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Comedy Central, Conan, TruTV. Writer on “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.” Album available here: https://t.co/WefCzuclGW

786 Following   4,553 Followers   5,052 Tweets

Joined Twitter 9/1/10


Asked for a size 14, shoe salesman came back and said we only have a size 12 if you’d like to try it. Yea man, let’… https://t.co/CrPvJ8ENZV
11/21
2018
Where do motivational speakers work out the new shit?
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
11/20
2018
Thanks to this Rams/Chiefs #MNF game, downtown LA looks like the Bloods and Crips started recruiting an excess of m… https://t.co/USR3xXsr4X
11/19
2018
Today the members of Earth, Wind & Fire were on my flight, which was ironically delayed for more than three hours because of water.
11/17
2018
Sue Bird 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼 https://t.co/l0gmWnQKjqTonight I will be appearing on “This Week at the Comedy Cellar” on @ComedyCentral with some of the world’s funniest… https://t.co/HcTCuiNxgxIt was so cold earlier today in New York that right now we’re out here straight up jubilant in these 40 degree streets.
11/16
2018
I went ahead and exposed they ass. https://t.co/6ZcbcN1J5G
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
11/15
2018
@luisadieznuts Weird grandma flex but okheyNY @VUndergroundNYC 8pm tonight @bobbycollins @thenickgriffin @JoeListComedy @chrisdcomedy @noahgcomedy 10pm… https://t.co/xEOIoGpABi
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
11/14
2018
6’4”, 235 lbs at a Jewish wedding. Yea, I’m gonna be on chair lifting duty.
11/11
2018
ayyyeee! two more chances to see my solo show! thursday and friday at 7! at @creekandcave! and if you stick around… https://t.co/mEUDxz4r66
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
11/8
2018
Just heard a guy in the bathroom blowing his nose while shitting, hereby known as the devil’s orchestra.
11/4
2018
DC, two more shows tonight @DrafthouseDC at 7 and 9pm. Early show now with a guest spot from America’s funniest plus size model, @stavvybaby
11/3
2018
No better time to remind people I’m @DrafthouseDC tonight and tomorrow! https://t.co/iFum1biqwS
11/2
2018
Hey LA! Here are the details for Thursday's (11/1) "The Josh & Josh Show".... https://t.co/NuDQec1PXr https://t.co/oHv8kwlIdo
Retweeted by Noah GardenswartzMuslim groups have raised over $180,000 to help Pittsburgh synagogue shooting victims. "We're just repaying the fav… https://t.co/gUcSD87zkT
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
11/1
2018
FRIDAY and SATURDAY @noahgcomedy (Comedy Central, Conan, Last Comic Standing) headlines at @DrafthouseDC shows at 7… https://t.co/gYhmOrW30W
Retweeted by Noah GardenswartzI made pumpkin journals for my kid’s kindergarten class this morning and they didn’t thank me so I’m trying to get… https://t.co/SPHU5hOvzY
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
10/31
2018
@RiellyYoung98 @DailyZeitgeist @milesofgray @jack_obrien That’s funny, but very untrue. @coldpizzaparty @DailyZeitgeist Believe me, I hope you’re right. @sarahgracez @DailyZeitgeist That’s fair. I was just joking about how bored Anna clearly was by the discussion (as… https://t.co/ECYovYbZ8iWASHINGTON D.C.!!! I’m bringing my scathing political commentary to @DrafthouseDC this Friday and Saturday. Shows a… https://t.co/6JN6jUjnyf @noahgcomedy Your hero never disappoints. https://t.co/4Fe868Jzxv
Retweeted by Noah GardenswartzWe had @noahgcomedy back for ep 263! We're chatting Kanye's #blexit stance, the Pittsburgh synagogue shooting, Braz… https://t.co/bemTAcu53L
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
10/30
2018
Tonight @westsidecomedy @ 8PM don’t miss @noahgcomedy @jacksonmcqueen @zainabjohnson @JakeHead_ @neelnandahttps://t.co/sBa8ZwVugu
Retweeted by Noah GardenswartzAt Lakers vs Nuggets to watch the MVP, and his name is Nikola Jokic. https://t.co/AHSBD4sZ7b
10/26
2018
When asking our friends to be in the wedding, my fiancé sent her friends cute little gifts and cards asking them to… https://t.co/8FOUONs8n1All my Denver people, go see this man. Unquestionably one of the funniest. https://t.co/PNbnIBeMuF
10/25
2018
Season 2 dropping Dec. 5! https://t.co/Tn3gZcs3xNComedian Blake Griffin scored 50 tonight!
