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Father. Husband. Shoe salesman. President and Founder of NO MA'AM. Once scored four touchdowns in a single game for Polk High.

1,594 Following   1,384 Followers   6,295 Tweets

Joined Twitter 4/11/11


@MKraus18 @davenewworld_2 https://t.co/eBG2gv37Z8 @davenewworld_2 @MKraus18 No, nearly half of the people tested in Mexico test positive for the virus. @MiaFarrow So?
7/4
2020
BEGGAR: Can you spare a few dollars? AL: Sorry, I gave at the wife.
7/3
2020
@Cyanes212 I'm watching McLintock! tonight.
6/30
2020
@DineshDSouza They all look like a doad.
6/28
2020
Great men and women, who also happen to have some flaws, can't be celebrated. I don't get it. https://t.co/GgjUBDfkQN
6/27
2020
@RepsForBiden Is it retroactive? Because there's about 3 years of Russia Hoax posts out there misinforming people.
6/26
2020
STEVE: I hope we're not interrupting anything. AL: Nah, just gonna have a little sex with the wife. What the heck,… https://t.co/xn1ePunIr3
6/21
2020
"I mean, is there nothing so stupid that some woman won't fall for it?"
6/20
2020
@RealRonJeremy Hey, you've probably had sex with more women than the other guy, lol.
6/19
2020
A little engine that could. https://t.co/91xvKp8FUH
6/15
2020
"Ms. DeGroot. She was fat... and old... and fat. I remember she had this cup of coffee on her desk and she'd always… https://t.co/yyFbPIKAWM
6/14
2020
PEG: I'm going to the doctor, and I want you to come with me. AL: Why? I never came with you before.
6/13
2020
@Super70sSports @OroStation They're singing over a cd.
6/11
2020
@PennLive Give me a job while you're at it. 4 touchdowns in one game, baby! @larryelder I like it better when women acted like ladies.
6/9
2020
@Aaronmo19606179 No, thank you... for watching MWC. https://t.co/IuS05gvfzy @Alyssa_Milano @GOP I guess he doesn't want to put black people back in chains. @pws_official Gary Hart looks shady AF.
6/8
2020
@ScottOB32134337 I really like the Kelly Goes to Hollywood episodes.
6/5
2020
@Breaking911 I, Al Bundy, will also not be running for president.PEG: Hi, honey. Steve and Marcy are here. AL: I know. I've been circling the block waiting for them to leave.
6/4
2020
@EntGRCSolutions @MFrasca79 They really guns that shoot cotton balls. @niccara I hear Canada is a lot like Wanker County. @harness24 Yeah, that was a good one. https://t.co/TpV3HM9YYV @matroskin_f1 "Look Peggy, the Puggy." @mackuccino Director: Toaster leavings? Kelly: "Leavins." The Q is silent. @raygt40 That dude be gumming 'The Cow Kicked Nelly.' @laura_bell11 I can't remember if Al got to meet the man who met Andy Griffith. @CU_Buffs_1990 "I have sinned. I have consorted with my wife." @Aaronmo19606179 That was a good sandwich.Gary's was looted last night. Security footage shows the looters breaking in, taking a look at the shoes, then leav… https://t.co/CPwmgqRtFI
6/2
2020
@FrogaldTrump Vive le Cart of Death! @StevenSerge @nojanerivers @BenBankas Leave me out of this, weenie. And I'm not having sex with anyone else's mothe… https://t.co/wMJFR5aed0 @ChuckButts Today... today... today...
6/1
2020
@FrogaldTrump Ahhh, Bobbie Brown. @Paranormal_D_I And she's starting to look like a chicken.What's your favorite episode of Married... with Children?"Let's take her for a spin. You girls get in the back seat. Peg, Marcy can show you the way."
5/31
2020
@JesseKellyDC And the French.
5/29
2020
@thepetitebelle Like my Playboys. I get it. @thepetitebelle Trade you for a Tangwich? @TweetSurfer1 Now that's a man's flush. @holdmyale @CU_Buffs_1990 Must be a Ferguson.AL: By the way, Peg, have I told you today that I love you? PEG: Why, no, Al. AL:
5/28
2020
@itsJeffTiedrich @realDonaldTrump @lgutwein99_31 https://t.co/r5FPsBj4e5
5/27
2020
Please take me with you, @NASA & @SpaceX.What are you doing at 4:33 p.m. ET?Went so hard on this one... FOR AMERICA https://t.co/LhgEfudJrf
Retweeted by Al Bundy
5/26
2020
@TheCatFather73 "Yes, but they don't always go to the same house." @WTF_1971 Wives get bigger, candy bars get smaller."I'm Al 'The Mailman' Bundy. I deliver!""Y'know, Peg, if you'd wash my socks they might not adhere to my feet."
5/25
2020
"Women know we have these urges, but they have the same urges we do. They just don't show it because, well, that's how spiteful they are." @I_AM_G_FORCE You see it too?
5/22
2020
What do Marcy D'Arcy and Stacey Abrams have in common?
5/21
2020
I cough, Peggy scurries on upstairs, and I have the television all to myself. Life is good.
