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Elizabeth... you need to stop going for blonde guys that play the guitar.

i am down absolutely horrendous rn
Retweeted by toast afficionado 🍞🍻Yes there should be 7 but there are only 6..... and for what???? https://t.co/WKFP2Fie71

I am listening to my roommates talk about how shit their history education was and I am literally getting so angry… https://t.co/b6DpMoG98s

It’s 9 AM and I am already crying tee hee :)She's gonna save me, call me baby Run her hands through my hair
Retweeted by toast afficionado 🍞🍻GOOD MORNING TWITTER LEX COMES TO BLACKSBURG TODAY 😌

Garth Brooks really did show up in boots to a black tie affair
Retweeted by toast afficionado 🍞🍻 @Hylianlikelyboi What if i already have an archnemesisJust girly things https://t.co/3ZoyRP9kHs
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Forgot to take the name of my sorority out of my Zoom name from recruitment and I didn't realize for 45 minutes!!!… https://t.co/oPOLv65dNmMe with my last $100: https://t.co/YcV5oG5NTW
Retweeted by toast afficionado 🍞🍻Early morning Twitter who up 😔😔😔 https://t.co/FYS6IomsT7Billie Joe Armstrong did not get up on stage during the 2016 American Music Awards screaming "No Trump, No KKK, No… https://t.co/a43FUlQOxd
Retweeted by toast afficionado 🍞🍻Thinking about how this weekend my six year old cousin said “Lizzie, if you hate men..... why do you love me?” And like 🥺🥺🥺

Why is the soundtrack for Surfs Up so good??? Like it has no business being this good????Probably the most dangerous thing about me is i like to make Spotify playlists about how im feeling and what im goi… https://t.co/5XaMKDwnaK“I don’t trust men who fence” —ClaireImagine prefering sweet bagels to savory bagels.... disgustingdrink enough tequila and you won’t remember who hurt you ♥️ https://t.co/9Mc9TBIu2V
Retweeted by toast afficionado 🍞🍻Drunk and adding drivers license to the queue 😌💕

This is all i think abt when people call me the beer girl https://t.co/noJ9mDiTcWWhat do you do with a drunken sailor? Two extremely testy essays from the JSTOR archive tell you everything you nee… https://t.co/FoNDLXI4ro
Retweeted by toast afficionado 🍞🍻Men with blonde floppy hair: release your grasp on me this instant
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Good morning I hope everyone enjoys a bagel today :) https://t.co/8Ui8Vaxsvz

big day tomorrow https://t.co/PddEgDzf6I
Retweeted by toast afficionado 🍞🍻Y’ALL I JUST FINISHED THIS BOOK AND IT WAS SO GOOD! It made me love reading again and I am obsessed with it. So if… https://t.co/laGftvEB49 @ashley_deans Ashley.....Now do shredded chicken https://t.co/zAvnJ3IMsLevery day I get on my silly little bird app and broadcast my silly little mental illness to the world
Retweeted by toast afficionado 🍞🍻Oh to bake a little floral focaccia and share it at a picnic with my friends 🥺 https://t.co/cDmxXILjU3It is 7:35 AM and i have already chosen violence once today.

@ashley_deans One day (at the Babe Cave, aka Toast PromiseLand) I put garlic salt on my buttered toast.... and i never went backDo you salt your toast? 🍞🧂Happy one year anniversary to this gem https://t.co/NHbchb3iTmmy dress for Ashleys wedding just got here and all im saying is i look GOOD in it

I’m so tired of angry men!!! PLEASE go to therapy and stop fussing at me!! I didn’t do it!
Retweeted by toast afficionado 🍞🍻bitches be like “i’m fine” and then drivers license olivia rodrigo 1:32 ━━━❍━━━── 4:0… https://t.co/0fR7Ft4SCW
Retweeted by toast afficionado 🍞🍻I simply do not understand why in Wonder Woman 1984 Diana Prince is willing to risk nuclear holocaust for a man?????

Me: i had a wonder woman barbie as a kid. She was pretty badass Quill: that explains a lot about you actually @nuggetkween Delete this tweetFocusing too much DNA testing to determine a person’s Native ancestry risks undermining tribal sovereignty, writes… https://t.co/N1Rha9SwKY
Retweeted by toast afficionado 🍞🍻Damn girl, this popcorn is straight up Orvillian
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Im really just happy that anyone at all voted yes so I will concede https://t.co/7YFIQTpewG @emfranks7 https://t.co/qQ8Va1lqsv @emfranks7 I SAW THIS AND IMMEDIATELY MADE ELIZABETH TAKE MEMy roommate just said to me “your personality says B cup but i know you actually wear larger than that” MAAM WHAT?!Ate half a ring of shrimp cocktail by myself and now my mercury is in retrograde or some shit

