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Playwright-in-Residence at @OLittleGreenPig. Author of The Girl in the Road, forthcoming from @CrownPublishing and @LittleBrownUK in May 2014.

202 Following   1,506 Followers   22,116 Tweets

Join Twitter 3/7/11

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Aaaaand NyQuil is a go. See you on the other side, everyone.lurching around like a wounded stagcoughing = abs workoutHerr Direktor directs. And also shaves Olympic rings into heads as needed. http://t.co/AFQFJLon7U@bethwodzinski i like plain glazed time@bethwodzinski INCORRECT it is a donut obviBeing sick is such a waste of time.
4/16
2014
Asking someone to print, copy, or scan something in 2014 should be as unacceptable as racism/tuberculosis.
Retweeted by Monica Byrnei <3 sudafedA secret bunker in the Olympic Village, circa 1985. #playwrightslife http://t.co/o0j8LmIFGt@RudeMechs Righteous.Anger is useful.Thunderstorm approaching #Durham. Looks like a good 'un. You all right out there, @MajorTheBull?Ham blossoms. http://t.co/xCaQgFMYSeWow. India recognizes, and gives legal status to, transgendered people. http://t.co/KvDudm53UuMy day so far: Sleep. Drink warm water with local honey dissolved in it. Sleep.
4/15
2014
lets play a game called you bring me food and i eat it
Retweeted by Monica Byrneso far absorbing zero powers from this blood moon what a scam
Retweeted by Monica Byrne@aatishb Thunderstorms forecast for tomorrow ;)@aatishb Ah-kay. I'm just downing water and hoping tomorrow will be better.@aatishb True :) Do you have any go-tos? I'm taking loratidine, and for some reason, craving string cheese to an absurd degree.@aatishb Thank you. Allergies, is all.Announced sale of novel this morning. This evening? Spent three hours working on another novel. 'Cause that's whatcha do.
Retweeted by Monica ByrneWorking from bed. Sick as balls. :(@afnewton Steve George taught me that... #viozzis@michaelrbeazley @DrCFischer @afnewton @EmilyJaworski Here, have some Sunny D.@playwrightsteve Yeah. It's a hazard.I'd like to be more deciduous about these things.The pollen, each grain in a mucousy antibody sheath, is forming a bolus in the back of my throat.@JeremyWrites Thank you so much, Jeremy. Git it!!@alliemullin I DID ALREADY! ;)Five weeks till launch. And I have a freshly forged AUTHOR PAGE for the occasion. http://t.co/jemBnj3KBh @CrownPublishing @BlackfriarsBook@RSTStatusReport Thaaaaaaaaanks ;)Ooooh, I have a brand-new Facebook Author page. Come like! And stay tuned for tasty authory things! https://t.co/GgljVu4zXL@BBolander @ECthetwit @Nalo_Hopkinson Bir--fuck.@paulboccaccio ehIf I unfollow enough people on Facebook, maybe the algorithm will show me posts from people I actually want to see. *whimper*
4/14
2014
@damiengwalter blaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh@randomsubu sowwy #icequeenI don't miss anyone. Except my family.YAY PIE CHART! Party like it's 2001! http://t.co/GrJCNxV7ve@KatWithSword I may look into that for next year...@KatWithSword Oh yes! I did remember to do that once this year. I am eagerly anticipating the TurboTax page that asks me for it.@nrose :( :( :( Yeah.@KatWithSword Oh God what is that, even?@afnewton Also I totally admit I don't know what it is either, only what it does (lower my taxes owed).@afnewton Fantastic.This is like counting jelly beans in a jar, except nobody gets anything, except the IRS.And ALL THE DATA ARE ENTERED. Now for the tallies. Who wants to guess how much I spent on travel this year?@afnewton I hope you wrote off All The Things.Wow. The tax code is just really not written for artists. There is no line between work and life for me.Pssst @riverstone77, see last retweet :)And Leviathan Theatre Company's production of AMADEUS was possibly the best theatre I've seen during our trip.
Retweeted by Monica Byrneoh god i'm wearing yoga pants and eating yogurtPalm Sunday. New diary. About to chronicle a batshit time in my life. #morningpages #writerslife http://t.co/ucUUc8ekT9@naturalreadhead @NoahMovie HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAA
4/13
2014
