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Comedy Central, Conan, TruTV, Last Comic Standing. Writer on “Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.” Album available here: https://t.co/WefCzuclGW

801 Following   4,062 Followers   4,630 Tweets

Joined Twitter 9/1/10


@kyleayers Hahaha, that obvious?I hate the Patriots, but I'm rooting for them today because the people of Jacksonville have had it too good for too long!heyNY @NYCComedyCellar 7:30pm tonight @tompapa @realjeffreyross @lizmiele 9:30pm @realmoamer @sammorrilhttps://t.co/1MxXbgzJgg
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
1/21
2018
heyNY @NYCComedyCellar 7pm tonight @1keithrobinson @JessicaKirson @MatteoLane 8:45pm @chrisdcomedy @realjeffreyrosshttps://t.co/g0Iz6kGCHe
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
1/20
2018
Tonight at @DarkHorseComedy it's @noahgcomedy @theotherkendra @TornadoTirado @TheMeghanHanley @TheVincentJameshttps://t.co/fPVtZ3qKdz
Retweeted by Noah GardenswartzI know it's just code for "questionable" on an injury report, but when the TV flashes VIKINGS QUEST: part of me is… https://t.co/O8aebFiaICNothing assures me that my taxes would be done correctly like a man dressed like Uncle Sam barking in business from the sidewalk. @momandel I disagree with your assessment, but I’d watch that movie. @momandel As long as you still have your famous orange vest and pleather hoodie jacket, you don’t need to go shopping! @becca_oneal @silkyjumbo @UnionHallNY @PassionateThugz I’m being Tommy Wiseau’d. I just want to be taken seriously as an actor.
1/19
2018
@silkyjumbo Don’t blame me, blame the spirit.🎼”He did not create me to worry/ He did not create me to fear/ He created me to worship/ so I’ma eat this bagel and schmear”🎼My Uber on the way to work is playing gospel music. As soon as I get some coffee I might fuck around and testify on a bagel. @mikerecine You do realize it’s not publicly traded on an American exchange?
1/18
2018
[COMING SOON] We’ve got amazing shows coming up @americancomco ! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - @colinkane (… https://t.co/FOfwIRxM4r
Retweeted by Noah GardenswartzI don’t push anyone else’s work unless I’m truly a fan. @weismanjake and @mattingebretson made a show that is so un… https://t.co/eZU5WNhSxO
1/17
2018
Speed: 99 Jump: 99 3-Pointer: 99 Dribbling: 99 Passing: 99 Rebounds: 99 Offensive Awareness: 99 Defensive Awareness… https://t.co/RUukjAa0LA
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz @Schrotime @paulhooper Eh, realistically just one more week.Catch @WhiplashComedy at @BellHouseNY w/ @aparnapkin @noahgcomedy @dinahashem_ @Josh_Rabinowitz @jacquelinenovakhttps://t.co/kQabZjk1Su
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz @billsquire LooselyI don’t do leg day, I just wear Timbs. @_shayclemons The beautiful weather!When it comes to regeneration, starfish ain’t got shit on my neck hair.
1/16
2018
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr's, "I Have a Dream," is how I learned that there are different types of Christians.
1/15
2018
Q: what do @TimeOutNewYork, @okayplayer, and @nytimes have in common? A: they all said you should come to Thug Pas… https://t.co/dxh2RsNCIF
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz @GlitterCheese I’m yet to find a pillow that I’m happy with. Anywhere. @braag_ @EsterKay
1/14
2018
Just found out the Winter Olympics still exist. @Mdondidthat89 @MaiselTV @JenKirkman The show had many great people working on it collaboratively, but thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed!
1/13
2018
My hotel for the weekend is called the Hamilton, and I will be referring to my room key as “a ticket to Hamilton.” @BillyMccaleb I’ve had the same # since freshman year in college.Who wants to romp with bumbaclaat on Sunday night? https://t.co/GgiQeqhgSE @hendrixsonluke @DrafthouseDC @Your_Boy_Dylan @dustindiamond Ouch. And all this time I thought I was a Zach or a Slater.
1/12
2018
@mikerecine *you @mikerecine It's that kind of attention to detail that would make me trust ou with my $$SS$$SSWASHINGTON DC!!! I’ll be @DrafthouseDC this Friday and Saturday. Shows at 7 & 9 pm both nights! https://t.co/1Kp6xN0amuRappers were buying gold way before most investors. I don’t care what Warren Buffet thinks about bitcoin, I wanna k… https://t.co/gljyEXu9Cg
