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This is stand-up comic Mike Joyce, not the drummer for the Smiths.

1,021 Following   2,340 Followers   6,751 Tweets

Joined Twitter 12/29/10


If I see a strange couple making out on the sidewalk I politely stand there & wait until they finish
11/20
2018
Hey US media folks, here, I would argue immodestly, is how you interview a Trump supporter on Trump's lies: https://t.co/D8qElaic7o
Retweeted by Michael JoyceTONIGHT! @NotMikeJoyce is headed out west next week. Come say ‘bye bitch’ and see to a great show featuring:… https://t.co/6puM4wgzOk
Retweeted by Michael JoyceI can’t ship it with the movers so I’m doing a cross country road trip with this half jar of mayonnaise
11/14
2018
@DanWilbur @TheFancyShow @joezimmerman @silkyjumbo @seanytime @mikelebovitz @LilFrexxx @TheDouglassBK @TurboHaterhttps://t.co/WeuhgO1d5Z @DanWilbur @TheFancyShow @joezimmerman @silkyjumbo @seanytime @mikelebovitz @LilFrexxx @TheDouglassBK @TurboHaterhttps://t.co/9aPcZhEz4Atomorrow night come to the fancy thing dress code: addidas tracksuit or better https://t.co/BF0P927Ofj
Retweeted by Michael JoyceTomorrows my last @TheFancyShow before my NYC exile. I've been doing this every week for 5 years so come hang & wat… https://t.co/dy8gBmGvs1
11/13
2018
@Odbasta Hahaha @Peterquoi Oh yeah Tony the Tiger has me adding the’s to all the tiger namesI need a Daniel the Tiger episode that teaches kids to sleep in when their parents are hungoverThe chief law enforcement officer of the US was a paid advisor of a company that scammed people out of tens of mill… https://t.co/DeV2mTjhaa
Retweeted by Michael Joyce
11/10
2018
Saying goodbye to Brooklyn and moving West. I have a special last @TheFancyShow planned for next Wednesday (11/14)… https://t.co/sb4cvVGh27
11/7
2018
A few people posted about not voting so I unfollowed them because clearly they don’t want their voices to be heard. #electiondayMy 2 year old just said “Vote? I love to vote” so yeah, the youth vote is turning out today #ElectionDay2018
11/6
2018
If you think voting is pointless you're a very boring person @DantePowell @davelosso @DanUmthun Cool, appreciate it Dante (and Dave) @davelosso @DantePowell @DanUmthun Thank you David @SamGoneWiles You're an angel Sam! @CJToledano @SamGoneWiles @ablopezisatweet Thank you!Hey I'm gonna be in Des Moines Iowa on Thursday (11/8), anyone know where I can get up?Vote like a bunch of school children were shot and a bunch of other children were put into camps indefinitely bc th… https://t.co/S1KLgEMmc8
Retweeted by Michael JoyceIgnore the polls. Vote.
Retweeted by Michael Joyce
11/5
2018
SOMEONE PLEASE COME OVER & REMOVE THIS HALLOWEEN CANDY FROM MY APARTMENT (It's hidden all over & torture me all you… https://t.co/v0LDV8XnI4fuck fuck fuck fuck vote vote vote vote shit shit shit shit we gotta do something https://t.co/qVoppiJZID
11/2
2018
@CJToledano You’re too good at this CJI always tip extra if the delivery man used the stairs instead of the elevator
11/1
2018
pls share my new video if you like it (and also if you hate it), thanks! https://t.co/0pToawBZrA https://t.co/KAbdBacwH8
Retweeted by Michael JoyceTONIGHT! @thegutter 9PM CYSK ft: @Daniel_Simonsen @StartsWithanX @courtmaginnis @orlandobaxter @NotMikeJoycehttps://t.co/E1CSVXNROz
Retweeted by Michael Joyce
10/31
2018
@AdorableColin99 Who’s a good voter? You’re a good voter, yes you areTake it from someone who is very cool, if you don’t vote you’re a loserTonight let's Netflix and Liza https://t.co/JxZbLMwhRKI can't remember ever drinking a glass of water as a kidThe cost of Trump's tax cut: @USTreasury says it needs to borrow $425 BN for the 4th quarter of 2018. "That woul… https://t.co/xYbOxTtJ65
Retweeted by Michael Joyce
10/30
2018
It’s a Cleveland coaching bloodbath
10/29
2018
I enter every election with the hope that this is the revolution that Tracy Chapman was singing about
10/25
2018
TONIGHT get on board with these hilarious souls @mikerecine @MsReeezy @samttaggart @heyJuliaJohns @comicbamhttps://t.co/0mdKNKtvMF
Retweeted by Michael Joyce
10/24
2018
This cab driver’s authoring a bit of a white-knuckler right now
10/23
2018
A cool jacket can make up for a lot of personal deficiencies
10/19
2018
The baby screaming on this train right now is correct.
