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Actor / Writer / Filmmaker / Blogger / Comedian / Critic / Gamer / Mad Scientist

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Join Twitter 3/19/09

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TIME TO PLAY THE GAME Chain Match, Intercontinental Championship - HHH (IC / Tag Team) vs. Kane IT'S ALL ABOUT THE CHAINChyna wins with a sloppy powerbomb. Looks like Lita's head bounces off the mat about 30 times in the span of .5 seconds.OH GOD NO CHYNA'S tits are flopping out all over the place AAAHHHHWomen's Championship - Chyna (c) vs. Lita Here comes Lita's shitty fist-pump dance to the ring.GORE!!! GORE!!! GORE!!!BIG SHOW CHOKESLAMMED THE EVERLASTING CHRIST OUT OF RHYNOI fast-forward past Angle vs. Benoit (2 of 3 falls) which breaks my heart to do.Hardcore Championship - Test vs. Big Show vs. Rhyno (c) They're billing Show at 500 lbs. which is IMPOSSIBLE. He's amazingly trim here.Ouch, and Light Heavyweight Champion Jerry Lynn is the poor guy left holding his dick at WWF New York this month."LOOK AT DAT ASS!!" --Paul Heyman, Judgment Day 2002 (Guess who Paul E is referring to!)@HopeWithinChaos Sean, all Square-Enix knows how to make is trailers. Don't be gullible.RT @Maffewgregg Cena and Khali lock Heyman in a closet and smash his phone. FACES OF THE YEAR 2014 // It was an Android phone, too.Oh god, Diana, the match is over! YOU MADE YOUR POINT! http://t.co/SKLcqXElo7@ScottGreenfield @loweringthebar Uh. Dumb, honest question: the hell are pen registers and trap & trace devices? And how do I destroy them?@brentalfloss Aw come on, man. We're busy bombing the crap out of Arabs. We can only act SO American at one time.Cole: HE CAN'T TAP, HE'S A QUADRIPLEGIC!!COME ON REF #ASKHIMHe could outright start putting kids with cerebral palsy in the STFU and we'd say he's trying too hard to work the heel act. #ASKHIMWhat's he going to say? "I could give a DAMN about those kids with ass cancer!!" Nobody believes that. He's not turning heel. Give it up.By this point, if he ever does turn heel it's going to come off as completely phony, just a lot of scowling like he's being forced to do it.We've seen this story go around so often now it's become cliché. There's about 2-3 villains a year now with an "embrace the hate" angle.Anyway, to my previous point: this whole "I will never turn heel" angle is completely dramatically pointless because HE WILL NEVER TURN HEELOr that he's trying to trade up by replacing Lesnar with Cena, and that idea is LAUGHABLE considering what Brock did to him.But that didn't exactly work out for him the first time.The only reasoning that I can see is that he's trying to RUIN Cena's chances because Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect are his only hope.What's the endgame here? Cena goes into Evil Beast Mode, kills Brock, and rips up your meal ticket. Nice play, Shakespeare.Okay, fine. So answer me this: the HELL does Paul Heyman care? Why would he want to help? Let Brock break his back and make him humble.@TheSpoonyOne It kind of works. Heyman taunts Cena with the idea he'll never be as good as Brock if he's constantly worried about his image.
