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When I was 5, my parents cut my hair short and an old man said Move Along, Son. I was also left on the school bus once. I write for a living.

4,139 Following   6,202 Followers   82,989 Tweets

Joined Twitter 6/11/08


@LokayFOX5 I did not know thatWin Lose or Draw was just Pictionary @LokayFOX5 I’m not even gonna discuss this episode without bursting into tears @hollley I mean I was just impressed that someone in their 20s had 7k in savings @LokayFOX5 omg you’re right I forgot that @CotterReporter @Meghan_Ottolini I’m loving Jim HansonI cannot get an email from someone with the last name Watson (2 today) without saying out loud https://t.co/XMPEFCBC72 @SareneLeeds Omg NO! But now I will @SareneLeeds I still have a hard time trusting girls named margeaux @SareneLeeds Damn Henry warnamont!someone in eastie saw the Cherie Johnson CPR episode of Punky Brewster!👍 https://t.co/SplAlf5XQm
11/21
2018
@nicolerusso Yes!I just watched this whole video in full, it's really interesting. Ellen Pompeo Calls for White People to 'Speak Up'… https://t.co/XpN4zrsePKThis story sent me down a deep wikihole: Prosecutors blame serial rapist for 1969 murder of Harvard student Jane Br… https://t.co/Vh88iINvVdI've never actually seen a Big Lots storeWow you can hear this blasting from @HeyRatty's apartment all the way down the street https://t.co/QQS9cGYCgi @jessicamreyes what store is this?! @jessicamreyes omgIt's the article everyone will be talking about tomorrow morning at THE BUTTERY https://t.co/8DfpQSEnaA #bostonhttps://t.co/rHFqlyL3OE
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @megansarahj @BostonMagazine Megan, even our hand wipes are gluten-free https://t.co/XwRzmXwtNB
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @nicolefonsh she's more into hand gesturesYes I do, minus the $5 seltzer refills https://t.co/c9r7hCosvQDO IT https://t.co/pCJPCDgkBZ @SarahDussault @BostonMagazine omg youre so right!!!!I can’t make a frittata without dropping the name... https://t.co/vwDQQppCNc @UrbanGrape @BostonMagazine Omggggggg I wanted to do a retail section! @lynnmg @BostonMagazine amazing‘Suddenly, I have purpose again.’ Former Toys ‘R’ Us employees are spending the holidays fighting for their severan… https://t.co/yg3IaFQk4o @lynnmg @BostonMagazine id love to go back in time and see what it was like!LuLaRoe is facing mounting debt, layoffs, and an exodus of top sellers, and sources say the $2.3 billion legging em… https://t.co/5maNo0Doyp @HeyRatty omgSigh Boston in a nutshell https://t.co/a4Oxu0wEOA
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @melissah528 @SavannahGuthrie YOU CAN WEAR A POTATO SACK AND BE A KWEEN SAVANNAHMoms pushing $700 strollers! Foley's and Wally's! Children who ask for gluten-free halloween candy! This is: So You… https://t.co/UAc3WCJOyn @francywade Plz keep eyes open Francy he is on the marijuana and may get lost @DevilDocWes @Dan_Adams86 I’m just jokinggggggIf anyone sees my son Kevin at the marijuana store opening today plz call me so I can organize intervention https://t.co/XiZUhewEr8 @Dan_Adams86 Stoners wake up later thoIt’s raining so the day is ruinedMe when I hear Fleetwood Mac in public https://t.co/AK6ebhEXVC
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonI hear even the mailmen and the MBTA workers that wave hello every morning in East Boston are just MS13 members in… https://t.co/2QyDHoWenY @kciccolini YES I SAID THE SAME THINGSCANDAL at Satanic Temple Yoga https://t.co/OmT2nvQulYThis article is bonkers. I feel so dirty knowing the real reason Mrs. Lanza taught us square dancing in elementary… https://t.co/oyeTHYmOE8
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @ptd3001 OmgLEGENDS https://t.co/qBkbWQH99yA shooting at Chicago's Mercy Hospital left 4 people dead, including a police officer, a doctor, a pharmacy technic… https://t.co/pwqQo0JegY
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonThe salad maker guy at sweetgreen didn’t smile or reply to me when I said hi so I left without buying a salad #grudgeholder
11/20
2018
@megansarahj I thought you might enjoy this mess. https://t.co/J7tFhAL1SU
