Sign in with Twitter


Disruptor. Ingenue. A Third Thing. Writer for You're The Worst on FXX @YTWFXX.

429 Following   9,506 Followers   39,215 Tweets

Joined Twitter 11/21/07

RIP Charles Manson who taught me it was okay to be weird.Not totally accurate since toddlers have object permanence.
I would watch a show called Cold Open that’s only cold opens. @longwall26 I mean, if it works?When gaming teaches you about life.’s gonna be fun when the sky is on fire and all the pundits will be like “wow really breaking some norms here.” @footie_pajamas Yes
Who is doing this @MarkAgee @InternetHippo Can we get young pope in there? @MarkAgee @InternetHippo Better than young Sheldon @MarkAgee Yeah and my sick words would destroy him. @danjan13 Ok but I have a thing at 8This is why I love country music: the subtext makes it sound like Meryl Streep used Cher as a weapon. @markhoppus That traffic must be real bad. @markhoppus Mark….. this is why you’re an artist. @jowrotethis For you? Ok. @bennettleigh What a hot take.The Punisher should use puns not guns. @markhoppus It’s insane, and it’s going to be that way for another year.At this point I’m fully expecting them to find an email with the subject line “wanna collude?”
@stephenfalk yeah super funWhat a badass title. @DanaSchwartzzz Vee-oh-la
@DanMentos Fake news @DanMentos You ruin everything.Turn up the nice. @usedwigs I honestly don’t knowThis is from his spec script, Judge Fuckhead. anyone made a Cardi B/Bodak Horseman joke? If not, this is it.I was about to go abuse a senior but then a bumper sticker told me not to so I didn’t.Nope. Trump’s never had leftover cake.
Imagine sucking so hard you get kicked off twitter.Twitter do good? but who’s the sexiest man dead? River Phoenix? @bromanconsul no but go ahead‘You’re The Worst’ Renewed For Fifth & Final Season On FXX
Retweeted by philippe iujvidin🥉But who is the saxiest man alive?Tonight’s the finale of #YouretheWorst. It really ties the whole season together. 10PM on FXX.Really happy I was able to get in on this before it sold out.
So I’ve just watched the @YTWFXX finale. I knew its promise at the time (because i have such amazingly talented cas…
Retweeted by philippe iujvidin🥉 @DanaSchwartzzz This picture makes so much more sense now.Who is she? @jasonjross It’s kind of impressive. @jasonjross The movie or the billboard?Why the hell not? There’s a very obvious right side here. just put up this billboard for a fake movie that came out two months ago. you know what would really trigger libs? Boycott coffee altogether. Also food and air.
@BrentPiaskoski Hey same! love brunch! you had a keurig coffee machine in your house in the first place it is with a heavy heart that i inform you that you are already owned
Retweeted by philippe iujvidin🥉 @bromanconsul You wanna come over?I think a robot with sharks for hands would be pretty badass.
@franklinhardy Hell yeah @franklinhardy Are you disrespecting our troops bro???Someone please pants this guy. @LouisPeitzman You just described America.Bro u meddle? Nah. Cool.
@stephenfalk Finally.It was full of Cheerios. can’t believe people are still driving hummer limos.I can’t believe the iPhone X is giving people face cancer.Here’s something nobody should ever say: we loop back around to Mel Gibson now?(looking at your cup of tea): That’s not my cup of tea. @markhoppus iPhone XI @leilacohan Creative too.Why are Republicans allowed to base their ideology on an Ayn Rand novel but I’m “not allowed to talk about The Joy Luck Club anymore”??? @fro_vo how much time do you have?My sonicare stopped working so now I just have a heavy-ass toothbrush.I’m collecting all the caricatures of celebs that steakhouses can’t use anymore for my museum.The bummer is that all these creeps get to keep their millions of dollars.Florida 2: Alabama
@slashfilm Do you have a siren you flip on for these?My last two injuries have been from pistachios and LEGO, respectively.This time of year I always miss my favorite show Low Winter Sun.Well now I miss the keyboard bug. Like how we all miss George W. Bush.Apple just released an update to fix that keyboard problem. That was a wild few days, w ; ß st it?