Sign in with Twitter


Adam @adamgreattweet Georgia, USA

Med student aspiring to make people laugh, as seen on Buzzfeed and RTd by Barack Obama. He/Him. fanhouse: adam.and.harper

2,743 Following   18,684 Followers   123,459 Tweets

Joined Twitter 9/28/19

@CrockettForReal @LexoLuthoro Triple it, I’m treating me, myself, and I @LexoLuthoro @CrockettForReal True dang next time I’m just gonna keep bothNothing says single like when the waiter removes the other place setting from your table for two @damnfinetweet @KerriChristian Wow thank you so very much!!i miss when the weekend meant something
Retweeted by AdamA group of toddlers is called a handful
Retweeted by Adamwhat my food sees when i’m waiting on the microwave to finish
Retweeted by AdamSomeone who’s slutty for plants is a whoreticulturist
Retweeted by Adam*Yoko Ono as an entomologist* actually I DISSECTED the beatles
Retweeted by Adamthe heart is ever knitting, ever pulling at the yarn
Retweeted by AdamMe: Yes you can sit on the couch Hopper: Pillows, blanket Me: Sure Hopper: More Me: You're lucky you're cute
Retweeted by AdamEverybody has that one city eyebrow and that one really country eyebrow but no one has two of either
Retweeted by Adamy=mx+b jokes are great but at some point we'll have to draw the line
Retweeted by Adam"Enjoy this gift of a very normal large wooden horse"
Retweeted by Adam @memetazaa @DrakeGatsby @smithsara79 @GooseEscaped @MILFWEEED @abbygov @NILES100 @PallaviGunalan @MNateShyamalan throw a paper plane at you. You unfold it. It says "hey, your sleeve is catching fire".
Retweeted by AdamApparently, eating celery burns more calories than it contains so that's my workout for the day.
Retweeted by AdamHell yeah I FLOSS Fuck Like an Old Salty Sailor 😏 DENTIST: Idk what that means but you have aggressive gum disease
Retweeted by AdamCreator of the suit: something to cover the body and look important Creator of dress shoes: and a sleek but fancy…
Retweeted by Adam⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝…
Retweeted by AdamCaptain Hook regretted telling the crocodile to unhand him.
Retweeted by AdamInside you are two wolves: they're dancing disco in their spectacular sequined dresses, beckoning you to join them
Retweeted by AdamKool-aid man at the blood bank punching a straw into a pouch filled with Kool-aid
Retweeted by AdamI feel like I’m at a special time in my life where I just don’t really care whether I’ve shaved before I go somepla…
Retweeted by Adamgummies made of ✨animal bones✨
Retweeted by Adamthis dude is the most likeable mf in hollywood right now
Retweeted by Adam“Avert your gaze” I say to my dog as I take off my clothes and quickly grab a towel.
Retweeted by AdamMe: What else would you like on your bagel? Him: Are you slathering that chocolate chip cookie in cream cheese? Me: Lox?
Retweeted by Adam[ eating pizza ] me: ha ha wanna see some origami? her: *sigh* folding your slice in half isn't-- me: *holding pizza pterodactyl*
Retweeted by AdamIf I didn’t have kids then who would lovingly feed me the popcorn they dropped all over the floor?
Retweeted by AdamA mummy comes back to life, and is disappointed to be desiccated and decayed. "This was a better idea on papyrus"
Retweeted by AdamFriend: I got a promotion. Me: I slept a full 8 hours without having to get up to pee.
Retweeted by Adam @GroovyTasia Love itYou really think crime doesn't pay?! Those CSI actors are definitely making bank tho.
Retweeted by AdamI always figured Canada Dry was just a more polite pool playing buddy of Minnesota Fats.
Retweeted by AdamSome people tweet “where are the $2000 checks?” once a day and call it activism 😭
Retweeted by AdamImagine how much better this planet would be if evolution had given us multi-colored sheep.
Retweeted by Adami don't know why people get all bent out of shape over parasites. it's nice to be wanted even if it's for my precious precious nutrients.
Retweeted by AdamGood morning, tweeters! Our theme for this week: PAPER Send us up to 3 tweets related to the theme! Ends 6PM EST…
Retweeted by AdamIt’s pretty wild how we used to lick each other to say hello
Retweeted by Adamme: worms cannot fully express my love for you, but they'll try girlfriend: you mean words lol me: *shooing away…
Retweeted by Adam80's kids - always 3 minutes away from Nuclear war, but too busy watching super sexy cat-humans fighting a mummy or…
Retweeted by Adamy'all ever notice how similar the words “sepsis” and “pepsi” are? coincidence? no.
Retweeted by AdamHey everyone, if you like great tweets please give @sonictyrant a follow! He is one of the sweetest and funniest pe…
Retweeted by Adam[on Shark Tank] Mr Wonderful: so your product— me: tases u in the dick and balls Mr Wonderful: right. and u call…
Retweeted by AdamMichael Jackson describes a horrific scene then has the balls to ask Annie if she’s ok. No Michael, she isn’t ok th…