Retweeted by Michael JoyceTONIGHT put on your sweater & comfy shoes & come listen to make believe by @KFreehams @Schrotime @StartsWithanXhttps://t.co/bofZtNvvON
Retweeted by Michael JoyceContent is on the way, I promise
10/17
2018
She was really into horses & now she likes playing with cars so my daughter has officially entered the Industrial Age
10/12
2018
I repeat, make sure you’re registered to vote here: https://t.co/rGZN1ZHB9I https://t.co/2LDLTWmkLS https://t.co/UTOJhsx44PFOR THE LOVE OF GOD VOTE make sure you’re registered here: https://t.co/cRwSOCYiV2 https://t.co/2LDLTWmkLSIt’s weird how when there’s a big hurricane with your name people give you props like, “Hey dude congrats on the death toll.”
10/11
2018
TONIGHT jokes & mic drops by @brianbabylon @RiaWojo @Mattbachus @leresatee @danjperlman! Kiss you worries goodbye 8… https://t.co/DT40lI0e7S
Retweeted by Michael Joyce
10/10
2018
Read the horrifying report about Climate Change & all I could think was the world can’t end right now the Cleveland… https://t.co/6s4UtrUSqR @MariaHeinegg I’d subscribe
10/9
2018
With everything going on in the news it’s easy to forget about how urgent of an issue this is. Please make sure in… https://t.co/PLGx8etL4x
Retweeted by Michael Joyce
10/8
2018
Expand the Supreme Court to 11 & add 2 female Justices
10/7
2018
It's here! The #GrabYourBallot page just went live! It automatically splits your donation between 27 Democratic can… https://t.co/5LrwKdtunj
Retweeted by Michael JoyceFrankie goes yard!! #RallyTogether #CLEvsHOU https://t.co/lq62GHoZwF🚨Early risers in US: I’ve made a page where you can donate to the Democrat in every tossup Senate race this Novembe… https://t.co/6zYNC1stoM
Retweeted by Michael Joyce
10/6
2018
Kluber not super sharp early but he is competing & I am sweating. #RallyTogether #CLEvsHOU https://t.co/DmyQWVZzFjFrom 3 “drinking buddy” friends from Yale. “None of this is what we wanted, but we felt it our civic duty to speak… https://t.co/QJs9WoYNaB
Retweeted by Michael Joyce
10/5
2018
As the conference call dragged on I put the phone on mute so that they could not hear the single tear that rolled down my cheekRobots!! Friday .@FreddysBar1 -- 8pm for a brand new Robot Hospital - Free Stand Up Show! with amazing comics… https://t.co/7XeyYdiaCF
Retweeted by Michael JoyceNot even a full week for an FBI investigation. A single copy of the report given to the Senate. Less than an hour t… https://t.co/jsCftcuOpD
Retweeted by Michael JoyceIf I were a weatherman I’d explain current weather patterns by getting CLIMATE CHANGE tattooed on my forehead
10/4
2018
@TommyMcNam @MattBarats @BardiaSalimi1 love what you've done with the place TommyTONIGHT don't you dare close your eyes as @caseyJsalengo @MarciaBelsky @erikmonical @merrilldavis @bigCcomedyhttps://t.co/MqW0wfWz59
Retweeted by Michael Joyce
10/3
2018
*to the tune of Sound of Silence* Hello data, my old friend you've been breached once againI should’ve been moisturizing this whole time
