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Comedy Central, Conan, TruTV, Last Comic Standing. Writer on “Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.” Album available here: https://t.co/WefCzuclGW

793 Following   4,224 Followers   4,704 Tweets

Joined Twitter 9/1/10


If you email someone asking a question or requesting a favor and they respond, even if they can’t do you the favor… https://t.co/QOAieleJoLMy first TV credit? Frat boy #3 in Bone Crusher and Ying Yang Twin’s video for the genre-defining “Take Ya Clothes… https://t.co/OhBgL47EE8heyNY @littlefieldnyc 7:30pm tonight @michcoll @ginayashere #JaneaneGarofalo @SeatonSmith @GlitterCheese @HarrisStanton @noahgcomedy & more
Retweeted by Noah GardenswartzheyNY @FBPC_NYC 7pm tonight @MODI_COMEDIAN 8:30pm @RealJonLaster @DanLaMorte @ryanreiss @PaulMecurio @AIapaluccihttps://t.co/Uy3oxCgwM9
Retweeted by Noah GardenswartzheyNY @VUndergroundNYC 8pm tonight @joemachi @thenickgriffin @noahgcomedy @MODI_COMEDIAN 10pm @joyellenicolehttps://t.co/io9k9fEJJb
Retweeted by Noah GardenswartzWhat was more ice cold: LeBron’s shot or this kid calling it? https://t.co/JbsmyfgXGG
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
4/26
2018
2 episodes into Wild Wild Country and the only thing I’ve found interesting is that Rajneesh’s secretary was named… https://t.co/Lg3CFJ7VO0ATLANTA THIS SATURDAY!!! https://t.co/8iAC33I33vRicky Rubio looks like he walks around his house barefoot in khakis with the cuffs rolled up above his ankles.
4/24
2018
According to goys, we’re in Taurus season. To Jews, we’re in Zyrtec season.Comedy CoOp, April 26 https://t.co/LM51prM8X7 with our host @IsaaxMizrahi Guests: Janeane Garofalo, @ginayasherehttps://t.co/d9ew3x1Q3q
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz @joezimmerman @RyanJayDonahue
4/23
2018
🎤🎼All I need in this life of sin, is me and my foam roller.🎼🎤 @GlitterCheese Not yet, maybe tonightCouldn’t bring myself to get out of bed today until 2pm, but it wasn’t depression. It was the opposite. I was exper… https://t.co/kJUXa2DJrt
4/22
2018
Chuck Schumer announcing a plan to federally decriminalize marijuana today is the equivalent of wearing the T-shirt… https://t.co/8VR40HsF1MLet the people know, Rabbi! https://t.co/BZaXpEa4PeThe bad news, I feel like I’m about to shit my pants. The good news, I’m only a short 40 minute subway ride away from home.
4/20
2018
Last night I became an ordained minister online and got a clergy parking pass. I get how religious leaders can beco… https://t.co/kjTyD1Dt2oRajon Rondo is still one hell of a floor general.
4/18
2018
@brust411 Sound like a mustard hater to me 🤷🏻‍♂️ @AndySandford I practice what I preach. https://t.co/mwd5p1utFBMustard or hot sauce are both better on fries than ketchup. @ me.There's a Japanese island with 16 tons of mud full of rare earth minerals that make things like camera lenses, supe… https://t.co/px3Y8FtSvJ"Manu Ginobili is 137 years old!" https://t.co/N9WV4udA4u
4/17
2018
If a young woman knows today is the last day of Mercury in retrograde, but doesn’t know her taxes are due- her fath… https://t.co/DCN12uiqAL
4/15
2018
Wasn’t feeling that old until I heard Dr. Dre’s “Xxplosive” on a “back in the day hip hop” radio station and realiz… https://t.co/FueSYdQQTb
4/13
2018
@QuadrupleOT I’m not 😢
4/12
2018
We talk to comedian @robertistheMan about his late night debut on Fallon, his worst jobs, opening for Dave Chappell… https://t.co/eiuLXEqIkX
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz @EsterKay Yea you canJust caught the end of “8 Mile” when B Rabbit beats Papa Doc by being like, “yo, this dude went to a good school an… https://t.co/Cl9jMXsgKRThe older I get, the more weed makes me randomly start stretching.
4/8
2018
@MarylandMudflap My worst nightmare."When you are playing sports...someone can physically come out and block your shot or can guard you and stop you fr… https://t.co/TelBRDfe7I
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz @ihatejoelkim You just went 3 for 3 in that response.Fun fact about age requirements: you can vote before you can be on American Ninja Warrior.
4/7
2018
@ashleyzazz That’s so weird because I wrote it in your super classy Jersey voice. @SaraJBenincasa This made me blush, is that weird y/nIt amuses me when comedy shows are running late and they ask me if I’m ok doing a little less time, as if I’m going… https://t.co/6YXDBoXzGl @CaytonHolland Honestly thought this was a pic of @roryscovelSmoked a blunt and watched videos of lava erupting from volcanoes. Apologizing ahead of time, but I think I might b… https://t.co/mBY3omL50l @mlconverse07 @ComedyOnState Thank you, glad you came and enjoyed! And I’m gonna go to both.
4/6
2018
Madison! Come out tonight at 8:30! $5 with your college ID because Trick luh da kidz (I’m Trick in this instance) https://t.co/qsq2K6SA9H @SincereLife7 My man