10/24
2018
Parking a moped between two regular sized cars is parking spot catfishing.
10/23
2018
I am the most excited for this #standupcomedy show i co-produce called @funnyhowcomedy this Sunday night 10/21 at T… https://t.co/rO1Y6VJbo6
Retweeted by Noah GardenswartzHow hard is it to come up with good character names for a screenplay? Well, I’m a professional writer and in real l… https://t.co/4jLlpVMypA
10/21
2018
@theWALKOWSKI Agreed!This flight to Vegas has the energy of an open mic full of people 1 year into comedy. They think they’re about to h… https://t.co/Qiv0RagKZBOn my way to Vegas for 24 hours to bet on the Broncos, LeBron, and these fingertips throwing 6, 8, 10, 4 all night. #clicketyclack 😘😘🎲 🎲
10/18
2018
Hey I’m on the The Late Late Show tonight with James Corden, with Keira and Kathryn! @latelateshow https://t.co/LbpzkD0Wzv
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
10/16
2018
Recently saw a guy absolutely lose it on a subway employee who couldn’t care less. To be clear, I’m talking about t… https://t.co/p0GjV2StGB
10/15
2018
Fire Joseph, go 2-14, don’t let Elway make the pick. #Broncos @noahgcomedy @jccranch #alumni proving a funny punk kid from #SummerCamp can make a career making folks laugh forev… https://t.co/H5ajcm2EOp
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
10/14
2018
Tonight I’m hosting a fundraiser for the Silverlake JCC. Organic hemp yarmulke awareness!Was Ginuwine on cocaine when he made “So Anxious”? He called the girl at 9pm to meet at 11:30. Then called her back… https://t.co/4MDptwyCyg
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartzjewish kids dogs 🤝 being named 'max'
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
10/13
2018
Tonight I’m on two shows- “Bitchface” and “Cuck.” If anyone wants to start a show called “Step On My Stupid Balls,”… https://t.co/ZVlUcs3ReTBITCHFACE COMEDY THIS FRIDAY! With @weismanjake, @adirtyguntz, @noahgcomedy, @dericposton, @StevenRandolph2, & musi… https://t.co/4fhKjEO3dR
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
10/12
2018
@MrWillMiles 🤯Had “clip toe nails” on my to-do list which means, either I’m so busy that I literally needed to schedule it, or I… https://t.co/fXgS03i81F
10/11
2018
I took brain pills that made me poop, and poop pills that made me think. @BobGerstner1 @kyleayers @CalebSynan @JoinTheDynasty @saraschaefer1 @megangailey @EsterKay @GregtheGrouchhttps://t.co/jc4MbjPCRPLos Angeles! TONIGHT! Boast Rattle, a COMPLIMENT Contest. Comedians niceroast each other @JoinTheDynasty 8p It's w… https://t.co/MYUI3rWaxZ
Retweeted by Noah GardenswartzThe @whosyourgodcast was so fun. I got to talk about being Jewish, FINALLY! Give it a listen. https://t.co/4QlXTXvoTm
10/10
2018
TONIGHT! CRAY LINEUP AT ME N @blairsocci SHOW! @SarahSquirm @noahgcomedy @ErinDeweyLennox @LukeMones Robby Hoffman,… https://t.co/cpuoR7rK6M
Retweeted by Noah GardenswartzI somehow made my glasses too big for my head by wearing them on my head.
10/9
2018
🦖 LA: Another scorcher for you this Monday 10/8! @karaklenk hosts @noahgcomedy @emmawillmann @mattingebretsonhttps://t.co/w2DiosRtCF
Retweeted by Noah GardenswartzSF!! I’m doing a Live Album Recording November 7th 8pm at the Punchline. Get $10 tix using promo ALBUM see you ther… https://t.co/XB4wiUBdEs
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
10/5
2018
The audacity of this subject line from MoviePass, of all people... https://t.co/oGL8JJGCWLPeople talking about Cam Newton’s brimless hat like they’ve never seen a yarmulke. @JodeneSparks How are you gonna punch someone you can’t see anymore?My eye doctor thinks he’s slick with that “you need a new prescription” propaganda. Not today, Big Warby, not today!
