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When I was 5, my parents cut my hair short and an old man said Move Along, Son. I was also left on the school bus once. I write for a living.

3,782 Following   5,843 Followers   75,429 Tweets

Joined Twitter 6/11/08


@HeyRatty OTMary was just asking about Amy and I told her she was kickin butt and so is the MILLZ @chezspence so wasted on Lauryn Hill, bc like, it's hard to sing in prison when you're serving time for tax evasion @chezspence Remember how she kept releasing albumsHaute cuisine https://t.co/0cNj0aG1ABlolololol love it. https://t.co/eRuGlMSVrvOmg https://t.co/F71kwzeZ7rI feel like everyone has that one friend who is always sick with a cold/flu/sinus infection/bronchitisi like my bed more than i like most people
Retweeted by Megan Johnson
1/21
2018
@humancomedian @AbbieRuzicka @MattandViviana i saw your name on it, and im like wait i know her!!!When your friends just get you (I love you @AbbieRuzicka) https://t.co/gXk3IwsD6a @ann_oconnell @BookRiot my bro says they're now a few mins down the road. still warms my heart! @geoheslin @HE_Robinson yeah i do think that's cynical, honestly. a lot of women didn't feel like they could speak… https://t.co/4CtyxH9ycePuts cucumber in water to convince self she's at a spa https://t.co/hLzKDi19fO @HE_Robinson @geoheslin I hear ya. I do think ppl are hoping for compassion tho. Compassion for women to get paid l… https://t.co/52a9duTlmk @HE_Robinson @geoheslin Yeah i can see that in some cases. For instance I have one from who will march, but won't v… https://t.co/UheV1KcRUS @geoheslin @HE_Robinson Well I can guarantee you the women marching don't feel they're ridiculous.Oh shit Michael Lohan opened his mouth https://t.co/RNXerdShva @geoheslin @HE_Robinson I mean I think that's the great part of it. Everyone can march for their own reasons. (I'm… https://t.co/spi7oFKpn3you know you're an entertainment news writer when this info is rattling around in your head https://t.co/AvCIW6zXEh
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonThis is the kind of cheerful trolling I treasure and respect https://t.co/mbEVLIreDc
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonOnly 61 percent of men believe a wage gap exists, new study finds https://t.co/yspKIY1Pet https://t.co/SX1arvdXGj
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @BostonGlobe 👻My aesthetic https://t.co/LmumhUPBybThis gentleman decided to cross over the tracks at Copley when the train was coming and I'm guessing regrets it now https://t.co/O0X4WcewR3SPOTTED: cutler mail chute (looks operational!) at @FairmontCopley https://t.co/OHkNq2SqwtWUT https://t.co/PWankTKfyD"Soaring substance use and overdose deaths rates justify the development and implementation of more effective and a… https://t.co/VmWkG9LXX8
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonThis is peak WCVB https://t.co/8GYGxkMKPNhttps://t.co/Q6Y0LtH8Mm
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonI'm not sure what's happening in our government but I blame Mark Wahlberg.
Retweeted by Megan Johnson
1/20
2018
@nicolerusso @eatboston SO GOODHey @megansarahj this is an important anniversary. https://t.co/SN3hSV8G5n
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @francesmargaret THEY COULDA WORKED IT OUTSometimes I'm just sitting here at my desk working and i think to myself... WHY did Hamilton have to have a duel with Aaron Burr @OTMaryJ yes!YEAH GIRL! @Aly_Raisman dominated in court. 'You are nothing' https://t.co/97nHZvuXvH via @people @goodwitchkitchn YASSSSS QUEENJustice For The More Than 100 Animals Left Out In the Freezing Cold in Exeter, Rhode Island https://t.co/mugdA8hbIRSomeone buy me dis. John Frusciante Lists His Venice Canals Home For $2.9M https://t.co/WoRNI2VrMa3 humans are on the loftel! I noticed the giant crane is gone, and someone graffiti'd the word "HA" in bright pink… https://t.co/gYz6Cy3alUFor some reason whenever I see someone drinking one of these, I cringe. Like they're drinking battery acid or somet… https://t.co/drsayd3OSBTHIS IS SPECIAL https://t.co/skGGufeY1Tarea freelancer leaves house
Retweeted by Megan Johnson
1/19
2018
@johnzaremba LEGIT LOVE IT @yooska Wrong @yooska Omg maybe I'm wroteIf I worked at the Peach Pit, I woulda named this the "Joe E. Tata Frittata" https://t.co/ZywNHOz6k6 @CoachsSister so thirsty @KimKardashian https://t.co/2YOulJQm7y @Johnfpc BAHHH EWWWW. literally- i found SO SO MANY people saying it was infested last night. I called the morning… https://t.co/S7DLVUIiUrMe when the same chick tries to steal my gigs https://t.co/litMYXSoV9Hi. I have a story to tell about meeting a serial killer. It's nuts. But it's true. So here goes.
Retweeted by Megan Johnsonwho's gonna tell Josephine about the white criminals https://t.co/WA7eb9HxCrI learned many important lessons as Dave Johnson's daughter. At the top is "How to fix everything with Duct Tape" https://t.co/78Po1c1gBXBruce Willis Lists His Manhattan Condo For $17.75M and we'd 'Die Hard' to live in this Upper West Side wonderland.… https://t.co/uETMXc7WLJ @johnzaremba damnit i should have said thatMe trying to channel my inner "Ellen Pompeo in the Hollywood Reporter article" when i'm negotiating a contract and… https://t.co/dGxvVM8DXtomg. My childhood comic book store is listed here! Where i gathered my collection of Betty and Veronicas!… https://t.co/9tucKzWBLJ @ann_oconnell @BookRiot omg is simsbury cards and comics still open? my dad used to take us there alllll the time!!… https://t.co/PZklJtnIOpHartford Civic Center Roof Collapsed 40 Years Ago https://t.co/5JNU5Yh2KK
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonWas with some other intl journos. Learned that the Korean press translated “shithole” to “beggarly” countries. Russ… https://t.co/F3o3P9dShW
Retweeted by Megan JohnsonMan stalked Quincy woman who won big at R.I. casino, driving 43 miles to rob her https://t.co/1BRFHoir2W via @BostonGlobe @kciccolini lol I love you
1/18
2018
On Thursday, Slate is not running any editorials in print. The ed board is devoting the page to letters from people… https://t.co/D8OcKydENB
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @lcushing201 Nooooooo @saarah_ashleyy Omg there are so many complaintsTHE RAT WAS EATING BEEF JERKY https://t.co/Flocr6CNA1 @DanDGerard Yes! @saarah_ashleyy Omg there are 8 trip advisor posts that mention "mice" at the Omni @TWallack "GIVE US ALL YOUR QUINOA"8 people posted on Tripadvisor about mice at the Omni Parker House. My favorite was was about how they "dive bomb i… https://t.co/Opym7Ub9sFI feel so sorry for “Grace,” because her trauma is being mined for traffic. https://t.co/TV3c7riKk5
Retweeted by Megan Johnson @thesanguineskep I was reading about him!!Cats in the Cradle just came on in Star Market and now all the fathers are crying @bzref Don't be jealousMan booted from British Airways flight for wearing all his clothes to avoid baggage fee https://t.co/E4l5c0S6Ax @saarah_ashleyy Omg will do thx for the heads up @saarah_ashleyy Ewwww are there mice @melissah528 The hotel!
1/17
2018

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