@shaenasaurus Write it off as "morale-building exercise."Ah yes. The April 2013 Raw Cookie Dough Phase. #taxes14-year-old forced into marriage kills husband more than twice her age. http://t.co/egzbhTnz0S
Retweeted by Monica Byrne@byHeatherLong There is some aspect of it that's nice. Namely--lots of memories of lovely times with lovely people.Oooh, found @byHeatherLong's business card from when she came to my Fringe show. All kinds of treasures in here. #TaxTime@DrCFischer @afnewton @EmilyJaworski @michaelrbeazley AHA. There he is. Where's Jen? Probably practicing the organ.Ah, and now I've reached the New York layer of 2013 receipts. Proxy: Pathmark. #straigraphy@jellealten We live in an age of miracles.@jellealten You like yours? It just seems too good to be true.Looking at Roombas.So we have @afnewton, @EmilyJaworski, @DrCFischer. Where are Jen and Mike? Probably at the pool.@instagram! It's a Saturday in spring! GET IT TOGETHER!The Great Receipt Count, 2013. #freelancerslife http://t.co/kq9AsO4uC4@beppesevergnini Sorrento, Vesuvius, Cumae, Capri, Positano, Pompeii...each one is such a cherished memory for me.Bizarre. Southern Italy was the first place I ever traveled abroad at 19. It is utterly magical. http://t.co/oskDDj7aYR @beppesevergniniHappy birthday to my wonderful editor @zackwagman! I hope he is out enjoying the Park Slope suburb spring weather :)
4/12
2014
Writing till fried. http://t.co/kySGelAaGxFRIED. 'Night. #writerslife@jabrilfaraj You know, I haven't. I'll think about it, though I can't say Salinger's ever been very high on my to-read list...@jabrilfaraj I've actually long wanted to write one with St. Clare and St. Francis of Assisi as naughty schoolchildren.Sweet Jesus, revisions to this play will never be over. The next play I write will have TWO CHARACTERS. #fourteencharacters@DrCFischer @EmilyJaworski ...another example: 4/19, first kiss, Harry Nash, HA@DrCFischer @EmilyJaworski In the year 1995-96 I took note of several "sacred days" that I've remembered ever since....@afnewton My very favorite.This day in 1996, @DrCFischer and I were fourteen, and opened the Lebanon Catholic High School spring production of GODSPELL. Carry on.Wherein @crownpublishing makes a legit fetish object out of my book. WAIT TILL YOU FEEL IT. http://t.co/n7vYeK1UxiGuys YOLO in Farsi is FYZD.
Retweeted by Monica ByrneMy ideal kiss ratio is 1 tongue-featuring : 4 lip-based.Women in stock images don't know how to ride bikes http://t.co/LKQ990ZuJZ http://t.co/fszIDpZdlV
Retweeted by Monica Byrne@glorioushubris It's a family trait. My mother looked like a grown woman at twelve. http://t.co/3PcichgDZlProof that I looked about the same at age 13 as I do now. http://t.co/3YbgkwTLa7Well...mild improvement. Fell back asleep after the scary dream and instead dreamt I was trying to seduce my high school biology teacher. EwLooking to polish your writing? I have openings for short and novel-length fiction clients. More details here: http://t.co/tvZuDJfBKP
Retweeted by Monica ByrneI had a scary dream. :(
4/11
2014
@neilhimself The Hudson Valley IS magical--was at a residency there last summer. America's fairyland.@playwrightsteve Twitter not allowing me to DM URLs, yet again :P http://t.co/J1rMBWM3z2@linnieVII @GilbertLiz And I'm watching Top of the Lake with Elisabeth Moss, written by Jane Campion. An evening of brilliant women ;)@alliemullin @pompieripizza Ah, that's probably it! And that pizza looks like it's to die for...Dear #Durham: What is the name of the new restaurant that opened just opposite Dos Perros with all the nice outdoor seating? @thisfeedsme?For my 300th follower I will poop on the lawn/porch of your local arch enemy!
Retweeted by Monica Byrne@nicolaz @BlackfriarsBook Congratulations, Nicola <3Is there a greater pleasure than your longtime friends reading your novel and texting you favorite lines? I think not. <3Referring to @cocoacinnamon's menu quite a lot to calculate my business expenses in 2013... :)So, those of you who've run crowdsourcing campaigns...do you report your earnings as taxable income? Apparently 'tis a pending legal case.
4/10
2014
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