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I write for the TV.

6,324 Following   64,859 Followers   35,027 Tweets

Joined Twitter 1/26/12

@mariskreizman Jesus. Shit.I asked myself, "Is that a thing??," and turned on CNN just in time to hear @andersoncooper ask @Acosta "Is that a…
When I first saw it, this poster made me gasp and clutch my pearls! and it still does!!! @jeremywins is very good… @erikpatterson Ok that sounds amazing!When I was a kid I got so disappointed when I found out that "dropping the New Years ball in Times Square" meant "g… in every single one of these plays @kibblesmith Twice in one day wowTwo of my stories got published!
Retweeted by Ariel Dumas @cameronesposito WELL!?????? Don’t hold back, now!!!
@dave_schilling @HalleKiefer YES. MANY. SOUPS. ARE. THE. SAME. SOUP. @BrandyLJensen I gasped and then GASPED. This has been such a Monday treat thank you. @TisherTisher Surprise it’s your mealThe FAILING New York times is trying to CONVINCE YOU that these are supposedly THREE. DIFFERENT. SOUPS. @karencheee Karen!!! These are really good!
@lingerie_addict Oh I’m so sorry for your loss. How heartbreaking. @MrsPeteEsq @anylaurie16 Hahaha oh no! @shrimpJAJ Yes this one!!!The way the NFL is handling this covid shit makes me think they didn’t even cancel the rest of that game that Bane…
Retweeted by Ariel Dumas @DocHackenbush Do it! Do it!I really enjoy this thread. @sonicdork Dr. Camembert The Cookie Pusher Groop Leech Boy The Twizzler™️ USA MAGIC MAN @WFKARS @cxcope AGATHA CHRISTIE EAT YOUR RACIST PIECE OF SHIT HEART OUT @otherotheryan She was the first in our family to get an iPhone!It is I, the master of Christmas deception. @jilltwiss Skims velour pajamas and forewarning the pants are gonna be Loooooooong. So just trim em! For lighter,… @anylaurie16 Ok I read the thread and mostly I was like “what’s this melty delicious taffy???”
@MarlaCaceres I am deadClose your eyes. Picture Prince. Picture him on a Christmas ornament. Look at the reply to this tweet.
Retweeted by Ariel Dumas @joshgondelman @MaraWilson A HUMAN GETS TO RIDE ON THE CLAYMATION TRAIN BEAST??? @tomtificate @MaraWilson SCHEMER @MaraWilson Omg no I haven’t! I would like to!!Kids today are SPOILED by PREMIUM TANK ENGINE CONTENT. Back in OUR DAY we only got a LITTLE TASTE of Thomas and his… @KFILE Sending you and your beautiful girl all my love and thoughts. @asherperlman It me!!! @JuliaACohen ❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️ sending you both love. congrats to your mom. ❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️every rom com villain
Retweeted by Ariel DumasLET. ME. NAME. THIS. CAT.
Retweeted by Ariel Dumas
Wait the minks had BURIALS? Sims could NEVER is my religious right to not wear a seatbelt. Also, I can crash into other cars. Also, I can dump poison into my…
Retweeted by Ariel DumasTrump: it’s a normal size desk? desk guy (barely keeping it together): yea
Retweeted by Ariel Dumas @jestom Ooooh amazing. And great job protecting those wingtips!! @ambermruffin OMG yes @Amber_Bear1 A classic!!!
We drove around and saw so many people gathered together in homes. Like cars packed in the driveway. I guess what I… @sarah_gioia Whoah amazing!!! @ArielDumas @level5leaders Never thought of it this way, but it’s so true. As a pessimist, this season has really been my time to shine.
Retweeted by Ariel Dumas“Sadly can’t make it tonight but happy thanksgiving!” - you saving anywhere from 1 to 250 lives with a single text
Retweeted by Ariel Dumas @15Deloreans Been there. Omg you gotta get a mesh glove. I bought one for each hand bc I don’t trust myself (but —-… @jagosaurus SAME @oakenguy Omg that sucks!!! Ok turkey tomorrow? Try filling the sink with cold water!! (And put in the turkey lol) @hordie Thanksgiving! What kind of cooking injuries are we getting today? @Pappiness @ZackBornstein @ziwe @kashanacauley @anylaurie16 Wow that is very kind, thank you! Please disregard my r… @ambermruffin Wow. Those are some moves! @sidleykate Goddamn there was skee-ball in our old building’s common room!! It was so fun. I would go have my thera… @larryowenslive Happiest birthday! You are an epic talent and incredible person. @halosparkle @alizlow12 Omg please stay safe. That’s so scary! @ehirsch Hahah it was a real lesson in how not to debate using rhetorical devices! @ArielDumas The one thing I know about James Stockdale is that he gave the only truly good answer I’ve ever heard i…
