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comedian. writer. now: marvelous mrs maisel. before: the president show, the opposition, triumph, others. alison (dot) leiby (at) gmail (dot) com

1,290 Following   17,731 Followers   25,664 Tweets

Joined Twitter 9/4/10


Been getting a lot of spam emails with the subject line "I Hate You!!!" and honestly, they are the hardest to detect yet.
1/19
2019
I’m on this great diet where you eat and drink whatever you want and just aren’t thin. @AmberSmelson Just for one more night!!!Being in LA is just constantly wishing you brought a light jacket when you didn’t or wishing you didn’t have a jacket with you when you do.WED 1/30: Don’t miss the Third Annual Bushes B-Day Bash! Featuring an all-star lineup including @AlisonLeiby,… https://t.co/5SHFIDoUVl
Retweeted by Alison Leiby
1/18
2019
TONIGHT @BigMoneyLA 6TH ANNIVERSARY! Comedy at 7:30 w/ @ToddGlass @lizzycooperman @benroy00 @AlisonLeiby Andres Dub… https://t.co/J7GGPPFhod
Retweeted by Alison LeibyA distressing consequence of climate change is that the rising sea levels mean the bottom of the ocean is only gett… https://t.co/a15ILwYjMxBushes bday Bash tix going fast!! Click the link and come hang with me @laceyjeka and the cool kids and raise some… https://t.co/yMuuAxkPNc
Retweeted by Alison LeibyI haven’t seen The Masked Singer, but my uber driver hasn’t stopped singing since I got in, is this it? @ryschutt Half jew, half pelican
1/17
2019
LA! Tomorrow night! Come! https://t.co/aBdNchoblQLunch takes me 75 minutes to decide what to eat and 4 minutes to actually eat.The water pressure in every hotel shower is either "feels like it's drizzling out," or "can't face forward without… https://t.co/M7EGX5JYZ8 @noahgcomedy I have a long list we haven’t even gotten to yetI always need a caffeine pick me up at like 4pm or else I can’t stay awake all night rehashing fights I’ve never actually had in my mind.
1/16
2019
THURSDAY: it's our 6TH ANNIVERSARY! featuring @ToddGlass @lizzycooperman @benroy00 @AlisonLeiby Andres Dubouchet &… https://t.co/Ugq5KcnBC6
Retweeted by Alison Leiby @RiverClegg Don’t let me take that away from you @waltien aw steve! @PeterKelly25 peter!Excited to be bringing my writing, and more importantly my extremely specific writers room snack preferences to The… https://t.co/oAGYEeCk4pA California king bed is basically a studio apartment.These days I act the same way about Diet Coke that I used to about drugs. I'll be in a group and whisper, "Anyone h… https://t.co/tyJ31a88j4
1/15
2019
The only way for me to wake up early is to be in LA but still on New York time. @joshgondelman @jtrain56 Omg thoughts and prayersHotels with mirrors on every wall of the bathroom should be illegal.Just saw a baby facetuned back into a sonogram. @michcoll I mean, yes.I feel like I should earn double miles for the flight attendant saying, “Wow you can handle a lot of gin.”THURSDAY: @BigMoneyLA 6TH ANNIVERSARY featuring @ToddGlass @lizzycooperman @benroy00 @AlisonLeiby Andres Dubouchet… https://t.co/lVUYu7f0Xo
Retweeted by Alison Leiby
1/14
2019
@joshgondelman Manners are important. @joshgondelman I’ve said “excuse me” when walking by her before. @BryanCooking are you having a stroke?(me, packing for a week) "I guess I should bring all 15 pairs of jeans I have."At this point I should exclusively buy merlot colored sheets to avoid all the stains. @SLDWolf We all want to know!!!Every group of three or more at a bar should have to explain to everyone the specifics of their dynamic.
1/13
2019
My greatest accomplishment in the last year is that now when I see friends they almost hug me and then say, "Oh wait, you don't like that." @itsmeabbie no, i got rid of it in a purge a year or so ago. the receipt outlived the skirt.Saturday mornings are for 6 different beverages with your first meal.
1/12
2019
@nataliesurely A Chloe wool skirt! @karolynprg I cried hard, but you know this @michcoll honestly me too. i think about it every day.
1/11
2019
