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Scientist’s Mind. Warrior’s Heart. Artist’s Hand. Athlete’s Foot. PLease buy me a kukri so I can defend my home from the Covenant

1,242 Following   50,938 Followers   11,929 Tweets

Joined Twitter 5/25/10

*whipping head around like Benedict Cumberbatch Sherlock* bathed.... golden.... golden shower.... pee tape night the North Bergen High School in New Jersey put on 'Alien' as their school play and it looks absolutely i…
Retweeted by Bud TendyI call him Pret Stephens, because he’s overpriced and not a particularly good place to get lunch! Still working on this one high school I knew a kid that had a Facebook bio that went, verbatim, “I’m from the dirty dirty south... of Mai… @GraceSpelman
Just imagined how The Newsroom would handle today and collapsed to the floor, deadokay i just skipped ahead to page 7 of the mueller report, and … holy … shiteballs.
Retweeted by Bud Tendy @TheDailyShow Mueller Report, in my opinion, is the talk of the town right nowok. glad that's settled just T-posed and clipped through the floor of a diner in Portsmouth, NH. He’s still falling through the map. Not good! @OnePerfectShot @fleckryan1 time I get laid off I’m gonna build myself a Bevin’s skiff and open a premium ferry service where I row wealth…
My grandfather died today and I’m very very sad about it and that’s all I’ll say on here about it. Anyway how about those movie trailers huhMy birthday is also august 22 and every google result for florida man august 22 just refers to this tweet
I fucking love history to run to the bathroom cos I was laughing too hard at this [it's real]
Retweeted by Bud Tendy took an honors seminar on the history of comedy in America that was mostly just the professor telling us he’s fri…
the timestamps... perfection....! Du bringst mir einen Snack?
Retweeted by Bud Tendy @FINALLEVEL the christler buldingCory Booker puts on an episode of The Office and howls with uninterrupted laughter for 22 minutes then turns off th… April 2019, Twitter deploys a new algorithm which begins pushing selfie likes into friends timelines at a geomet…
Retweeted by Bud Tendy @daisandconfused Ma’am, this is a Wendy’s.If I were to write a biopic about a famous musical artist I would simply title it after that artist's most famous song18 months from now everyone will be obligated to say “NO ONE: [blank space] [line break]” before they say what they… it begins. Happy March Madness everybody!
Retweeted by Bud TendyDear Theresa May. I hate seeing you blamed for this mess. As an objective outsider experienced at conflict resoluti…
Retweeted by Bud Tendy
i love this website
Retweeted by Bud Tendyspraying Beto with a water bottle to get him to hop off the counter @ByYourLogic men's DM: Maester Luwin's death scene makes me cry every time. He cares for Bran and Rickon so much. E… saw The Favourite! Man this gout shit is funny...If I saw Quentin Tarantino walking toward me I would cross to the other side of the streetlearning a lot about youtubers I had never heard of before tonight sign you grew up in southern Maine: you keep a plastic bag full of plastic bags under your sink 😂 Only p…
No one: Cats at 3am:
Retweeted by Bud TendyHalf of my timeline is still talking about Chelsea Clinton and the other half is still talking about Harry Potter c…
Like a bear sluggishly stirring from hibernation, the first warm day of the year has triggered my yardwork instinct… good thing that happens in MANDY is Nicolas Cage prepares to attack a guy with a chainsaw and the guy stands up a…
NYC is different man
Retweeted by Bud Tendy @curtofranklin badass
Just walked by Michael C. Hall (bad guy from 2009's GAMER) on Bedford Ave! Just another day in Brooklyn City New Yo… *I* think Hawkeye’s new haircut makes him look VERY handsome!Beto looks like he knows how to juggle
"likes" are now "gfs" "retweets" are now "wifes"Twitter’s rolling out some new changes. Here’s what they mean.
Retweeted by Bud Tendy @peter__stern I think we worked with the same guyThe stupidest person I’ve ever worked with graduated from Harvard UniversityI give it five bags of popcorn 🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿 and one kukriI’m only halfway through THE NIGHT COMES FOR US and it’s by far the best thing on Netflix. I have to prop my jaw on…
The hot new trend in menswear is statement hatchets. Just walk around with a hatchet in your belt. It looks coolThe Brexit Eel has gone and slithered off with the Queen’s beans. Horse loose in Parliamentanyway here are mine @DonaldJTrumpJr let's see your transcript bud this gonna be another one of those days where everyone posts their SAT scores and GPAs @xoxogossipgita @Yelix Keep the bad balls away from me.Impressing my date with my taste in literature by informing her that according to the novels, not only did 343 Guil…
Facebook is now resorting to texting me to beg me to come back
So hot!! 😩💦💦 only thing that can take down Donald Trump is a humorous and irreverent musical number inspired by the works of Gilbert and Sullivan @kathbarbadoro Was he also the one that said Gronk should play Jack Reachereveryone is pissed at me for saying i think gumby looks like he'd be good to eat
Retweeted by Bud TendyI love being a 1999 guy who eats a lunch of focaccia bread, Sun Chips, and Fruitopia at Au Bon Pain for $20 (inflat…
Retweeted by Bud TendyHere’s my opinion on Halo Top: it’s not canon. That screenshot suggesting Master Chief’s armor sucks him off was a hoaxThis is my experience playing battle royale games Eggs and Ham: Military Challenge Edition
Alfred Molina on Spider-Man 2: ‘Rosemary Harris & I were suspended in harnesses 40ft above the soundstage floor & w…
Retweeted by Bud TendyI am an unequivocal supporter of Zionism, which, as I understand it, is the desire to fuck in the pansexual rave c…
It’s ok to go to the gym dressed as a cowboy. If other people are frightened or intimidated that’s their problemI’ve run afoul of Pat Sajak stans, all of whom are either 1) lonely MAGA moms who dream about sharing a mai tai wit… China there’s “Delivery Bar” where men can experience the birth pain😵
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Tim Apple lol. Jeff Amazon lmao. Lana Del RaytheonPlease God take Pat Sajak insteadMy favorite line from BILLIONS @ByYourLogic just found this one today. not sure where i rank it[me on ellen] Ellen: hello Me: hello Ellen @pattymo He’s wearing a big bright helmet. Safety first! :)It's fun and relaxing to imagine Donald Trump riding a bicycleTim Pool is back in the news again @classiclib3ral Lmao he seriously thinks calling twitter a “privately owned public space” is apt because that’s wha…*bartender hands beautiful woman a martini* compliments of the gentleman over there....
just saw the words "Jack Dorsey talks with Joe Rogan and Tim Pool" mascot for the electronic act Represent Chikyu is a chicken headed person named Jennifer.
Retweeted by Bud TendyThe only negative thing I have to say about the Titanfall 2 campaign is that you play as a guy with a goatee. It’s… @Yelix Every shiny tooth rendered with real-time reflections and moisture shaders! Ahh I’m getting too turned onI love thinking about comedian Pete Holmes having sex. We all do! I just wish there was a tv show where Pete Holmes… @henryolsenEPPC @PostOpinions
I’m ready to be kicked in the head by a horsewhen i see the discourse bowling today. “The Sport Of Kings”
I’m rewatching Deadwood and the thing I really hate about it is that it makes all other tv shows look like dumb garbageThis is the funniest thing Trevor Noah has ever said @HowardSchultz