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Marshwena @MarlenaRodrigz Los Angeles, CA

fuhny gal: Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. Close Enough. #DARKcomedy May 4th 8pm

763 Following   2,076 Followers   6,282 Tweets

Joined Twitter 4/2/09


It’s good of me not to text while i sleep.
4/26
2018
Gotdamn. https://t.co/BLe3MlJWfETHIS WEEKEND I’ll be doing @UndertowComedy Festival just outside of PORTLAND! I’m opening for @anylaurie16, doing a… https://t.co/TsFyIZdmurLook how happy Melania is to not be holdin hands with her husband. https://t.co/QLm3pzpnTp
4/25
2018
whoever said never mix business with pleasure clearly ain't tried a gummy vitamin
Retweeted by Marshwena
4/24
2018
Listen to these lovely men, chatting with the hilarious @MarlenaRodrigz!! (Some of you might remember that I sketch… https://t.co/0zWmQsyOXD
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4/23
2018
when everyone says they’re staying in and then you catch this on Instagram stories https://t.co/F6GJJkNRv9
Retweeted by Marshwena @DazeEddie gonna need more words for "dependend shits" please.
4/22
2018
NO ONE WARNED ME THAT DOGS COULD COCK BLOCK.
4/21
2018
Happy 4/20! I celebrate so often, my weed is spending the holiday in this safe! https://t.co/K9E0zBBakA
4/20
2018
Hey we had the great @MarlenaRodrigz on episode 129! “Barbara Bush > Lucille Bluth, Stormy Daniels Threatened By To… https://t.co/9vKdjN3jrS
Retweeted by MarshwenaI prefer people talk about me in front of my back.Give him an inch and he’ll think he invented “the inch”.My dog lifts her leg when she pees. She’s my role model.These Black Women listening to Taylor Swift’s cover of “September” by Earth, Wind, and Fire is SENDING ME 😭😂😭😂😭😂😭 https://t.co/TIFm2137OT
Retweeted by MarshwenaMark Zuckerberg should just be grateful his version of LinkedIn worked. @janinebrito Thank you for hearing this tweet the way god intended.Get out of my butt.My prom picture with @MarlenaRodrigz. Two writers who found ❤ on @netflixhttps://t.co/u17SQJ8Bub
Retweeted by MarshwenaI wanna be the first person to rob a bank in a sheet mask.
Retweeted by Marshwena @WhaleCave What do you mean? @blairsocci Ricotta.
4/19
2018
Cannot tell if what I’m feeling right now is anxious or horny.Accidentally bought kids bed sheets that seem to have some sort of anti-bedwetting fabric. So there goes getting up to pee.
4/18
2018
I remember wanting to be Christina Milian. But now I'd really opt for Snuffaluffagus.
4/17
2018
Ever since my mustache finished growing in men have been clutching their purses around me.legend https://t.co/hEbRN61VxO
Retweeted by MarshwenaTONITE I NEED YOU to come laugh it up at this here audition showcase for a big deal thing. Or at least that’s what… https://t.co/TW8m0C8aJNWant to make sure this is not quiet. https://t.co/gwcYzgutYO
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4/16
2018
hahahahahaha Beyoncé’s about to make her husband go on a tour where all her songs call him trash and and so do his.
Retweeted by MarshwenaI wanna be in the room when Blue Ivy gives notes. #Beychella https://t.co/dDRbjIe1lE
Retweeted by MarshwenaMy bugaboo audition did NOT go well
Retweeted by Marshwenahahahahahaha Beyoncé’s about to make her husband go on a tour where all her songs call him trash and and so do his.
4/15
2018
today's self care was in the form of fried chicken.
Retweeted by MarshwenaFinally got my real bra size measurement, turns out I'm not 36DD, I'm AOOOOOOGAH PANT PANT EYE BULGE
Retweeted by Marshwenatoday's self care was in the form of fried chicken. @MrEmilyHeller the germ one?anyone not giving @3PeatComedy a tv show right now is an absolute dum dum. https://t.co/EB7xikWtD5
4/14
2018
Someone free Zooey Deschanel from her bangs prison.
Retweeted by MarshwenaMUST CHARGE PHONE WITH ELECTRIC SLIDE. https://t.co/QanRSmTDz6how to disarm a gun quickly https://t.co/3VCzFBKXN2
