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Dark Lauramancer @amalthya Next to Carmen Sandiego

New Yorker. Gamer. Primatologist. Sometimes nice. Always friendly. Never compromising. She/Her Profile pic by @chalkyheart

441 Following   599 Followers   36,392 Tweets

Joined Twitter 3/30/07

Happy #MothersDay! ✨
Retweeted by Dark Lauramancer @TheJulieBenson I make so many jokes specifically rooted from lines in this film and I'm so glad I'm not alone. My… @myerman @hopedoty Happy birthday!!I got a mother's day morning just like out of TV! I loved it. Also it is strangely impractical to eat breakfast i…
Finishing up a garden tribute to good kitty Gandalf.
@davidhsiegel Make me a prototypeI saw a car last week that was, I guess, an SE model. I only noticed because the owner had put a sticker that said…
@adampknave Given his age it's likely a problem with his firmwareThe other day my son and I were talking about how sites have automated systems for identifying pornography at time…
Retweeted by Dark LauramancerI bought a happy dragon at @HomeGoods today for my own birthday What should I name him? do you call running away from home when you're 41 and you own the home?
For me it's falling asleep in an aggressive pedicure chair but same idea. me it would for sure be the robe that #ScarJo wore during The Other Boleyn Girl. @sinboy Plus the whole idea that girls need to be "protected" from trans individuals. Nice feeding into that narrat…
I'm relinquishing control of the day post vaccination, much like I gave up on protesting the word "webinar" @rosefox I got my second today and took an actual real life nap today. Adam says he's "got it" for tomorrow and the… got my second shot. Fully expecting to continue my journey around the four walls of my house.
let him out
Retweeted by Dark LauramancerDo I know any squarespace developers?
‘There are short people, we make them small... there are tall people, like me, we make them tall’ v @dnahinga
Retweeted by Dark LauramancerThe only thing cheering me up today is reviewing all of the ways that the koala is the stupidest mammal.
this literally hit me in my college years
Retweeted by Dark LauramancerYet again, I've been spoiled for the @RuPaulsDragRace finale because nearly 24 hours later, @iTunes has still not p… haven't spoken to my mother in six months. I haven't answered her calls or emails or texts. And yet. She told…
First major dental work completed. Ended up playing name that tune with the hygienist. Surreal. Awful. Finished? @sinboy Hahahaha. I mean those were prioritized removal @FedExHelp Can they make the website usable? Was any user experience testing even conducted? As an extremely tech s… I tried to distract myself from failure to book water park resort tickets by trying to send my impractically b… @kattynyc Those mutton chops might have been a giveaway.Trying to distract myself from my upcoming root canal by booking water park resort tickets is not aided by the utte…
@veryheathmiller Helen Elizabeth NewtonI got unsolicited newts tonight.
@NicoleAlineSci WHY NOT BOTH @sinboy The police union put out a public statement condemning his actions, right? At least? (The very very least) @jvfriedman @jvfriedman He is honestly the floofiest cat I have ever had. case you were wondering how my new cat from the shelter is doing, he's obviously having a terrible time here.'ve been keeping a lid on the number of books that end up in beds at naptime for the #twinsinghs by saying "You do…
@lartist @billamend Did they test to make sure that it can fit in the millimeter crevice between the couch upholstery frame @sinboy George Michael also claimed not to be gay for years and years
food has no moral value. using terms like “cheat day” & “junk food” sets a precedent for attributing eating “bad fo…
Retweeted by Dark LauramancerAll Godzillas are beautiful.
Retweeted by Dark Lauramancer @Kiwisaurus Oh THANK FUCKI asked the kids what they thought we did for work. They said I take care of gorillas (kinda still true) and that Adam "eats."I'm afraid to know why Tim Curry is trending. Nope. Nope. Nope.
Spent four hours last night in the misguided hope that I could turn my overflowing closet into some sort of sparse…
I'm purging my closet- I got rid of 30+ purses/bags and had to empty them out to give them away. I found currenc… you're wondering how to manage with ever-growing #twins, look for your local #totswap. Today I got easily $1500…
