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"I suppose you love lots of fun in Albion Free State?" Hate Europe, love EU. 'Happiness & Tears: the Ken Dodd story' out now.

2,293 Following   9,712 Followers   75,039 Tweets

Joined Twitter 12/22/16


@AlanKelloggs If he doesn't delete it I will lose respect for him
Retweeted by Louis Barfe @AlanKelloggs He’s got form on that front.
Retweeted by Louis BarfeHe'll delete this. Just watch. https://t.co/00gz0Zu9BX @rogan_lisa https://t.co/nglCz1gTKj @rogan_lisa I write books about old comedians. @rogan_lisa If it's the Paul Whitelaw who lives in Glasgow and writes about television, yes, he's a friend of mine. @rogan_lisa Paul's a friend of mine, but I'm not him. @rogan_lisa I have absolutely no idea who or what you're on about. Sorry. @rogan_lisa I don't have one. @rogan_lisa No, I'm not Paul. I'm Louis and always have been. @rogan_lisa Paul who? @rogan_lisa Who?Well, despite not @-ing Screwfix, I've had a message at 3.08am, offering to try and sort the problem out. When cele… https://t.co/BH8GtAMyny @Screwfix Well, I wasn't expecting this. Thanks. @Matthew_Kilburn It was bastard heavy, but I managed it.And now the fucking Screwfix order seems not to have gone through, but the money's been taken. Fuck everything sideways. @FurnessGirl Well, it's nice to know I'm useful.Flour, yeast, condiments, spices, rice, pasta. The lot. Much of it in glass jars. However, new brackets are being o… https://t.co/yfbhTffG4gOf all the things I wanted to be dealing with at 2.30am on a Friday morning, one of my kitchen cupboards coming awa… https://t.co/58AsTBM56g @bonemotion I was making my own pizzas from scratch when I was a student. @_IanMoss I have a low tolerance of kitchen items that take up a lot of space and do one thing. @stanhoight Ha. I use a mixer with dough hooks. @_IanMoss I can't remember what recipe, but it's basically 500g bread flour, 14g yeast, 10g salt, 10g sugar, 15g ol… https://t.co/tBD6OMZwBxWas in Home Bargains earlier. Birthday cards taped off, pet stuff not. Fair enough, but this did appear to mean tha… https://t.co/U5tC41ZOD1 @tessphone Yep.I made pizza dough on Monday. Had a pizza then, and froze the rest. Defrosted one of the balls today. Made another… https://t.co/t8VwcD0bu4
10/30
2020
@courtneyist That was it. Even the lower levels were so well made. I use a 1973 Olympic regularly when gigs exist. @courtneyist Oh, the Genistas are beautiful drums. They were making such great gear then. @RevAMol @Flamminggibbon @JD8501254 @Penybryn01 @Conservatives Guilty as charged. @TheAshPreston And risk a hard stare.Bobby Ball, everyone. Rock on. https://t.co/I9Sz5AyktJ
Retweeted by Louis Barfe @Littlemisskatyb @crapolatombola I've always found Crocs make my heels go hard quicker than anything else. @mauricegran @IanMartin I'd forgotten about that fucker. I quite liked it.Looking forward to seeing all the freedom of speech absolutists being up in arms about the BBC's insane restriction… https://t.co/Kmea8HQ32J
Retweeted by Louis Barfe @TheTommyCannon Sending so much love. You two were the first TV show I saw being recorded - Drury Lane 1981. We cam… https://t.co/gu828lWXEY @crapolatombola I've got a pair of breathable shoes I bought in Lidl years ago. God, they're so comfortable. I did… https://t.co/3Ar8s2QUGZ @TheBluestStar I was soft-blocked recently by someone I'd followed for years and really liked. Who, a couple of wee… https://t.co/ZL2h12V4q3Such a shame that @AlanKelloggs and myself’s BBC pilot “Virtue Signalling Bake-Off Extras” has just been thrown in a skip.
Retweeted by Louis Barfe @CulturalSnow @FatRoland Bernie was a naturally funny human being. The act didn't reflect this. @merlin2709 Yep. Saw them a few times. Stunningly good. @Nick_Pettigrew Yep. They had a great act at the right moment. Eric and Ernie were scaling back. @EmmaKennedy I never met him, but you could just tell he was the essence of fun. @stefanstern "You little lyehh." They were great together. And the end of their stage act where Bobby fell asleep a… https://t.co/iQaLqUzwxq @CulturalSnow You make a very good point.Rotten, sad news about Bobby Ball. Some people just make you smile when you think about them. He was one. Impossibl… https://t.co/KnB8S11ed9 @therift72 Yeah. I'd love an Ajax at some point. @almurray I always wanted a Projector mk1 in metallic red. The only thing I covet is the 21 snare. Brass shell with… https://t.co/D2FBrFU55L @Jon_Digital I'm just clocking off. I've been working. I can't get started until midnight at the moment. @Jon_Digital Morning. Up late or up early? @THAT_Jane What a wanker.There will also be an 18" bass drum. Oh yes.It goes very nicely with this 12" Beverley tom (also made by Premier). https://t.co/b1GlIregIYIn the 80s, drums got deeper. We had 'power toms'. This was once a mounted 14" Premier Projector power tom in plain… https://t.co/UZRcg41Eoc @AmbientSheep @hellothisisivan @TalkingPicsTV Also a favourite foil for Eric Sykes.The long dry summer break of Minder series 8, 9 & 10 is over and this week ITV4 are back again with series 1.… https://t.co/boH4zGHzAk