Retweeted by Marshwena2020. https://t.co/gM4F4QHHKx @KarenKilgariff More and how.
4/13
2018
Someone free Zooey Deschanel from her bangs prison.
4/12
2018
I actually want to know the stories my cellulite is telling.My bedroom likes to teach me lessons. Like right now my Apple TV remote is lost deep in a pile of clean clothes on the floor.
4/11
2018
@QuincyJohnsonII @ChetWild ! boo did the last one https://t.co/jqIXDj8tB0So did “powder my nose” just changed meaning in the eighties.
4/10
2018
The lineup for Friday 4/13 is so aggressively good. If you don't come out, you should be 100% ashamed of yourself.… https://t.co/FO9FaBkSNf
Retweeted by MarshwenaTONIGHT! Friendship city is BACK and STUPIDER THAN EVER! @RySing and @_lisabest will say dumb things with… https://t.co/m527EPxiFI
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4/9
2018
being drunk around people is okay compared to being drunk around my dog.If one more white person tells me that “beautiful things can come out of great suffering” I will punch them in the… https://t.co/GAdeZZbo2a
Retweeted by MarshwenaI'm going to [get drunk and pretend I'm okay giving away clothes I don't wear] a clothing swap today!
4/8
2018
TONIGHT at this Show where comics are barred from doing stand up, I’ll be singing THE LAST FIVE YEARS. https://t.co/oAcukR2IvU
Retweeted by MarshwenaI’m booking a vacation on a beach to specifically get to do that “hot dogs or labias” bit.i dunno. i think Disney would do a great job with porn.Japanese snow monkeys beat winter stress by soaking in hot springs. Here's the week in good news: https://t.co/HdVXUX5Jk2
Retweeted by MarshwenaMy dog has been experimenting with silent, deadly farts which have been disgusting and I couldn’t be prouder.TONIGHT at this Show where comics are barred from doing stand up, I’ll be singing THE LAST FIVE YEARS. https://t.co/oAcukR2IvUeating shredded cheese with a fork out of a bag is:
4/6
2018
Pitched a joke in the room then the earthquake happened. In case you thought God couldn’t chuckle."It's a cruel jest to say to a bootless man that he ought to lift himself by his bootstraps. And many Negroes, by… https://t.co/ocvaUNTRbw
Retweeted by Marshwenamy neighbors upstairs seem to have a love of deep rooted anger towards their floors.
4/5
2018
THIS FRIDAY 4/6 #UNDERBELLY is back! With @RySing @_chrisgarcia + @kyleayers @bornferal @JSchabl @thecroftonshowhttps://t.co/OjbK8eGlqL
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4/3
2018
canopy is also a polite way to ask if you can relieve yourself.
4/2
2018
I'm supposed to go to the gym but my floor just turned to lava SOOOOOO @johnlevenstein but like...The human male is just a bunch of chain reactions linked together by one penis.CHRISTS BE RISIN.
4/1
2018
I will also throw in $1000 https://t.co/bYqp3kYoGD🐣 Dawn of The Dynasty, Easter eve edition.🐰 ✨Featuring cute peep 🐥 @marlenarodrigz 9pm! ✨ https://t.co/ed4wzceE9F https://t.co/xaU5ViPJLi
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3/31
2018
Humans look around when they jog the same way dogs look around when they shit.This was #StephonClark. Loving, caring and always with HIS family. He loved us more than life itself. We were a uni… https://t.co/pafYLf2NND
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3/30
2018
https://t.co/hd2jehCOJM--had the world's largest collection of VHS tapes of Jerry Maguire and they were moving them to their main storage… https://t.co/wQPY8kADNzMy neighbors have been getting tens of boxes every day for weeks, from a vaguely named company i couldn't learn muc… https://t.co/xwAfkLpJIL
3/29
2018
9 minutes is too many to spend trying to do a magic trick for you dog.
Retweeted by Marshwena @HerculesJeremy Fordef no.9 minutes is too many to spend trying to do a magic trick for you dog.
3/27
2018

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