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Actor / Writer / Filmmaker / Blogger / Comedian / Critic / Gamer / Mad Scientist

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Join Twitter 3/19/09

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And that was on hardwood. NO FUCKING WAY I could do that now, though. Good GOD that would mess me up. I was invincible at that age.It's funny, back in the day I actually used to take back-bumps, sort of, not knowing what they were. I did a lot of pratfalls on stage.But it would be the kind where I no-sold the finisher, SCREAMED IN DEFIANCE... and then immediately got BLASTED BACK DOWN TO THE MAT.I always said if I worked a match (and I wouldn't, but if I did, it would be ONE), I want a spot where I had OFIGHTING~O SPIRITU~!A little disappointed there was no OFIGHTING-O SPIRITU~!Jake Roberts DDT! #ICHI #NI #SANIt looks like a diving headbutt but he caught him in midair with a heel kick. THAT was brutal.Not enough for the three! Tenryu goes up top! Jumps BUT HASHIMOTO CATCHES HIM IN THE BRAIN WITH A SPINNING HEEL KICK OH HOLY MARY MOTHER OFOH FUCK ME THAT CHOP WAS LOUD. Tenryu sets up for a... I don't even know... He's herking him up... auuugh!! DEADLIFT JACKKNIFE POWERBOMB!Tenryu WITH BACKHAND CHOPS THAT SOUND LIKE FUCKING GUNSHOTS. Then a rolling wheel kick when I haven't seen in over a decade.KARATE CHOP TO THE FACE! OWW! LEAPING KARATE CHOP TO THE SPINE! DDT! Hashimoto looks like he's laying in karate chops to the collarbone.He spits on his hand, ANOTHER PALM STRIKE. EEEEWWWW AND IT SPRAYED. THAT PISSED HIM OFF! HASHIMOTO WITH KARATE CHOPS TO THE SPINE! FUCK!Tenryu pussies out with a punch to the face again to stun him and starts TURNING HIS CHEST INTO GROUND BEEF WITH PALM STRIKES.Hashimoto dares him back up for another chop-fest. Challenge accepted. Hashimoto with ANOTHER CHOP TO THE THROAT. Is he botching? JESUS.Hashimoto locks in a sankaku-jime! (Figure-four triangle choke) #ASKHIM! Rope break, though.The crowd is FURIOUS at this bitch move. Tenryu is a BITCH. Tenryu lays in more chops until Hashimoto knocks him down with a heel kick!Tenryu back to his feet. Hashimoto dares him to chop him back-- AND TENRYU WITH A *PUNCH* TO THE FACE. BOOOOO!!!! BOOOOOO!!!Hashimoto leaps up, responding with a flurry of chops, ending the combo WITH A DISCUS KNIFE EDGE CHOP RIGHT TO THE THROAT. THAT HAD TO SUCK.Tenryu CHOPS HIM SO GODDAMN HARD he seems to legit go rubber-kneed and knock him down. Hashimoto's expression is "No WAY you live."Tenryu is SLAMMING backhand chops into this guy so hard, never mind Hashimoto, I'm wondering what this is doing to Tenryu's hand.Never mind that the video quality is crap, and yet immediately I can still see the GIANT RED WELTS on their chest despite the grainy video.The referee unbelievably lets that go and the two start nailing each other with flat-palm chops right to the chest. Then it becomes a war.That punch was STIFF AS A FOSSILIZED SHIT. AUGH. The referee admonishes Tenryu and gets Tenryu pushes him down! Whoa!! He shoved the ref!Tenryu can't believe it! He's in full retreat and eating kicks to the solar plexus. The referee moves in AND TENRYU BLASTS HIM WITH A FISTTenryu is the wily veteran. He sizes the kid up like "the hell is this? Psh, whatever." HASHIMOTO SWEEPS THE LEG, WHOA!!Oh, they're still politely in their seats, but they're loudly chanting for Hashimoto. Very shameful dispray.This crowd is WILD (as in, you can actually HEAR them) and the match hasn't even started.Tenryo's obviously the heel, wearing pastel violet. Tenryu looks like a doughier CHONG LI from Bloodsport, but INTENSE. He wants DEATH.Time for JAPANESE PURORESU~! On a recommendation, I have chosen New Japan Pro Wrestling, Shinya Hashimoto vs Genichiro Tenryu, 8/1/98!7 overhead suplexes in that match! 3 botched against plexiglass and one through it! #Intensity #Integrity #Intelligence #SUPLEX #RepeatRT @mydaughtersarmy: Sir Patrick Stewart on being an old white man... http://t.co/2JwDIrQaqu What a dude. #myhero
