Sign in with Twitter

Username:

comedian. writer. now: marvelous mrs maisel. before: the president show, the opposition, triumph, others. alison (dot) leiby (at) gmail (dot) com

1,323 Following   19,228 Followers   26,993 Tweets

Joined Twitter 9/4/10


I never really listen to podcasts all the way through twice, but @SeeJaneMarie’s The Dream is such a damning portra… https://t.co/UkP2Rb1yJb
Retweeted by Alison LeibyFRI 7/19: Big Debates, Little Issues Hosted by Ariel Dumas (@ArielDumas) & Karen Chee (@karencheee)! Featuring… https://t.co/D5HqD4Sy6T
Retweeted by Alison Leiby
6/17
2019
Hope everyone enjoys a day of playing phone tag with their dads! @asherperlman @EllisRosen The tails!I’m back in New York and hosting this hot one!!! https://t.co/MlPKjugV9w
6/16
2019
Target: we have everything...excpet what you came here for.
6/15
2019
PICK A LANE, BIRDS. https://t.co/grRMiggDF3I notice I have a pattern when I'm writing, which is every few pages of a script to write "finish this later."
6/14
2019
I can tell my plants missed me while I was away. @asherperlman It’s a fun place, you can’t go wrong!YOUR plane. I tweeted this from ground transportation hell.LaGuardia: get off you plane but never actually get to leave the airport!Wow, I thought I found all of the ways to hate Justin Timberlake, but here we are with yet another reason!! Thank y… https://t.co/1iylUj61wp
6/13
2019
@GiuliaRozzi i LOVE it. @ohJuliatweets it is FUN and easily 92048930234 times better than texting. @steve_boyle @ClickHole it's hard to pick a favorite, honestly.Happy Birthday @ClickHole! To celebrate, I'm once again sharing my absolute favorite thing I have ever read on that… https://t.co/CrJH3k81vNI miss the gavel emoji.Woman: I cured cancer Headlines: Meet Our New Girl Crush Who Just "Crushed" Cancer For Good
Retweeted by Alison Leiby @yoitsthesav too many talls on this showIf you want to be friends with me you better be READY to talk on the phone a lot. @patbaer not a fan, but he is the only one who had to hold a cleaver, so I give it a pass.My ranking of everything on earth: 1. muppet hands 2. everything else.Tommy is so so funny. Go see his album recording!!!! https://t.co/thvEngMQmzI've been out of New York for too long because I just tried to put on NY1 in Texas.I'LL be the judge of what constitutes "fresh" grapefruit juice.
6/12
2019
God I love drinkable peanut butter, I mean smoothies.Mind-blowingly stoked to share my upcoming standup special, The Planet Is Burning with you. @PrimeVideo EP = me 🌹 E… https://t.co/UBxfhrJnJ3
Retweeted by Alison LeibySad to see the end of this super fun tour but so so so so so excited for @ilazer to tape her special tomorrow night… https://t.co/1cBFVUAa4s @michcoll it's a living document that will only get longer with timeMy last will and testament is just a list of specs for which photos of me people can use in any news stories about my death.The Post: New York's pre-eminent publication that uses snapchat filtered pictures of people for lead images in news stories about them.
6/11
2019
Waterparks: Take a scary group bath!SHOPPING TWITTER: I want some easy slides for the summer. I liked the everlane form slides but they are out of stock. Help!!!Also funny how no one gets on boomers or gen x-ers for doing things like building massive amounts of environmentall… https://t.co/vygYB8Ok8f
Retweeted by Alison LeibyI won an online sweepstakes for fancy ceramics which just proves that hard work really does pay off!!!!!!
6/10
2019
My friend told me she thought I did Botox and it’s honestly the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.
6/9
2019
Went to a place with fountain soda but it wasn’t Diet Coke and that should be illegal.Last-Ditch Climate Change Report Provides Locations Of Weapons, Current Whereabouts Of Oil Executives… https://t.co/jpLpF92SMt
Retweeted by Alison LeibyDudes in Texas REALLY like throwing a football around in the pool.TONIGHT! It’s a Long Story at @ucbtny at @SubCulture_NYC! @robertdean hosts @SelenaCoppock, @EyreBud, @LukeMones, a… https://t.co/QRBv11UT6R
6/8
2019
@MikeDrucker I should have known by the fact that she had giant metal wings!!!!!! @AndrewTCollin Nah he’s asleep under his jean jacketWOWOWOW This SATURDAY 6/8 at 11:30pm is another hot It's a Long Story at @ucbtny at @SubCulture_NYC. I'm away, but… https://t.co/p8BxsjXhvD
Retweeted by Alison LeibyI found the most confusing person on earth: a woman who paid for WiFi on this flight and is reading the digital ver… https://t.co/W3MbzF87F6Warm nuts are maybe the most underrated luxury.This cable guide was a real journey. https://t.co/3Zwg0v4WGZ
6/7
2019
