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anthropologist | museum worker | comedy booker | bon vivant | representing no person or institution but myself 🎈

1,384 Following   2,977 Followers   17,831 Tweets

Joined Twitter 2/19/11


https://t.co/gklkjOa94N
Retweeted by luisa díezi consider 28 and under early 20s and this has only happened twice but still, shaken!!!always devastated to discover a new person i enjoy is in their early twenties rocks my whole world every time franklyany tops out there who are also into tops just curious no reasonenjoy #TalkLikeAPirateDay with fun phrases like: - "i am an alcoholic" - "i rape people with my friends" - "killing… https://t.co/hn6o4Z9aQh
Retweeted by luisa díezCatch #PsychedelicFMF's East Coast Premiere of @bbellrebellion's "Psychonautics" & an epic round table with… https://t.co/mkvwSNjyLS
Retweeted by luisa díez @chemda 😍🥰😍😘🙌Going to this AWESOME show tonight! Great line-up, @luisadieznuts! https://t.co/XLT8llQvuv
Retweeted by luisa díez @stavvybaby this is horrifying and makes me angryToo Many Cooks! stand-up comedy tonight hosted by @LukeTouma with #janeanegarofalo @TedAlexandro @imAndyHayneshttps://t.co/BwKPV5r8Vk
Retweeted by luisa díezThese scientists created a hands-free vibrator to close the orgasm gap for women https://t.co/XHcYi3rXHT
Retweeted by luisa díezTONIGHT! The stars align and comedy is made before your very eyes! Come to @LuckyJacksNYC at 8:30pm 🙌🏼♥️ @LukeToumahttps://t.co/MhNyttGI6Q
Retweeted by luisa díez @TreyGalyon yes you do. you talk to everyone. it's so annoying! @saturnineba oooh no but can't wait i love tests!!! :DConfidence is like communism. Great in theory but it keeps ending up in the hands of the wrong people.
Retweeted by luisa díezWhen a woman says, “This man raped me a long time ago,” we say, “But that was in the past.” When a girl says, “This… https://t.co/OJUocbplPS
Retweeted by luisa díezLook at these ghetto ass looting ass Caucasian. Where are the cops when you need them? https://t.co/nJx5llT5e1
Retweeted by luisa díezRetweeting a joke I liked then immediately muting the conversation so I don’t have to read lesser joke replies = the perfect crime
Retweeted by luisa díezSo since you’ve sampled googoosh and now you’re using Farsi words, can you tell your friend to lift the sanctions?… https://t.co/8LbhPYdEO4
Retweeted by luisa díezIf this plane goes down remember me as one who, above all else, thrived in chaos
Retweeted by luisa díezWomen: We live in a constant state of vigilance because men pose a constant threat to us, here are literally millio… https://t.co/t0E7KxpjYL
Retweeted by luisa díezok spent five minutes in the Bert and Ernie discourse and I'd like to be escorted back to the Toad dick thing please
Retweeted by luisa díez @saturnineba or maybe for those regularly/equally afflicted by both it doesn’t really matter where they live they will always hate it? 🤔 @saturnineba my hypothesis is that those who hate both city/suburbs/woods and choose city to ‘disappear into’ are s… https://t.co/VigtxOwMVb @saturnineba absolutely. i think my own (city-dweller) social anxiety is less often internalized than it’s ‘why am… https://t.co/mEldeSOMN1Hi so I stopped drinking soda and lost 10 pounds, my credit score went up, and Hillary Clinton won the 2016 presidential election
Retweeted by luisa díezTONIGHT! The stars align and comedy is made before your very eyes! Come to @LuckyJacksNYC at 8:30pm 🙌🏼♥️ @LukeToumahttps://t.co/MhNyttGI6Q‘wanderlust’ is often how rich people describe their own boredom
Retweeted by luisa díez @katiehannigan the apocalypse themed podcast tipped me off you might be on my side of the anxiety scale ;)Best wishes this Yom Kippur and remember: God may forgive but I never will
Retweeted by luisa díez @janellejcomic the happiest time of the year!!!! (still need a norm!!!)Hi NYC Art internet. Do you like acrylic paint? Do you want tons of it and pastes FOR FREE? Please take it from me… https://t.co/bqWyR1b4U5
Retweeted by luisa díez @joshgondelman no, but if you slice up some cucumbers for your eyes you can eat those after a few minutes! @joshgondelman you could also do a face mask!
9/19
2018
How America treats women who say they were sexually assaulted. 2018. 2003 https://t.co/iFSKuw0cCM
Retweeted by luisa díezsmash mouth gets it. it's ernie and bert not bert and ernie tyvm https://t.co/WQprXGSvDw @notlife you've made appropriate allowances/choices in your life to maintain access to both (and to people who shar… https://t.co/z0kqqai5dGalso the Denver comedy scene is really great in general and if you live there you should check out some local shows
Retweeted by luisa díeztldr they decided not to let him go up and made fun of him onstage until he left. Not everyone in comedy is a shith… https://t.co/LUc1mGnvhp
Retweeted by luisa díezdoing something over and over again and expecting different results is crazy but also the only way to get good at s… https://t.co/gXEwFQu8QK
Retweeted by luisa díezCan’t believe this needs to be said, but don’t buy a ticket to see Jeremy Piven.
Retweeted by luisa díezI’m old enough to remember when Trayvon Martin’s school record and marijuana use were used to demonize him and just… https://t.co/PYocr055S5
Retweeted by luisa díezWe here at #TooManyCooksNYC love you too much and you’re gonna get spoiled 🤗 See you Wednesday 9/19 @luckyjacksnychttps://t.co/KWtgSlnFjm
Retweeted by luisa díezPSA: Don’t trust white people that don’t listen to rap music and don’t trust white people that only listen to rap music.
Retweeted by luisa díezLook I’m sorry to break it to you but liking puns is not a personality.
Retweeted by luisa díezFYI the official henson company approved way to say their names is "Ernie and Bert" not "Bert and Ernie" NOT KIDDING, RESPECT THE RIDER @TreyGalyon you should be on some kind of pet perv listis stormy mad at us
Retweeted by luisa díez @GhostOfJohnGode this way of thinking is what leads to practically irreconciliable ideas like “I need to be in ny t… https://t.co/2UQ2Exm24m @GhostOfJohnGode but anxiety (esp if also depressed) often makes one think change of place/career/focus is impossib… https://t.co/n9k8wxkPNV @GhostOfJohnGode yeah, we all slide on the scale and some live most often in the overlap of the two. still helps to… https://t.co/VuP7jvmDhD @DanielJPerafan @reppocs oh i meant like you bring my stock down not that they’re jealous 😭😛It seems to me that when Brett Kavanaugh attempted to deny a 17-year-old immigrant an abortion, he believed that th… https://t.co/VXuOVwhrFl
Retweeted by luisa díez @reppocs @DanielJPerafan 😂❤️ @reppocs @DanielJPerafan what does that even mean??? never tweet me platitudes corey i hate themwrong to but you get it. this has been an excerpt of anthropology and you, a guide to looking around and figuring… https://t.co/XaC5Xdtsatobvs most people fluctuate in their anxieties + most only need a sporadic escape for relief (i.e. annual city vacat… https://t.co/u8V71BLyojthe former find relief in nature/silence/solitude/the familiar. the latter find relief in the social/cacophony/new experiences.i’m prepared to share an anthropological observation ahem: people who hate nyc and dream of camping/living in the w… https://t.co/rUEhoYI7WaLet’s make one thing clear: Toad may be frlm Mario Kart, but he’s not FROM Mario Kart
Retweeted by luisa díezMy reluctance to move to LA has cost me at least two billion dollars and at least 24 #Emmys .
Retweeted by luisa díez"If anyone is in your path, what do you do" "Be in their way" "And if they don't move?" "Run into them." "Who's… https://t.co/zs38A2ijzs
Retweeted by luisa díezDisgusted by the Emmys. Used to watch and enjoy it but lately it seems like it's turned into a popularity contest!
Retweeted by luisa díez @feraljokes i’ve got a Seth doing something else but there is so much amy gold to be explored! @nattybumpercar still narrowing it down 😉 @luisadieznuts Oh fuck what if someone did a Seth Meyers Amy Schumer sesta thing
Retweeted by luisa díezthank you for the like @silkyjumbo i really enjoyed tweeting this 😠😠😠 @kenicemobley 🙏🏼❤️❤️❤️❤️more hannah gadsbies did i mention that???? ok thanks for reading. plz submit to schtickbooking@gmail for full details! WE LOVE YOU!
