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When I was 5, my parents cut my hair short and an old man said Move Along, Son. I was also left on the school bus once. I write for a living.

3,877 Following   5,994 Followers   77,834 Tweets

Joined Twitter 6/11/08

@HeyRatty @mariesha416 @amydeveau That’s EXACTLY what she’s thinkingThe singing cashier at South End Buttery is killing meA story from my first collection, "What the World Will Look Like When All the Water Leaves Us," is going to be a MO…
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonWhoaaaa look who I just ran into gettin LIT at the playground @HeyRatty @amydeveau Compton. Dr. Dre is Straight Outta Calabasas DiCaprio Snags Moby’s Los Feliz Home For $4.91M E L L OH SHIT! excited!!! @TheRitvo what about a diaper genie @farmandfable @sweetcheeksQ that is so loving @johnzaremba shes a keeper! @farmandfable it's like so creepy! im all down for nice gifts.. but just like.. give the giftThe whole "Push Present" idea is kinda strange to me. bc like... isn't the baby supposed to be the gift @AnneMostue basically... they want something from you. I find the two most popular things are 1. publicity 2. sex @TheRitvo @hulu noooo... it is so 100% 80's. it needs to be in the 80s. 80s excess doesn't work in 2018!This is a very bad idea @hulu JUST GASPED!!!!!!!!! Yessssss“Tinsley, a mouse someone gave anabolic steroids as part of a science experiment” still isn't up yet so enjoy these last few moments
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @caulkthewagon They have been VERY friendly at Maverick! Maverick!!!
tfw you're a huge fan of culture
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonAnd just like that, I remember why The Americans is the best show on tv.When you forget you have a manager
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonWhy was this not live-streamed for us!?! @pmarvin123 @MassDOT Where are they now?Other people w 🐉 energy: Roseanne Mao Zedong The guy in my improv class who just started a podcast Lou Perlman Hitler
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonOh my @Johnfpc Right!!???I feel like they’ve told the new MBTA people in the red shirts to be nicer lately. I’ve noticed they’ve been waving… @StokedPizza OmggggggRead the exact charges against Vetarans Affairs nominee Ronny Jackson @HotelFoxtrot for tipping me off to Royal Baby Cheese Robert Kraft's Comments from Confidential Players-Owners Meeting on Anthem Protests via @nbc10boston @choll12 Omggggg gimme👏👏👏👏👏👏 just realized @MWilderBoston called me last week and left me a VOICEMAIL! He's such an Old Timey! So cute! is insane. A mom sought a fresh start in Maine. Her story has a horrific finish via @BostonGlobe @HeyRatty SO TRUE @HeyRatty today, ranked: 1. Gary @GarrettQuinn @amydeveau @amydeveau I LOVE HERThe title of my autobiography
Retweeted by Megan Johnson
Retweeted by Megan Johnson
@PeopleFood @AbbieRuzickaKid Not Getting In Strange Van For Anything Less Than King-Size Bar
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonOmg omg Scheana wants to “get back in the studio and make another banger” responded to questions about his work by giving journalists an offensive hand gesture and saying most archite…
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonWhat an interesting looking house @hannah_spicher Everyone is very upset!I’m gonna unclog some drains tonight, I’m pretty pumped to be honest @sar_maguire Bahahaha omgHere’s a question: what T station, besides Bowdoin, requires you to press the button to open the train door?🚨🚨attn: my fellow Suppressive Persons🚨🚨 @Sean_P_Doyle INTO ITI’m really into dog friendships across breeds mom sent me this article because she loves me: Chilling Images Take You Inside Abandoned Maryland Mall… @hannahongley nice to meet you!GET IT regret to share that ZBA has determined @BostonLandmarks erred in invoking a 2 year moratorium on demo for the…
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonReasons I was kicked out of Our House East in mid 2000's: 1. Refusing to give up karaoke mic 2. Bringing my own ful… far as freelancing I'd say the best part is waking up every single day of your life having to reapply for your job.
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @saraherib love my beef gelLove the Internet @nicolefonsh @TheCut ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️I covered Raf Simons and Sterling Ruby at @harvardGSD yesterday. A Groundbreaking Creative Duo on What Happens When… had to do the Trump-Macron dandruff Veep closing credits thing:
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonWon’t somebody save the Simsbury youth from the danger that is Water Wars?!?? forgot it was time to interview someone because i was busy googling Rajneeshees in Boston @GMPaiella @xoamelia @HeyRattyMy Therapist 5 minutes into our session
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonSHOCKING: This woman spent last 8 days freaking out about story assignment that went totally finei am only influential on the scratch ticket industry of East Boston
Drop Dead Gorgeous was a masterpiece in my mind Lewis as Rob Ford is nightmare fuel
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @AllyNBCBoston Like it was hardGuys I sat next to an Australian person tonight at dinner and I didn’t even mention A Cry in the Dark ONCEThread
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonGUYS