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Comedian, talk show host and ice road trucker. My tweets are real, and they’re spectacular. https://t.co/rJNCGU9GhH

36,203 Following   64,830,081 Followers   13,525 Tweets

Joined Twitter 8/14/08


What a beautiful day #WomensMarchThis is my kind of nap. https://t.co/3EY8NUPyqpThese cheerleaders are trying to get to Nationals. You can support them here. I sure do. They only need $15K more! https://t.co/x2X2qoLlMH
1/21
2017
Did you hear that people who curse more are more intelligent? I did a whole f&@%ing monologue about it. https://t.co/hts1fZWtjE.@KenJeong had a dream, and I’m in the business of making dreams come true. https://t.co/UZkKIv8PRG https://t.co/Ay1Id0V2sY.@Keurig is coming out with a machine that makes cocktails. I made them a commercial. https://t.co/41mWrHP488.@POTUS @BarackObama, you changed our world. #ThankYouObama https://t.co/FrxTIzNNZm
1/20
2017
#Squad https://t.co/dMwJffEcQnYep. I made it an emoji. #EmojiExpoji https://t.co/ZtdTFnC4Mh https://t.co/Lw3DFHqBNiIf you have an amazing mom, you’ll appreciate this surprise. #LaughDancePartner https://t.co/WtR0UbKAJB.@POTUS and @FLOTUS, we’ve had a wonderful time together. https://t.co/5yxY3yB0YOAna-Alecia, you were an inspiration to me. Sending so much love to your family. https://t.co/aQpQnfaovFThis dad from Texas has one of the best voices I’ve ever heard. I love this family. https://t.co/KYNwCsnvVuYou may not have seen me the first time, but I was absolutely at @POTUS’ farewell address. https://t.co/xAJHMhVXES.@People was asking who I’m wearing. I’m wearing me. It’s ED by Ellen. https://t.co/tRqPwJ1ebMThanks, Timby, for the amazing introduction. Of all the hunks on the stage, you were the hunkiest. @JTimberlake https://t.co/esneUdZ1T2Happy #TBT, @POTUS. https://t.co/1anJ4F4yXi
1/19
2017
The reason I get to do what I do is because you watch it, like it, vote for it, and retweet it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. #PCAsCongrats @BritneySpears let's go back to the mall and get them engraved at Things Remembered. (It's upstairs by the… https://t.co/qGbT40lAGX❤️ https://t.co/MeaWI8K7Nz.@TonyGoldwyn You bring the shirtless photos. I'll bring the tequila.Happy 5th birthday, Brielle! From me, Cookie Monster, the Count, and Elmo. https://t.co/lSO4BSZVvA.@RubyRose If only I had footage of you losing. Oh wait, I do. https://t.co/llwt1dDRMw.@JustinBieber Our I love you faces https://t.co/s3dHNupDuFThe Pantry Mom is out of the pantry and on my show with her 2-year-old quadruplets. https://t.co/B0ZebAnRKn https://t.co/JUvUqOS48V.@POTUS I am honored you mentioned me in your last press conference. I’ll make sure to mention you on my last show. ❤️Here’s an easy way to stay on top of the trend in jeans. I call it the Hiney Helper. You’re welcome, America.… https://t.co/uygA42iBgB.@DeepikaPadukone made her US talk show debut to possibly tell me if she's dating Vin Diesel. https://t.co/aNTsHKDcxsSending love to President @GeorgeHWBush and former First Lady Barbara Bush.I hope you all have a wonderful, incredible, fantastic, fabulous, epic, legendary, magnificent, splendid, awesome, spectacular #ThesaurusDay
1/18
2017
Who ate my snowman? https://t.co/VigRfDMbpTMy staff had a lot to say about last night’s episode of #TheBachelor. https://t.co/wMYmrEZhLAThanks to Hawaiian Airlines and Mauna Kea Beach Hotel for doing something very special for these two amazing people… https://t.co/L3GXdFTmCOHappy birthday, @BettyMWhite! You were born before sliced bread was invented. So sliced bread is the best thing sin… https://t.co/UMlsUlJwLA.@KerryWashington I adore you more.Happy birthday, @MichelleObama. You’re always in my heart. I’m always in your cart. https://t.co/X9KOygLn6LI can’t even count the coincidences in this story that led to Richard being alive today. Incredible. https://t.co/nOYZA7d4pi.@KerryWashington is a class act... even when she's drooling. https://t.co/pplPKv8zyl
1/17
2017
