂😘To make better decisions, combine different ways of seeing the world https://t.co/o0m7HYwfqY
Retweeted by luisa díezhonestly i can't believe i just invented talkspace/taskrabbit/uber for comedy representation 😂😂😂😂 @FishermanRdr2 hahaha goddammit @melisshious lol just a little light sexual harassment directed at no one in particulari've also deleted FB now, so you can't find me there anymore. follow me on Ko-fi to ask me anything you might have… https://t.co/ySMdI275Qu @lilsmichelle i mean, i can try harder i guessfrom now on if u ask me to get coffee/lunch/drinks and i don't know u i will assume u are tryna fuck 🙃haha! thanks to @BrettRedacted for buying me my first "coffee"!!! please support him in return by going to see his… https://t.co/C4hc7a1bu5 @lilsmichelle lol damn that is rude af but also i admire the interviewer's efficiency?finally, no of course you don't have to pay to submit a tape to be on a show i am booking. just ask the regular way… https://t.co/QgfNUcPyHBPS. examples of things you might ask: . feedback on your tape/packet . who books that . festival tips and tricks .… https://t.co/cTEmKfMI4zif we know each other, yes, let's have actual coffee* and ask me whatever! ❤️ *whiskey thanks! sincerely-trying… https://t.co/94yewpcPdPThink of it like talkspace for comedy representation! Much cheaper than getting an actual agent or manager, and pro… https://t.co/aY4L4ynCMRBUT i actually only drink coffee while working (not socially) so just do this: https://t.co/1gWE0nC6vAok, here goes! i am an independent comedy booker/consultant (read broke) and while i would love to help everyone wh… https://t.co/KbcOpTptuL @carl_mann perfect gifMondays are cool bc they are almost Wednesdays 😍😍😍 come laugh and drink with us @luckyjacksnyc on 11/21 🦃🍻💕 big ol… https://t.co/4D7Mvx57gT
Retweeted by luisa díez @jimtews i'll follow you on there so i can see/buy! 👀me: it takes a long time to answer questions and give comics advice in a polite way coworker: but they're comedian… https://t.co/yrLWDmxlAZ @jimtews thank you!!!! this is exactly what i meant!! you're the best!can you do a patreon for an ama? like $3 per question you ask me (for artists, $10 if you are industry)? @jamieflam jamie!! can u send me that episode of your pod you never released that is all about submission tapes? i… https://t.co/nxN6BwNAPBi haven't watched stand up tapes since before schtick but i will be watching tapes over the next few weeks to book… https://t.co/LBU2rtWhfhMen, for all of history: Women and gays aren't allowed Women and gays: Create something inclusive for everyone who… https://t.co/ugHfn3JS8w
Retweeted by luisa díezim bisexual — i have sex with men and then say byeeeeeeeeeee!! lol
Retweeted by luisa díezi was so ready to fight and now i can't stop laughing where do i put this ragelol i swear to god i just had to call MTA customer service and they were quick, friendly, helpful, and knowledgeabl… https://t.co/Emf0O548D8We have made enough movies about how a white person was nice in the sixties.
Retweeted by luisa díez
11/19
2018
@OlutosinFashusi @JuliaLouisOlson congrats! i fear my drinking schedule doesn’t allow for daily workouts but I’ll t… https://t.co/F9YtwrizVUi’m certainly not “wifey material” but based on how divorced people look at me i definitely have strong second or t… https://t.co/FsU6STtRvD @OlutosinFashusi @JuliaLouisOlson oh my god a real volunteer is my worst nightmare, olutosinWho wants to personal train me for free as a personal challenge for you??????
Retweeted by luisa díezDo normal people look at a pretty house and wonder if anyone is locked in the basement
Retweeted by luisa díezif u post 30 pics of u and your friends spanning 3 or 4 years it becomes a flipbook of everyone's fluctuating weigh… https://t.co/pZ8aRcZXgN @thismyshow PARTY TIME, EXCELLENTjust posted 30 tbts back to back on insta on a saturday night with zero shame bc i do not give an fBeing American is cool because you get to work until you die!!
Retweeted by luisa díezThere shld be cliff notes for podcasts so u can find out if ppl are talking shit without having to listen to 57 minutes of bad riffing
Retweeted by luisa díez @lilsmichelle some reports indicate i went to a second location after matchless 🕵🏼‍♀️ @TotallyAllen very much struggling with recall rn but trying to make sure i top last year?????does anyone remember what i did last new year’s eve
11/18
2018
which part of late stage capitalism is teaching underaged children to be wartime battlefield doctors because specia… https://t.co/jcuMOQSKb0
Retweeted by luisa díezGoing out to a bar on big Wednesday to see people you knew in high school is a pointless charade. Come to this show… https://t.co/vxKtWlOI0r
Retweeted by luisa díez @AnyaVolz @georgeciveris george has shaken us all today 🙏🏼❤️ @AnyaVolz @georgeciveris anya, i’m thinking of unliking original tweet in light of this evidence that i’m not one o… https://t.co/esjElgARo4A completely normal looking person walks on stage and says “So...this is what I look like...” and let’s it hang in… https://t.co/Pas9EG1Iah
Retweeted by luisa díez"Who is Latino?" goes directly to the question as to why anyone at all entertains that Latinidad/Latinxs exist as a… https://t.co/55gLLWLLAV
Retweeted by luisa díezPeople want to define Latinidad from a static point because it's lucrative from an economic and political perspecti… https://t.co/q0cMIoCjbq
Retweeted by luisa díezMy album 'Serious Goose' (the opposite of a silly goose) is out TODAY! Thanks @ComedyRecords Yay! Check it out on i… https://t.co/4Ls3NFq6ej
Retweeted by luisa díez
11/17
2018
@BrooklynRon if i ask her for short ribs she will make sancocho, ron!Credit cards are like rich people’s pets. You can’t swipe them anymore because they all have a chip.
Retweeted by luisa díez @feraljokes @jp_mcdade @TreyGalyon shakespearean geography!!! @feraljokes @jp_mcdade @TreyGalyon incredible recall and surprising speed, even for a non-pothead!!! @jp_mcdade i was making @TreyGalyon watch it with me thinking it would be an easy beat and he wiped the floor with… https://t.co/X9HJbAKXL8 @bob_biggerstaff i spent my friday night going-out money on thursday night and now i gotta stay home tonight but i… https://t.co/gWErCTZs5ui'm so glad next week has a holiday and the city will be empty and i can finally sleepA cornucopia of comedy #favs for those lucky enough to be in New York on a holiday eve 🦃🦃🦃 @mcdadebaby hosts… https://t.co/YbAr2yiUq8
Retweeted by luisa díezYou: William Goldman died! Me: https://t.co/Zfh8pxdCde
Retweeted by luisa díezI wish everyone would stop forcing bots to watch things this feels like how it all starts.
Retweeted by luisa díez
11/16
2018

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