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When I was 5, my parents cut my hair short and an old man said Move Along, Son. I was also left on the school bus once. I write for a living.

3,782 Following   5,843 Followers   75,429 Tweets

Joined Twitter 6/11/08

@HeyRatty OTMary was just asking about Amy and I told her she was kickin butt and so is the MILLZ @chezspence so wasted on Lauryn Hill, bc like, it's hard to sing in prison when you're serving time for tax evasion @chezspence Remember how she kept releasing albumsHaute cuisine love it. feel like everyone has that one friend who is always sick with a cold/flu/sinus infection/bronchitisi like my bed more than i like most people
Retweeted by Megan Johnson
@humancomedian @AbbieRuzicka @MattandViviana i saw your name on it, and im like wait i know her!!!When your friends just get you (I love you @AbbieRuzicka) @ann_oconnell @BookRiot my bro says they're now a few mins down the road. still warms my heart! @geoheslin @HE_Robinson yeah i do think that's cynical, honestly. a lot of women didn't feel like they could speak… cucumber in water to convince self she's at a spa @HE_Robinson @geoheslin I hear ya. I do think ppl are hoping for compassion tho. Compassion for women to get paid l… @HE_Robinson @geoheslin Yeah i can see that in some cases. For instance I have one from who will march, but won't v… @geoheslin @HE_Robinson Well I can guarantee you the women marching don't feel they're ridiculous.Oh shit Michael Lohan opened his mouth @geoheslin @HE_Robinson I mean I think that's the great part of it. Everyone can march for their own reasons. (I'm… know you're an entertainment news writer when this info is rattling around in your head
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonThis is the kind of cheerful trolling I treasure and respect
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonOnly 61 percent of men believe a wage gap exists, new study finds
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @BostonGlobe 👻My aesthetic gentleman decided to cross over the tracks at Copley when the train was coming and I'm guessing regrets it now cutler mail chute (looks operational!) at @FairmontCopley"Soaring substance use and overdose deaths rates justify the development and implementation of more effective and a…
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonThis is peak WCVB
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonI'm not sure what's happening in our government but I blame Mark Wahlberg.
Retweeted by Megan Johnson
@nicolerusso @eatboston SO GOODHey @megansarahj this is an important anniversary.
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @francesmargaret THEY COULDA WORKED IT OUTSometimes I'm just sitting here at my desk working and i think to myself... WHY did Hamilton have to have a duel with Aaron Burr @OTMaryJ yes!YEAH GIRL! @Aly_Raisman dominated in court. 'You are nothing' via @people @goodwitchkitchn YASSSSS QUEENJustice For The More Than 100 Animals Left Out In the Freezing Cold in Exeter, Rhode Island buy me dis. John Frusciante Lists His Venice Canals Home For $2.9M humans are on the loftel! I noticed the giant crane is gone, and someone graffiti'd the word "HA" in bright pink… some reason whenever I see someone drinking one of these, I cringe. Like they're drinking battery acid or somet… IS SPECIAL freelancer leaves house
Retweeted by Megan Johnson
@johnzaremba LEGIT LOVE IT @yooska Wrong @yooska Omg maybe I'm wroteIf I worked at the Peach Pit, I woulda named this the "Joe E. Tata Frittata" @CoachsSister so thirsty @KimKardashian @Johnfpc BAHHH EWWWW. literally- i found SO SO MANY people saying it was infested last night. I called the morning… when the same chick tries to steal my gigs I have a story to tell about meeting a serial killer. It's nuts. But it's true. So here goes.
Retweeted by Megan Johnsonwho's gonna tell Josephine about the white criminals learned many important lessons as Dave Johnson's daughter. At the top is "How to fix everything with Duct Tape" Willis Lists His Manhattan Condo For $17.75M and we'd 'Die Hard' to live in this Upper West Side wonderland.… @johnzaremba damnit i should have said thatMe trying to channel my inner "Ellen Pompeo in the Hollywood Reporter article" when i'm negotiating a contract and… My childhood comic book store is listed here! Where i gathered my collection of Betty and Veronicas!… @ann_oconnell @BookRiot omg is simsbury cards and comics still open? my dad used to take us there alllll the time!!… Civic Center Roof Collapsed 40 Years Ago
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonWas with some other intl journos. Learned that the Korean press translated “shithole” to “beggarly” countries. Russ…
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonMan stalked Quincy woman who won big at R.I. casino, driving 43 miles to rob her via @BostonGlobe @kciccolini lol I love you
On Thursday, Slate is not running any editorials in print. The ed board is devoting the page to letters from people…
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @lcushing201 Nooooooo @saarah_ashleyy Omg there are so many complaintsTHE RAT WAS EATING BEEF JERKY @DanDGerard Yes! @saarah_ashleyy Omg there are 8 trip advisor posts that mention "mice" at the Omni @TWallack "GIVE US ALL YOUR QUINOA"8 people posted on Tripadvisor about mice at the Omni Parker House. My favorite was was about how they "dive bomb i… feel so sorry for “Grace,” because her trauma is being mined for traffic.
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @thesanguineskep I was reading about him!!Cats in the Cradle just came on in Star Market and now all the fathers are crying @bzref Don't be jealousMan booted from British Airways flight for wearing all his clothes to avoid baggage fee @saarah_ashleyy Omg will do thx for the heads up @saarah_ashleyy Ewwww are there mice @melissah528 The hotel!