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Spooky Student Debt @MarkAgee L.A./NYC via Virginia & Texas

Standup. Writer of jokes for TV shows you don't watch. A very good boy.

1,781 Following   23,834 Followers   39,831 Tweets

Joined Twitter 9/1/09

western conference vs. eastern conference
Retweeted by Spooky Student DebtMy pal @paulthenshirley's new memoir comes out today. I've read it. It's GREAT. Dude has lived a crazy life. Buy it!
Retweeted by Spooky Student Debt @pattymo @BronzeHammer Or those pizza rats. I'm talking about the frickin guidos ova heeeaaaaah @MamoudouNDiaye @noredavis Nore leave him alone, judging by that pic he's in The Sunken Placewelcome twitter where everything is bad. the news? bad. ur favorite book? bad. TV show u enjoy? bad. that person who was nice to u? hoo boy
Retweeted by Spooky Student DebtEntire movies have been made as a FUCK YOU for christs sake's weird to me when people talk about 'Hollywood' like it's one united thing instead of a bunch of different people who hate each other
Hell yeah. The day before the season starts is the best day of the season. visits were almost never on the public schedule, done quietly, not boasted about.
Retweeted by Spooky Student DebtTwitter's the only thing people have been addicted to and begged someone to take it away. Imagine a crackhead being like "please stop crack"This is extremely hurtful, y’all! I’m leaving!
Retweeted by Spooky Student DebtMy man took time to place an outgoing call to a reporter *just* to say this and nothing else @tomtomorrow I dunno I enjoyed the 30 straight seconds of the car parkingThis is why you don't give things ironic nicknames. Current irony levels are gonna completely break our contextless… @glen_pierce No GP. I've always been broke! That's the theme here.You know golf is for rich entitled people because it's a sport where you're encouraged to get mad at trees for being in the wayThe first pol who says "I hate golf. It's so boring it's the only boring way to get eaten by an alligator" wins the presidency by 1000%I don’t want apologies or pity. I was sexually assaulted by my Dad for the first 4yrs of my life. I think about it every day. I’m 33. #MeToo
Retweeted by Spooky Student DebtCouldn't confirm if this was Jesse Watters on the E before I missed my chance to wedgie him. Lesson learned wedgie… is an incredibly difficult thing to admit as a Mavs fan -- I love Gregg Popovich always thought Woody Allen was corny and bad and 'Entourage' taught me Weinstein was an asshole. Maybe it's YOU that has the bad tasteIma tell you a secret cuz I love you and care about your health.. I want nothing in return... eat bag of spinach if u constipated - Lil B
Retweeted by Spooky Student Debt @Jim_Hamilton @IanKarmel I need like 3000 think pieces about whether that's offensive or not, stat
@michaelsnarky Man you could at least google the shit you're popping off about @Triple7even @jongabrus @pattymo Do you like inventive fight scenes and sex scenes and a comic book-like hellmouth world? @jongabrus @pattymo It's such an amazingly well done action show with a well-built weird world and I don't know how… @nycsouthpaw Is it a bad sign a cop with a gun assumed Harvey would be more afraid of TMZ? @pattymo Ok this Giants game sucks now I'm going home to watch Banshee @pattymo Hell fucking yeah. "Oh you 'fight' professionally? I 'stay alive' professionally motherfucker." I love Hoo… he doesn't. He's shorter than both his mom and dad with a different complexion. Ivana def had a barrel chested I… man Wikileaks hacked Mark Zuckerberg's thought bubble @JenniferWillcut You're great. Don't overthink it. I love people that make me think I'm wrong. @JenniferWillcut Just as someone who has to think about these criticisms for work, it's insane because there's no way to apply them. @JenniferWillcut Oh it's fine. This is hot take headquarters, let it fly. @JenniferWillcut This seems to be the critique, but it doesn't mesh with other critiques. No Unified Theory of Joke… @pattymo Just started a rewatch today and I need more outlets to explain the genius of 'Banshee.' Gonna use your mentions. 1/472 @holachola *not accredited financial advice but we do, it's medicinal and you need a prescription @pattymo Public service announcement: So is 'Banshee.'My DARE-indoctrinated wife was gonna go on pills and I convinced her to try CBD oils. Now she's OK and we write wee… @Nat_in_LA Oh wow, a total rebrand? @IanKarmel I am going insane @anylaurie16 Please and thank you for not tagging my wife in thisSomeone please help me but wasn't last week's thing "Why aren't the late nite hosts making fun of Weinstein?" people are so fucking soft. It's amazing. If Eric was born broke he'd be the least popular Verizon salesman a… privately-funded chef from NYC is cooking hot meals for 100K people A DAY in Puerto Rico. FEMA is handing out fu…
Retweeted by Spooky Student Debt @jessecase "And the, unfortunately, all the Little Hulkamaniacs were free to run wild."It's becoming more and more apparent that the story of America's downfall is gonna have a chapter about Hulk Hogan's cuck tapeReason one million I miss Gawker this out loud is a good way to make sure women never retire and also live forever @BobbyBigWheel Before the NFL Awareness Awarenessness, I was completely unaware UnderArmour made pink socksPeople don't give the NFL enough credit for raising awareness of awareness
Retweeted by Spooky Student DebtA wink is a blink but horny, because you still have one eye open to check out the girl's butt as she rapidly leaves the vicinityYou open your cabinet for a midnight snack. My disembodied head floats there, eyes glowing. "Woody Allen winks at people." You run screamingDante's 47th Circle of Sad: Wishing yourself happy birthday from your alternate account
Mayim's kid was still nursing her titties at a time when he knew words like "reluctantly." You ain't gotta read her… of nothing cogent and beautiful piece of writing from @Mobute about the meaning of mass-scale neglect:
Retweeted by Spooky Student Debt @BobbyBigWheel Young Republicans SheldonConservative rap versus conservative comedy who ya got weird part of toxic masculinity is not knowing how to poop properly.
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@TVietor08 @Reince He looks like the kind of dude who'd cut a deal with Bob Mueller to save eleven dollarsLook, we all make fun of this man. And I'm here to say -- It's fine to make fun of people. It's fun. Also, he is a… more qualified president
Retweeted by Spooky Student DebtThese greedy idiots have are using the government to throw themselves the "My Super Sweet 16" parties they never had cool part about writing is that when you finally finish you realize it's bad
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Today I shared a wedge of a revolving door with a man and it may be the most intimate experience of my lifeIt turns out their are downsides to electing a pres who openly announces an intention to burn down America for the insurance money, who knew @JenniferWillcut Otherwise hell yeah. Just texted him some pump up shit @JenniferWillcut I'm in NY :(Newsweek's "Ask a Pedaphile" series off to a swimming start“They have pubes.”
Retweeted by Spooky Student Debt @anylaurie16 1986When they fuck they make bat noises Weinstein's so gross he's put everyone off horniness altogether. Nobody fuck anything for a few months until we figure this out.Looks like scientists read your diary Eerie, Indiana for @CanceledPod I discovered they did an episode where Donald Trump collected souls for the devil. In 1991.
Retweeted by Spooky Student DebtSECURITY GUARD: You can't bring outside food in here. ME: This is a service burrito.
Retweeted by Spooky Student Debt