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Engineer

689 Following   30,727 Followers   53,088 Tweets

Joined Twitter 12/28/11


The vast majority of spider couples met on the web.
Retweeted by Todd 'Papi' Carlos*bird forgets to set alarm clock* *worm has pretty laid back morning*
Retweeted by Todd 'Papi' Carloshttps://t.co/WUUwrSgSa7So did ICE against immigrant children https://t.co/pUk1P7AKb9[worm date] GIRL: The guy at the bar was hitting on me BOY: We should just ignore it GIRL: What are you? Spinele… https://t.co/RYQEaHH4QZ
Retweeted by Todd 'Papi' Carlos @KimmyMonte you can see the coffee moving that's why @KimmyMonte I got nuthin to hide... https://t.co/fxtyFmgbyCThe earliest Roman tribe was the Italics who were thin, and leaned to the right
Retweeted by Todd 'Papi' Carlos @LeahTiscione We'll split the CzechCheykjavik before you Reykjavik
Retweeted by Todd 'Papi' CarlosThis could be bus but you plane http://t.co/83dpTA5WD0
Retweeted by Todd 'Papi' CarlosBig Mooed https://t.co/WeMDcSmrop
Retweeted by Todd 'Papi' Carlos @dorsalstream @TheToddWilliams You are only allowed to rt this one tweet https://t.co/obR6Yw04Gq
Retweeted by Todd 'Papi' Carlos @Prof_Hinkley @dorsalstream more heaven imoBig Mooed https://t.co/WeMDcSmrop
6/24
2018
@Prof_Hinkley @sug_knight you just dropped below 4k again @Prof_Hinkley @JoParkerBear Probably tomorrow @Prof_Hinkley @JoParkerBear noI'm not trying to subliminally influence you but what's your favourite font in the Univers?The people of ancient Helvetica were practically lawless, or "sans sheriff" as they said in their native tongue. @Prof_Hinkley Jacob's ladder...to heaven @Prof_Hinkley Nirvana, whatever @Prof_Hinkley sounds like heavenBREAKING: The United States of America
Retweeted by Todd 'Papi' Carlos @KimmyMonte @markydoodoo I mean while I'm drinking my coffee @KimmyMonte @markydoodoo this is all i have @KimmyMonte @markydoodoo maybe she just likes corn @dave_cactus @drankturpentine I am special[worm date] GIRL: The guy at the bar was hitting on me BOY: We should just ignore it GIRL: What are you? Spinele… https://t.co/RYQEaHH4QZWhy stop at clocks? I set my stapler forward an hour too. Told my shoes it's Tuesday. My car still thinks it's 1987.
Retweeted by Todd 'Papi' Carlos"I've told you a million times not to take me so literally" I'm sorry, that is a lot of times.
Retweeted by Todd 'Papi' Carlos @PJTLynch @s if they were so...boldThe earliest Roman tribe was the Italics who were thin, and leaned to the right[After the rabbit uprising] DAY 1: aww they like to wear our belts DAY 2: aww they're sword aficionados DAY 3: https://t.co/7bFEeGcMlw
Retweeted by Todd 'Papi' Carlos
6/23
2018
Wow, this time they really blew up my favstar https://t.co/7bTgnkiOqDI don't care if you're from a red state or a blue state, or a purple state for that matter, but heed my words, yell… https://t.co/gb6zsu7R2oCOP: What's the rush? ME: A Canadian rock band COP: Ok smart aleck, wait while I check your info {45 min} COP: They have some good tunes
Retweeted by Todd 'Papi' Carlos @BuckyIsotope @BrandonEsWolf haha "friends"Why can't ICE be... nICE? @OhNoSheTwitnt @novixv I...am speechless @FOTSPod @chrislockefun @SkinnerSteven I enjoyed thisFavstar in the bye-oDOC: Your lab results are in ME: So...is it West Nile Virus? DOC: No ME: Thank god DOC: It's East Nile Virus ME: Sonuvabi-
6/22
2018
