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Vault 69 Boy @aka_fatman Melbourne, Australia

I'd rather have knife and forks for hands than stupid hooks (Avi courtesy of @dongfuture)

258 Following   8,013 Followers   24,235 Tweets

Joined Twitter 1/28/11


if they lift the mask mandate my ventriloquism career is ruined
Retweeted by Vault 69 BoyY’all having a good Mother’s Day? I asked mum if she wanted me to come over and she said she’d rather spend the day… https://t.co/6tVc4JnjvP @Andr01dMaf1a @AMagicalDuck @menoetian @PenquinDude @SystemMastery I always roll for stars and just take the first… https://t.co/zrDNBCC9aw
5/9
2021
@jonggreen Les:...and I also see that you have mould on your ceilingWe’ve had a mouldy bathroom ceilings for a while due to a burst water pipe and the Real Estate finally sent a dude… https://t.co/O4ipIlsFqb
5/5
2021
@Laser_Cat I don’t even think you needed to spike the survey. Kick his ass.
5/4
2021
I'm fine, I'm fine... you just got me right in the nads... ... Jesus Christ... https://t.co/GzV8FRCltp
Retweeted by Vault 69 Boy
5/3
2021
@rachsyme https://t.co/ACNIbJwyrU
4/30
2021
@david8hughes If they shouted ‘I’ve got wood!’, the other lumberjacks might get the wrong idea.
4/27
2021
It goes like this The fourth the fifth The whiskey drink The vodka drink The baffled king composing Chumbawamba
Retweeted by Vault 69 Boy @EndhooS I sure do! *crying, puking* @Bexdora I still remember this conversation I had with mum from years ago. Mum: What was that film with the Ground… https://t.co/M63RTxiYvK
4/26
2021
@FANGORIA I did not see that coming
4/19
2021
@living_marble I’m sure the taboo topics would be; a) his age, b) his height, c) Scientology
4/10
2021
Did not foresee that DMX turned out to be one of the seven horcruxes that was keeping Price Phillip alive for all these years.
4/9
2021
@ThePatanoiac Let me reiterate: most of the time, when we’re working together, we goof off and hurl friendly abuse… https://t.co/UAvTRDCsht @philmann It should be the norm. I was always brought up thinking that’s the case but last night we heard some horr… https://t.co/mVTeH4BqyQWe’ve all gone our separate ways now but we still keep in contact - some more than others - but it’s so easy to for… https://t.co/eWt0H58S09“Dude was pissing in the sink. Of course I had your back.” “Right. But you had my back BEFORE you knew that. I sai… https://t.co/lgufTOtyzmCorinne - who has some confidence issues - says, “This bar was the one that taught me you can say ‘no’ to customers… https://t.co/PImW2ytUti“It was. But you were a big ol’ weirdo and I thought you were interesting and held promise so we hired you” Kira -… https://t.co/pWBzwAB0EsAs a crew, we all always ripped the piss out of each other constantly (and still do to this day) even though we all… https://t.co/Fxz0ZSACtlA month or so ago Seb - one of the ex-workers there - organised via FB to have a catch up at a nearby bar/burger jo… https://t.co/9kSVs5Y4dlYou’re not always aware of the effects you have on people until years after the fact. [a thread] About three yea… https://t.co/I3OADmG6yQwell behaved boats rarely make history
Retweeted by Vault 69 Boy
3/28
2021
@dorsalstream Frank Ocean: *spits out coffee*
3/27
2021
friend: how's the new job? me: can't complain friend: what's with the beeping collar? me: *tearing up* can't complain
Retweeted by Vault 69 Boy
3/26
2021
@ascendingcarl I just assumed it was a drug reference that young, hip people use. (e.g.) “You wanna go visit the… https://t.co/xXctyHRwdD
3/18
2021
@Laser_Cat Hahahahahaha @Laser_Cat Great to hear you got vaccinated, my friend. But NOT a colossal asshole? History might say otherwise haha
3/17
2021
you’re telling me a cis teen built this chapel?
Retweeted by Vault 69 Boy
3/15
2021
@david8hughes “Look Mommy! It’s that strange bus driver who keeps making weird announcements about something called ‘priapism’ again” @living_marble Well, call me intrigued. There’s a train delay for the next 30 minutes, so I’ve gone to nearby bar t… https://t.co/qm5wX0jLKZ @living_marble @SirEviscerate “It is not hands that call us but desire...for our bargain posters! At a super low co… https://t.co/wIhJUqbFun @SirEviscerate Posters can’t summon cenobites, Ray.
3/1
2021
