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Comedy Central, Conan, TruTV. Writer on “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.” Album available here: https://t.co/WefCzuclGW

780 Following   4,417 Followers   4,910 Tweets

Joined Twitter 9/1/10


Spoiler alert for the movie Alpha, but I can’t believe he got the wolf pregnant!
8/20
2018
Just switched subway cars because of how loud someone was eating their chips. I sat through a showtime performance,… https://t.co/Zdj23U3CCb
8/19
2018
heyNY @VUndergroundNYC 6pm tonight @ciphasounds @findingnimesh @robertkelly @1keithrobinson 8pm @AnthonyDeVito_https://t.co/VQWZk5vEZk
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
8/18
2018
Currently reading "My Name is Asher Lev." Chaim Potok was a bad motherfucker with that pen.
8/17
2018
@SwaveyGotJuice @EsterKay
8/16
2018
@mrdavehill @luisadieznuts @silkyjumbo Let me have thisLooking like a Snackée https://t.co/fdebExwO4u
8/15
2018
@SaraJBenincasa CC: @JordyPloy
8/14
2018
this is a little interview/promo about the special. i’m excited for everyone to see it. i hope you enjoy it. august… https://t.co/GThHpKTvsK
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
8/13
2018
This made me tear up (in the good way). Undiscovered out-of-this-world talent finally getting discovered moves me e… https://t.co/J7lqWovX5LMy 13 y.o. son told me that when he hits 99 pounds, he wants to eat one pound of nachos on his own so he can be 1% nacho.
Retweeted by Noah GardenswartzI honestly love @AloneTogether I think it’s some of the best joke writing on TV.
8/12
2018
heyNY @FBPC_NYC 6pm tonight @mikeyardcomedy 7:30pm @IANfidance @marinayfranklin @findingnimesh @DanNaturmanhttps://t.co/u8xuLojSBo
Retweeted by Noah GardenswartzheyNY @VUndergroundNYC 6pm tonight @findingnimesh @KeithAlberstadt @joshgondelman 8pm @joemachi @noahgcomedyhttps://t.co/z0HF1Eps9Q
Retweeted by Noah GardenswartzSomeone recently asked me “why do Jews have all the money?” I was so offended by the ignorance of that question tha… https://t.co/9la4aQpQUJ
8/11
2018
Thank you for watching. Let’s start having real conversations, it’s our responsibility. https://t.co/Cmmsb7VtW9
Retweeted by Noah GardenswartzRest assured knowing that with enough hard work, whatever you REALLY want, you can get. And when you get it, it wil… https://t.co/SbJEUwTl1SheyNY @VUndergroundNYC 6pm tonight @robertkelly @1keithrobinson @funnylynne 8pm @marinayfranklin @toddbarryhttps://t.co/2VPgukj9HV
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
8/10
2018
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Season 2 trailer is out, come get your fix! https://t.co/4qog6r05DLGot approved to audit a college course this fall! I'm gonna be in there like... https://t.co/HtCyJkI802This NYC humidity is less relenting than a comic who’s always on.
8/9
2018
@Yassir_Lester Say less @Yassir_Lester I know it’s not a movie, but what is your stance on GoT and the Dothraki language?My best friends from high school and I don’t talk on the phone a lot. But when you get us all in a room together, w… https://t.co/TIFBZnQLJ7
8/7
2018
Fuck this kid. Fuck that kid. Fuck you too. https://t.co/BfKxJhEEtw
Retweeted by Noah GardenswartzYoung women with old lady names, better get you one...but you don’t have to take my word for it.
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz @KarlousM Wifed up an EsterDid yoga 3 days in a row, started to see a little six-pack forming. Ate a slice of pizza and a cookie, instantly got big juicy tits. @luisadieznuts Continuing to do something you don’t like just to complain about it?? Honorary Jew card REINSTATED with bonus points. @luisadieznuts Honorary Jew card REVOKED.
8/6
2018
Yoga teacher: Welcome, friends. Before we begin, why are you here, what are you working through today? Yogi 1: Eve… https://t.co/Sn3tteGJfM
8/5
2018
Dear Bron, I wrote you but you still ain't call me... https://t.co/Gcd4hMLqLf
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz#DCYoungFly moved his mama out the hood! Surprised her with a new house. Who’s cutting onions? 😭 https://t.co/tabVn2sJmc
Retweeted by Noah GardenswartzJust ate more fruit than Neil Klugman at the Patimkin's house. Where my Roth Heads at? If you know you know. #PhilipRoth #PushaTheyNY @FBPC_NYC 6pm tonight @JudahWorldChamp 7:30pm @JonnyFisch @seanytime @michelleisawolf @emmyblotnickhttps://t.co/yuykD1pCPv
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
8/4
2018
I love picking the most random gifts on a wedding registry. Just gave my friends way too many egg crates and an $11 gift certificate.heyNY @ComedyCellarUSA 7pm tonight @noahgcomedy @1keithrobinson 8:45pm @michelleisawolf @GaryGulman 10:30pm… https://t.co/0Pe2m1s2Cz