5/9
2020
"Why can't you have normal dreams, like me. You know, where you're Maharajas Bundy, and women with four breasts feed you Ding Dongs."
5/5
2020
BUD: Al Bundy's my father. GRIFF: That's funny, he never told me he had a son. BUD: Daughter? GRIFF: Nope. BUD: Wif… https://t.co/aQnbhjcNzy
5/2
2020
"Y'know, Peg, I have the sudden urge to take you upstairs and have sex with yo... WAIT, WHO SAID THAT?!!!" @rachel_maria65 @ISR9374 Or... Russians. https://t.co/nQsJp8vaAv
5/1
2020
"As I was saying, Ms. Blaub, unlike you at a buffet, I'm not just going to take anything."
4/29
2020
@De_Los_Mapaches @Fact Peggy spent all our corona bucks at an underground beauty parlor, but she promised me a big… https://t.co/bre1v2HIGq @Fact Should I see a doctor if my stomach rumbling lasts more than 4 hours?
4/27
2020
.@DukeFett 5 perfect movies 1 Hondo 2 Casablanca 3 The Bridge on the River Kwai 4 Patsy: Portrait of a Stewardess in Training 5 Bullitt"There's a women for ya. All day long it's hack'em off, hack'em off. As soon as the sun goes down it's 'Here boy, here boy.'"
4/25
2020
PEG: Al, why don't you get a license plate that tells the world how you feel? AL: Because "KILL ME" was taken by your father.
4/14
2020
@DennisDMZ Snot rockets are now considered a reckless discharge of a firearm.These most certainly are not the glory days for nose pickers, are they?
Retweeted by Al Bundy
4/13
2020
MWC Fact: Series co-creator Michael Moye has an estimated net worth of $65 million dollars.BUD: I like it better the way mom makes it. AL: So do I, Bud, but we're out of cough syrup.Happy 74th birthday to the man who brought me to life, Ed O'Neill. https://t.co/nkxbGbpqLi @SaraUnderwood God bless you.
4/12
2020
@BundyScreens Great episode. Season 11 was pretty good.
4/9
2020
"The Bundy name was built on lying, owing money, and beer. The only thing that separates us from the Kennedys is that they have money."Married... with Children turns 33 today. My good underwear turns 34 tomorrow.
4/6
2020
AL: This is just three pieces of bread. Where's the meat? PEG: Think of it as a club sandwich, hold the club. AL:… https://t.co/BPjQUU1rm0In times like these, treasure the people you truly love. Ashley, Coco, Tina, Champagne, and all the other girls at… https://t.co/6Utb42uhUe
4/2
2020
RIP, Kenny Rogers. https://t.co/WbVjmiRwif
3/21
2020
Happy birthday to the man who masterfully played my son Bud, @DavidFaustino!
3/3
2020
"I want to be back with my family. Look at them, they're happy. You think I'm gonna let that happen after all the g… https://t.co/xGnUmb8zDp
2/28
2020
"We would've rescued you sooner, Griff, but when you order a burger well done it outta come well done."Happy birthday to Harold Sylvester! He turns 71 today. https://t.co/O42929RxsX
2/10
2020
"How they hangin', Marcy?"
2/2
2020
MARCY: I woke up with a man in my bed, I don't even know who he is. AL: That's easy. He slept with you, he's the stupidest man on Earth.
1/10
2020
JEFFERSON: Marcy's as mad as a wet hen about this. AL: That means somewhere out there there's a wet hen as mad as Marcy.
1/6
2020
"Don't jump on Santa's lap too hard, little girl. Mrs. Claus won't like that."
1/2
2019
@Rosie WTF is wrong with you, Rosie? They were obviously just messing around.
12/22
2019
"Right now daddy's a little irritated because you cost your daddy 500 friggin' dollars!"
12/12
2019
https://t.co/i5VKqLMdVi"Screw a fair fight. Open up the door real quick, don't give him a chance to think, and sucker punch him in the bre… https://t.co/zTgDoUejjP @heckyessica Hooter alert!
11/22
2019
@CindyKendrick11 @ykwtsgfy Loud farts often don't smell. The silent ones and the ones that sound like cat purrs smell the worst.
11/19
2019
@SpaceKwest @DorisdeJong1 @ultradesign_be @JoostJansen6 @ashatenbroeke @Dutchfan33 I can't read foreigner. Can I get it in American, please?
11/16
2019
AL: So I missed one sign, Bridgendshere Street. BUD: That was 'bridge ends here', Dad.
11/14
2019
PEG: Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me this doesn't turn you on? AL: Peg, I can look you in the anywhere and tell you that.
11/12
2019
"When I was growing up I had two dreams. One was to be an astronaut and land on the planet Jayne Mansfield. The oth… https://t.co/ay13RbqONyFound this on an MWC Facebook group. Kudos to the creator. https://t.co/97HJUZgUQ6
11/11
2019
"Threats don't frighten me, I'm married."
11/7
2019

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