I don't know what's harder -- accepting that I need to euthanize my very elderly cat or having to use 39138429 spoo… @FFigureFBust Here's an article you can send them along with a big bag of dicks for assuming fatphobic garbage and…
If there's one thing I've learned this past year, sometimes the only way to get out of your own head is to get out… @AlexFeuz Malindi, Kenya!i'm gonna say it. more people prefer dogs to cats because dogs are pushovers but cats have boundaries and will make…
Retweeted by Dark LauramancerI was in straight work meetings from 6am to 12pm today and I still feel like I need to do more today. Is this hig… for what you're worth. I stuck to my guns and got nearly 2x the initial rate offered to me. Because I'm worth it.
Retweeted by Dark Lauramancer @lingerie_addict I've bought so much luxe loungewear in the last year! My favorite so far came from Verity Anne ( @xoder ONE IS FOR SUREReminder that Trump shut down the asylum process required by law and Biden has to restart it, still with the CPB sy…
Retweeted by Dark LauramancerThat time that I forgot that #PaulRudd was on an episode of #VeronicaMars playing his favorite niche, the drunk dir…
@catvalente I once told the bozos that the knot in a tree was a gnome hole and a year later we're in an epic gnome… see a murder?
Retweeted by Dark Lauramancer @adampknave I don't know a single person who ever went. Does it even still happen?It is so irresponsible to have THIS MUCH MEDIA COVERAGE about the Johnson & Johnson vaccine's possibility of blood… @adampknave EVERYBODY. EVERYWHERE. ... i hate youI hate this
Retweeted by Dark LauramancerThe new normal, in the middle of a meeting, having one son scream DID YOU KNOW A BONGO IS AN ANTELOPE AND ALSO A DRUM?Did anyone else get really itchy post-Pfizer?
@adampknave Might be a case of confirmation by us on both of our ends @adampknave Arrested development? @kattynyc did you ever read "In the Garden of Beasts"? It has really interesting points that are related's claiming this article was "teaching her how to be a better minority" and interjects in threads that have noth… "friend" made some super racist remarks, and I called her out, and she claimed that she couldn't be racist becaus… @FFigureFBust See if you have a local #BuyNothing group because people are shedding baby items non-stop there as well! All free! @JessicaGottlieb @joshgondelman god I hope not. I'm still holding out for @levarburtonIn case you're wondering how my Monday is going, I forgot I had a meeting at 5am, didn't realize that it had been r…
As long as Dr. Oz hosts Jeopardy, he should have to accept wildly incorrect responses as long as enough people beli…
Retweeted by Dark Lauramancer @katya_zamo OMG are you hanging with @VioletChachkiHow about this at the federal level,with funding cuts for states that refuse to protect their own citizens from cop…
Retweeted by Dark LauramancerThis episode of @MaintenancePod ISA MUST HEAR. Stop worrying about other people's bodies and worry about a society… discussion this morning during our international Among Us session, the title of Chuck Tingle's book about NFTs s… are not lazy, they’re bears. That humans have created an economic system wherein every waking moment must be…
Retweeted by Dark Lauramancer @Qsized
Retweeted by Dark Lauramancer @catvalente Or that messaging as simple as "you have the power inside yourself to be happy" is so compelling and co… @talkwordy Me too! Wow is the sleepiness real. @JonSimantov Wallpaper pattern matching: speed edition
@baconator Or finds you a partner with different streaming services than you have so you can cost sharePlease don't feed monkeys. got catcalled today with the phrase "HEY ART TEACHER" so let that just be your daily reminder that the world is s… @KnowTea yeah but they were only whelmingI sadly didn't find any gnomes in the @thepotterystop #gnomehunt even though I walked the entirety of Lake Kittamaq… acquired! morning from the best shelter cat ever twelve hours I get my vaccination and how weird that it feels so extraordinary and blasé all at onceWeird, but I really wanted more Carnivale ex left some cider here that he made himself and my nanny's boyfriend said "it tastes like it was made in a boot… I can envision when I see @gottmik dance @BobsBurgersFOX @RuPaul @RuPaulsDragRace #tinabelcher
I’ll leave you all tonight with this sign from the vaccine clinic site yesterday.
Retweeted by Dark Lauramancer The #gnomebombing has BEGUNIt's #gnomebombing season