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luisa @luisadieznuts new york city

anthropologist | museum worker | comedy booker | bon vivant | representing no person or institution but myself 🎈

1,527 Following   3,488 Followers   20,225 Tweets

Joined Twitter 2/19/11

Jussie Smollett is just another reminder that acting is easier than writing.
Retweeted by luisahey guys, mystery solved! 👇🏼
Retweeted by luisathank god i was severely depressed last year. got to spend a lot of time with my cat before he died and got a lot o… cat had been with me for almost 13 years. longer than any relationship i’ve had, longer than all the grad school…’t sleep 💔
Retweeted by luisa“you should treat the janitor the same way you treat the CEO” I would never guillotine the janitor
Retweeted by luisaToo Many Cooks weekly free stand-up comedy show. Tonight @JordyPloy hosts @BonnieMcFarlane @JackieKashian
Retweeted by luisaAre you part of an under-represented group and need new computer hardware? I'm giving away a few laptops. See t…
Retweeted by luisaTonight! We’ve got a hot show to warm your bones! @JordyPloy hosts a stack of #favs including @bonniemcfarlane
Retweeted by luisastandup comedy was not enough to distract me from my sorrow tonight, but thanks to everyone who tried
i need one of those rejuvenation chambers that you could get with a cheat that were just showers that put all your… i were a sim all my little life bars would be in the red :((( @drewmorgcomedy who are we if not people who deal with grief through jokes and try to push away tears with laughs? thanks, drew ❤️🙏🏼💔good news: technically my “bad year” ended in october 2018 so we are actually over one quarter into my second bad year.Oh no I’m the only person in America not running for president
Retweeted by luisalagerfeld took my cat w him when he died so it’s only right i should get his cat. get over here, choupette, hope yo…’m probably just gonna post some pics of him for the foreseeable future (he hated pics and was very private but i… @AndySandford i can’t stop crying or clutching his favorite toy 😢💔 heart is broken @lizmiele I’m crushed, Liz 💔💔💔 @craigschott 💔💔💔 sending love to you! we were together 12 years and i think I’ll always miss himit’s been a terrible year tbhthis is one year ago exactly when i had been punched in the face by a wild teen on the train. he was there for me t… @silkyjumbo it seems stupid after so many major losses in life but it feels extra mean in that he was the smallest…
@feraljokes I don’t think it will 😢😢 but thanks. honestly embarrassed at how devastated I am but it feels, truly, l… cat died today and i am furious and crushed and willing to sacrifice 1000 of you to get him back 💔
They say god only gives us what we can handle but I don’t think that’s true cause god gave me curly hair
Retweeted by luisaIf you’re visiting NYC this year, you simply MUST stand too close to me for no reason
Retweeted by luisaI'm mainly attracted to people who are tired all the time
Retweeted by luisaHoward Schultz said he doesn’t see color. Starbucks anti-bias training teaches that the color blind concept “doesn’…
Retweeted by luisaNext week! We’ve got a scalding-hot lineup of #favs hosted by our beloved @JordyPloy 👨🏾‍🍳🙌🏼 and feat.…
Retweeted by luisaIf you dismiss negative feedback, you’re wasting an opportunity
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Dating men in their 40s is so stressful
Retweeted by luisaTelling everyone you're moving to New York and then not moving to New York. Is Amazon a comedian?
Retweeted by luisaA day full of love… I HATE IT.
Retweeted by luisa @MykaFox @KFreehams @BronxMikey1119 @Viacom 🖤🖤🖤🖤 @MykaFox @KFreehams @BronxMikey1119 @Viacom ah yes. i also felt like ‘why am i looking at this though????’ then! 😭😘Ted Bundy is only attractive in comparison to other serial killers. Kinda like hot comedians.
Retweeted by luisa @andyecono sometimes it feels like staying alive purely out of spite, which i guess is as good a reason as anysucks that i can’t cry on the train today bc everyone will confuse my deep existential depression with some silly s… @AmyShanker hahaha i hate you @Skippytheninja did u read it thoughno BS, i had a dream my gf cheated on me w/ Jackie Chan. if your gf cheats on you w/ Jackie chan, ya cant do shit…e…
Retweeted by luisaif u don’t like poetry we cannot fuckI love thee with a love I seemed to lose With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my… love thee to the level of every day's Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light. I love thee freely, as men strive… do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach, when… other day a person w no affiliation to comedy asked me who decides who gets to be on SNL and it all of a sudden…
Retweeted by luisaThere is a remarkably comfortable room in hell for people who misspell your name back to you when it’s spelled corr…