Retweeted by luisa díezKevin hart how come no one ever does kevin hart
Retweeted by luisa díezGeorge Carlin NORM MACDONALD Roseanne Barr NO MORE MANISCALCOS FOR GODS SAKES Patrice Oneal no you can't do mark normand Amy Schumer
Retweeted by luisa díezActs we are still looking for: Kathy Griffin more hannah gadsbies? Joe Rogan Michael Che (and jost?) Amy Pohler Tin… https://t.co/h6Lvjx1Zuo
Retweeted by luisa díezdon’t email me with obscure shit!!!!! 😠and what about NORM?!?! did u watch the show 😭😭😭😭i need an amy schumer for schtick or treat there’s so much this year, let’s talk about her politics? what about THA… https://t.co/RsynxLWesl
9/18
2018
men are like 'i can't come over i'm allergic to your cat' but tbh my cat has asthma and you all irritate him so you… https://t.co/VNRMIg2Mhii don't know what i ever did to you guys to deserve being added to your mailing list :(I wish Puerto Rico had a Waffle House. https://t.co/jaLdSFHtvZ
Retweeted by luisa díezThe Central Park 5 -- who were innocent -- were 14, 14, 15, 15 and 16 when Trump called for them to be executed.
Retweeted by luisa díezYOU WILL NEVER BE A BILLIONAIRE BUT THERE'S STILL TIME TO SEE WHAT THEY TASTE LIKE
Retweeted by luisa díez @joshgondelman @CoreyRForrester THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE RUBY @ReggConquest @mattruby @marknorm @KnitFactoryBK REGGIE!!! i lost it laughing when i read your submission i love you forever!!!! @CoreyRForrester @joshgondelman every year i get at least half a dozen mark normand submissions. one day i will mak… https://t.co/Ozwo8xCFvpNOT A PERFORMER: Grab your tickets before it's too late (consider this a pre-sale?): https://t.co/MKpk3JSsRE ❤️more hannah gadsbies did i mention that???? ok thanks for reading. plz submit to schtickbooking@gmail for full details! WE LOVE YOU! @joshgondelman you did. ARE YOU READY?!?!?! @luisadieznuts @mattruby @marknorm @KnitFactoryBK Emailing now! ✊🏿
Retweeted by luisa díezKevin hart how come no one ever does kevin hartGeorge Carlin NORM MACDONALD Roseanne Barr NO MORE MANISCALCOS FOR GODS SAKES Patrice Oneal no you can't do mark normand Amy SchumerActs we are still looking for: Kathy Griffin more hannah gadsbies? Joe Rogan Michael Che (and jost?) Amy Pohler Tin… https://t.co/h6Lvjx1Zuo4. Acts are about 2 minutes, but the party last all night! 5. you can show off non-standup skills like singing, dan… https://t.co/xsBRs4nW0nwhy submit to #SchtickorTreat 1. it's the 11th annual!!! you will be a part of a great NY comedy tradition! 2. you… https://t.co/btDjitRulFok this is crazy of me bc i already have a lot of submissions BUT i am a masochist when it comes to comedy and i wa… https://t.co/mSCTxKZLCahello (comics only)!! Coming up: the 11th ANNUAL #SchtickorTreat Presented by @mattruby and @marknorm is on 10.29.… https://t.co/Vsw3JCp95P
Retweeted by luisa díez
9/17
2018
It's important to remember that not all conservatives are super rich assholes that just want to keep their money. S… https://t.co/7qw1HBPu2G
Retweeted by luisa díezgray is my favorite color/area/scale 😏i (the oldest millennial) showed my gameboy sp to a young millennial and the first thing she did was look at the po… https://t.co/KlRZWKZAhWJacking myself up on 3 cups of cold brew and my friend’s concentration medication just to spend the whole morning c… https://t.co/ra3DSZ3vz9
Retweeted by luisa díezdon’t mind me. just woke up thinking about what it means to be american. you know, like all americans do regularly, rightthe coolest part of being first gen american is that when you go anywhere in the world everyone thinks you’re ameri… https://t.co/Hgah5AjJkl
9/16
2018

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