@bagmanman @elizaskinner Yes also saw a video dog with a knife and laughed for an hourNo comedian or movie or tv show will ever be as funny as an animal that gets ahold of a knife."Ugh just TEXT THEM!" - me at every plot point in every movie or television show that takes place more than 7 years ago.WOWOWOW This SATURDAY 6/8 at 11:30pm is another hot It's a Long Story at @ucbtny at @SubCulture_NYC. I'm away, but… https://t.co/p8BxsjXhvDNot all cops are horses, but all horses are cops.
Retweeted by Alison LeibyI’m here because I’m a fighter. We can give up or we can get in this fight together. That’s how we’re going to buil… https://t.co/d78COzGoi0
Retweeted by Alison LeibyWe need a word for the paralysis you feel when you are holding a piece of garbage standing in front of 5 options for how to recycle it.
6/6
2019
Just saw an ad for a gym where you can join for 24 cents, and getting change from a quarter is exactly the commitment I can give to a gym. @sarahsolfails They both suck!!!!!If horses are so fast why do they need their own special cars to ride in????People who post "big news coming soon!" are the internet version of the people who jog in place at intersections.If you eat a salad you HAVE to tell people or it doesn’t count.It’s true that everyone who stands behind a desk at work is actually a muppet.
6/5
2019
@jakecurrie (Robot voice) “WHY ME????”ABSOLUTELY NOT. https://t.co/u1WLMdKH18I went swimming at the Y and found a green juice place so yes I’m good at seeing the country when I travel!!!
6/4
2019
Flying Southwest so my seat assignment is “general admission.”🎵salad in her hair salad everywhere🎵 @LyraSmith Omg true @Meadbymead LOVE it, but I want a place with all of the dips from around the world.Why isn’t there a restaurant of just dips??????
6/3
2019
It should be illegal to have to wear a bra after sitting out at the pool. @eatprayjason Thank god I missed youI never feel more like a Kardashian than when I’m stabbing at romaine in a salad with a fork.
6/2
2019
Traveling is just going to other cities to look at their sandwich place menus.“It’s a dry heat,” she coughs as her skin turns into sand and hair catches on fire. I love Arizona.At this point I just use Instagram to say “no” when my friends send me pictures of dogs.
6/1
2019
@BryanCooking Oh god no. First stop on tour.It’s impossible for my tray table not to look like my coffee table at home. It’s 10am. https://t.co/hkYc2D8x78It’s 6am and I’ve been up for over an hour, but at least now I’m in Newark. @BryanCooking HELL (Phoenix)Watering each of my plants and saying, "I'll miss you the most," before leaving for two weeks. Only the strong survive.I'm so good at packing that I shouldn't have an apartment.Thank you everyone for coming to @mcnallyjackson last week, my black heart grew 3x 🖤🥑🍸 Buy Guac Is Extra here:… https://t.co/2KWcASbhpn
Retweeted by Alison Leiby
5/31
2019
@skullsnsmoke I support this 100% @THEYCALLMEAHRI @alisonlzeidman @KennyDeForest @JuliaLouisOlson @TommyMcNam @natefridson @noahgcomedyhttps://t.co/B6csk78PVK"I’m just not going to help the Fox News executives raise money off my name.” Sen. @ewarren on why she declined an… https://t.co/jo1xAkEk4w
Retweeted by Alison Leiby @THEYCALLMEAHRI @noahgcomedy @heyJuliaJohns where did you even GET a picture of my parents' accountant? @rachelxolson done. @THEYCALLMEAHRI @noahgcomedy @heyJuliaJohns i hate this. @THEYCALLMEAHRI @noahgcomedy @heyJuliaJohns ahri send me a pic so I can weigh in, pleaseokay SHOULD i write an honest and funny version of the classic women's puberty/sexuality/health book but with this title?Bathing suits should be lycra spandex and that's it. No velvet or cotton or denim. If you would make a couch out of… https://t.co/Nww1drVIgbOur bodies, our hells. @neverseenitshow @velcrafting Look, that's just how I do business. @itscooltobecool @BillyWayneDavis @warnerblaster @sethcarolina @gaylefranklin this is EXACTLY the kind of informati… https://t.co/wMB1ShhGf6 @anylaurie16 @JonnyFisch @ilazer omg yesssss @jessicafralin this is EXTREMELY helpful. thank you!Very excited to spend the next two weeks with @ilazer on her Planet Is Burning tour! Come to a show! Tell me where… https://t.co/AjWBiyvPsY @jessicafralin I think fancy - somewhere I can sit alone, order a few things, have a few wines @TomAThakkar i LOVE hattie B's but may have that for lunch the next day. I'm a real hEaT fReAkHELLO, if I have one night alone in Nashville to eat a dope dinner by myself, where should I do that??My fiancée @megangailey was just on two big podcasts where she spoke about an experience very near and dear to her.… https://t.co/q3TZvUATI4
Retweeted by Alison Leiby
5/30
2019

0