Retweeted by Noah AntwilerAll-night filming... so tired...@MatthewBrinerPA Yeah, I'm not watching the Benoit match. I need to get back to work, and it's still pretty creepy to me.Apparently some MORON installed FUCKING PLEXIGLASS in those windows. Unwise when the person going through them is a McMahon.I do not envy any part of Shane the next hour once swelling set in. Oh no. No no no.Shane is DONE. FUCKING DONE. Shane gets an ovation as the refs scrape his carcass off the mat. He tries to wave and seems to legit fail.Kurt slingshots Shane to the top rope! Follows him up and LAUNCHES HIM 3/4 OF THE WAY ACROSS THE RING WITH A SUPER OLYMPIC SLAM!!!!!!!Shane! Low blow! Trash can lid to the brain! OLYMPIC SLAM! #ONE #TWO #THRE-- KICKOUT, SHANE, HAVE THE GOOD SENSE TO DIE.Kurt grabs an anvil case and wheels Shane down to the ring, finally makes the cover. #ONE #TWO #THRE-- KICK OUT WHAT THE FUCK??Jesus Christ, ref. I don't know who you are, but they just destroyed a building. I got two men down here and they're covered in glass.Kurt goes for the pin BUT THE REF REFUSES TO COUNT. WHAT? Pins in a street fight only count IN THE RING. FUCK YOU.TAP OUT SHANE, THIS MAN IS OUT OF HIS FUCKING MIND. Both men are bleeding like CRAZY. Kurt has SHARDS OF GLASS jutting from his arms.Kurt is all FUCK THIS SHIT, picks up Shane by the collar and hair and BATTERING RAMS HIM FACE FIRST THROUGH THE GLASS WHAT THE FUCK MAN AUGHHe landed right on his goddamn head again! How is Shane still alive?!? OH JESUS KURT YOU SICK MOTHERFUCKER ANOTHER SUPLEX NO DIDN'T BREAK!!!They're now under the stage. Kurt decides to overhead suplex him back OUT THROUGH ANOTHER WINDOW NO DON'T KURT NO NO OH GOD IT DIDN'T BREAKKurt hauls him up, gives himself more distance, AND SUPLEXES HIM THROUGH THE GLASS AND THIS TIME IT BREAKS!! IS THIS WHAT I WANTED?!?He just suplexes at warp speed, splats into the glass like a bug on a windshield, and then SPIKES HEAD, NECK ON BARE CONCRETE OH GOD HELPHe hooks Shane for another overhead belly-to-belly suplex, herks him thr-- OH FUCK THE GLASS DIDN'T BREAK. Shane drops RIGHT on his head AHHKurt still is the first to his feet, drags Shane to the King of the Ring entrance ramp set, consisting of a number of frosted glass panels.Like, not even selling hurt. As in when you have actually gone blind from pain. His face is tighter than a snare drum.Shane somehow rises from the dead, blocks a suplex and somehow lands his own vertical suplex ON FUCKING CONCRETE. AUUGH KURT LOOKS HURT.KURT F-U's SHANE OVER THE TOP ROPE GOOD LORD ALMIGHTYSHANE GOES FOR A SHOOTING STAR PRESS BUT EATS NOTHING BUT JAGGED FUCKING GARBAGE CAN AAAUUUGHH SHANE DIED FOR YOUR SINS AND HE'S DEAD NOWKurt fights out of it, but Shane doesn't miss a beat and FUCKING BRAINS HIM WITH A TRASH CAN! Trash can over Kurt, Shane's going up top!Shane locks in the Sharpshooter!!! #ASKHIM!! #ASKHIM!!! He gets to the ro-- DRAGGED TO THE CENTER! #ASKHIM! Kurt grabs the kendo stick!Kurt charges to the corner! SHANE DUCKS UNDER AND HITS THE ROCK'S LAYIN' THE SMACK DOWN DDT!Shane ducks an enzugiri, grabs the ankle lock, ONLY TO CATCH AN UP-KICK LEGIT RIGHT IN THE FUCKING HEAD OH GOD NOShane starts fucking hurling Kurt into the barricade back-first with arm-drags and loads the ring ECW-style with the junkyard under the ringHere comes the plunder! Shane's got a Singapore cane and FUCKING BREAKS IT OVER HIS BACK. KURT RISES LIKE A SLASHER MOVIE KILLER FUCKERRRR!Kurt drops to referee's position again in case Shane wants some more of that shit. Shane sizes him up & punts him in the ribs like a coward.ANOTHER OVERHEAD SUPLEX. Kurt is stiffing the SHIT out of Shane with these things.BELLY-TO-BELLY OVERHEAD SUPLEX AND SHANE WENT SO HIGH OH GAWWWDKurt dares him to try that shit again and drops into the referee's position. Oh, this is going to last about 0.00002 secon-- yep. OOOOH.Shane twists him down with a dragon screw and shows him up with some amateur moves which PISSES HIM THE FUCK OFF.Kurt blasts him with knees in a Muay Thai clinch!! Shane catches Kurt's leg and throws jabs, right away busting Kurt over the eye hardway.