Hello i have an important question: does Natty taste a little bit like bananas to you?We found them 😌💕Its me and Cecile in the Lowes refusing to ask a m*n for help even tho we have no idea where the cord protectors areOne like and I will do virtual recruitment with baby yoda in my lapCheers to our colleagues in the LOC and also the programmer behind https://t.co/YhfaNoruul 🥂 https://t.co/A4L4JQQt5K
Retweeted by toast afficionado 🍞🍻 @Hylianlikelyboi Yes exactly!!!! @Hylianlikelyboi I agree!!! Im still working on my recipe :(

Also beer mustard https://t.co/uGztZSiYNXHello I made beer bread muffins because I have too much work beer at my disposal and no friends to drink it https://t.co/Qa3GLXw9E6reminder that "we can disagree and still be friends" applies to stuff like enjoying different games or characters.… https://t.co/i3Po6uuYMA
Retweeted by toast afficionado 🍞🍻joe biden: this is not america everyone else: https://t.co/dUGZuCnpbJ
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This is not a text i sent Grace but so accurately represents our relationship https://t.co/fr0qcU0raJAmericans: don't study history or philosophy, you'll never get a job bc it has no value in society 😌 Also American… https://t.co/p2Lg3umxdT
Retweeted by toast afficionado 🍞🍻“Hes lovely in every other way except he doesnt like garlic bread” is a real thing Grace just said to meAny statement from @VTSandsman should start by acknowledging that Steve Bannon went here, by thoroughly repudiating… https://t.co/MhWGMdkGCy
Retweeted by toast afficionado 🍞🍻I accidentally added 10x as much yeast as I was supposed to to my beer last night and somehow the following beer ex… https://t.co/bwXdW9YnEsIt’s the way a country that kidnapped and enslaved human beings keeps saying “this is not who we are” for me.
Retweeted by toast afficionado 🍞🍻Hundreds of thousands of DC residents had to endure a coup in their backyard today, go into curfew at 6pm, and fear… https://t.co/CRJ2VEzSti
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if the united states saw what the united states was doing right now the united states would invade itself
Retweeted by toast afficionado 🍞🍻Capitol police flipped over and cuffed paraplegics in wheelchairs for doing sit ins in the capitol for M4A
Retweeted by toast afficionado 🍞🍻The Capitol at dusk. Photo by @LeahMillis https://t.co/MSzdmTKnMs
Retweeted by toast afficionado 🍞🍻Trump really said “I know how mistreated we are” to ARMED WHITE people who haven’t been TOUCHED LMAO
Retweeted by toast afficionado 🍞🍻 @not___connor Yes and https://t.co/e6Jdw3D1BDjust saw a post about a baby born at the start of quarantine who’s now 1 and because she’s been inside her whole li… https://t.co/uGmuNJtLNc
Retweeted by toast afficionado 🍞🍻I think VT Twitter should set a collective new year’s resolution to get @not___connor to stop saying “nussy” @theMaroonHokie No it makes me feel sleepy all day 😠I have been bullied into turning my phone to dark mode always instead of only when it is dark @not___connor https://t.co/J1NA6osd1ZThis simply cannot be true— if it were I would be much more successful https://t.co/2ahMLQkZFhyou’re in a serious relationship? aw, i’m sorry. i hope you get to be in a funny relationship someday.
Retweeted by toast afficionado 🍞🍻FUCKING NO BECAUSE YOU TOOK AWAY THE SHREDDED CHICKEN QUESADILLA MELT https://t.co/gX8CaIVwGwReading books and finding books you want to read are two totally different hobbies.
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Face ID doesn’t recognize me when I have been crying ask me how I know @not___connor MY PHONE IS ON LIGHT MODE DURING THE DAY— SUE ME @gingersnap_2015 @ashley_deans @drewgouge SEASON 2 OF SMASH GOD DAMN I LOVED THAT DISASTER @ashley_deans NO THIS POLL IS TEARING ME APART @ashley_deans And I had to smack my ass in front of 60,000 people? Great mem 😂

@emfranks7 e$5Once I told Ashley about a bad thing I did and how I felt like i was leading these men on etc and she said “ya know… https://t.co/g56pd36Exa @DaltonShiflett BAD DATES IS A GOD TIER DALTON TWEET @emfranks7 Yo what the hell these are fire 😂https://t.co/jnhE8ZqDMZ https://t.co/E5mAvGb3O1Men are attracted to short women because they want a little Yoda riding on their back while they run around. But a… https://t.co/gcjqcGZe6j
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Carding men at work to see if they’re cute under their masks 😷😌✨💚🍻 https://t.co/HGottdHr3TMy toxic trait is that I preferred Owens brunch to West End*me rereading my own tweet every time someone likes it* https://t.co/Q764BDICa9
Retweeted by toast afficionado 🍞🍻Its just the way men are intimidated by vocabulary like grow up bro @bspillare I will literally destroy you