.@ChrisBHarrison Thank you for doing this and not filing a restraining order.My producer Tracy got to ask @ChrisBHarrison all her #TheBachelor Qs on this ep of “You’re Supposed To Be Working." https://t.co/62PdpgAfWmI thought for a second I forgot to put money in one of those umbrellas. https://t.co/Cxe4JgqBH9ED by Ellen mugs: Perfect for holding tiny bunnies. https://t.co/nse7fiY1pi.@NickCannon is a good guy. He told me about dinner with @MariahCarey after New Year's Eve. https://t.co/pkfOGInyBV.@RaeSremmurd was sremazing. https://t.co/4pXg9z8WXK https://t.co/nLCuiBYISAknowing that we will be free one day. #IHaveADream
1/16
2017
One of the most incredible football games ever. I love @AaronRodgers12, and those @DallasCowboys played an amazing game #gbvsdalHappy birthday, @DrewBrees! Throwing some love to you and your whole family, in a perfect spiral.
1/15
2017
Happy L.L. Cool Day! @LLCoolJ https://t.co/Vg0cebiHSA
1/14
2017
Sometimes it’s the view inside that’s the most beautiful. https://t.co/h9TAYEBCA5This is why I love the people. You’ve already raised $35K for Mr. Bonner’s school! Let’s keep it going!… https://t.co/Y3OMcZGjsMGet your hand outta my pocket, @JoeJonas. https://t.co/sKed6Ol6N9It’s almost the Chinese New Year, so I added a new deck to @HeadsUp. Gung Hay Fat Choy! #LaughDancePartnerhttps://t.co/V0JiKXw3ddI welcomed @AdamDevine and his mom by throwing pies at them. https://t.co/WoYzppWcwo https://t.co/pxErAwkpXp.@ChrisBHarrison told me about #TheBachelor. I’m starting to think there's a better way to find a husband.… https://t.co/FmcVuyr6OGHappy birthday, @ShondaRhimes, Orlando Bloom, @LiamHemsworth and @OfficialJLD! Or as I call you, my perfect hot tub party..@iamJamieFoxx’s movie "Sleepless" opens today! I’ve been so excited for it that last night I couldn’t... well, you see where this is going.Bottle flipping has never been this adorable. https://t.co/VQOGO1CLgT https://t.co/3f51Qy37jE
1/13
2017
That song is a real crowd pleaser. https://t.co/XsBea1h4MUThis is the kind of team spirit I'm looking for. https://t.co/JmvkivtVhrWhat does my nose smell like? https://t.co/bUIptMD0tW.@VP @JoeBiden, I love you. You have the world's best #1 fan..@HowieMandel is on the estrogen patch. https://t.co/I53QZdbwPy https://t.co/RE5Tk8k3NjToday I met a cup holder that's not safe for daytime TV. https://t.co/xXF0OtngilIf you’re looking to help Mr. Bonner and South Greenville Elementary, we’ve created a GoFundMe page. https://t.co/8sD5lvq6nPI’m thinking about going back to second grade just so Mr. Bonner can be my teacher. Thank you, Walmart.… https://t.co/BPsq3hzruS.@LzHernandez02 won Olympic gold and the Mirrorball Trophy, but today I might have the best prize of all. https://t.co/uheCjGdy6hIt’s been raining for 3 days in L.A. I put out some jars in case there’s another drought. We don’t want to get into that mess again.
1/12
2017
I don't know what it was, but it looked delicious. https://t.co/WSsBMwop4pQuick, for a dollar, name this person on my show today – OF COURSE IT'S @BILLYEICHNER! https://t.co/HRHnwFYyFhI'm on @TheEllenShow for the first time today!! Thank you Ellen for always speaking out & standing up for all of us… https://t.co/duoB508DKX
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneres.@OctaviaSpencer had a dream to be on a game show. I say "had," because I made it come true. https://t.co/UihCfgTReKThis little hound dog would make Elvis proud. https://t.co/KRdlbXvH8S https://t.co/9H3RheWJO1My staff made a Bachelor recap show. This better not have been on company time. #TheBachelor https://t.co/YRfnKTlOUw https://t.co/KMfCd82OJ7
1/11
2017
.@POTUS @BarackObama I love you more than I have space on Twitter to describe. #ObamaFarewellDid the boys like my hats? https://t.co/eO57xuakBnWho knew living in a trashcan made you such a grouch? @SesameStreet https://t.co/lj1H1IJlnpTwo lucky audience members got to make it rain. Only one got to make it rain money. https://t.co/7s9meZfsqt https://t.co/BR955yxoE8Who knew @BenAffleck loved @TaylorSwift13? https://t.co/OrDTBhr7ynDo you know someone who spreads happiness? Nominate them & Nutella may give 'em $10K. That's nuts #LaughDancePartner https://t.co/QY4Gs0BX0T
1/10
2017
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