@ColleenMcHugh it's true. @AshFrieds just like a plain chloe wool skirt. @TheKevinAllison such a good deal! @NellSco I really need to. It's art. @ColleenMcHugh um, of COURSE I was.Omg I almost forgot about my greatest achievement. (Note: I still have this receipt.) https://t.co/syatK5en6bI've never hated anything as much as I hate this fork https://t.co/EHkD0fk7Mb
Retweeted by Alison LeibyJANUARY 17: @BigMoneyLA 6TH ANNIVERSARY featuring @ToddGlass @lizzycooperman @benroy00 @AlisonLeiby Andres Dubouch… https://t.co/esgj7UhT7G
Retweeted by Alison Leiby @steve_boyle i support this! @opennoise my dream is to be a sexy corpseOkay THIS is the year I do a sheet mask on a plane.Breakfast for lunch is my strongest conviction.This spa package offers "facial resurfacing" which is great because I've always wanted a face like a kitchen cabinet.I feel personally attacked by the year that bubble hems were everywhere. @NoahGarfinkel @ArielDumas @Breyers i think that's legally the only way they can be served @NoahGarfinkel @ArielDumas @Breyers guys, there's this: https://t.co/wXlWnuxxdbI'm shopping for a couch and the sales guy was like "Try it out!" so I fell asleep on it with my laptop on my chest at 1am. @ArielDumas Malibu rum, which like LOLOLOLOLWhy do Botox when you could just eat more bread?
1/10
2019
@Rachel_Sennott it's *honest*JUST ADDED THE AMAZING @AlisonLeiby https://t.co/mSFEUi1CPH
Retweeted by Alison LeibyNow Bezos is finally free to date one of his Amazon drones!My skin is so dry I could peel it off in one piece like a clementine. @oliviaharris83 I'm living like a king from my zabar's haul.Cinnamon rugelach is a perfect breakfast treat.Help I’m in queens and it’s raining!!!!!!!
1/9
2019
How women over 30 make friends: Me: Lorrie Moore? Her: Okay yes Lorrie Moore. Me: We are best friends. @jasonjross One of her hair follicles is worth more than the cumulative products within that Target. YET ALSO SHE WALKS AMONG US!!!!!the most evergreen tweet https://t.co/0pF0tfoXdAAre you listening to the @JTrainPodcast?! We tackle the tough topics. Tuna?! Good?! Bad?! Family disappointment?!… https://t.co/06JfTEq9ZR
Retweeted by Alison LeibySo cool that calories you eat when you have a cold don't count!Enjoy my very swollen face and extremely nasal voice from a cold on this podcast. Also, tuna sucks. https://t.co/G09b5AQ7NX @ohJuliatweets I used to get Tina Fey a lot despite the fact that she’s not even a stand up.Taking an uber in the morning makes me feel like a Roman emperor.Wrote out my skincare regimen and it only filled up two legal pads!A loaf of good rye bread is a one sitting food.Can I go to bed yet?
1/8
2019
I'm the undefeated champion of spending $40 on basically nothing. @opennoise I'm so excited I could cryI live and die for all grocery store content!!!!!!!!!!omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg https://t.co/r6kksZ90pK @ArielDumas I picked up all the classics and only had three stand offs with people in their 80s!!Going to Zabar’s in the middle of the day counts as an extreme sport.Can you believe?? Third annual bash with my bday babe @laceyjeka - come join us as we raise cash for @PPFA with out… https://t.co/voAZmtrUtz
Retweeted by Alison LeibyMarie Kondo-ing my social life.Nothing like an awards show to make me realize I know like, at most, who five celebrities are.
1/7
2019
@ChaseMit i'll kill all the birds.I think it’s so telling that cable news didn’t produce the documentary on R Kelly. HBO didn’t produce it. Netflix d… https://t.co/2x6qlbU3tc
Retweeted by Alison LeibyMy album recording is in 2 weeks @UnionHallNY! with special guests @GaryGulman & @mattkoff! Tickets available for 7… https://t.co/vAYp4YSuQD
Retweeted by Alison Leiby @HalleKiefer What a disaster!!heyNY @ucbtny East 7:30pm tonight @IYBIComedy @alisonleiby @WeeMissBea @aparnapkin @GlitterCheese @thetomdnychttps://t.co/5WY58mGkKg
Retweeted by Alison LeibyIs tonight the last night of the holidays?? @paulaforbes @raphael_brion I think it is!!!
1/6
2019
@HughAcheson my con-ed bill is crippling.Ruched velvet feels like a personal attack.If you don't have Diet Coke can you even call yourself a restaurant?Having plans for dinner at 6 is basically lunch. @Shonali_ ugh sadly no : (
1/5
2019

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