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Alt account for one of the seven dwarfs. Don’t tell the others. Avi by @jodingerscat, header by @The_AlbinoShrek

941 Following   1,213 Followers   7,759 Tweets

Joined Twitter 12/30/19


4yo: Mom, your nose doesn’t *actually* grow when you tell a lie. Me: Yeah? Are you sure? 4: Yeah. Or Donald Trump… https://t.co/htMDb7LuwU
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsI’ve had my period for 9 years... let that sink in
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsImagine meeting your soulmate but they say “mischief managed” whenever they cum
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsDon’t worry proud boys, daddy Trump just has to run to the store for a pack of smokes tomorrow
Retweeted by One of the Seven Dwarfs @CCRuns Congrats!!! How about one with the word taco in it? https://t.co/SA6at4P1YD @LizerReal So well deserved, you’ve been making me laugh for a long time! One from @KonaSlater and one from me!… https://t.co/h2VGhVQGFYSpeak in tongues? Well mostly French.
Retweeted by One of the Seven Dwarfsis the h in rhetorical there as an example or what?!
Retweeted by One of the Seven Dwarfsso The Crown is basically Game of Thrones with spoilers and less dragons
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsIce T's estranged son has been trying to reach him. His name? Extended Warren T
Retweeted by One of the Seven Dwarfs @NaomiSeu Doesn’t every family bury their loved ones in the backyard?I'm at the mental age where I don't want to leave the house after 8pm
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsYour credit score should be higher than your lifetime total of sexual partners.
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsDoomsday prepper: Be forwarned, the END is nigh!!! her: can't you just climax like a normal person?
Retweeted by One of the Seven Dwarfsa constant war in my head is wondering if I should find out why the kids are quiet vs letting them continue making… https://t.co/77MXNUPJ9R
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsI bet the Your Pillow guy is way cooler, like the other side of the...
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsImagine the ever increasing number of unread emails you’ll have after you die
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsMy mood is crashing faster than a computer operating on Windows Vista.
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsYou'll never catch me bungee jumping or skydiving, I get an adrenaline rush when my phone rings.
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsI just found a gray hair and I’m shocked this past year only gave me the one
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsMr Rogers Taylor Swift 🤝 Cardigan
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsI didn’t realise how tiny my wife is until I took her favourite sweater out of the dryer
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsIt's always "What the fuck are you doing eating expired Pop Tarts from the dumpster?" never "HOW the fuck are you d… https://t.co/MrFDJrhHBY
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsI’m a blobfish girl in a mermaid world I’m gelatinous You’re just fabulous
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsI’m sorry my “subtle signals” aren’t “clear enough” for you. I GUESS I’LL JUST SIGH LOUDER NEXT TIME
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsDon't knock my Walmart bargain bin underwear They can get the job done just as well as those fancy ones you buy at Target
Retweeted by One of the Seven Dwarfswaiter: can I take your order me: take it? I didn’t even get it yet
Retweeted by One of the Seven Dwarfs @kennyfckndavis @LizerReal This is so kind!(World’s First Apple Orchard) KID: I get why these ones are called red delicious, but why Granny Smith? DAD: We b… https://t.co/ebVuBK5nGYI will eat a fried egg on literally anything, if you think of a food and wonder “will he eat a fried egg on that?”… https://t.co/QD6trYgpeg
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsWhoever named green beans was lazy af.
Retweeted by One of the Seven Dwarfs2019: no carb diet 2021: too drunk to eat an 8th piece of pizza
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsHer: Sorry Mr. ThoroGOOD, I only like bad boys! George: *narrows eyes* oh I'll show you!
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsListening to my husband talk on a conference call makes me want to stab a fork in my eye.
Retweeted by One of the Seven Dwarfs @sherrysworld Sherry, have you seen the pictures supposedly of Casey Affleck throwing out a cardboard cut out of An… https://t.co/YsJGsnQaZ1mom: how much do you like him me: i’d say hey to him while i was spinning the wheel on the price is right.
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsButt-holemate Someone that interacts with you and all of a sudden you have to poop
Retweeted by One of the Seven Dwarfs @MuthoniK20 Yours was better 😂How many of you guys were raised in a racist family and have chosen to be accepting and loving despite your family's ignorance?
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsI don’t know who needs to hear this, but *SPONGE BOB SWEARING NOISE*
Retweeted by One of the Seven Dwarfscharlie daniels: fire on the mountain, run, boys, run the rest of pompeii: *screaming*
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsDefective pressure cooker: My cover's been blown!
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsYou thought this Presidency was appalling but you don't even know the half of it. They used WingDings font.
Retweeted by One of the Seven Dwarfs @sherrysworld @maxoupial Max realizing his mistake https://t.co/f0KAifEMlE @goofballbirkla You: Aw man, it’s just like little league all over again![first day in a gang] me: [drops my gun] gang: you’re out.
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsI hope the White House is getting a deep clean after his eviction tomorrow
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsWe value your privacy. We always get top dollar for it.
