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Wrote for a magazine, comics, video games & advertising. Now I write books like FART COPS (YA) & TOMMY BEAN and the CLEVER SCHEME (Children's) for you!

401 Following   199 Followers   9,332 Tweets

Joined Twitter 3/22/17

@goddammitsarah Are you asking me out? @TPM In other words; Steve King is a rapist.rape culture is the argument "but everybody tries to rape sometimes"
Retweeted by Tim James Does It All, He Doesn't Even Need An Edi @goddammitsarah Prouda you, champ.
I believe Christine Blasey Ford. #BelieveSurvivors. #TIMESUP
Retweeted by Tim James Does It All, He Doesn't Even Need An EdiY'all casting directors should be fighting each other with chains and axe handles to get Bel Powley in your next project. @JudgeJeanine @nytimes @realDonaldTrump TAKE YOUR HALDOL, JEANINE. @ohgodscrewthis @goddammitsarah *GR2 @ohgodscrewthis @goddammitsarah Does Ghost Rider have a scene where he pees fire? Clearly GH2 is the superior film.
@kibblesmith Travolta had a contract rider that only he is allowed to play Bolt, so Bolt sightings are a rare treat. @Sha_Moore @MarkAgee I knew exactly who you were talking about just from this description!. @imchriskelly The Amazing Alexander @elizaskinner Lots, but I'm going with Grand Canyon since I haven't seen anyone mention it (really LA Story). I don't but I'd like to. @donalynette @OhNoSheTwitnt @LunaLuvgood2017 Take it up with the Christians who aren't living that belief. It's not…
Nice twist at the end
Retweeted by Tim James Does It All, He Doesn't Even Need An Edi But only if you're going to vote. Non-voters are not entitled to fun. @ArtfulStew She's married to a Russian puppet."Fun" how the people who claim the US was founded as a "Christian nation" want nothing to do with Quaker beliefs. @d_haggar Don Jr.Siri, show me a wall of trash... @jmoy92 @JasonIsbell Dude, you're the one dismissing his beliefs because you don't want to hear it. Maybe stop bein…'s no "i" in "eye." @Manda_like_wine "He DOES look like Daddy's junk!" @Ocasio2018 More directly; Colonialism was a concentration of sins and its time must end once and for all. @Manda_like_wine Jared Leto has already purchased development rights. @TheDweck Per the pathology, he can ONLY get worse. @imillhiser THEY HAVE ALWAYS BEEN MONSTERS. THEY'VE NEVER FELT THIS SAFE BEING OPEN ABOUT IT.
Retweeted by Tim James Does It All, He Doesn't Even Need An Edi
@EdWhelanEPPC You are rotten trash. True filth & scum. Quit your job, because you clearly have nothing even approac… @hellolanemoore @joshgondelman @mariskreizman Factually, you DO rule.Ended up watching the entire Season 2 of American Vandal on @netflix last night, because some mysteries are too urgent to hold back. @SJKPDX The Republican Party... BY Rapists FOR Rapists @elizaskinner Please tell me the juror in the blue suit gets slapped when he passes the note to the sleeping juror next to him.
The Republican Party... BY Rapists FOR Rapists; Batman doesn't LOOK Jewish... @LindseyGrahamSC You'd better pray there's no Hell.this is my art
Retweeted by Tim James Does It All, He Doesn't Even Need An Edi @AmyMarxkors I'm not sure what you think you're doing, but you're doing it wrong.
@whimsicallyours @mimi_albert That's when I box people's ears with both volumes of Octavian Nothing. @LevineJonathan "Why do you keep trying to stop evil? That's our HERITAGE!!!"Wario & Proud @AkilahObviously I'm not interested in having royals humanized.
@GregoryTaggart @importantmeagan 👏YOU 👏ARE 👏NOT 👏OWED 👏JACK 👏SHIT, 👏TROLL. @CampbellxEmma 🙌🐱 YASS KEYS! @AmySilverberg Usually... which is WEIRD.I'm up to two (2!) reviews for my book now! That's twice (2ice!) as many as I had when I only had one (1.) review b… @meganamram @poniewozik @KateAurthur They're going to wish they had after Che pisses off "groups."Hello! I’d very much like to hear what was your favorite book you read this year and why?
Retweeted by Tim James Does It All, He Doesn't Even Need An Edi @bessbell Because it's mine, and if I don't speak up for it, no one will. you're out here crying about Confederate monuments & flags, you're entitled to say exactly jack-fucking-shit abo… @pixelatedboat I appreciate your sonny outlook on this matter.Is it any surprise that the men intent on depriving women of their agency push to confirm w/ little investigation,…
