Sign in with Twitter



693 Following   25,947 Followers   48,325 Tweets

Joined Twitter 12/28/11

I also had a punk phase
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' Carlos @justabloodygame @thenatewolf Oh I have...I have @justabloodygame @thenatewolf sounds disappointing @justabloodygame @thenatewolf How was your egg?Por siempre mi tweet preferido del 2016 ✨
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' CarlosListening to that @FOTSPod podcast with @trojansauce ...i think he owns birds!!?! @hippieswordfish I have paper @hippieswordfish I wish you had some coupons to give me @hippieswordfish Do you have any coupons"Oh I don't want to be pushy, whatever you want is fine," I smile nervously The genie sighs, exasperated
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' Carlos @HisNameWasStone Who's jerf golfblumI also had a punk phase saw Ivanka open up for Iggy Pop TRUMP: In the 80s I was into Heavy Metal like "Durand and Durand". I wore parachute pants and a hat.[therapy] DOC: How are you? TRUMP: SAD!
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' CarlosI love this!!!! Lmao!
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' CarlosI put my phone in Airplane! mode and now it calls me Shirley
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' Carlos[jeopardy] ALEX: For "Earth's most common element" you wrote: "What is HONDA?" No. Your wager, $579.31? ME: 😏 ALEX: Leaving $420.69, nice
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' Carlos[date] ME: Tell me about yourself HER: I love good listeners and Fred Astaire ME: That's weird HER: What is? ME: Being afraid of stairs
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' Carlos @SirEviscerate That sounds like a crock alright @SirEviscerate My rice cooker doubles as a slow cooker and I make pulled pork with it @SirEviscerate The Rice doesn't even come out Krispie @AbrasiveGhost Thats 5 @AbrasiveGhost Which one are you? @BajiPlease Write your own tweets, shitheadME: men are 4x more likely to get hit by lightning HER: that's surprising ME: I’d say it’s *checks to make sure there're no clouds* shocking
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' CarlosHer: i'm gonna hang up on you before i say something i'll regret Me: ok bye [6 seconds later] Text: you're a piece of shit
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' Carlos @mona1961talks I get it with a shake @ScorpionDong thank you @bagsofpringles That can be arranged @ScorpionDong The Filet-o-Fish doesn't have any "pretend" bones in it so incorrectSPOUSE: No. ME: It’s just a costume. SPOUSE: You’re not going to your parents’ Halloween party as “the child they wished they had.”
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' Carlos @mona1961talks Exactly right, yesGuy Fieri can't even take wildfire victims and 1st responders to flavor town without getting criticized. Welcome to…
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' Carlos[Heaven] Me: Can I come in? St Peter: *shakes head no* Me: Was it close? St Peter: *rolls out my lifetime internet history* Not really
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' CarlosNurse friend: where can I get some scrubs? Me: idk, probably hanging at the passenger side of his best friend's ride trying to holler at me
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' CarlosPac-Man was trending today and I got kind of freaked out for a minute but don’t worry he’s fine
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' Carlos @mona1961talks Clearly not @isabelzawtun Oh you will!!
Best McDonald's Meal? @KLobstar Very distinguishedJesus looks like he is calling for the ball in the post so he can dunk away your sins
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' Carlos @KLobstar Is that your family..Goat of Arms?[Speech Therapy] Therapist: Repeat after me: I’m thirsty Dad: I’m…thirsty T: I’m hungry D: I’m…H...Hi Hungry, I’m Dad T: *throws clipboard*
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' CarlosAfrica is my fav song can I get an autograph?
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' Carlos[me as a disc jockey] me: you’re on the air caller: please stop singing over the songs
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' CarlosKID: Where's grandma? DAD: She's in a better place now KID: Canada?
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' CarlosMy doctor won't go away. I know what you're thinking but he has been eating small pieces of apple over many decades to build up an immunity.
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' CarlosAfrica: *sneezes* Toto: Africa: *rains* Toto: bless you
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' Carlos @met2art @ScorpionDong @Coolisiana @sug_knight @malt_skull they couldn't possibly get worse @ScorpionDong @met2art @Coolisiana @sug_knight @malt_skull I'm like that Benjamin Button dude @malt_skull @Coolisiana @met2art @ScorpionDong @sug_knight He always liked you best @rachelle_mandik I hope you are comfortably recovering. However, these may not help: @YelnickMcGwawa @SirEviscerate I think the first onefinish your salad. a thousand islands died to make that dressing.
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' CarlosPHYSICAL THERAPIST: I want you to work out with a resistance band ME: Ok [later at gym] ME: *works out to Rage Against the Machine*
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' Carlos*finishes adult colouring book* *eats adult snack* *takes adult nap*
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' CarlosME: *anytime I enter a building older than 20 years* This place is definitely haunted.
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' Carlos @KalvinMacleod More Like Dummy Loser @elle91 I'd dance circles around you...see watch: @KalvinMacleod At least I attended itWhat I like about Twitter is that it reminds me of high school when we'd all go to the gymnasium to stand on boxes and yell at each other[Oz] FLYING MONKEY: They killed the Wicked Witch of the East WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST: I hope this doesn't lead to a witch hunt atmosphere
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' CarlosMe: do you want to hear what happened to the last guy who threatened me Bumper cars operator: i meant your time is up like get off the ride
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' Carlos
@AndrewChamings @flashember @Prof_Hinkley He is insulting our Queen @flashember @AndrewChamings @Prof_Hinkley Same, also he's lying[Galilee] JESUS: The kingdom of God has come! Repent and believe! PHARISEES: Fake News! Sad!
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' Carlos @TheToddWilliams Congrats on your 1000❤️ tweet!
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' CarlosListen, I'm getting good at this: tubas are dog whistles for elephants
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' CarlosJULIE ANDREWS: ♫the hills are alive with the sound of music♪ NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON: no type of sound can provide life to an inanimate object
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' Carlosi got a white noise machine to help me sleep but it just says things like "i have many Latino friends" & "you should check out this podcast"
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' Carlos
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' Carlos @Prof_Hinkley @captainkalvis @AndrewChamings @AdamBroud Hi guys[job interview] That's all. Have any questions for us? "Do you think it's weird that one pants is pants, and two pants is also pants?"
Retweeted by Todd 'Spooki' Carlos @Coolisiana Yes @Coolisiana Give me $3Million @c41ho Thank you...uh...ShitterHow do I get this included in the Woody Allen Moment? @boring_as_heck The comic relief zombie was great