10/2
2018
**my dog smells sidewalk piss** ME: ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? IS THIS NOT WHY YOU ARE HERE?
10/1
2018
This is beyond twisted: The Trump administration is now arguing that the impact of climate change will be so catast… https://t.co/PtGl74nEpJ
Retweeted by Michael Joyce
9/29
2018
.@theeclarkjones is doing too much! His debut album First Of All dropped today & let’s just say it’s now on my sex playlistThere’s not much in this world that makes me laugh harder than @megangailey so let’s all soothe our souls by watchi… https://t.co/SyhvWZJ7RuAny senator who votes to confirm Judge Kavanaugh after Dr. Ford’s testimony is telling our country exactly this: th… https://t.co/foEQWAhzPP
Retweeted by Michael JoyceI should be tweeting about the new Lil Wayne album but instead I'm urging you to listen to @LangstonKerman's new al… https://t.co/UpKE6KgKlD
9/28
2018
Everyone register. Everyone vote. Everyone get everyone you’ve ever known to vote. Every single Republican po… https://t.co/xTC59j5juA
Retweeted by Michael Joyce
9/27
2018
Introducing the Jeff Flake Comfort Blanket™ — Warm yourself in the soft embrace of Senator Flake's meaningless twee… https://t.co/Ft1U9WbdJS
Retweeted by Michael JoyceTHIS SHOULD BE OVER NOW. Julie Swetnick should not have to be the last nail in the coffin for Kavanaugh. She shoul… https://t.co/MNMgZYPGZW
Retweeted by Michael JoyceTONIGHT get dapper & get down to see Diddy dances by @kingfirestorm @whodougsmith @YoMikeBrown @deannaortiz_https://t.co/EDNBu1Nx1a
Retweeted by Michael JoyceMy spirit floated up to heaven’s gates when an angel turned me away & said, “you cannot rest until Bradley Cooper has an Academy Award”
9/26
2018
Mitch McConnell just stood on the Senate floor and called the women accusing Brett Kavanaugh liars. Somewhere in Am… https://t.co/KmjjAd3SQZ
Retweeted by Michael JoyceMy wife’s been out of town for less than an hour & my daughter’s already eaten 2 slices of pizza @SimmonsMcDavid @bushwickbears @MadTropical https://t.co/kUcUlBFeS4
9/24
2018
Be sure to put the lids on your trash cans cause the bears are out tonight @bushwickbears at @MadTropical 9pm https://t.co/YBVXYqp5wJ
9/23
2018
LOL GUESS WHAT!!!! I DECIDED TO DOUBLE CHECK I WAS REGISTERED TO VOTE *EVEN THOUGH* I HAD JUST CHECKED LIKE A MONTH… https://t.co/pR1hOy48M4
Retweeted by Michael JoyceOut of 1,000 rapes: * only ~300 are reported. * 57 will lead to an arrest * 7 will result in a felony conviction.… https://t.co/72bbSQY46P
Retweeted by Michael JoyceThe best way to teach a child about personal hygiene is to show them Martin Lawrence’s 1994 SNL monologue about washing yo ass🚨 SHIRTLESS @TheRealJRSmith BACK FOR THE BROWNS WIN 🚨 https://t.co/ZwqZbe2Hdv
Retweeted by Michael Joyce @SparksRadio @AdorableColin99 @EddieMcClintock @yourbuddygooch I don’t want to overreact but I’m overreacting what a legendI think Hue Jackson should have a good cry up at the press conference podium #CLEvsNYJ #GoBrowns @AdorableColin99 @EddieMcClintock @yourbuddygooch @SparksRadio Thank you ColinThe Browns... they... they... WIIIIIN!!! #CLEvsNYJ #GoBrownsI’m buying this underwear #NYJvsCLE https://t.co/KMqDTu5fuVI’m tingling all over #NYJvsCLE #GoBrowns29 starting QB’s since 1999 was just the road that led me to @bakermayfield #GoBrownsBaker Mayfield. The curse is broken. #GoBrowns @Schrotime Uh oh
9/21
2018
@Schrotime Browns win by two touchdowns & two missed field goalsIf the person sitting next to me on the train falls asleep I smile & whisper "Rest now, I will watch over you."
9/20
2018
Tonight @TheFancyShow is part of the @BrooklynComedy Festival with #free stand-up comedy by @SeatonSmithhttps://t.co/FpcQlIBFWW
Retweeted by Michael Joyce @krissimmons The secret ingredient in a Starbucks scone is rohypnolI often leave my coffee unattended in the morning but I figure it’s cool cause who’s carrying around their roofies at 9AM @derekbeacher If I described the toppings it’d come out like a Letter to Penthouse
9/19
2018
@TurboHater Those flowers really flared up your allergies @KSilly I’m not falling for that one again
9/18
2018

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