Retweeted by Noah AntwilerIt's this weird story where it's like we're watching the show writers argue instead of Heyman and Cena. "Turn Cena heel." "I don't want to."Problem is, this has nothing to do with Brock. This is about metafiction. This is about John Cena as a character. "John, act heelish."And Cena's like "I don't want to turn heel,." And we're like "You should. You're boring as piss." And he's like, "KIDS WITH ASS CANCER."Heyman is almost literally coming out and saying "You are boring, John! Turn heel and you will be awesome! Everyone thinks you should!"It's that the story being told makes no sense. (Well, that and Cena coming back from that beating in a week). It's about Cena turning heel.Which leads me to my frustration with WWE right now: the Brock/Cena story. Not that Cena will probably win. Seriously. That's not it.When he went Hollywood and turned heel, it was hard to tell, aside from the change in t-shirt. His moveset certainly stayed the same.Conceded, but those were a couple of matches. Hogan never changed. He was like that his entire babyface run.@Rosenhacker @TheSpoonyOne Cena is light years ahead of Hogan at this point. Especially after his "match" with Cole. http://t.co/cj48THp7Nz
Retweeted by Noah AntwilerAnd I mean the kind of heel eye gouge where he grabs the guy's face in both hands, roars, and rips at the guy's corneas to maim the guy.Oh no no no. Hogan would flat out, right in front of the ref gouge the eyes, fingernail rake the back, and attack helpless managers.@TheSpoonyOne hulk hogan and cena are two of the most heelish babyfaces that have ever been in the fed. It's insane.
Retweeted by Noah AntwilerYes, I watched that match as part of my research. If you're supposed to be a babyface and use more heel moves than THE GREAT MUTA, YOU SUCK.@TheSpoonyOne HH only had 5 moves tops? LIES! https://t.co/uJgWIj2pac
Retweeted by Noah AntwilerI didn't want to drive the joke into the ground. I trust my comedic reflays.@TheSpoonyOne Was really hoping for a Bowflex "Bowflay" joke in there somewhere. Oh well. *Puts on wrestling tights made of Spanday.*
Retweeted by Noah AntwilerMongul doesn't even know where he is. Superman and Batman are pleading with Diana to end this! Enough is enough! http://t.co/3fJoUnanLDWONDER WOMAN WITH ROLLING GERMAN SUPLAYS! How many is this? RIGHT ON THE BACK OF MONGUL'S HEAD! http://t.co/TwJZrnEmqD#DOOM elects for the pat-down. This so-called "random screening" is a farce. Do you think I don't see through this?! http://t.co/BgZG4h4UqwYOU GOT NO CHANCE NO CHANCE IN HELL http://t.co/9hAXvfHyG7Come with #DOOM if you want to live. http://t.co/TrOR2EznzNSOMEBODY GON' GET DEY ASS KICKED http://t.co/DAKE2vAmjW#AlsoIn2099 mutants are being rounded up and hunted by whackjob Judges, including this young girlOH SHIT-- http://t.co/DZfa0IrGCd"I WISH I COULD SCOWL HARDER GOD DAMN IT"@TheSpoonyOne The mental image of Frank smashing into the ground right after this panel is hilarious
Retweeted by Noah AntwilerThe Punisher don't need no fucking jetpack. http://t.co/4D24sL40GdI must apologize for my previous racially-insensitive remarks regarding Indians' inability to play golf. #TheySayIndiansCantPlayGolfTyson Kidd broke out the Moss-Covered Three-Handled Family Grudunza. #NXT
@brentalfloss 17th Amendment, man.@TheSpoonyOne http://t.co/eYy1Gjj8FH
Retweeted by Noah AntwilerCommenters representing Quebec, France, and Switzerland have spoken to the spirit of Gordon Solie: it ain't soup-lay. http://t.co/03wRR5dBQWEAT SLEEP #SOUPLAY REPEAT http://t.co/03wRR5dBQW@TheSpoonyOne "Looks like another VCR wrestling game is gonna get put away by the Spoony OKZKWHNGCYNGCHNG---#DAH http://t.co/UKJTrqqhY1