Retweeted by Tim James Does It All, He Doesn't Even Need An Edi @KFILE Orrin sure seems to have a heavy emotional investment in disbelieving women about rape. I wonder why that i… call me the Elton John of comedy because it's a little bit funny but then again no
Retweeted by Tim James Does It All, He Doesn't Even Need An Edi @DanaSchwartzzz My 3rd grade teacher was a massive bastard who singled one kid out to destroy every year, as a warn… is a sanctified belief in the avoidance of consequences. @TODAYshow @NMoralesNBC F*ck Sean Penn. By which I mean, no one should ever f*ck Sean Penn. @LosFelizDaycare The biggest problem I'm seeing is humans failing to be human.I'm old enough to remember when Joaquin Phoenix was younger than me..@AndrewRestuccia and I called many of Kavanaugh's 65 female HS acquittances who signed a letter supporting him. Af…
Retweeted by Tim James Does It All, He Doesn't Even Need An Edi @virginiahume This means absolutely nothing.
@alexqarbuckle You don't release a Ben Shapiro. You FLUSH a Ben Shapiro. @DayanBallweg Thanks for reminding me to go back and finish last night's yarn. @RelktntHero Marina Butina training to seduce Republican senators.Gospel music is the only credible argument I've heard in favor of Church.Just in case Erick Erickson's face didn't tell you he was pro-rape, he'd like to make one thing clear... @ZombieMoto1 @levarburton @billprady I wish you would grow up."Shit." #ThingsISayWhenI1stWakeUp @TPM BP is a government sanctioned hate group. It's the perfect place for a serial killer to hide in plain sight. H…
@ashleyn1cole It IS funny. Those complaining otherwise just don't GET comedy. of Trump using FEMA text alerts to warn Americans about hurricanes: 20% Chance of Trump using FEMA text al… @SNLinReview Good man, that Phil. @GoAngelo @Allstate @Progressive @Expedia @GSK @Ford @subaru_usa @IHOP @ProcterGamble My .@Progressive policy is cu…
@caithuls Carrie Pilby @YoNoSeWanyama @ZoomyRamen You never know how the day will turn out. Will you be the Hero or the Villain? Best to be prepared. @senjudiciary Burn in Hell, Chuck. @msdanifernandez People commonly use the word "random" when they really mean "arbitrary." Random House got its nam… @politico I spoke to the country and they agree they'd like NO corruption next time, so that's gonna be a hard pass from us. @rollcall @MrWalterShapiro No. Go to your room. @ReelQuinn The crazy thing about the Classic Tucker expression is that it's both 100% fake, and 100% real. @AaronBlake Tucker is a fake human being with fake beliefs. The rest flows from there.
Fun Twitter Tip: If you block every guy who posts "That never happened" themed responses to total strangers, you wi… @anylaurie16 Got my first joke on-air when he asked people to write in, making fun of his name "Conan the Barbarian" style. @sethmeyers It's a shame that only white men of middle age or older are willing to stand up for heroes. @LTCirabisi @queer_queenie Honestly, if you really cared about having some happy, unified culture, you'd realize th… don’t miss @ambermruffin firing fastballs in tonight’s AMBER SAYS WHAT
Retweeted by Tim James Does It All, He Doesn't Even Need An EdiShare the tooth, y'all. #MAGARallyRules @Lawrence That's a typo, Lawrence. It's a BS tour. @Patrickesque She's part of the moneyed Manhattan social scene, so she will always be taken more seriously by the b… @mattsinger The correct answer is the Ark of the Covenant.
A comic about work:
Retweeted by Tim James Does It All, He Doesn't Even Need An Edi @NikkiGlaser This is going to be one of those rare moments of overlap between my parents' interests and mine. @LTCirabisi @queer_queenie It's frankly arrogant to assume that anyone should have to join YOUR culture to be "normal." @LTCirabisi @queer_queenie These cultures exist because they have so consistently been excluded by dominant culture… @KOINNews Extraordinarily disappointed to see the sick, bigoted Pat Robertson on your channel today. It undermines… @zandywithaz I think we're all self-soothing at maximum capacity these days. @emilynussbaum I think about it all the time.Starting the rumor that the first person to set foot on the Sun will be King of the Solar System. Please retweet @ Trump. @stephenfalk As a child, my sister used to tell stories about "when she was a big girl."