10/4
2018
If I could time travel, I’d go back to 2017 and become a cauliflower farmer.Sharpening a pencil at the bin was the childhood equivalent of taking a smoke break. 😂
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz @brust411 PE!
10/3
2018
My writing process is doing laundry, dishes, and any other house work when I should be writing, and then laying in… https://t.co/vkm8utaVU5 @kyleayers I don’t. Get off my property.
10/2
2018
Tonight!! Come to the kibitz room. 9:00pm @noahgcomedy @emmawillmann @amymiller @shengwangtime @robertistheManhttps://t.co/LVW5yZUGPC
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
10/1
2018
SATURDAY! Good Heroin at 8PM ~ @MrWillMiles, @noahgcomedy, @AtsukoComedy, @thedanielwebb, @MosesStorm, &… https://t.co/ryQHjyKHac
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
9/29
2018
Episode 241 is out with with special guests @jamieloftusHELP and @noahgcomedy. We're chatting the Kavanaugh hearing… https://t.co/Oq56MlQt0e
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
9/28
2018
I predict Josh Rosen will be one of the three best Jewish NFL quarterbacks of all time.
9/27
2018
@silkyjumbo This is some bullshit. How are they gonna have the sign of ambition living in a trash can??Trying a new barber in LA today. Butterflies in my stomach. I stalked his Instagram, but what if his photos are lying?
9/25
2018
About to get high and take my nephews to the museum of nature and science. Partly for them, mostly for me.
9/23
2018
Comedians, the most mentally ill people I know, now apparently have a social responsibility to say the “right thing.” Buckle up!
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
9/21
2018
ASPEN, COLORADO! Saturday night I'm headlining the Temporary, Sunday morning I'm visiting iconic landmarks from the… https://t.co/jg2xSfelyj
9/20
2018
@lisa_curry Thank you!
9/19
2018
@alex3nglish Please do! @sarahcpr Thank you!Just babysitting for Amy Sherman-Palladino. Honored to write on “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel” and so proud of the who… https://t.co/VcvZujBOrsAmy Sherman-Palladino makes history with #Emmys wins for comedy writing and directing https://t.co/TSLQt3bgUt
Retweeted by Noah GardenswartzI don’t think people know how truly thoughtful it was for John Mulaney to thank all his reps assistants.
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
9/18
2018
@annahossnieh You would beWhen you wake up with no pillow because she’s a thief who gets cold easily. https://t.co/lTNqKdlQAqFeels like at this point he’s old enough to start going by Leonard Kravitz.
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
9/17
2018
Apparently Tom Kipper is the gentile iPhone programmer who hates Yom Kippur.date night❤️ https://t.co/TIoWCmBVG4
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
9/15
2018
@DennyLaFlare Sex and the City, bro. Don’t act like you didn’t know.Life hack for the fellas. Tell your girl every dress makes her look like Sarah Jessica Parker from SATC and it will… https://t.co/T4C5GtRvCi
9/14
2018
my dog has ear medicine she needs and the other one also thinks he needs it too.. nobody has the heart to tell him… https://t.co/4YWSf8zddI
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
9/13
2018
Sometimes I think I can’t sleep because I can’t turn my brain off, and then I realize the pillows just suck.
9/10
2018
Shanah Tovah er’body 🍎
9/9
2018
That’s how snakes fuck?? https://t.co/C20AOvhEX7 @MrWillMiles So your sadness is tied to constipation? Tip of the Jewish cap, good sir. @mrdavehill What do you mean “all of a sudden”? @generalstatic As there should beIn the Midwest, Noodles & Company is a nightclub.TONIGHT! at @HouseOfComedyMN in @mallofamerica - It's one of our NYC Faves! @noahgcomedy hits the stage. COMING SO… https://t.co/hMazRBAM7V
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz @ddainiuss Little did you know I write all my jokes in stone with a pickaxe.
9/8
2018
@ballen_out No lie, this Bubba Gump is directly across from a Margaritaville.I don’t know about comedy vs post-comedy, but I do know that I work really hard to create material that is funny AN… https://t.co/OlOV47nmFE @donnabononnas Not on the schedule right now but hopefully soon!
9/7
2018

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