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fuhny gal: Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. Close Enough. All About The Washingtons. is dog. @DARKcomedy_ Dec 7

801 Following   2,220 Followers   6,925 Tweets

Joined Twitter 4/2/09


It’s kind of incredible how at the end of the year you get a bunch of time off from work to celebrate holidays that… https://t.co/FDW0AP3wej
11/21
2018
HOW COULD SHE DO THIS TO JACK?!?????? https://t.co/jvfzmztqmOIt's the world is a toilet day! #WorldToiletDay didn't check if anyone else tweeted this already fucking fight me.The NRA told doctors to stay in their lane and now there’s a shooting at Mercy Hospital in Chicago. Doctors can be… https://t.co/i12m8PN3zD
Retweeted by Marlena Rodriguezugh i'm accidentally off my antidepressants and was harshly reminded how much I need them last night when a Dua Lip… https://t.co/QDWgrBqarUReading Michelle Obama’s book and researching how to send her the rest of my money.2222222nite. https://t.co/9XQ22GTVUl
11/19
2018
This weekend I learned a cluster of women can pulverize a pound of prosciutto in less than 20 minutes.We're back for a chat with @niccolethurman (The Opposition, Superstore)where we get into becoming correspondent for… https://t.co/5xyYIN0Jc3
Retweeted by Marlena RodriguezWhen your boy dresses up as the same M&M as you. https://t.co/KZfbHpjdyr
11/18
2018
Audibly laughed at this price. https://t.co/wn9oOzac8F
11/17
2018
@TheLaughFactory Oo! Then what happens? @TheLaughFactory woah. Is there a real shot of getting under your bright lights here? @TheLaughFactory Is this show a requirement for women in your pass process?Nancy and Hillary are currently the girls at the party who get too drunk and ask to put on a movie even though ever… https://t.co/9TN0PgMg2UTaking a break until I can watch this without thinking about our actual border. https://t.co/C8bxvIDuxN @MarlenaRodrigz @niccolethurman My @niccolethurman crush is now next level. Thanks for that.
Retweeted by Marlena Rodriguez
11/16
2018
https://t.co/GwK810jYENWe're back for a chat with @niccolethurman (The Opposition, Superstore)where we get into becoming correspondent for… https://t.co/5xyYIN0Jc3
11/15
2018
@KeatonPatti https://t.co/WqpfahSooBI forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of stand-up comedy and then asked it to write stand-up comedy of its own.… https://t.co/pLrKMESsPq
Retweeted by Marlena RodriguezWhen bae puts you in his video game WITH CHILD 🙃 https://t.co/0n4vw8fxS6
Retweeted by Marlena RodriguezI thumbs-upped one too many random pop-folk songs on this alternative r&b station and so it fully fucking gentrifie… https://t.co/62s7k7dGNmWhen bae puts you in his video game WITH CHILD 🙃 https://t.co/0n4vw8fxS6Someone take men’s smiling privileges away.My new album PASTA comes out Monday and you can pre-order it NOW! https://t.co/fhY4AE3u9O Plz send me photos of you… https://t.co/iyZAIbbdbX
Retweeted by Marlena Rodriguez
11/14
2018
Just got home from my first big vacation with my new boyfriend and will be releasing farts until further notice. @MartinUrbano to* @MartinUrbano i think it's spelled Stan Lee* @ProfessorDoye @KhalidNYC @FranqiFrench @woodyseed @AJtheHumorist @LeMarMcLean @JimSearch @chanel__ali @DivaDeluxhttps://t.co/TpnvpJo4Z8In a recent @CNN interview Jon Stewart ALMOOOOST realized this: https://t.co/T4AyCWVcsiPacket readers think blind-reading makes the process fair. But surprise fucking surprise when a white-male blind re… https://t.co/hNQIINexxzI thought the answer to this was going to be “magic”. And I was not wrong. https://t.co/6DDPAuetym
Retweeted by Marlena Rodriguez
11/12
2018
@johnlevenstein i can't imagine the relief-adrenaline i'd feel after not accidentally ruining my life on live tv. so yes. @johnlevenstein but, seriously.
11/11
2018
Actually just named the first white people he could think of: https://t.co/3q3R9yBQV2
11/10
2018
We’re SOLD OUT w/ wait list goinnnnn. IMPORTANT: if you have a sleep mask or blindfold, bring it! I got 80 and we g… https://t.co/6IO4j57KPx
11/9
2018
@MehranX @thepitnyc @KrystynaHutch @JohnRobertsFun @DewaynePerkins @emmyblotnick @sonideni @nycomedyfest Absolutely noooooooooo
11/8
2018
Wearing a wedding dress to the polls today so people know I’m not fucking around. @DevonESawa would you settle for sexiest man who used to be the sexiest boy???
11/6
2018
@thecomedybureau Ya know what’s NOT cancelled: https://t.co/0vphh9pEmQ
11/5
2018
My new favorite music is silence and keep my headphones in so people don’t talk to me.
11/3
2018
NYC's full DARK lineup is here! Don't miss your chance to NOT-see @sonideni, @DewaynePerkins, & @emmyblotnick, join… https://t.co/XzHCW1B8HcIt’s not Alec Baldwin’s fault. Entitlement is a hell of a drug.Yall see the official presidential portrait??? https://t.co/8AcAJoUGsr @heymonroe This really does look exactly like that.