Retweeted by Louis Barfe @MJowen174 Oh to be playing in a band in a bar while people pint it up.
10/29
2020
@AlanKelloggs @TepidTakeWonk LOUIS BARFE EATS BIG DINNERS
Retweeted by Louis BarfeJust to say that @AlanKelloggs and myself start our Times Radio slot soon - we’ll be tackling all the big issues, i… https://t.co/j4Q7yA69bO
Retweeted by Louis Barfe @outonbluesix @IrkthePurists People misremember and recast things in their minds. We all do it. I'm not sure there'… https://t.co/98d4C4pZHP @IrkthePurists This, as you know, is completely my approach. God bless Caversham.One of the most annoying fallacies/canards is the idea that biographies are much better if the author managed to in… https://t.co/k0AAUM9PGf
Retweeted by Louis BarfeThe people who are dying MATTER and are not *just* anything
Retweeted by Louis Barfe @OllieHand I'm in good company, then. @TepidTakeWonk Nah. The proper way to do SPAG BOL is 20% pasta/80% meat. @AlanKelloggs Another example of how clueless he is: Italians would make at least 1 kg of pasta with that amount of… https://t.co/MCz2KTDVz2
Retweeted by Louis Barfe @AlanKelloggs Lots of cunts on here sharing their wizard recipes. Where is garlic sold by the clove, where are eg… https://t.co/phgnypVdZ9
Retweeted by Louis Barfe @Charis_Canary He's a shitehouse. @AlanKelloggs This isn't the shopping list of someone who's cooking on a budget. He's listed all the mid to expensi… https://t.co/dEZ1Y6EeU3
Retweeted by Louis Barfe @flikkerty Ta. I went through several chef's names before deciding he was the funniest. @GWR71 @AlexaDWilson Beautiful. @AlexaDWilson @AlanKelloggs https://t.co/4GH1RMtL8M
Retweeted by Louis Barfe @AlanKelloggs Have you seen the food? They’re going to die on the bog just like Elvis.
Retweeted by Louis Barfe @jondrytay @AlanKelloggs Why are none of these recipes dhal? Is it because the people writing them have only ever c… https://t.co/AlUeJe2DQ6
Retweeted by Louis Barfe @gossjam @jondrytay Bit foreign. @JimCam73 I went through a load trying to think who was funniest. Philip Harben. Graham Kerr. Glynn Christian. Patrick Anthony.Fuck me, all these old bastards showing up recipes for basic stodge off the Internet that they've never actually ma… https://t.co/9bYmWvq8pe @TheAtticMan 75 grams of pasta per person, kitchen stranger.The dogs are fucked, more like. https://t.co/O1BZCuGpNiYes. https://t.co/FMtgAHuxQJEr... https://t.co/kOsoPwTzaOEven they can only get the leg of an onion.ANY OLD CUNT CAN MAKE SPAG BOL. https://t.co/lIbj4roBxW @AlanKelloggs 'Tier 1 Plus. With Mavis Nicholson.'
Retweeted by Louis BarfeTier 1 Plus sounds like a car valeting service or a 1980s Gallini-heavy clothes shop. https://t.co/3mXDorrC0EThis is my favourite bit of PR ever. Everything about it is superb. Awkward crowbarring of a popular culture refere… https://t.co/towlyE5kxa
Retweeted by Louis BarfeYes this took me hours, no, I regret nothing #GaryBigDinners #garysambrookeatsbigdinners https://t.co/fuV1yOljE5
Retweeted by Louis Barfe @THAT_Jane I hope it's all worth it, you know. @THAT_Jane @GulagProfessor @andrewdoyle_com I'm denying he's a man of integrity. He's a shitty chancer. @THAT_Jane So he did say it? I trust he'll be apologising now.
10/28
2020
@TheMichaelMoran @dailystar It wasn't me. @zarahsultana @bongosaloon Abso-bloody-lutely.Two adults & two children – aged 5 & 8 – died after their boat sank while crossing the Channel. They were hoping to… https://t.co/MfOUujVh9V
Retweeted by Louis Barfe @MJowen174 Oh come on. It won't be. Just find a picture of Jack Woolgar.After 2 weeks of multiple health screens and asking everyone to quarantine, I surprised my closest inner circle wit… https://t.co/ZB7GcK7R3vAfter 2 weeks of multiple health screens and asking everyone to quarantine, I surprised my closest inner circle wit… https://t.co/Pjo2k0MloaAfter 2 weeks of multiple health screens and asking everyone to quarantine, I surprised my closest inner circle wit… https://t.co/rhdlZubCHFAfter 2 weeks of multiple health screens and asking everyone to quarantine, I surprised my closest inner circle wit… https://t.co/mp2rb4p2Wm
Retweeted by Louis Barfe @saliearls @MarianneLevy My history teacher, Peter Morgan, had one of those clocks in his classroom. You could get… https://t.co/iteoy9zAXq @saliearls I'm not obsessed. Honest. @saliearls https://t.co/iERP3PxVnj
10/27
2020

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