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Comedian, talk show host and ice road trucker. My tweets are real, and they’re spectacular. https://t.co/rJNCGU9GhH

36,365 Following   61,522,269 Followers   12,629 Tweets

Joined Twitter 8/14/08


I hope this is how I celebrate my 100th birthday! https://t.co/bai9gQYje7 https://t.co/Mhyg5xeVzGHappy birthday, @MatthewPerry. This is for you. https://t.co/L3oVwcHEh3Happy birthday, @BillClinton! I hope @HillaryClinton got you some balloons. https://t.co/xIqxMSIJug
8/19
2016
"Get me to Bob Hope Airport, and don’t take the 405." https://t.co/jXGP6coZxNIn honor of the Olympics, #TBT to when I used to really work out. https://t.co/0z3tYnofV5I love a sloth with backup dancers. https://t.co/loBumbDaYG https://t.co/hgDZG29M8o
8/18
2016
Happy #BlackCatAppreciationDay! https://t.co/XQ9yVjYeCyHey Matt Damon, let your man bun down. https://t.co/mjynQXpg8ePeekaboo. https://t.co/3vxfFGAQug https://t.co/tz4ldKQl1mIt’s been a brutal summer of fires in California. I send my love to the people losing their homes and to all the amazing firefighters.I’m ready to officiate the wedding. Is next Thursday good for you? https://t.co/CmD9Xf97Ri
8/17
2016
Happee birthday, Kathie Lee. @KathieLGiffordHappy birthday, @SteveCarell and @Madonna! I’m celebrating by acting like a 40-year-old virgin.Anyone else ready for a snack? https://t.co/6JfT5ahfaMBest thing I ever did. #8years #HappyAnniversary https://t.co/kb0oLj2RASLouisiana, I love you. Text LAFLOODS to 90999 to make a $10 donation through the American @RedCross. #LouisianaFloodI am highly aware of the racism that exists in our country. It is the furthest thing from who I am.
8/16
2016
#SelfieCat #CamouflageDog https://t.co/9QiClzDTokHeres something you dont see very often-@UsainBolt losing a race. This was 1 of my favorite moments from last season https://t.co/oj9qC03KxuThis is how I’m running errands from now on. #Rio2016 https://t.co/gYPtG9T1aoMy baby girl @AmySchumer wrote a book. “The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo.” Get it here. https://t.co/7RUk6sCOxqThe trailer for #HiddenFigures is here! I’m so happy these figures aren’t hidden anymore. https://t.co/x3AmSnrroDHappy birthday, @JoeJonas, @BenAffleck, and Jennifer Lawrence! I hope you all enjoy some cake by the ocean together.
8/15
2016
Greatest Audience Members of All Time #Rio2016 https://t.co/R2b0fcztK6Climb every mountain. Slide down every hill. https://t.co/FnYm9Q6jXFThis is why there is a #WorldElephantDay https://t.co/5y2G94jwmJAt 4’8” @Simone_Biles is 1 of the strongest people. Don’t let anyone say what you can’t do. Take their criticism & turn it to gold #Rio2016#IfYouWannaBeMyNeighbor, you gotta grow vegetables. https://t.co/TB90FntLTH
8/12
2016
My friend Matthew Wilder wrote the hit "Break My Stride." Check out his new video. It has a great message. https://t.co/k71V0idGYFThere’s a lot going on in the world right now. I thought you could use this photo of a Weiner dog. #ThursdayThoughts https://t.co/PTdMBmZCFF#TBT to the original Pete’s Dragon. https://t.co/sJrpjPzqvPI would love to, but @Oprah is using my plane. https://t.co/RaPbImNFGvHappy birthday, @ChrisHemsworth! Your body is a wonderland.I can’t help but feel completely responsible for this. https://t.co/XmtOshBiN1
8/11
2016
On second thought, I should’ve had him hang that somewhere else. https://t.co/dZyOfKTIQhI don’t know which one of them is charging, but they should raise their price. https://t.co/fbCuLj9SdXIn honor of #DuranDuranAppreciationDay and #Rio2016 https://t.co/s4n9JUYhO1Fu and I found out about her medal at the same time. #Rio2016 https://t.co/7vSCneIxXyFirst Olympic marriage proposal #LoveWins #Rio2016 https://t.co/ZAyJsPJgYc
8/10
2016
Peace. https://t.co/8m9HJW74EDHapb birthday, @HodaKotb!#PhelpsFace https://t.co/QKsqn45ygLI just got these #AdidasOriginals from my friend @Pharrell. Not sure what they say. I think it's "dry clean only.” https://t.co/iMkWvfhgUJWe still got it. #nsyncreunion https://t.co/5LhPEmsr7y
8/9
2016
Even the dogs know how bad an idea this was. https://t.co/7Tf1LgkQ0M#FirstSevenJobs Potato Peeler Inmate Exotic Dancer Astronaut Exotic Dancer Comedian Talk Show HostAugie and Kid celebrated #InternationalCatDay. Charlie was unimpressed. https://t.co/QrPHNnR9yK
8/8
2016
George loves the Olympics. #Rio2016 https://t.co/67fXqL8eV3
8/7
2016
