Author, Comedian, and creator of @Ruminations
@kimberly_kelsey but grew up in jers :)@bjcorey agreed@jvkeboxhero always!!Only one thing can help us now. #HologramJeter@sigoe love this.Final thoughts on the town hall format: 1) Obama won. 2) Long Island lost.@lisarenee_o *blushes*I think Romney just called himself a liar.@laurzins it helps the undecideds keep count.@aaugusti god damn.@David4242 low blow@laurzins Jeremy/Katherine unscripted series?@aaugusti is that true?????Anyone else just see Jeremy sneak a peak at Katherine?@BigRude133 amen.@aaugusti ouch.@joquiroz irrelevant. #marlins.@JennMSU boooAssault weapons, blah, blah, blah. Will someone ask Obama how he'll get the Yankees hitting again?Come on Romney, chin up. This is just like the bobsled races you helped run.@MyLifeOnMatch your like fifth on that one :)@katieferg exactly. very undecided.@kweekley np!@honesgirl pointer!@TroySkully lol@TheChris213 oy@gwiss hahaha oh boy.@TheWatsonBrand and candy chose it!@KmAcHoTkA4L haha oh boy :)@pinacolado24 *bows*Dear Michael Jones: the topic sentence goes FIRST.Romney is all the awesomeness of Bush...without the alcohol.It's cute that Obama thinks China refers to its own citizens as "folks."@billrisch haha jesus christ.@gwiss or the "gwiss method" #toosoon?@markzito too soon?@thatfuckinggrrl whoops. i meant agreed!I'm pretty sure Romney's healthcare plan is "use the rhythm method."No such thing as "University of New York." #factcheck #SUNY@PCoudriet thank you :)@colbybrin @justin_kanew more than her number...@markzito i literally just LOL'd.@colell god bless america :)Maxim's Hottest Undecided Voter?Candy needs balls to match that blazer.@jvkeboxhero hahahahaha@laurzins i will whip out my pinkie toe. i'll do it.Personally I don't trust people who count to five with their thumb first. #thumbLASTIf Rick Perry had written shit down like this woman, he'd still be in the race.@EmByrdie i hope soon!!Romney and Obama actually engaging each other makes me a bit hard.@Fotstan touche!Basically, Romney hates all birds.@youhavechanged i like it.Fret not: our fate will be decided by 50,000 morbidly obese, low information voters who think their "local polling place" is a strip club.@CMTHOMPSON24 Thank you!! RT @CMTHOMPSON24 Lexapros and Cons by @AaronKaro is so funny!
@GuyFrom516 i'm here bro.Thanks tweeps for tuning in to my 2nd real time debate rumination! Make sure to hit me up @ http://t.co/n1tEYXJQJoe Biden is the Raul Ibanez of VP candidates.Ryan: "We have a very big choice. And as you can see, I have a very big flag pin." #specifics@badgamer83 baincave?@Garrettkimbell biracial?@aaugusti insanity?Ryan, just wish Michelle Obama a happy anniversary and get the fuck out.Ryan on faith: "Have you seen Jesus' abs? P90X."At the end of the debate is Biden going to turn Ryan into a baby a la Mortal Kombat?Ryan: "you want to get into defense now?" Bro's been playing defense all night.@Writejoy trouble.Ryan's out of water. If Joe's offers his, game over.@mags603 botox?Joe doesn't need to drink water. Water is #malarkey.@estherachka was i?At some point, Biden MUST call Ryan "Son."@jones2mk totes.Ryan doesn't think guys who wear ties like his should be allowed to get married to each other.@jpfuhrman no choice. feel bad.@Arwolf1 always.Slick move, Ryan: bring up car crashes in front of Joe Biden. #insensitive.@jpfuhrman Bibi had tech difficulties.@Garrettkimbell agreed. #unlikely@AlainaSegovia live in your bubble. all good.@Garrettkimbell i wish. great widow's peak.@AlainaSegovia 99 wrongs and 1 right doesn't make a right.@davedonny crest white strips.Ryan's widow's peak is convenient because it points to his ever growing Pinocchio nose.I gotta say, "no apologies" is a good strategy. worked with my last ex-girlfriend.The VP debate is brought to you by the chairs they leave out on the floor of Office Depot with the desk sets.