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Nikki Glaser @NikkiGlaser Los Angeles, CA

you get it

2,007 Following   226,017 Followers   25,772 Tweets

Joined Twitter 9/15/07

Just meditated in the middle of a Dallas Starbucks so now I'm a terror suspect.
@BenHagueComedy Hahaha no! Just get it filled in so it looks like a birthmark you regretThis got a strong lol from me just now Years In Environment Of Constant Fear Somehow Fails To Rehabilitate Prisoner
Retweeted by Nikki Glaser @kathygriffin Thank god for you, Kathy. @MarthaKelly3 and I YOUHumblebrags are out of control lately. Missing @twittels very much. @Venomous_Bear EXACTLY. not to mention the ungodly amount of pollution that company produces...this tweet isn't doing great but I stand by it and I'm tired of corps acting like they are globally conscious when… of ducks caught in oil spills cleaned off with @DawnDish soap < Number of dead ducks cleaned of pots and pans with @DawnDish soapI didn't march today, but I DID walk 2 miles down a busy road on a dangerously narrow sidewalk in Addison, TX so th… realized that #timesup is also an appropriate slogan for climate change bc there is literally no time to change anything
BREAKING NEWS: Shithole countries still running
Retweeted by Nikki GlaserLet he who is without a fetish for being spanked by a porn star with a magazine featuring you on the cover & then a…
Retweeted by Nikki Glaser @hannahova2me You got it!Dallas tonight with @TomAThakkar. This is all I’ll say on the matter at this point. @AddisonImprovToday was the day Donald trump finally became president
Retweeted by Nikki Glaser @moneyintheblank No way"If over these many years, just one adult listened and had the courage and character to act, this tragedy could hav… Paul generation. @anyamarina you
DALLAS STARTS TOMORROW @AddisonImprov @RockstarSuicide @MattMira WHAT IS HIS BIT @IUBball99 Eggplant did me in last nightHappy birthday to the very best comedian, Dave @Attell! @le_diable I DO want to believe you!FYI this is not how I got it sore remedies pls I’m dying
@3rdquartermooon @JessicaValenti @brosandprose Also can we talk about how the “claw” move is based on not knowing a… @JessicaValenti @brosandprose But how dare we scold men about any aspect of their pursuit of younger women. IT IS L… like this old gem needs to peek her head out again.
Retweeted by Nikki Glaser @brosandprose YES FUCKING YESThis makes me tear up.! I'm coming to town this weekend with my trusty sidekick @TomAThakkar, and my dog Luigi. Get Tickets Now. to hit em with the Hein on @sternshow #wrapupshow piece about ‘Bad Sex’ that was written before the Aziz story and fucking NAILS IT:
I DO know that if your favorite male feminist comedians have let you down, a bunch of female feminist comedians are here for you.
Retweeted by Nikki Glaser @tobyherman27 Thanks Tobes! @BigMattFinucane Yess!!! Please!
@taylorx123 @AddisonImprov Go alone! Who cares! I’ll get you in on me. Which show? @mrzhones @Sirius @TomAThakkar 95! @HaceRopa Yes. There will be a Friday best Of @HaceRopa Yes! There will be a podcast on Fridays of the best of! @thecomedybureau @ComedyCentral @SIRIUSXM @TomAThakkar @TheBonfireSXM Hmmmm i don’t know! I believe the bonfire is… @TomAThakkar I shallnt @TomAThakkar I don’t care for this at all @thecomedybureau @ComedyCentral @SIRIUSXM @TomAThakkar Not the first! They have @TheBonfireSXM! @guybranum Took this pic today! @jordannn_nicole Perfect gif @krissimmons Kris! This is such a nice thing to say! 🙏 @BamagedDrain oh they will. @JoeSanders069 95! 10am EST. It'll start sometime in Feb. Probably mid to late... @gooner4evr Probs mid feb! @csuderman I'm not. That's why I moved to NYC to do the show. I get to wake up 3 hours later than if I did it in LA… @DanGriesbach you know it.YOU UP. @TomAThakkar srsly, no one told me about this guy. I'm confused and want answers. @thecomicscomic @TomAThakkar @SiriusXMComedy @ComedyCentral thank you Sean!!I have a radio show on @Sirius starting in February. 4 days a week. 2 hours a day. Me and my bestie @TomAThakkar. I…
@ericarhodes “Great”Great idea because he probably will continue to make a lot of money over the next few decades.
Retweeted by Nikki Glaser @AshleyLaur @StarMagazinecom @merv1618 @TomAThakkar “Insecurity”These two spreads are in the same issue. WHICH IS IT, @StarMagazinecom???? that Sandra Oh gets to scream her name during sex @813area @TampaImprov Tonight’s show was cancelled over a week ago due to low ticket sales even though I sold out s… @Glase a 33 year old woman get in on this shit, too?'s being called "frost boy." But the image of an 8-year-old with icicles in his hair who trekked miles to school…
Retweeted by Nikki Glaser @ShutupBradly @JamesMelville Great point
Donald Trump’s State of the Union speech is on January 30th. He’s obsessed by TV ratings. America - don’t watch…
Retweeted by Nikki GlaserLol. Behold the famous young racist @TomiLahren getting jiggy to 21 Savage, born Shayaa Bin Abraham-Joseph in 1992,…
Retweeted by Nikki Glaser @djmec84 Google arts and cultureOMG OMG I’m a depressed white woman with a larger-than-average forehead @Stan_Spooner @KinkyKatieRadio @TampaImprov That’s what I thought too!