@flashember @fro_vo *Twitter Police dragging me away* GOLDFISH DON’T HAVE VOCAL CHORDS!! THIS TWEET IS FILLED WITH LIES!!!
2/23
2021
Me: [sees Jesus turn a jar of his pee into wine] Uh... Disciples: [surrounding me] Drink the wine. Me: No. Jesus: Drink my urine, bitch
Retweeted by Vault 69 Boy
2/22
2021
J.K. Dobbins: 8 rushes of 20+ yards Most among all rookies https://t.co/TdgTTVf7dq
Retweeted by Vault 69 Boy
2/21
2021
ah, year 300 of being a vampire... time to attend the local high school for some reason
Retweeted by Vault 69 Boy
2/20
2021
@dorsalstream @TheToddWilliams @FrogAvalanche Nothing but a pack of filthy LIES about free healthcare and egg-layin… https://t.co/aZ5vVuCn5G @FrogAvalanche Sure, buddy. This fabled “Australia” that we hear so much about. But tell me - has anyone actually B… https://t.co/kIWNUwQ3N2
2/17
2021
@LandoKardashian Take care of yourself Lando. Safe journeys, wherever you end up.
2/12
2021
@abbycohenwl “Wonderfalls” was one of those quirky, beautiful shows with great potential (a Niagara Falls gift shop… https://t.co/2JvQIlUbdM
2/8
2021
[pretending to talk in my sleep so I can say things to my wife without getting in trouble] new blue shirt too blue
Retweeted by Vault 69 Boy
2/1
2021
@MaraWilson Absolutely. They scared the shit outta me in the “Lord of The Rings” movies.[playing guess who] werner herzog: does yours have eyes that know pain, is he a man haunted by his own spirit, over… https://t.co/89ju13nA33
Retweeted by Vault 69 Boy @fro_vo @KimmyMonte Norman BoughtGameStopShares
1/30
2021
@Cpin42 Speaking for myself, I always thought “Sir Percival” was the pretty one. My other testicle - “Scraggs” - ha… https://t.co/DwewBmcLwY
1/28
2021
@PajamaStew @dorsalstream @malt_skull How old are the kids? It’s...uh...comedy/horror. And the horror might be a to… https://t.co/tvZSjxSBl1 @PajamaStew @dorsalstream @malt_skull I’m a big fan of the anti-Chekhov’s Gun in films like “Slither” when you’re e… https://t.co/yQQgevEzKL
1/24
2021
@iamspacegirl @PajamaStew @Piecezilla Suspended. Right. Well it might just be some overactive Twitter thing. Everyo… https://t.co/bxeOYlr18s @PajamaStew @iamspacegirl @Piecezilla Wait. What’s going on?
1/21
2021
Currently Listening To: “Take Off Your Sunglasses” - Ezra Furman and The Harpoons https://t.co/R2jxQgabkT @_NinJar @1carolinagirl “Ghosts of Mars” was a figgin’ painful movie to watch. @_NinJar @1carolinagirl 1/ “The Thing” will always be No 1. 2/ Why you gotta hate on Plissken like that? 3/ I actua… https://t.co/G6fkXoyXxy
1/16
2021
@PaperWash @RoobsC I know, I know. I had to take a sip of my Domaine de la Romanée-Conti Romanée-Conti Grand Cru ‘9… https://t.co/h6alfdA4hp @PaperWash @RoobsC When our butler - Monroe - broke his leg during a fox hunting outing (long story), we only had 3… https://t.co/vn9lSBxcqj
1/15
2021
@david8hughes “I’m Elizabeth Knoxville...and this is JACKASS!”
1/8
2021
@jnunotex Some of the other systems are absolutely wild and fit their respective themes brilliantly. Have they trie… https://t.co/ILsPgRJFS3 @david8hughes Dammit. I’m in one of the Disease States. One day though...I mean, sure, their head came clean off but we managed to teleport our test subject Dave up three flights of stairs https://t.co/5VUtG55sGl @FirstnameNumbrs @I_AM_MXOLISI It’s his 15 minute break so who gives a shit if he’s smoking or praying? Even if you… https://t.co/Q7ryOTX1qY
1/2
2021
I’ll never forget how my friend, a museum curator, told a guy she’d just met what her job is and he responded with… https://t.co/ftbg0JBMTA
Retweeted by Vault 69 BoyThis, courtesy of @Adsykonghttps://t.co/D3LMaevLQa
1/1
2020
@JustinScaife @SirEviscerate Ooh. Ok, so I loved “Castle in the Sky” (Laputa) and - showing my age here - saw that… https://t.co/JikgRLrx5X @JustinScaife @SirEviscerate Happy New Year! Which one did you end up seeing? “Nausicaä” or “Grave of the Fireflies”? Both?
12/31
2020
[meteor hitting earth] Dinosaur: oh no the economy !!