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz @AlisonLeiby PREACH @sirchrisdaniels I feel like the bigger issue here is that your dentist is an aspiring actress.People hug too intensely after yoga class. You didn’t just get back from war- you stretched together. Chill.
8/3
2018
I’ll be hosting the live VR broadcast of @lollapalooza all fest long! Get excited. Hang out with me in the virtual… https://t.co/aTRK0pQen6
Retweeted by Noah GardenswartzheyNY @CarolinesonBway 7:30pm tonight @MichelleButeau 9:30pm @MartinUrbano @noahgcomedy @IANfidance @lizmiele @MrNickCallas & more
Retweeted by Noah GardenswartzMy lips are weirdly aware of when my chapstick is inconveniently out of reach.Years from now, long after all of the politically correct terms have been widely accepted and adopted, people will… https://t.co/OXz3VGKos4
8/2
2018
Lebron James has done more for education than Betsy DeVos, more for charity than Donald Trump, and more for inner c… https://t.co/A1wI0yEYW7
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz @mkyoface Can't give you an exact date, I can only tell you late 2018/early 2019
8/1
2018
We don’t deserve LeBron James. Forget basketball, he’s an example of greatness off the court. https://t.co/JjKISKAAtJ
7/31
2018
Tonight!! @jackiekashian @GiuliaRozzi @ianabramson @thegissilent hosted by @BtGcomedy 8:30 @cantersdeli 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾 https://t.co/1sagZpAhJm
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
7/30
2018
I’m 200 and my-airplane-seat-reclines-during-takeoff-even-if-I-don’t-press-the-recline-button pounds.Airport announcement reminding people that they can’t bring their hoverboards onto the airplane. Um, excuse me but is the year 2018 or 1820?When you didn’t know she had a man https://t.co/azz979GJce
7/29
2018
Shoutout to @KarlousM he legit funded my kids end of school pizza party and more tonight 🙏🏾🙌🏾
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz @Dgholston1106 Hell yea, I’ll be out there at some point- def link up.
7/27
2018
heyNY @VUndergroundNYC 8pm tonight @RealJonLaster @noahgcomedy @emmawillmann @Greggrogell 10pm @ARDIEFUQUAhttps://t.co/gB4htVB3EI
Retweeted by Noah GardenswartzEster Steinberg is finally gonna have a Jewish last name! https://t.co/rUN2LpxgCb
7/26
2018
Here is the trailer for my new special, DREW MICHAEL. It will debut August 25 on @HBO. https://t.co/MDSifLKRby
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
7/25
2018
How does anyone have time to do anything? I don’t have time to do anything even when I have tons of time and nothing to do!Andy Sandford is a great comic, and today you can buy his great special. https://t.co/JftrzAYlHW
7/24
2018
@mrdavehill even misgendered you to throw off the sleuths.*posts a photo on Instagram with the caption "no fux given"* *deletes an hour later because it didn't get enough l… https://t.co/SVeiey8nxP
7/23
2018
The only stressed out people at the X Games are bandana salesmen.
7/22
2018
heyNY @FBPC_NYC 6pm tonight @AIapalucci 8pm @jtrain56 @Alingon @joshgondelman @LennyMarcusNYC @JudahWorldChamphttps://t.co/ndFae5GG43
Retweeted by Noah GardenswartzheyNY @ComedyCellarUSA 7pm tonight @1keithrobinson @funnylynne 8:45pm @noahgcomedy @emmyblotnick 10:30pm @toddbarryhttps://t.co/YUUvSz1cqh
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
7/21
2018
Choose a job you love and you’ll have to work every day of your life because oops you just turned your favorite hob… https://t.co/rDTpMHo2b8
Retweeted by Noah GardenswartzThe internet allows us to know a little bit about everything; a knowledge buffet, if you will. Have you ever SEEN s… https://t.co/aeF9u3xHKM
7/20
2018
Nothing like waiting for an important email and excitedly checking your phone to find an alert from Priceline about cheap flights to Tampa. @CodyBrotter @MarkAgee @mrdavehill Shut the fuck up, Cody! Wow, this feels just like the room. @MarkAgee Coming from the man who regularly denied my requests to end the room at 4 when our writing was done 🙄
7/19
2018
@mrdavehill @Roibyrt_J_Music @ShanaMusic Winners Circle, baby!
7/18
2018
[on Molly] Is that the CEO of Goldman Sachs? https://t.co/NBwO9Z6AIm
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz @JenKirkman I’m closing your office door every time I walk by tomorrow.
7/17
2018
@JenKirkman No, but I’d love to imagine they all meet up after work for beers.An 11-year-old boy is the cashier in every bodega in Bushwick.
7/16
2018
Just got hit by the mist of another man’s sneeze. Less than thrilled about it.
7/14
2018
DeMarco Murray just retired, which probably still won't prevent people from taking him way too early in their fantasy draft. @joshgondelman Thank you, to you as well!
7/13
2018
@lisa_curry @lindsay_schimer I keep the Comedy Knockout trophies in a bank vault. @lisa_curry Thanks!
7/12
2018

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