Retweeted by luisa @samlymatters @silkyjumbo @HBO this dress too though!!!!!!!There are few things more satisfying than seeing some rando with a large online following try standup for the first time :)
Retweeted by luisa @GaryGulman Also it helps to see what material they do. It's crazy how often i see a comic go up that didn't watch…
Retweeted by luisahappy Valentine’s Day, Comedy, my sweet beloved 🤗🤗🤗🤗♥️ @chrisburns no no no that when he inevitably dies many years from now he leaves me his house which i care for more… my album The Woke Bully hitting #3 on the Billboard comedy charts wasn’t enough good news this week you can catc…
Retweeted by luisaWatch 2 Dope Queens on @HBO. This Friday, 2/15 at 11pm. Ya girl's out here. Badtz-Maru tattoo poppin'.
Retweeted by luisaTed Bundy would 100% be the guy who has thought about taking improv classes therefore thinks he can do standup bett…
Retweeted by luisaNYC: us two will be at @QEDAstoria THIS SATURDAY, 9;30 show. Tickets are just $10!!
Retweeted by luisai know i've tweeted this before just want to put it "out there" in "the universe"my landlord and i love each other so much. hope he leaves me the house in his will.Stand Up - requires basic social skills - get rusty every 48 hours - work for years for negative money Podcasts +…
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I am a person with glasses I am obviously going to die first in the apocalypse
Retweeted by luisa @yusefroach yw! hate to see you happy!! 😭😘 @yusefroach wow you finally made your least likable tweet yusef 🤗🤗🤗🤗Fuck yeah! See you tonight!
Retweeted by luisa.@TooManyCooksNYC is serving up the best in Stand-up Comedy™️ tonight (as usual!). Don’t miss it! @jp_mcdade hosts…
Retweeted by luisa.@TooManyCooksNYC is serving up the best in Stand-up Comedy™️ tonight (as usual!). Don’t miss it! @jp_mcdade hosts… are fine
Retweeted by luisaICE is trying to deport 21 Savage based on an expunged record of possession of drugs. Justin Bieber was given Perma…
Retweeted by luisaThe longer I am a professional creative person, the more sure I am that nobody TRULY great ever yelled at people they outranked
Retweeted by luisaBeing nice to someone you know hates you is a huge rush I recommend you all try it
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So, if I understand correctly, the two biggest Christian sects in America are now both known to have created massiv…
Retweeted by luisasome of us have had to kill ourselves to be *exceptional* just to gain even a fraction of the opportunities, or eve… the people who brought you ‘you only got this job because you’re not white’ the predictable sequel: ‘you only… @comicAnton disagree!Adulthood is knowing you're very behind and happily waving at everyone else from way back here!
Retweeted by luisafor having an ugly laugh i really do have the nerve to find everything funny
Retweeted by luisaIf you don’t like New York City, it’s because you’re a coward who hates hard work
Retweeted by luisait's so important to dig deep and deconstruct whiteness at its root. I don't think the social construct of whitenes…
Retweeted by luisaImagine this same ‘American Boy’ headline with someone who looked like Trayvon talking about what it’s like to have…
Retweeted by luisathe tension in these pieces comes from the supposition that granting women, LGBTQ people, Black people, etc. any of…
Retweeted by luisaIf i found out that i had a long lost twin i would be all... oh yeahhhh lets meet up yeah totally...hows next tues…
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Hey NYC I’m gonna be there from 2/12 through 3/1 if you have any shows you would have me on I would greatly appreci…
Retweeted by luisaThere’s so much I don’t care about
Retweeted by luisa @kelsey_caine 😭😭😭😭😭 @theGregJohnson yes BUT i am considering emailing a pic of my mediocre painting to every comic i know and asking mu… new year’s resolution to not talk mad shit is not going well at all :(saying “comedy is subjective” is a cop-out from the fact that it’s possible to watch enough comedy to be able to di… Sacklers should rot in jail. Every dime they have should be seized and redirected to recovery programs. Every…
Retweeted by luisaI think the trend of naming comedy specials things like “triggered” or “no offense” is very good and I look forward…
Retweeted by luisaHOLY CANNOLI! Come by @LuckyJacksNYC this Wednesday for a hot lineup of fiery #favs including @JenaFriedman
Retweeted by luisaone day i wil proof read my twitters BEFORE hitting SEND @curlycomedy it tastes like unclean water :(Every week during SNL i break into Lorne’s house.
Retweeted by luisait's important to tape your stand-up sets so that you have something to watch while wearing a wedding dress in your cobwebbed mansion
Retweeted by luisai feel for comics who love to be on stage despite having nothing of value to say bc i spent all day painting and i…
What if boom i watch mr rogers doc but i dont feel anything?
Retweeted by luisa @titus7007 @CerromeRussell 77-83 is “approximate” bc depending on personal (socioeconomic, geographic, etc) experie…