Retweeted by Ariel Dumas @tira_tira_tira My god do you ever sleep???sir there is a whole wikipedia entry
Retweeted by Ariel Dumasadding ira madison III to the lineup lol thanksgiving is canceled
Retweeted by Ariel DumasI’m sorry to my future nephews who are reading this for all the profanity.Hi, my favorite podcast, @radioambulante is hosting two very cool workshops for people who want to do podcasts. If…
Retweeted by Ariel Dumashey, seconding this offer from my good friend Felipe!! if this is something you'd like to do but you can't swing th…
Retweeted by Ariel Dumas @sbtan @BransonPalsip That’s so frustrating and painful. I’m so sorry. @ArielDumas Yep. We cancelled ours. Good we did. Found out today that our dentist, who my husband went to see Frida…
Retweeted by Ariel DumasAnyway. We got this. I got this. You got this. We can do it. Hold tight, stay in, otherwise we’ll end up murdering…, this is all bad but we have it so good. I’m drinking whiskey & watching a show where people make fancy cake… It’s hard. It’s hard and dumb. I don’t even know much about Admiral Stockdale (Ross Perot??? WTF), but his… he is in an interview with researcher/speaker guy? Jim Collins (@level5leaders). This is the set of ideals thr…, please let me share this quote from Admiral James Stockdale, a survivor of a six-year imprisonment in the…’re all gonna smooch and hug and drunkenly sing our brains out in tiny crowded rooms. We’ll fly on packed airplan… your fucking holiday. Your family still loves you. I promise, when we have a vaccine, we will all get togeth… I was BOGGLED as to why people apparently had too many feeeeeeeewings to just cancel the holiday and lock it d… many people I’ve talked to are like “Because of covid, we’re not traveling for Thanksgiving. So we’re just going… @hels THROW THIS IN THE TRASHdoes anyone know any black womxn animators or cartoonists? or are you one? lol. please email me with some examples…
Retweeted by Ariel Dumas @jennyjaffe Wow this hit home
“what would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? the world would split open.” -muriel rukeyser a priv…
Retweeted by Ariel DumasTurkey: tasteless Cranberries: gross swamp pellets Mashed potatoes: available anywhere, any time Green beans: c'mon…
Retweeted by Ariel Dumas @LilyYily Whoah that’s like four double As @hunteryharris @SubstackInc This. Is. VERY COOL.Could not have smashed that annual subscription button faster. @nicolesjchung I can’t wait until we all just start wearing comforters. @nicolesjchung This...this is real. I outgrew my leggings. I recommend just buying more pants. @LaughingDan Kon-MOMMY!!!! @rgay @lisabexperience is a genius and comedy treasureMy favorite is the thanksgiving turkey but sliced thin and piled on a roll with lettuce, cheese, tomato, mustard, a… @bessbell Hell yeah!!! @aruraljuror Hahahah Eric!!! ❤️
I absolutely believe in unity so long as it’s not with people who willingly facilitated the separation of babies fr…
Retweeted by Ariel Dumas @hinadirah Nadirah...I thought about this one for a long time!!!Lisa Beasley @lisabexperience is amazing and u should give her your jobs and money. fingered by one a these is the only way i can cum!! the fuck we do
Retweeted by Ariel DumasAfter attempts to get this published in the WSJ, the Times, and various other places failed, I've published a respo…
Retweeted by Ariel Dumas @unitednoodles @AndyRichter SEE @AndyRichter??? THE NOODLES HAVE SPOKENThe following is a true story. It's an American story. Maybe the most American story. Stick around to the end.
Retweeted by Ariel Dumas