Kurt is going monkeyshit flinging Shane around in a waistlock. Shane goes for the ropes and the ref starts the 5-count (in a street fight?!)Shane dances down to the ring, followed by Kurt WHO AIN'T HAVING NONE-A THIS SHIT SON AND SHOOTS FOR THE TAKEDOWN! IT'S ON LIKE ZAXXON!RT @billreviews @TheSpoonyOne *cough* King of the Ring 2001 *cough* // Er, yes.Sadly, the Radicalz immediately lost all traction when Eddie immediately broke his arm on their debut and Perry Saturn named his finisher.And yet HOW STUPID IS IT to have the HOME TURF COMPANY BE THE HEELS DURING AN INVASION ANGLE?I suppose that's true? But only characters the crowd accepted as babyfaces were the Radicalz (Benoit, Eddie, Malenko).@TheSpoonyOne I thought Shane was the face because he bought WCW out from under Vince somehow? Whatever. God the Invasion sucked.
Retweeted by Noah AntwilerAND YET Shane DID technically pick the fight with Kurt.And yet Kurt is nobly defending the honor of WWE against the invaders, AND YET he is bullying the non-wrestler Shane.BIZARRE Heel vs. Heel dynamic here. Prick heel millionaire owner of heel faction nobody likes vs. Prick heel jock nobody likes.IT'S TIME. Shane McMahon vs. Kurt Angle (Street Fight) - King of the Ring 2012 ~/o HERE COMES THE MONAYYYYY ~/oCOME ON, Shane. Can't a guy just re-enact his Olympic gold medal ceremony in peace? HE WON THEM WITH A BROKEN FREAKIN' NECK!*looks at the encroaching darkness of the mine, whispering* How many times have we had this exact same conversation...?"Doc... how long have we been here? What... what year is it?" "I don't want to think about this. I can't... I can't...""Doc? I... why do we come here?" "Eh?" "What would happen if we just... stopped? Stopped mining?" "Well, we... it..." *eyes lose focus*That's... Shouldn't... Wouldn't that horrify you to your fucking core?@TheSpoonyOne They say in the song that they don't know what for.
Retweeted by Noah Antwiler@Cactus_Soup90 I'm stretching myself pretty thin as it is, though; I'm trying to find a way to do all of it at once and stay sane.@Cactus_Soup90 A studio? No. I didn't want to make a movie an official stretch goal, but it's something I'm working toward.@Cactus_Soup90 This is why I'm working on the DVD and a larger project as well, to put it to good use.A photo preview of what's coming in a few days, for my Patreon peeps! http://t.co/J2scsl9ChlYeah, okay, but you'd think they'd be able to afford a nicer place. Or at least get their own and not live with 6 other hairy bastards.@TheSpoonyOne Presumably, forge them into jewellery and ornaments to sell for profit.
Retweeted by Noah Antwiler@loweringthebar As opposed to the Wish-Granting, Energy Restoring Albino Cobra.So, the Seven Dwarfs bust their asses mining jewels and gold all day long and do... what with it, exactly?@themagicrobshow I'm sorry I let you down, then. I work harder than you'll ever know.But with my footage uploaded, I've no time for Shane-o Mac vs Kurt, and I must return to filming!DDP would later return as a motivational speaker, today known as "The Bo Dallas." And #ThatsNotABadThing #ThatsAGoodThing #BOLIEVE@TheSpoonyOne Well yeah, I mean who betta?
Retweeted by Noah AntwilerAt the time I had it pegged for Sara to turn heel and join DDP. THANK GOD I WAS WRONG. No, instead, he teamed with KANYON!JR, after seeing Page... lightly... slapped around... declares that Page pretty much got rekt and taught a lesson.Nothing happens. And then Page just leaves. Just walks off like "fuck this." And Taker lets him go after the "Biggest Ass Kicking Ever."I really don't know what the hell is happening here. JR and Heyman are trying to scream like this is Achilles vs. Hector.Taker and DDP proceed to have a really, REALLY bad brawl. Bad worked punches, DDP gasses out immediately, DDPs bumps are shit.Fast-forward to tonight-- KEEP ROLLIN' ROLLIN' ROLLIN' ROLLIN' Aw sonuvaBITCH.