I love the Olympics #OpeningCeremony. It reminds me of that time I had to run to the creek when my sleeve caught on fire.We are more alike than we are unalike. https://t.co/NPSz3CpUJT#ToddlerLife https://t.co/weD8RkYORQ
8/5
2016
Happy #ThrowbackThursday! https://t.co/tx1uF6LWcmMo’ sisters. Mo’ problems. https://t.co/pRc3DH9WAoHappy birthday, President @BarackObama. This year you get to move on and pursue your true passion... being my guest DJ.
8/4
2016
Who doesn’t love adorable flour girls? https://t.co/ZNgmLNY7VKYou dont have to be in Rio to show off your Olympic talent. Check out the Act It Out for the GOLD category @HeadsUp! https://t.co/XgzenCxeJYHBD @MarthaStewart! I wanna bake ya a cake. Any tips? Let's bake together! Or you bake& I help. I’ll watch. You bake it& tell me how it goesScientists found there may not be as many benefits to flossing as we thought. Guess none of them have ever been to a party with spinach dip.
8/3
2016
This season of #BachelorInParadise is gonna be bananas. https://t.co/Dp9BCibbDPThis face cream really works. He doesn’t look a day over 1. https://t.co/u66f792bGsEllie Kemper had a baby boy! No word on the name yet, so I picked one. Welcome to the world, Patchoulli Ripcord Kemper!
8/2
2016
This photo is very tongue on cheek. https://t.co/9br0zRGXub
8/1
2016
Thanks to everyone who voted me #ChoiceComedian, #ChoiceSummerMovieActress, and everyone who tweeted #ImWithHer. I assume I'm the her.
7/31
2016
Happy birthday to the wonderful @iamjeanniek. If I know you, you’re out painting the town. Wait, it’s 5 o’clock? You’re sound asleep.When there are no ceilings, the sky's the limit. Beautiful speech, @HillaryClinton. I'm ready.
7/29
2016
#FindingDory is premiering in the UK today! Go see it! Tell me if I have a British accent!Happy #TBT https://t.co/cVLVJ0j69ESomebody make this an emoji. https://t.co/IJnwyAd2rr
7/28
2016
Catnap. https://t.co/6uTHqiXmwVOne of my viewers, Jennifer, won $25K from Mattress Firm just for watching my show! Jennifer, if you read this, DM me. We should do lunch.
7/27
2016
I love this interview I did for BBC Radio. #FindingDory opens in the UK this Friday. Mic drop. https://t.co/LnBfQbjeHxHave either of you seen my blue pen? https://t.co/Rc2SqbfyNfI hope you’re ready for Fall. #EDbyEllen https://t.co/6xy2Y2ejpT
7/26
2016
Chase, I love you. I am so disappointed in Jojo. #TheBacheloretteOlaf! https://t.co/DUaDflt2J5
7/25
2016
It’s #ClearTheShelters pet adoption day! If you have a rescue pet, I wanna see a photo of ‘em. Right here, right now.
7/23
2016
I guess I’ll just have to eat my alcohol bananas. https://t.co/bA8jybtaCRI hope these people have a happy birthday today! Who are – @SelenaGomez, @DavidSpade, and Alex Trebek.
7/22
2016
I'm so proud of the @NBA for standing up for what's right. Incredible. https://t.co/6aito3VsCDHappy #TBT! I’ve never been good at pottery. https://t.co/YxBXuEU7pVDo you have a Pinot Noir? How about a tabby? https://t.co/Eajhr1zJDW
7/21
2016
Lucy always helped Bruno keep his chin up. https://t.co/i1l9OAzGaV
7/20
2016
Lightly coat in flour… https://t.co/vq5DAQkNlL
7/19
2016
Faster! Faster! https://t.co/bBm5zwvqw3
7/18
2016
ED by Ellen now has sunglasses! That’s right. I’m throwing shades. https://t.co/BxsjNT5GAI
7/16
2016
I’ll get my bowl. https://t.co/6xvVOaxUVg
7/14
2016
Another reason why I’m inspired by my friend Jennifer Aniston. https://t.co/OIePJ4AVeu"Can you describe it?" https://t.co/vraMPUwQ4j
7/13
2016
Apparently, it’s an episode where we share brunch. https://t.co/0KOmggICeqHad to look for a long time for this one. https://t.co/qD1jtwDX0SWho wants $25K? If you just said, “ME!” I have bad news. It’s “I”. But you could still win, thanks to @MattressFirm! https://t.co/er9yqfNG4cWho could forget my favorite cover of ELLE? Happy early #ThrowbackThursday #TBT https://t.co/gNxMnqZQ48
7/12
2016
Congrats to the @VH1 honorees. All hail @IAmQueenLatifah! And @MissyElliott. And @LilKim. And Salt. And of course, Pepa.Yoo-hoo! Down here! https://t.co/X7DqUyKhiC
7/11
2016
Happy birthday to my fellow CoverGirl, @SofiaVergara! She’s breezy. I’m easy.
7/10
2016
Happy birthday, @TomHanks. I love you.Congratulations, @SerenaWilliams! This tweet is just in case you couldn't hear me scream it from the stands. #Wimbledon.
7/9
2016
I second that emotion. https://t.co/aLuEMdNCKN
7/8
2016
I'm nominated for a #TeenChoice Award for #FindingDory! Vote for me right here: https://t.co/0M2noeEH8s. Whatever you do, Just keep voting.Happy #TBT https://t.co/bubFiDUY7i
7/7
2016
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