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When I was 5, my parents cut my hair short and an old man said Move Along, Son. I was also left on the school bus once. I write for a living.

4,139 Following   6,202 Followers   82,989 Tweets

Joined Twitter 6/11/08

@LokayFOX5 I did not know thatWin Lose or Draw was just Pictionary @LokayFOX5 I’m not even gonna discuss this episode without bursting into tears @hollley I mean I was just impressed that someone in their 20s had 7k in savings @LokayFOX5 omg you’re right I forgot that @CotterReporter @Meghan_Ottolini I’m loving Jim HansonI cannot get an email from someone with the last name Watson (2 today) without saying out loud @SareneLeeds Omg NO! But now I will @SareneLeeds I still have a hard time trusting girls named margeaux @SareneLeeds Damn Henry warnamont!someone in eastie saw the Cherie Johnson CPR episode of Punky Brewster!👍
@nicolerusso Yes!I just watched this whole video in full, it's really interesting. Ellen Pompeo Calls for White People to 'Speak Up'… story sent me down a deep wikihole: Prosecutors blame serial rapist for 1969 murder of Harvard student Jane Br…'ve never actually seen a Big Lots storeWow you can hear this blasting from @HeyRatty's apartment all the way down the street @jessicamreyes what store is this?! @jessicamreyes omgIt's the article everyone will be talking about tomorrow morning at THE BUTTERY #boston
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @megansarahj @BostonMagazine Megan, even our hand wipes are gluten-free
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @nicolefonsh she's more into hand gesturesYes I do, minus the $5 seltzer refills IT @SarahDussault @BostonMagazine omg youre so right!!!!I can’t make a frittata without dropping the name... @UrbanGrape @BostonMagazine Omggggggg I wanted to do a retail section! @lynnmg @BostonMagazine amazing‘Suddenly, I have purpose again.’ Former Toys ‘R’ Us employees are spending the holidays fighting for their severan… @lynnmg @BostonMagazine id love to go back in time and see what it was like!LuLaRoe is facing mounting debt, layoffs, and an exodus of top sellers, and sources say the $2.3 billion legging em… @HeyRatty omgSigh Boston in a nutshell
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @melissah528 @SavannahGuthrie YOU CAN WEAR A POTATO SACK AND BE A KWEEN SAVANNAHMoms pushing $700 strollers! Foley's and Wally's! Children who ask for gluten-free halloween candy! This is: So You… @francywade Plz keep eyes open Francy he is on the marijuana and may get lost @DevilDocWes @Dan_Adams86 I’m just jokinggggggIf anyone sees my son Kevin at the marijuana store opening today plz call me so I can organize intervention @Dan_Adams86 Stoners wake up later thoIt’s raining so the day is ruinedMe when I hear Fleetwood Mac in public
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonI hear even the mailmen and the MBTA workers that wave hello every morning in East Boston are just MS13 members in… @kciccolini YES I SAID THE SAME THINGSCANDAL at Satanic Temple Yoga article is bonkers. I feel so dirty knowing the real reason Mrs. Lanza taught us square dancing in elementary…
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @ptd3001 OmgLEGENDS shooting at Chicago's Mercy Hospital left 4 people dead, including a police officer, a doctor, a pharmacy technic…
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonThe salad maker guy at sweetgreen didn’t smile or reply to me when I said hi so I left without buying a salad #grudgeholder
@megansarahj I thought you might enjoy this mess.
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @HeyRatty YESSSS @SarahPalinUSA I get all my news from!SHIPLAP
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonSanta you’ve changed @CountMC @AlexReimer1 You’re an anonymous troll who spends their day harassing people thoWhen a troll monster gets an assignment I wanted you get the mail and @popcultpirate is on the cover @AlexReimer1 MONTREAL BATHHOUSESI'm just gonna ironically hit the like button on every ridiculous response @AlexReimer1 gets to tweets from now onMy son Kevin smoked the marijuana and the next day he quit the swim team to collect wall tapestries :( would read a doctoral dissertation on Bianca’s instagram file photo. Just how big is this container of beef @HeyRatty I didn’t know ISG lived in east boston next to an abandoned buildingI hope my plane crashes.
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonHe didn’t forget.
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonNew MA data with 1,518 opioid deaths b/w Jan. 1 and Sept. 30, compared to 1,538 deaths over the same period in 2017…
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonSo this has just appeared on a bench on my local high street
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @jgee RIP CCCRemember when a guy dropped his gun at Chow Chau City at 2am in front of the cops that was amazingme to my social life now that it’s 0 degrees and the sun sets at 1pm
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @marisaschein I didn’t realize I wasn’t following you! @megansarahj
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @HeyRatty Omg I’m legit right around the corner
CARHARTT SZN CONTINUES is a Yankee Candle come to life
Retweeted by Megan Johnsonloved this movie @Rainesford i feel seenMichael Bloomberg donates $1.8 billion to help Johns Hopkins become "forever need-blind" KNEW IT wore it better @HeyRatty Nobody can be as perfect as your favorite band, Train "You gotta take care of the floors. You know the floors of the forest, very important... I was with the Pres…
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @svershbow @jgee Omg @choll12 Alt-hed: neighborhood that’s seen some of the worst effects of alcoholism in the last century poops their pants over vape store
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @WelcomeToDot @EBMason
Shit got real’m 16 years old and I don’t need a governess use this phrase all the time. Now I’ll have to say “get in your zone of proximal development!!!” is really interesting the seltzers gluten free @OTMaryJ @HeyRatty My mom is taking care of Ash today and I bet she’s vaping with him in her armsWow tough story about you @HeyRatty @HeyRatty @kirkmin It’s in the opinion section! It’s supposed to be that way.I decided last night while waiting for the train that if I owned a Mass weed store I’d call it “Yes You Cannabis”Two mothers tried to deliver the ashes of their two diabetic children to the Cambridge offices of Sanofi to protest…
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonOprah Winfrey Matches $1.5 Million Raised for UMass Lowell Scholarships: 'I Want to Do Even More'
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonMy cat is a goddamn KING. 😻💪🏼
Retweeted by Megan Johnson