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @HeyRatty YESSSS @SarahPalinUSA I get all my news from https://t.co/Tl9A6aXYh3!SHIPLAP https://t.co/dQ53TC0rQp
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonSanta you’ve changed https://t.co/HWLe3daSIY @CountMC @AlexReimer1 You’re an anonymous troll who spends their day harassing people thoWhen a troll monster gets an assignment I wanted https://t.co/NXUK4mQCUUWhen you get the mail and @popcultpirate is on the cover https://t.co/ti1clrbnQt @AlexReimer1 MONTREAL BATHHOUSESI'm just gonna ironically hit the like button on every ridiculous response @AlexReimer1 gets to tweets from now onMy son Kevin smoked the marijuana and the next day he quit the swim team to collect wall tapestries :( https://t.co/0TqwA0g88JI would read a doctoral dissertation on Bianca’s instagram https://t.co/BS0yFPHGaUCreepiest file photo. Just how big is this container of beef https://t.co/nPYgpU3Nhv @HeyRatty I didn’t know ISG lived in east boston next to an abandoned buildingI hope my plane crashes. https://t.co/dGTytUhHjs
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonHe didn’t forget. https://t.co/TTKp3wWAQX
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonNew MA data with 1,518 opioid deaths b/w Jan. 1 and Sept. 30, compared to 1,538 deaths over the same period in 2017… https://t.co/UQySamUp3m
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonSo this has just appeared on a bench on my local high street https://t.co/Je9lvNsZX8
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @jgee RIP CCCRemember when a guy dropped his gun at Chow Chau City at 2am in front of the cops that was amazingme to my social life now that it’s 0 degrees and the sun sets at 1pm https://t.co/KrdThN99rm
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @marisaschein I didn’t realize I wasn’t following you! @megansarahj https://t.co/LMNwrRk3CL
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @HeyRatty Omg I’m legit right around the corner
11/19
2018
CARHARTT SZN CONTINUES https://t.co/eiPpX89D0hThis is a Yankee Candle come to life https://t.co/oR9k9aungQ
Retweeted by Megan Johnsonloved this movie https://t.co/XYnRV4TxX4 @Rainesford i feel seenMichael Bloomberg donates $1.8 billion to help Johns Hopkins become "forever need-blind" https://t.co/nnW7BI09nQI KNEW IT https://t.co/pr7E9sXwf6Who wore it better https://t.co/P4QzjxPa1O @HeyRatty Nobody can be as perfect as your favorite band, Trainhttps://t.co/O1chDbOJInTrump: "You gotta take care of the floors. You know the floors of the forest, very important... I was with the Pres… https://t.co/U4hmqcvqMr
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @svershbow @jgee Omg https://t.co/OTagHHh5Lk @choll12 Alt-hed: neighborhood that’s seen some of the worst effects of alcoholism in the last century poops their pants over vape storehttps://t.co/IJVtpjgZfy
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @WelcomeToDot @EBMason
11/18
2018
Shit got real https://t.co/Ga5FciMQijI’m 16 years old and I don’t need a governess https://t.co/qoOJh1odFMI use this phrase all the time. Now I’ll have to say “get in your zone of proximal development!!!” https://t.co/kX6JCOuybXThis is really interesting https://t.co/bvufaLXjfsExcellent https://t.co/6vrb9uJznZCongrats the seltzers gluten free https://t.co/3DSHfXTMJe @OTMaryJ @HeyRatty My mom is taking care of Ash today and I bet she’s vaping with him in her armsWow tough story about you @HeyRatty https://t.co/g3237q1HmY @HeyRatty https://t.co/5WVQASHYD5 @kirkmin It’s in the opinion section! It’s supposed to be that way.I decided last night while waiting for the train that if I owned a Mass weed store I’d call it “Yes You Cannabis”Two mothers tried to deliver the ashes of their two diabetic children to the Cambridge offices of Sanofi to protest… https://t.co/kH2ZhypgjC
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonOprah Winfrey Matches $1.5 Million Raised for UMass Lowell Scholarships: 'I Want to Do Even More' https://t.co/YUNBd1DUZc
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonMy cat is a goddamn KING. 😻💪🏼 https://t.co/5Np8o8FYvV
Retweeted by Megan Johnson
11/17
2018

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