4/5
2018
@dlemoncomedy I don't know what you're talking about, but I'm loving the all caps passion. @LaytesAgain @ComedyOnState Bc there’s a place with macaroni pizza down the street.MADISON- I am beyond excited to be performing at the incredible @ComedyOnState this weekend! Come see a show and wa… https://t.co/6cJQUBTdDjJust ordered a squatty potty, no further questions at this time. I SAID NO FURTHER QUESTIONS.
4/4
2018
DENVER- I’m hopping on tonight’s 8pm show @ComedyWorks downtown for a short set. Good comics start to finish on the line up. Come.Ep 9! The amazingly funny and insightful @noahgcomedy stops by to talk about the differences between hecklers and b… https://t.co/PwsaEQr6tK
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
4/2
2018
My father challenging an actual Israeli to a Hebrew speed reading competition during a song at the Seder. Bone Thug… https://t.co/9nNbYQ8SCF @silkyjumbo @kyleayers That’s why you’re one of my 5 favorite people in the world.
4/1
2018
I don’t know why people say parenting is so tiring. I just took my nephew to the park for 30 minutes and I feel *passes out mid sentence*
3/31
2018
Opening a restaurant where, on your birthday, we sing to someone else’s table. You pick em out and we ruin their d… https://t.co/IJ2x6Wve7f
Retweeted by Noah GardenswartzTomorrow marks the beginning of Passover, when we remember that it literally took fleeing slavery to force Jews into a low-carb diet.New ep of @neverseenitshow podcast! Noah Gardenswartz (@noahgcomedy) has never seen Silence of the Lambs, but he re… https://t.co/9ZMH9kJHcq
Retweeted by Noah GardenswartzTomorrow! @noahgcomedy has never seen Silence of the Lambs, but he rewrote it. Plus possibly the weirdest edition o… https://t.co/jQt7jjOPbA
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
3/29
2018
@Melowsh THAT'S WHAT I WANNA KNOW!Every morning I walk through the hallway of my apartment building and realign all of my neighbors’ crooked doormats… https://t.co/Q2xThCGzps @boonecomedy I can only write what I know, but I’m sure you’re right.
3/28
2018
There’s no greater joy than getting home and instantly taking off your pants.
3/27
2018
A GREAT 3rd Episode is out today with celeb cameo from former hedge funder / current Golden Glober @noahgcomedy, wi… https://t.co/sDFPanPQzR
Retweeted by Noah GardenswartzTonight! @CaytonHolland @noahgcomedy @badiniadones @chrislockefun @amore_orless @weismanjake Door tickets at 7pm. S… https://t.co/OcinD2hJZ6
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
3/26
2018
Tonight @westsidecomedy @ 8PM don't miss @mrseanpatton @katewillett @NotAlexis @noahgcomedy @neelnanda @MrNickCallas & a very special guest!
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
3/23
2018
@coatsieboy I get where you’re coming from as well. Nobody likes hearing bad generalizations about their country, e… https://t.co/GHyQvs8Nqg @coatsieboy I said the USA was no better. Also, the word “woke” never came out of my mouth. Lastly, YOU are going o… https://t.co/DgtWZIQnom @coatsieboy 1. If you listened to the entire segment we were very clear about the fact that of course we weren’t ta… https://t.co/S6asqhTtgOOUT NOW: Episode 109 with guest @noahgcomedy! Listen in as we discuss the #AustinBombings, Cambridge Analytica, Put… https://t.co/FKNDQyfa2j
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
3/22
2018
Tonight I’m on @JenKirkman show @HollywoodImprov #TheLab. We’re just recreating the best parts of Mrs Maisel season… https://t.co/PdAbCfafU8 @atjeffreyjoseph As long as you don’t mind sitting through a three hour film.
3/21
2018
Thinking about moving to LA strictly for the 4pm NBA tip-off times.My barber is always playing DVDs, so I gave him my old Oscar screeners. I like to imagine a customer who just wante… https://t.co/p8qlWyVwYbI had a very bad set last night and, BREAKING NEWS: it was all my fault.
3/20
2018
Tonight I’m performing on @TheBusinessLA or as those of us in the biz call it... the biz. 9 pm at Little Joy.
3/19
2018
11:30 tonight features @mikeyardcomedy @noahgcomedy @MatteoLane @peteleetweets @JoeListComedy @GlitterCheese @wilsylvince #ComedyCellar
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
3/15
2018
9:30 tonight features @wilsylvince @Greggrogell @JudahWorldChamp @JewdyGold @noahgcomedy @SalVulcano #ComedyCellar
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz
3/14
2018
Many times, physical feats come down to mind over body. One of those times is not when you’re a 34-year-old Jew try… https://t.co/dBsrhnxyuo
3/13
2018
ICYMI: NEW @NYCComedyCellar #podcast hosted by @noahgcomedy & @jayemcbride is on iTunes & https://t.co/fOkVNj82Jw #Riotcast
Retweeted by Noah Gardenswartz @jtrain56 It’s fine. There’s just something about the combo of desperation and a nice voice that moves me.
3/12
2018

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