@sug_knight @trojansauce https://t.co/FzoPBJ4Gis @trojansauce I have no legs so FAILCOUNTERPOINT: That ain't no worm https://t.co/ZyXixsde6bme: what time is it? tour guide: 4:20 me: how can you tell? tour guide: See how high the sun is? [sun is eating spaghettiOs with a spatula]
Retweeted by Todd 'Papi' Carlos @Probgoblin @justabloodygame @chapel3929 @OneTrickTofani this is high caliber stuff, guys[blind date] HER: I love the fall ME {trying to impress her}: Lucifer had it coming
Retweeted by Todd 'Papi' CarlosMy trip to Iceland was great except I probably spent too much time knocking on every door asking if it was Bjork's houseI know I'll be nervous later because it feels like I have caterpillars in my stomach now
Retweeted by Todd 'Papi' Carlos
6/21
2018
[pearly gates] ST. PETER: So, tell me a bit about yourself STEVE MILLER: Well, I'm a picker… ST. PETER: Ok STEV… https://t.co/d1qUOyKaoo
Retweeted by Todd 'Papi' CarlosCOP: Do you know why I pulled you over? ME: I don't even know why we exist
Retweeted by Todd 'Papi' Carlos[blind date] Me: nice to meet you Her: who said that?
Retweeted by Todd 'Papi' CarlosCOP: you were just going 75 in a- ME: car? COP: what? no, in a 65- ME: camaro ss/rs convertible with a 396? COP… https://t.co/6b4RzX2m1g
Retweeted by Todd 'Papi' CarlosAre your kids secretly Republicans? Check their social media messages for these tell-tale signs... LMAO - Limit Mi… https://t.co/rW8ncQBv3L
Retweeted by Todd 'Papi' Carlos @LikeVerySmart oh well https://t.co/XEJL8HzVIUBREAKING: The United States of America
6/20
2018
@LeBearGirdle Happy Todder's Day @AudacityOfHoops who doesn't?I have attained pinnacle Dad-ness https://t.co/FliIuYKGrC @AudacityOfHoops ty @pixelatedboat will you still be doing odie?There’s still Barnes & Noble, duh https://t.co/ribECi9AbK
Retweeted by Todd 'Papi' CarlosThat's why we always say "aboot" https://t.co/Tp2c3NanlX[Space Capsule] ME: Houston, we have a problem HOUSTON: Go ahead... ME: I was surfing porn and I think I downloa… https://t.co/QQpsyDi4N6
Retweeted by Todd 'Papi' CarlosYou can't say: "Attorney General Jeff Beauregard Sessions" Without: "Enabler greets a red Russian offstage... enjoy"
Retweeted by Todd 'Papi' Carlos @robertdkim @ElleOhHell An American? @ElleOhHell 1) Probably Toronto when you account for humidity 2) You can keep your kids[Space Capsule] ME: Houston, we have a problem HOUSTON: Go ahead... ME: I was surfing porn and I think I downloa… https://t.co/QQpsyDi4N6 @TheToddWilliams Congrats on your 500❤️ tweet! https://t.co/Bu8RpQBHsA https://t.co/8n71qVoNSU
Retweeted by Todd 'Papi' CarlosA girl with kaleidoscope eyes sounds horrifying.
Retweeted by Todd 'Papi' CarlosJOHN LENNON: He wear no shoeshine, he got...toe-jam football, he got...monkey finger, he shoot...Coca-Cola POLICE SKETCH ARTIST: what
Retweeted by Todd 'Papi' Carlos @Tommytoughstuff why you ungrateful piece of sh- @Tommytoughstuff you're Garfield?"I hate being half bicycle-half motorcycle" he moped
Retweeted by Todd 'Papi' Carlos
6/19
2018
[calling in sick] BOSS: This is the third time in a month you've had a stomach flu...How is that even possible? M… https://t.co/dKUXSWsnrk
Retweeted by Todd 'Papi' Carlos"They're putting children in cages" SANDERS: You mean "Placing off-spring below the legal age of majority in chain… https://t.co/nyTttUV7YP @KimmyMonte Hello https://t.co/zzkd5JpWSr
6/18
2018

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