Retweeted by Adam“I still don’t understand.” “Look, Terry, I can either spend my time trying to explain crypto to you again, or I c…
Retweeted by Adamjust had one hand with a bowl full of chili and the other hand trying to squeeze a bottle of hot sauce into the ref…
Retweeted by AdamMe realizing I really do need to get to the gym before summertime.
Retweeted by AdamIn the south they don't use hearses they just throw grandma in the back of the pick up
Retweeted by AdamME: *throws a fried chicken breast and it returns like a boomerang* KFC INTERVIEWER: *presses intercom button* holy shit larry get in here
Retweeted by AdamNeil Armstrong: time to get back on the shuttle Buzz Buzz Aldrin: *tapping pockets for keys* Neil you're not gonna believe this
Retweeted by AdamJust told this marinara I thought it was overpriced and it cried :(
Retweeted by Adam*Woman stranded on a deserted island* Message in a bottle: ACKSHUALLY
Retweeted by AdamI just ate one corndog for breakfast instead of two. I guess I’m ready to start a blue check health & wellness account now.
Retweeted by Adam @thegallowboob I love thisi miss when the weekend meant somethingI’m so old, I’ve had my left turn signal on for the last seventeen tweets.
Retweeted by AdamGood morning I would like doughnuts and serotonin please
Retweeted by Adamhard to believe that sk8r boi is a sk8r man now
Retweeted by Adam2 donuts and a cookie, call it a dookie sandwich
Retweeted by AdamMy sister is upset that her college email address, which she had been using has stopped allowing her to log in. S…
Retweeted by AdamMountains be like:
Retweeted by AdamBoss: Why don't you ever answer your phone? Me: Because I grew up with a house phone and have accumulated enough…
Retweeted by AdamWe’re having Frank’s memorial today, but he still gets the last laugh. Per our pact, I have to yell “FREEBIRD” during the service.
Retweeted by AdamStill can’t believe Chris Cornell ran a whole university in between being a rock star
Retweeted by AdamI've waited all day for a builder and carpet fitter to arrive. It was a lot less exciting than pornhub led me to believe.
Retweeted by AdamGreatest fear? None of them, they all suck, really
Retweeted by AdamKing Arthur: are you sure about this super absorbent armour, now with wings? Sir Kotex: it's our strongest protection yet
Retweeted by AdamAsk your neurologist if left is right for you.
Retweeted by Adamyou know you’re a mom when you wake up at 3am wondering if the kids left a baked potato under the sofa two days ago...because they did
Retweeted by Adamfuck drugs have u ever moo'ed at a cow and had it moo back at u
Retweeted by AdamKleptomanics can't help but nick themselves when shaving.
Retweeted by AdamGood morning to people who are over 35 and/or have given birth. Go pee. We'll catch up later.
Retweeted by AdamIf aliens kidnap me and replace me with a clone, she’d better have at least one coffee stain on her shirt or my family won’t be fooled.
Retweeted by Adamdid i fr just say ‘wanna hear a fun fact about crucifixion’ to a man on tinder
Retweeted by AdamMy therapist found my twitter account and now he wants to go from meeting once a month to meeting three times a day
Retweeted by Adamme: mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all? flat screen tv: *continues playing YouTube videos o…
Retweeted by AdamI would like once to wake up from a nights sleep and say “yeah, that was enough”
Retweeted by Adamwow you're so cheerful, gross
Retweeted by Adam @jennapurrlee Happy belated!!Them: I love you Me: Thats suspicious
Retweeted by Adam @drivingmemadi You’re going to be fine! @zdwilcox 🥺 @mksnark I don’t think this is disturbing now but maybe someone will be upset by it, duck
Retweeted by AdamCPAC looks like a gas this year
Retweeted by AdamDoing hot girl shit* Eating nutty buddy’s*
Retweeted by Adam“you had to be there” oh a geography joke
Retweeted by AdamME: Sorry we’re late. My daughter couldn’t find her pet spatula. DAUGHTER: Chad. ME: Yes. Chad the Spatula.
Retweeted by Adam“STOP!” - tired road sign - mean - red and white “SLOW DOWN, SPEED RACER!” - unique road sign - makes me feel ba…
Retweeted by AdamHer: I wish you could see my beauty and not my imperfections. Me: What imperfections?
Retweeted by Adam“dM fOr a PrOmO” fuck you. how about you dm me for a chill conversation about your day
Retweeted by AdamAnything is more interesting if it’s haunted.
Retweeted by AdamMy fat ass thought these were glazed donuts
Retweeted by AdamWho wore it better?
Retweeted by Adamif i'm gonna bed bath and be honest
Retweeted by AdamIn the depth of night, walking a dog in solitude is near euphoria.
Retweeted by AdamDid I behave at work this week? No So will I behave better next week? Also no
Retweeted by Adamdance like you didn't just eat three bowls of mashed potatoes
Retweeted by Adam