1/11
2018
@RowlandwithMike which white devil told you this lie? @sarahcpr You sound like them.Just bought a printer. I’m gonna miss the aggressive rapport I developed with the FedEx Office employees of Brooklyn. @kc_boilermaker @CrabFeast Thanks man, I appreciate the kind words!
1/10
2018
Without reading any of the details, I'd bet the over. https://t.co/3joGrwfVlw
1/9
2018
@TomAThakkar Fool me once...I’m thrilled to be on @TheBonfireSXM tonight at 7 pm, so listen up #campersTooooooonight, we're living in a fantasy! Hush Money is BACK at @Pinks242! @MehranX and @lilliandevane present:… https://t.co/wM4NUeszvt
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz @momandel Your awful punctuation makes it look like you’re ordering a kids sandwich at a bodega. @mkyoface Thank you! Perfect show to binge watch in -1000 degree weather! @JenKirkman @MaiselTV And so many good unused catchphrases! @GiuliaRozzi Thank you, so glad you like it! @alex3nglish Thanks Alex! @milesofgray @JenKirkman Thank you!The only person to tell me she didn’t like #MrsMaisel was my aunt Brenda. I’d like to dedicate our Golden Globe vic… https://t.co/GMJZfQWX1hA mazel tov is in order! Congratulations to @RachelBros on her @GoldenGlobes win for Best Television Actress – Musi… https://t.co/9LhTCv7O1B
Retweeted by Noah GardenswartzCongrats @RachelBros well deserved!!! #MrsMaisel
1/8
2018
@MarkAgee I’m vegan bro. Sorry to all McDonald’s stock holders for the decreased Q1 revenue.Is it just me or have most commercials been using a black wife white husband combo since Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s engagement?It’s always crazy to me when cameramen get knocked over on the sideline. They have the best view of what’s about to happen.11 Saudi princes were arrested for conducting a sit-in, protesting a halt on payments that covered their utility bi… https://t.co/M9mytiyrdrWe have a feeling tonight is going to be marvelous. #MrsMaisel #GoldenGlobes https://t.co/oxmSq3u8ZY
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz @EsterKay @megangailey Tampa coming in handy.
1/7
2018
Tonight 8p at @DarkHorseComedy it's @noahgcomedy @teresadegaetano @gabe_pacheco @Brendan_Fitz @Daniel_Simonsen! https://t.co/aVAfuhb2hl
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz @noredavis material strong though
1/6
2018
heyNY @BellHouseNY 8pm tonight @TheRealJFOD @AshleyBRoberts @emmyblotnick @janellejcomic @kingfirestormhttps://t.co/ytsHMXj9bv
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz @atjeffreyjoseph The details may have read as sad, but I promise I’m very happy!
1/5
2018
@mrdavehill Winner's circle, bro.I sleep in a windowless basement, currently have no day job, and eat microwaveables. This snow storm has changed ab… https://t.co/ymXs43ir2Y @gwildfang @bretjturner If I perform in MN and you’re in the audience, come say hello after the show. @gwildfang @bretjturner I truly appreciate your concern, but he’s not stealing a joke. He’s posting a very well kno… https://t.co/J1w3AISxsa @gwildfang @bretjturner 🤘🏼
1/4
2018
Great news for my father! https://t.co/OOWwElBBnsThe disparity between rich and poor is pretty evident in Bushwick. Some dogs are wearing nicer coats than people.You don't get to decide what can or can't be funny. There is no such thing as "funny." Define it. It's impossible.… https://t.co/7noqPCmRMH
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
1/3
2018
@joshuaelaws Publicly traded companies. I’m watching CANN and ACAN, but there are dozens more.Recreational marijuana became legal in California yesterday, and most marijuana stocks are up between 10-20% today.According to older Jews, you are Jewish if: A- Your mother is Jewish B- You are famous and have even a distant Jewish relative.
1/2
2018
Constipated in an airport bathroom. 2018 is my year.
1/1
2017
@EsterKay I don’t blame the dog, I blame the owner.
12/31
2017
@luisadieznuts On the bright side, if one of your plans was to start talking like Yoda, you did it!
12/30
2017
Get tickets to see @noahgcomedy on 1/12-13 at @DrafthouseDC https://t.co/4yNMo47nCq https://t.co/UvAVcvTS8a
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
12/28
2017

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