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsMaybe the real Pepsi challenge is just finding places who actually serve Coke
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsHim: I’m just here to spread joy Joy: Better buy me another drink bb
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsCop: know why i pulled you over? Me: no Cop: what's in the bottle? Me: i don't want to talk about it Cop: *unsc… https://t.co/guPDKxB41X
Retweeted by One of the Seven Dwarfs*writing on an icecream cake* S O R R Y A B O U T T H E P R O L A P S E
Retweeted by One of the Seven Dwarfs @bigsharkguy This might explain the constant sneezing @charbroil_chew Do you say that as you serve coffee? @sherrysworld That’s become the funniest emoji to me. That and 🐣The pandemic has made it hard to stay in shape but I'm keeping my chins up.
Retweeted by One of the Seven Dwarfs @bigsharkguy I came to twitter to get to know myself better @sherrysworld Wait, I know what that emoji means 🤔I don’t think I have the patience for you today. Tomorrow isn’t looking any better if I’m being honest.
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsExcited to have tap to pay! Less excited that I needed the drive-thru kid to notice and explain it to me.
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsNo I'm not 5'10, I'm almost 6 subway sandwiches long
Retweeted by One of the Seven Dwarfs @JennWyer @adamgreattweet This pub gets it @1ofthe7dwarves @adamgreattweet Sign behind the bar at Nickies in San Francisco: https://t.co/UAU9DOA4tp
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsThe Irish are known for their drinking because they stay in pubs rather than going into the sunThat feeling of relief when you realize the hair in your food is still attached to your head
Retweeted by One of the Seven Dwarfsrecently had to prove to a man that i'm blonde by pulling up my instagram to show him pictures, politely pretending… https://t.co/XoWdvrN960
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsI want to be the random single gif that floods the gif search like a high-school 8 x 10 when I'm maniacally misspelling words.
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsMaking things awkward is my trademark and you can’t take my brand
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsThe irony of misspelling the word "obvious."
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsOhhhhh, I thought you meant read sheet music. No, I cannot "read", per se.
Retweeted by One of the Seven Dwarfsme: do you think this is tweetable? doc: sorry, not in my opinion me: *sobbing* so i am... going to... die? doc:… https://t.co/DeNBmuFLGp
Retweeted by One of the Seven Dwarfs @SandwichGhoul I was going to try to be good and save it, but I am going to eat that chep immediately!I woke up this morning already wearing a sensible cardigan like some kind of extra on Everybody Loves Raymond
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsWearing pink to a job interview is the ultimate power move
Retweeted by One of the Seven Dwarfs @PresTightrhymes Thank you! One from @KonaSlater: https://t.co/WohsBYYr0y One from me: https://t.co/dWQkw7yBst @ravenswng_ Thanks as always! You are the best! https://t.co/dWQkw7yBst @jennapurrlee Jenna 😂😂Me: they say if you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life Career counselor: yes, but I’m afraid… https://t.co/cGngjBJEhh
Retweeted by One of the Seven Dwarfs @awkwardenabled Also I made a typo. I meant NOT all superpowers 😂The existent of the paper crane, implies the existence of the paper bulldozer.
Retweeted by One of the Seven Dwarfs @reallivemom I really really wish I had a pictureI like to leave my key in the front door every few months to make sure the neighborhood is still safe
Retweeted by One of the Seven Dwarfs @awkwardenabled You know, I realize now that all superpowers make you the hero. This one might make me the villain 😂😂😂😂😂"in sickness and in hell" -satanic wedding vows
Retweeted by One of the Seven Dwarfsabout to walk into McDonald's in a full Ronald costume and blow some fucking minds
Retweeted by One of the Seven Dwarfs @mksnark 😘 @awkwardenabled Me dropping a comment https://t.co/2YtqMaXXWV @mksnark I like to think I was your firstsome days I'm so productive that I can fail at everything on my todo list before 9:00 AM
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsMe: I wanna have your rabies Them: You mean my babies ? *me foaming at the mouth* Raccoon Tang Clan ain’t nothing to Fuck with
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsLet’s play America’s favorite game: ✨Is it COVID or do I just feel like shit?✨
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsA catholic version of Taco Bell where you Live Holy Mas and the blood of Christ is Baja Blast and the body of Christ is cinnamon twists.
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsIf you just introduce yourself as “contagious” you almost never have to talk to people.
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsHim: I think... I think I’m ready to say the L word... Me: Babe. Let me go first.... Lasagna.
Retweeted by One of the Seven Dwarfsgonna invent a bra that actually contains your boobs during cardio so you don't have to hold them like a damn fool… https://t.co/0QkP4Srxf9
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsLife is all about perspective like, maybe you aren’t really bad at cooking maybe you’re just really good at ordering out
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsWow. RUDE AF, newspaper jumble. https://t.co/FCFUHHkjZq
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsIf I was inaugurated President... *flicks cigarette* ...I’d make Titty Tuesday a weekly national holiday within my first 100 days
Retweeted by One of the Seven DwarfsWill I understand Zeus if I haven't studied Aeus through Yeus?
Retweeted by One of the Seven Dwarfsyour daily dose of cute... https://t.co/YTFqkbbzCl
Retweeted by One of the Seven Dwarfs
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2021

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