11/2
2018
On an ALL NEW wwmfd? podcast, beloved pal @NoahBuiltTheARK (Coming to the Stage) stops by to spill MAJOR industry s… https://t.co/SW9yluYib9
11/1
2018
OKAY J.LO dressed as seaweed creature recently cursed by Ursula but SEXY. https://t.co/VrphsVNSJOSAVING ALL MY SPOOKY FOR NEXT THURSDAY. more lineup coming sooooon.GET YOUR TICKETS NOW! 11/8 9:30pm @thepitnyc in… https://t.co/0tREhMKptL @BondJohnBond I dunno... I guess i have always identified more with bucking nucks.Happy 6th Straight Fucking Day of Halloween.Shit. Can't decide if I should dress up as "Nuck" or "Buck".We have all been complicit regarding Maroon 5’s career
Retweeted by Marlena Rodriguez
10/31
2018
@philyuck You’re back!
10/30
2018
No one in grade school warned me life is mostly group projects.Strong female role model. https://t.co/HjwE1IyjMM
10/29
2018
@richburgauer The original podcast.18 innings? That’s almost enough for an old white man to believe the game happened. @AlisonAgosti @stephanieritter soon...I thought baseball was boring, so I made the ball a beachball. Now I don't think it's boring anymore. https://t.co/mMB8Rr3fLO
Retweeted by Marlena Rodriguez
10/27
2018
LINDA FROM BOB'S BURGERS?!?!?!?! @KrystynaHutch?!?! OOOOO THIS LINEUP IS JUST GETTING STARTED. Lights are off and… https://t.co/FfykpXncib
10/26
2018
https://t.co/jhJVc1vB12THIS WEEK on wwmfd? podcast @dewayneperkins (Netflix, CC Up Next) RETURNS and serves some truth about his quick ris… https://t.co/VBm7TJ0jhphttps://t.co/lV78XJf2g7THIS WEEK on wwmfd? podcast @dewaynekperkins (Netflix, CC Up Next) RETURNS and serves some truth about his quick ri… https://t.co/SW3edBBmZG
10/25
2018
If I'm being totally honest all i wanna do is zooma zoom zoom and a boom boom.It just took me way too long to kill an ant.
10/24
2018
Can i burn a little bit of the computer?Just watched a spider crawl out of then back into my computer so I threw the whole thing out.
10/23
2018
Toddlers are basically dogs who can bring you things.Weird for someone to be so anti-trans rights when they themselves are trans-demon.My boyfriend put on a pair of my leggings as a joke and that butt tho...Excited to scream “THIS IS WHAT DEMOCRACY LOOKS LIKE” in the voting booth.no, THIS would ruin Kavanaugh’s life. https://t.co/9pD19oesTi
10/22
2018
Portland, Oregon is basically if a gal who always dreamed of opening a bakery opened a city.Dude comics love doing this bit where they’re a “douchebag” but the bit never ends.
10/20
2018
don't love seeing my friends in commercials. really takes me out of it. @AmberSmelson everyone gets an entree.You've Got Mail is a great fantasy movie cuz in real life he would've sent a scan of his dick then still ruined her book store.Hot take: Puerto Ricans are Americans. Oh, and they vote. #NovemberIsComing https://t.co/2FlpX7wZHA
Retweeted by Marlena Rodriguezthere’s just baby wipes nearby.This Halloween I’m dressing up as sexy sex.
10/19
2018
Just grateful to be back in a city with Wahlburgers @billyeichner @Jon_Favreau @Sethrogen @DisneyStudios Beyonce or it didn’t happen.MINNEAPOLIS. 2nite & 2morrow. Watch me stand up at @10khaha #10000LaughsComedyFestival https://t.co/mcgFUjUjGJ
10/18
2018
https://t.co/8TIJ1hYfrqComedian @StephTolev (CC Up Next, JFL Montreal) gives a true answer to "how are you?" We also talk lip fillers, fla… https://t.co/PeAAUfCDQS
10/17
2018
I’m just a cartoon sexy lady trying to live in the real world.
10/16
2018
@Molly_Kats you CAN sue.i have dreams of power washing something.
10/15
2018
so sad to see this has nothing to do with a human carrying me while rollerblading. https://t.co/woTHFU2tz0
10/14
2018
i only like porn with B-stories.
10/13
2018
A Roomba but for changing tampons.This RBG documentary is so good it makes me want to watch an RBG documentary.
10/12
2018
Was listening to NPR and the host said, “ambassador Kanye... just kidding we’re not covering that.” Look at npr appropriating shade.THIS WEEK on the podcast I get into it with the lovely @AmySilverberg (Best American Short Stories, JFL). We talk h… https://t.co/zYHueXY5jn
Retweeted by Marlena Rodriguez
10/11
2018
THIS WEEK on the podcast I get into it with the lovely @AmySilverberg (Best American Short Stories, JFL). We talk h… https://t.co/zYHueXY5jn
10/10
2018
THINGS MILLENNIALS KILLED: 9 to 5 work week Cable tv Hooters THINGS BABY BOOMERS KILLED: EarthIt's not a tough time for men if you're not a rapist
Retweeted by Marlena Rodriguezi stand with @arieldumas. why is there more outrage over sarcasm by a woman than violence to a woman? https://t.co/FB4INSXNWV
Retweeted by Marlena Rodriguez
10/9
2018

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