Retweeted by Noah AntwilerBlack Hole of Board Games - Verne Gagne Presents All-Star Wrestling, Power Slam VCR Wrestling Game http://t.co/ldQghKOfTYSOONI just saw the Great Khali attempt to use a phone and turned the TV off in resignation. Done.I... can't even take an interest tonight. I can almost see Vince sweating over a TV watching Monday Night Football and I'm just put off.They keep mentioning "halftime." Are they seriously just killing time doing nothing interesting until football stops?Well, let's see, John: you've just started the show and you've threatened, assaulted, and kidnapped a helpless man on live TV. #Raw
WHAT HAS SHANE ENGINEERED HERE?? WHAT HAS SHANE MANIPULATED-- IT'S A MERGER FROM HELL!! http://t.co/YAR4P6iCjZRT @RanCossack One might find April's opinion of a Vader appearance quite.... Unnatural. / Her resistance to the mind probe is considerable.S: DAMN RIGHT. And if you're smart you'll keep quiet! A: Uh huh. S: Good. It would be unfortunate if he had to leave a garrison here.S: That's REBEL talk. We should be honored that the Emperor is willing to spare Lord Vader to appear at our mall. A: With stormtroopers.April: Why is Darth Vader on the poster to that charity fundraiser event? S: Why not? A: He's a villain. Kids won't want to see-- S: SHH!@MarzGurl It's why I still can't understand why things turned out this way. The last thing he and I talked about was making plans for FKR.Batman is going to the Hall of Pain TO PUT IT INTO THE HALL OF PAIN. http://t.co/pyF1agzuwvSABRETOOTH! IT'S SABRETOOTH TO MAKE THE SAVE! http://t.co/DyTQlDENnJ#RingTheBell THAT'S ENOUGH DAMN IT http://t.co/cHU6tDWzwRNuke says that's it and-- OH MY GAAWWWWDDD!!! http://t.co/YGTNDHPTxBNUKE HAS WOLVERINE SET UP FOR THE GIANT SWING! #USA #USA #USA http://t.co/ZRM0LyzvyLRT @ShadyJay1908 Back on #supertecmobowl today at work. Trying to go undefeated. // MY CLIENT DAN MARINO BROKE THE STREAK
RT @CountVanGhoul @TheSpoonyOne Who puts sugar in Earl Grey?! // SKRULLS BUB. I'M TELLING YOU.Tea? Okay, I'm calling Skrullbub. #snikt #bub #bubbubsnikt http://t.co/avhLIh0Pnu#SIERRA #HOTEL #INDIA #ECHO #LIMA #DELTA http://t.co/N3M2KlbOy6And by the way, "if it's crap how come people are watching it" is the shittiest argument you could possibly make.RT @Phanto @TheSpoonyOne if they are crap why do people keep watching them. // Well, two things. One, they don't. And two, they don't.No, it was pretty crap in the 80s too. I was there, champ.@TheSpoonyOne They weren't crap in the 1980s. The wrestling style we have now wouldn't be developed for a decade.
Retweeted by Noah AntwilerRT @TheHawkeyedOne @TheSpoonyOne Wrestling matches from the mid-eighties are dated? You don't say. // I didn't say dated. I said crap.OH GOD NOT THE FULL NELSONRT @stewartlee2 bob backlund tho won his title that way // It was WAY funnier in this case. He's acting like he's been stabbed...Actually my favorite, and I'm still laughing, was some guy who got the pin FROM AN ATOMIC DROP. HIS ASS HURT SO MUCH HE COULDN'T KICK OUT.Great Khali used to do a Head Vise, but now Sort of Running Into Guys is much more over with the fans.A lot of body slam finishers. Then there's my favorite finish: Being Sort of Run Into By a Flailing Opponent Who Didn't See You. Many times.Long matches, too. No moves, really, just a lot of clubbing fists and stalling. Eventually someone would just win with a BODY SLAM.GOD. A lot of crappy wrestlers had a LOT of crappy matches on TV in the early 80s getting pinned with the dumbest moves.Brock Lesnar gave himself a top-rope Tombstone Piledriver. It was awesome.Don't actually try it.RT @flyer3232 @TheSpoonyOne Even better when Sabin gets confused and then somehow suplexes himself // You can suplex yourself. Try it.EAT SLEEP #SUPLEX REPEAT. http://t.co/2ulSqGnpjK #HailSabinRT @RoninGreg @TheSpoonyOne Odin, "We named the dog Thor." // We named the horse Beta Ray Bill!REFEREE NICK PATRICK IN BELLBOTTOMS. How did the universe not explode from shame?