Retweeted by Vault 69 Boy @FabSocialist @angryshrub @David68043194 @stephenhjohnson I’m hoping for the best here. It’s a harder battle in Ame… https://t.co/yyapiAaDF1 @angryshrub @David68043194 @FabSocialist @stephenhjohnson Right. So it’s more about the timeframe and the nature of… https://t.co/E7jQgDwJPh @angryshrub @David68043194 @FabSocialist @stephenhjohnson So answer those two @angryshrub, before you keep making “… https://t.co/NUqzNxYNxu @angryshrub @David68043194 @FabSocialist @stephenhjohnson I live in Australia and healthcare is way better than in… https://t.co/2J4Pel4Pqz @angryshrub @David68043194 @FabSocialist @stephenhjohnson Let’s not just brush it off. Expand on your points. The S… https://t.co/2saVV00WkI
12/30
2020
just got out of Wonder Woman: 1984 and it's a triumph! I laughed, I cried - a masterpiece only slightly marred by t… https://t.co/KBpSAqfu9d
Retweeted by Vault 69 Boy
12/27
2020
@FrogAvalanche Personally, I think 24, 25 is around the age when free rides should end. Income is also a factor. E… https://t.co/6ZVBv7HGnY @FrogAvalanche I think the nieces get a pass (unsure of the age), but the sisters and their partners count as 2, no… https://t.co/yCaPYCBMUO
12/23
2020
@panmidwest @MattMcC1 @flashember A Floozy with an Uzi?
12/15
2020
i saw mommy kissing santa clause now they're going to bed and my stomach is sick and it's all in my head but she's touching his chest now
Retweeted by Vault 69 Boy
12/13
2020
Just found out the older British woman who’s been looking after my children is actually my EX-HUSBAND IN A COSTUME ????
Retweeted by Vault 69 Boy
12/5
2020
@onefatman Daniel huh? From Melbourne? Just a common, Melbourne name, I suppose...A lot of people in the UK are talking about egging a £100,000 statue of Scully from “X-Files” that they’ve erected in Grantham.
12/3
2020
@Laser_Cat In pacing, theme and atmosphere it reminded me of “Sicario” although I gather that it bares more of a re… https://t.co/PjhpjTVKqG @Laser_Cat “ZeroZeroZero”. Incredibly tense show about a 5 ton shipment of cocaine from the perspective of the buye… https://t.co/S6wjn2OESW
11/29
2020
mugger: how much you got me: *looks in my purse and sees two snickers bars* one snickers bar
Retweeted by Vault 69 Boy @SirEviscerate I’m sure there’s a fair bit of overlap in a Venn Diagram there....
11/28
2020
When I tell people I'm planning a lot of travel this weekend, they tend to get a little angry... until I explain wi… https://t.co/iVZMMtfeG1
Retweeted by Vault 69 Boy
11/25
2020
[me as a magician proposing to my girlfriend] Me:...what’s this behind you ear? It looks like...*reaches to pull o… https://t.co/amkhQ2dnnD
11/24
2020
People keep asking me how I went from 143 followers to 150 in just 6 months. Let me tell you it has been a journey. A thread 👇
Retweeted by Vault 69 Boy
11/22
2020
@Laser_Cat A buddy of mine has a thing with his other friends every December where they try to avoid “All I Want Fo… https://t.co/1GibNQbAM2
11/19
2020
@Prof_Hinkley @david8hughes Glad you feel this way too, Prof. I may need an affidavit from you in an upcoming negli… https://t.co/7QMEj3YCNs @Prof_Hinkley @david8hughes I’m a busy guy who may or may not have purchased a PS5. The POINT is that the wife is d… https://t.co/Yy4tYxMkZ5 @david8hughes Um...David? I paid you $20 to look after the bub for an afternoon. It’s been three weeks. Is there so… https://t.co/piGSdse0fD @Bexdora I totally read a thing just the other day about sighing. Not only does it reset our lungs and breathing, i… https://t.co/OXDOmbLh7N
11/17
2020
@Beludore @Rollmaninoz @Zzsjg @RexChapman You know you have Asperger’s, right? This is why there’s always problems… https://t.co/kA8djwdFVB @Beludore @Rollmaninoz @Zzsjg @RexChapman Glad you took the time out to read the article[After leaving Willy Wonka’s factory] ME: WIFE: ME: WIFE: ME: WIFE: Lot of deaths for a to— ME: A LOT of deaths for a tour!
Retweeted by Vault 69 Boy
11/16
2020
@Beludore @Rollmaninoz @Zzsjg @RexChapman Posting an article here I read a while back. Googled ‘son + turned + whit… https://t.co/oGqKKCvmxJ @Beludore @Rollmaninoz @Zzsjg @RexChapman We’ve all said and done dumb crap in our lives. We still do. Maturity com… https://t.co/jGDqhKSQyo @Beludore @Rollmaninoz @Zzsjg @RexChapman Look, ultimately, I believe in redemption. People can change for the bett… https://t.co/sn3gPs2Gb9 @painted_eel That’s like depriving da Vinci of the colour yellow to paint the Mona Lisa. Let Trump paint* his next… https://t.co/jrVxlanwcs
11/15
2020

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