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Comedian, talk show host and ice road trucker. My tweets are real, and they’re spectacular.

36,203 Following   64,830,081 Followers   13,525 Tweets

Joined Twitter 8/14/08

What a beautiful day #WomensMarchThis is my kind of nap. cheerleaders are trying to get to Nationals. You can support them here. I sure do. They only need $15K more!
Did you hear that people who curse more are more intelligent? I did a whole f&@%ing monologue about it. had a dream, and I’m in the business of making dreams come true. is coming out with a machine that makes cocktails. I made them a commercial. @BarackObama, you changed our world. #ThankYouObama
#Squad I made it an emoji. #EmojiExpoji you have an amazing mom, you’ll appreciate this surprise. #LaughDancePartner and @FLOTUS, we’ve had a wonderful time together., you were an inspiration to me. Sending so much love to your family. dad from Texas has one of the best voices I’ve ever heard. I love this family. may not have seen me the first time, but I was absolutely at @POTUS’ farewell address. was asking who I’m wearing. I’m wearing me. It’s ED by Ellen., Timby, for the amazing introduction. Of all the hunks on the stage, you were the hunkiest. @JTimberlake #TBT, @POTUS.
The reason I get to do what I do is because you watch it, like it, vote for it, and retweet it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. #PCAsCongrats @BritneySpears let's go back to the mall and get them engraved at Things Remembered. (It's upstairs by the…❤️ You bring the shirtless photos. I'll bring the tequila.Happy 5th birthday, Brielle! From me, Cookie Monster, the Count, and Elmo. If only I had footage of you losing. Oh wait, I do. Our I love you faces Pantry Mom is out of the pantry and on my show with her 2-year-old quadruplets. I am honored you mentioned me in your last press conference. I’ll make sure to mention you on my last show. ❤️Here’s an easy way to stay on top of the trend in jeans. I call it the Hiney Helper. You’re welcome, America.… made her US talk show debut to possibly tell me if she's dating Vin Diesel. love to President @GeorgeHWBush and former First Lady Barbara Bush.I hope you all have a wonderful, incredible, fantastic, fabulous, epic, legendary, magnificent, splendid, awesome, spectacular #ThesaurusDay
Who ate my snowman? staff had a lot to say about last night’s episode of #TheBachelor. to Hawaiian Airlines and Mauna Kea Beach Hotel for doing something very special for these two amazing people… birthday, @BettyMWhite! You were born before sliced bread was invented. So sliced bread is the best thing sin… I adore you more.Happy birthday, @MichelleObama. You’re always in my heart. I’m always in your cart. can’t even count the coincidences in this story that led to Richard being alive today. Incredible. is a class act... even when she's drooling.
.@ChrisBHarrison Thank you for doing this and not filing a restraining order.My producer Tracy got to ask @ChrisBHarrison all her #TheBachelor Qs on this ep of “You’re Supposed To Be Working." thought for a second I forgot to put money in one of those umbrellas. by Ellen mugs: Perfect for holding tiny bunnies. is a good guy. He told me about dinner with @MariahCarey after New Year's Eve. was sremazing. that we will be free one day. #IHaveADream
One of the most incredible football games ever. I love @AaronRodgers12, and those @DallasCowboys played an amazing game #gbvsdalHappy birthday, @DrewBrees! Throwing some love to you and your whole family, in a perfect spiral.
Happy L.L. Cool Day! @LLCoolJ
Sometimes it’s the view inside that’s the most beautiful. is why I love the people. You’ve already raised $35K for Mr. Bonner’s school! Let’s keep it going!… your hand outta my pocket, @JoeJonas.’s almost the Chinese New Year, so I added a new deck to @HeadsUp. Gung Hay Fat Choy! #LaughDancePartner welcomed @AdamDevine and his mom by throwing pies at them. told me about #TheBachelor. I’m starting to think there's a better way to find a husband.… birthday, @ShondaRhimes, Orlando Bloom, @LiamHemsworth and @OfficialJLD! Or as I call you, my perfect hot tub party..@iamJamieFoxx’s movie "Sleepless" opens today! I’ve been so excited for it that last night I couldn’t... well, you see where this is going.Bottle flipping has never been this adorable.
That song is a real crowd pleaser. is the kind of team spirit I'm looking for. does my nose smell like? @JoeBiden, I love you. You have the world's best #1 fan..@HowieMandel is on the estrogen patch. I met a cup holder that's not safe for daytime TV. you’re looking to help Mr. Bonner and South Greenville Elementary, we’ve created a GoFundMe page.’m thinking about going back to second grade just so Mr. Bonner can be my teacher. Thank you, Walmart.… won Olympic gold and the Mirrorball Trophy, but today I might have the best prize of all.’s been raining for 3 days in L.A. I put out some jars in case there’s another drought. We don’t want to get into that mess again.
I don't know what it was, but it looked delicious., for a dollar, name this person on my show today – OF COURSE IT'S @BILLYEICHNER!'m on @TheEllenShow for the first time today!! Thank you Ellen for always speaking out & standing up for all of us…
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneres.@OctaviaSpencer had a dream to be on a game show. I say "had," because I made it come true. little hound dog would make Elvis proud. staff made a Bachelor recap show. This better not have been on company time. #TheBachelor
.@POTUS @BarackObama I love you more than I have space on Twitter to describe. #ObamaFarewellDid the boys like my hats? knew living in a trashcan made you such a grouch? @SesameStreet lucky audience members got to make it rain. Only one got to make it rain money. knew @BenAffleck loved @TaylorSwift13? you know someone who spreads happiness? Nominate them & Nutella may give 'em $10K. That's nuts #LaughDancePartner