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Nikki Glaser @NikkiGlaser Los Angeles, CA

you get it

2,007 Following   226,017 Followers   25,772 Tweets

Joined Twitter 9/15/07


Just meditated in the middle of a Dallas Starbucks so now I'm a terror suspect.
1/21
2018
@BenHagueComedy Hahaha no! Just get it filled in so it looks like a birthmark you regretThis got a strong lol from me just now https://t.co/MX1EpcvlXY15 Years In Environment Of Constant Fear Somehow Fails To Rehabilitate Prisoner https://t.co/VxobsDTiqB https://t.co/minJk0w7Jv
Retweeted by Nikki Glaser @kathygriffin Thank god for you, Kathy. @MarthaKelly3 and I YOUHumblebrags are out of control lately. Missing @twittels very much. @Venomous_Bear EXACTLY. not to mention the ungodly amount of pollution that company produces...this tweet isn't doing great but I stand by it and I'm tired of corps acting like they are globally conscious when… https://t.co/MF3WWWTStjNumber of ducks caught in oil spills cleaned off with @DawnDish soap < Number of dead ducks cleaned of pots and pans with @DawnDish soapI didn't march today, but I DID walk 2 miles down a busy road on a dangerously narrow sidewalk in Addison, TX so th… https://t.co/J3VxIVm2aTJust realized that #timesup is also an appropriate slogan for climate change bc there is literally no time to change anything
1/20
2018
BREAKING NEWS: Shithole countries still running
Retweeted by Nikki GlaserHE COULDN’T KEEP A STEAKHOUSE OPEN IN VEGAS, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT
Retweeted by Nikki GlaserLet he who is without a fetish for being spanked by a porn star with a magazine featuring you on the cover & then a… https://t.co/lMKmovZvQM
Retweeted by Nikki Glaser @hannahova2me You got it!Dallas tonight with @TomAThakkar. This is all I’ll say on the matter at this point. @AddisonImprovToday was the day Donald trump finally became president
Retweeted by Nikki Glaser @moneyintheblank No way https://t.co/aGcC4iMGsh"If over these many years, just one adult listened and had the courage and character to act, this tragedy could hav… https://t.co/qKimRUYBJdLogan Paul generation. https://t.co/iw47omzrjY @anyamarina you https://t.co/6QHS2Kb8gh
1/19
2018
DALLAS STARTS TOMORROW @AddisonImprov @RockstarSuicide @MattMira WHAT IS HIS BIT @IUBball99 Eggplant did me in last nightHappy birthday to the very best comedian, Dave @Attell! @le_diable I DO want to believe you!FYI this is not how I got it https://t.co/zOjrCKJqLaCanker sore remedies pls I’m dying
1/18
2018
@3rdquartermooon @JessicaValenti @brosandprose Also can we talk about how the “claw” move is based on not knowing a… https://t.co/qGVdjluvSO @JessicaValenti @brosandprose But how dare we scold men about any aspect of their pursuit of younger women. IT IS L… https://t.co/0zvvtKGLHeLooks like this old gem needs to peek her head out again. https://t.co/dxL4TRDoUb
Retweeted by Nikki Glaser @brosandprose YES FUCKING YESThis makes me tear up. https://t.co/srmMl1vnarDallas! I'm coming to town this weekend with my trusty sidekick @TomAThakkar, and my dog Luigi. Get Tickets Now. https://t.co/jTWmMrnKHJAbout to hit em with the Hein on @sternshow #wrapupshow https://t.co/Xfn3qexCPVA piece about ‘Bad Sex’ that was written before the Aziz story and fucking NAILS IT: https://t.co/wSAsKvQ2wf
1/17
2018
I DO know that if your favorite male feminist comedians have let you down, a bunch of female feminist comedians are here for you.
Retweeted by Nikki Glaser @tobyherman27 Thanks Tobes! @BigMattFinucane Yess!!! Please!
1/16
2018
@taylorx123 @AddisonImprov Go alone! Who cares! I’ll get you in on me. Which show? @mrzhones @Sirius @TomAThakkar 95! @HaceRopa Yes. There will be a Friday best Of @HaceRopa Yes! There will be a podcast on Fridays of the best of! @thecomedybureau @ComedyCentral @SIRIUSXM @TomAThakkar @TheBonfireSXM Hmmmm i don’t know! I believe the bonfire is… https://t.co/oPO868B9Yc @TomAThakkar I shallnt @TomAThakkar I don’t care for this at all https://t.co/qZVbYfSxXn @thecomedybureau @ComedyCentral @SIRIUSXM @TomAThakkar Not the first! They have @TheBonfireSXM! @guybranum Took this pic today! https://t.co/rylvcPKbWg @jordannn_nicole Perfect gif @krissimmons Kris! This is such a nice thing to say! 🙏 @BamagedDrain oh they will. @JoeSanders069 95! 10am EST. It'll start sometime in Feb. Probably mid to late... @gooner4evr Probs mid feb! @csuderman I'm not. That's why I moved to NYC to do the show. I get to wake up 3 hours later than if I did it in LA… https://t.co/X8gFkYyd6b @DanGriesbach you know it.YOU UP. https://t.co/z75jRGO5k2 @TomAThakkar srsly, no one told me about this guy. I'm confused and want answers. @thecomicscomic @TomAThakkar @SiriusXMComedy @ComedyCentral thank you Sean!!I have a radio show on @Sirius starting in February. 4 days a week. 2 hours a day. Me and my bestie @TomAThakkar. I… https://t.co/Im2D04rk3zDALLASSSSSS https://t.co/JiAJ6HYOyR
1/15
2018
@ericarhodes “Great”Great idea because he probably will continue to make a lot of money over the next few decades. https://t.co/gIXz47vRKK
Retweeted by Nikki Glaser @AshleyLaur @StarMagazinecom https://t.co/MYDJnAbV04 @merv1618 https://t.co/fepXoUkjGL @TomAThakkar “Insecurity”These two spreads are in the same issue. WHICH IS IT, @StarMagazinecom???? https://t.co/K7VMpZhu7Qjealous that Sandra Oh gets to scream her name during sex @813area @TampaImprov Tonight’s show was cancelled over a week ago due to low ticket sales even though I sold out s… https://t.co/xfRciBnlCM @Glase https://t.co/08BCPVVUdSCan a 33 year old woman get in on this shit, too? https://t.co/EkiGfQAOHLHe's being called "frost boy." But the image of an 8-year-old with icicles in his hair who trekked miles to school… https://t.co/YlwbptD3DI
Retweeted by Nikki Glaser @ShutupBradly @JamesMelville Great point
1/14
2018
Donald Trump’s State of the Union speech is on January 30th. He’s obsessed by TV ratings. America - don’t watch… https://t.co/5aCVgVxjyk
Retweeted by Nikki GlaserLol. Behold the famous young racist @TomiLahren getting jiggy to 21 Savage, born Shayaa Bin Abraham-Joseph in 1992,… https://t.co/brSQguaRvn
Retweeted by Nikki Glaser @djmec84 Google arts and cultureOMG OMG https://t.co/NvPxC0Yoh2TIL I’m a depressed white woman with a larger-than-average forehead https://t.co/3TOyCpCRfx @Stan_Spooner @KinkyKatieRadio @TampaImprov That’s what I thought too!
1/13
2018

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