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Nikki Glaser @NikkiGlaser Los Angeles, CA

Comedian and host of @youupsxm on @SiriusXM Channel 95 every morning. Former host of @notsafeshow. Watch my 2 specials on @Netflix and @comedycentral!

2,095 Following   237,912 Followers   27,350 Tweets

Joined Twitter 9/15/07

ST LOUIS! TOMORROW NIGHT! TELL A FRIEND. ALL MONEY GOES TO @StrayRescue! @TheAdamEllis10 @JamieParx @DonRickles @chriscornell @GarryShandling @greggiraldo Mitch and Farley! I forgot them!! @GodUWish @TimfromDa70s Just ate 6 tonight. Thank you for this.Ugh I have so many aarons to do
Retweeted by Nikki GlaserI will never understand why we don’t look our cutest when we first wake up in the morning like all I was doin was l…
Retweeted by Nikki Glaser @JamieParx In some kind of particular order: Bourdain, Diana, Greg Giraldo, Robin Williams, Britney Murphy, JFK jr,…’ve gone my entire life without saying the n word. Not when singing a song, not out loud, not in my head. It reall…
Retweeted by Nikki Glaser
Just when you think you can’t love Michael Shannon any more than you already do:
Retweeted by Nikki Glaser @JamieParx Wow I want to play!!I don’t think I could sum up men any better than this:
Retweeted by Nikki Glaser @NewScarDesign @StrayRescue @stlfunnybone I love it so much!! Thank you!! @wyldride I would download this TODAY. Dying to scrape some Ws!!If you’re feeling generous this morning, here’s somewhere you can throw your generosity: @WhitneyCummings It’s over. We’re done. @ohhhjayme Yay!!I do'nt care what Kids at School call me because they are all Disgusting Fake Losers and my Real Friends go to a di…
Retweeted by Nikki Glaser @OnlineAlison I’m excited but scared! @OnlineAlison Whoa whoa whoa @LeifMWright @RoastBattle Yes!!! @90sKidCraig I love you Craig!!!Soooo many people I know have Lyme. It’s a true life-ruiner that doctors won’t treat or acknowledge bc insurance co…
There will be tape of Trump saying the N-Word and it will mean nothing. Zero things will happen except a lot of peo…
Retweeted by Nikki Glaser @AlisonRosen Nope. She’s too far gone.Help me out...
Retweeted by Nikki GlaserDon’t cry because it’s over, grimace because it’s still happening
Retweeted by Nikki Glaser @septembawest It matters to me! Thank you!Here’s me stammering about self-love on a morning show in Atlanta. @timconvy Hahhahah Hahhah writing out easy like that really got me @joshuacstephens 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 @chrisdcomedy What about Chinese??? @afyouknow @LorenzoRF562 Exactly. I’m not shitting on j Lo, everyone. I’m making fun of the fact that this article is bullshit. @myheiny @LorenzoRF562 Same stuff. I said that earlier. @HomerPimpson69 I have at least one of them @LorenzoRF562 I agree but it doesn’t change the fact that these two things are what motivate most famous people @_bryanhaley Not hating, just a fact. It’s why most people do anything work-related, myself included.Money and relevancy? @latinogeek @punchlinecomedy Yes!! You learned!! Hahah
@nikkibenn @MarkArum @MissVWaters Loved meeting you!2 girls 1 cup
Retweeted by Nikki GlaserHere’s a picture of a person with a micropenis after he murdered an elephant. His next shot should be through his o…
Retweeted by Nikki Glaserdropped my phone in my mcdonald’s sprite and it started charging
Retweeted by Nikki GlaserLogging onto Twitter vs Being on it for 10 minutes.
Retweeted by Nikki GlaserATLANTA TONIGHT. Also tomorrow. Five shows to choose from. @punchlinecomedy
@Danno627 THIS COULD EXPLAIN IT THANK YOU @jails2rails Holy shit. Thank you for sharing.I STILL NEED ANSWERS ABOUT THIS ANYONE GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS?‘They treated me like a dog’: An Immigrant Was Forced to Clean the Truck of the Border Agent Who Arrested Him.
Retweeted by Nikki GlaserHouston woman incarcerated on theft charges who couldn't make $1,500 bail hangs herself at the Harris County jail.…
Retweeted by Nikki GlaserI’m SO excited that we get to have @hamishblake on the show tomorrow morning. CANT SLEEP.
In the past few years, a subset of straight men calling themselves “incels” have constructed a violent political id…
Retweeted by Nikki GlaserThe drivers who filmed this, in another video, said they tried repeatedly to speak to the man but he did not seem t…
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Hot take: I don’t want to hear a tape of the president saying the n word. There would be no consequences for him an…
Retweeted by Nikki Glaser @ComedyCentral Hahahhaa oh my god I’m just now seeing thisTORONTO I’M COMING TO TOWN will never, ever forget this moment. #ArethaFranklin 👑
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Tomorrow! This show is so funny. @KateCasey 😍😍😍🎉💞I have more passwords than friends
Retweeted by Nikki Glaser"He got MeToo'd" = "He got caught and I'm scared I will too"
Retweeted by Nikki GlaserThis was insane. @kalfusa Thuy! Tu te souviens! Ils me manquent mais je connais qu’ils sont trop heureux avec mes parents et ma sœur… @djgouldy I love your picture
@PorshaLauri @MackenzieeML Aw thanks doll! I know what it means to be a fan of someone and so I get how it can mean… @LogicalEnvelope That apt had sooooo many silverfish and roaches!! @MackenzieeML So excited for this journey with you!
@pipsqueakpaints I want to purchase one please! @RaiderKitty1 Woo hoo!!My friend does that gross thing where they tell you to smell their fingers. It's like, we get it Carol, you masturbated.
Retweeted by Nikki GlaserTomorrow NYC @ingwing @TomAThakkar @YouUpSXM I don’t even catch his lines most of the time! He’s the quickest!! I am #blessed
“Hahaha fuckig idiot” me, a 29 year old man watching ‘Chopped Teen Tournament,’ mocking a 15 year old for undercoo…
Retweeted by Nikki Glaser @yellowjkt How did you find this?!
@BrandandCo I’m all about the single. I’m a one ply guy. 🍃🌱🌎🎟Made this today on @YouUpSXM with @MykaFox. (Cc @justinbieber & @haileybaldwin love youuuu), y’all thought Barbara didn’t hit the 2nd verse?? YOU THOUGHT
Retweeted by Nikki Glaser @ChaseMit @PFTompkins @pattymo He was important to this planet and I MISS HIM DAMMIT!!! @BrandandCo 👋 @PainterDustin Oh but there is