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When I was 5, my parents cut my hair short and an old man said Move Along, Son. I was also left on the school bus once. I write for a living.

3,877 Following   5,994 Followers   77,834 Tweets

Joined Twitter 6/11/08


@HeyRatty @mariesha416 @amydeveau That’s EXACTLY what she’s thinkingThe singing cashier at South End Buttery is killing meA story from my first collection, "What the World Will Look Like When All the Water Leaves Us," is going to be a MO… https://t.co/noAK6FbcFR
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonWhoaaaa look who I just ran into gettin LIT at the playground @HeyRatty @amydeveau https://t.co/OTFkgiq91lForget Compton. Dr. Dre is Straight Outta Calabasas https://t.co/tbgqp9ZA1NLeonardo DiCaprio Snags Moby’s Los Feliz Home For $4.91M https://t.co/hrarVYjaEvJ E L L OH SHIT! https://t.co/4UmOktbl02So excited!!! https://t.co/7m323AiGRg @TheRitvo what about a diaper genie @farmandfable @sweetcheeksQ that is so loving @johnzaremba shes a keeper! @farmandfable it's like so creepy! im all down for nice gifts.. but just like.. give the giftThe whole "Push Present" idea is kinda strange to me. bc like... isn't the baby supposed to be the gift @AnneMostue basically... they want something from you. I find the two most popular things are 1. publicity 2. sex @TheRitvo @hulu noooo... it is so 100% 80's. it needs to be in the 80s. 80s excess doesn't work in 2018!This is a very bad idea @hulu https://t.co/9ssGyiOa59I JUST GASPED!!!!!!!!! Yessssss https://t.co/v2sjkUqoRa“Tinsley, a mouse someone gave anabolic steroids as part of a science experiment” https://t.co/Y1yJgdR3Bgkanye still isn't up yet so enjoy these last few moments https://t.co/rwCVgc103W
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @caulkthewagon They have been VERY friendly at Maverick! Maverick!!!
4/26
2018
tfw you're a huge fan of culture https://t.co/32iVFOuHIU
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonAnd just like that, I remember why The Americans is the best show on tv.When you forget you have a manager https://t.co/hwnKJkuW0J
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonWhy was this not live-streamed for us!?! https://t.co/UZQ7bMXNWZ @pmarvin123 @MassDOT Where are they now?Other people w 🐉 energy: Roseanne Mao Zedong The guy in my improv class who just started a podcast Lou Perlman Hitler
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonOh my https://t.co/KhrWtE1qn3 @Johnfpc Right!!???I feel like they’ve told the new MBTA people in the red shirts to be nicer lately. I’ve noticed they’ve been waving… https://t.co/HUrOnHttzQ @StokedPizza OmggggggRead the exact charges against Vetarans Affairs nominee Ronny Jackson https://t.co/UAkNvJY72LBless @HotelFoxtrot for tipping me off to Royal Baby Cheese https://t.co/jKX68not12READ: Robert Kraft's Comments from Confidential Players-Owners Meeting on Anthem Protests https://t.co/yvscA4b76S via @nbc10boston @choll12 Omggggg gimme👏👏👏👏👏👏 https://t.co/v9CsFQzI9fI just realized @MWilderBoston called me last week and left me a VOICEMAIL! He's such an Old Timey! So cute! https://t.co/MyrUlrL8XOthis is insane. A mom sought a fresh start in Maine. Her story has a horrific finish https://t.co/VwOwjYkkSN via @BostonGlobe @HeyRatty SO TRUE @HeyRatty https://t.co/QWbkbCAqwkBirthdays today, ranked: 1. Gary @GarrettQuinn @amydeveau https://t.co/CR5zq6hRku @amydeveau I LOVE HERThe title of my autobiography https://t.co/1QDGGbBm0o
Retweeted by Megan Johnsonhttps://t.co/b1iB53bm5B
Retweeted by Megan Johnson
4/25
2018
@PeopleFood @AbbieRuzickaKid Not Getting In Strange Van For Anything Less Than King-Size Bar https://t.co/q0I8BzL8Fa https://t.co/yc0LeBFsP1
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonOmg omg Scheana wants to “get back in the studio and make another banger” https://t.co/aAzruzgT0FGehry responded to questions about his work by giving journalists an offensive hand gesture and saying most archite… https://t.co/ZNnyZkdeRm
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonWhat an interesting looking house https://t.co/eAeSqIlzKr @hannah_spicher Everyone is very upset!I’m gonna unclog some drains tonight, I’m pretty pumped to be honest @sar_maguire Bahahaha omgHere’s a question: what T station, besides Bowdoin, requires you to press the button to open the train door?🚨🚨attn: my fellow Suppressive Persons🚨🚨 https://t.co/nAZo4xGJVt @Sean_P_Doyle INTO ITI’m really into dog friendships across breeds https://t.co/L3ydpzju3xMy mom sent me this article because she loves me: Chilling Images Take You Inside Abandoned Maryland Mall… https://t.co/N5X7309xEo @hannahongley nice to meet you!GET IT https://t.co/P1rpY1S74mWe regret to share that ZBA has determined @BostonLandmarks erred in invoking a 2 year moratorium on demo for the… https://t.co/eSFErMygoe
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonReasons I was kicked out of Our House East in mid 2000's: 1. Refusing to give up karaoke mic 2. Bringing my own ful… https://t.co/SXuAN4Yl7oAs far as freelancing I'd say the best part is waking up every single day of your life having to reapply for your job.
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @saraherib love my beef gelLove the Internet https://t.co/Qt9mrS8hSx @nicolefonsh @TheCut ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️I covered Raf Simons and Sterling Ruby at @harvardGSD yesterday. A Groundbreaking Creative Duo on What Happens When… https://t.co/OXasOi2d9uSomeone had to do the Trump-Macron dandruff Veep closing credits thing: https://t.co/nTf494h33V
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonWon’t somebody save the Simsbury youth from the danger that is Water Wars?!?? https://t.co/9PKbuJ2LzTI forgot it was time to interview someone because i was busy googling Rajneeshees in Boston @GMPaiella @xoamelia @HeyRattyMy Therapist 5 minutes into our session https://t.co/1TQCMDaxvj
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonSHOCKING: This woman spent last 8 days freaking out about story assignment that went totally finei am only influential on the scratch ticket industry of East Boston https://t.co/YQgOJSJdRq
4/24
2018
Drop Dead Gorgeous was a masterpiece in my mind https://t.co/f512xqd5TJDamian Lewis as Rob Ford is nightmare fuel https://t.co/6s8FIJauTN
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @AllyNBCBoston Like it was hardGuys I sat next to an Australian person tonight at dinner and I didn’t even mention A Cry in the Dark ONCEThread https://t.co/Q9qkBXKlgY
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonGUYS https://t.co/dpydEkUjjQ
4/23
2018

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