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I write for the TV.

6,324 Following   64,859 Followers   35,027 Tweets

Joined Twitter 1/26/12


@mariskreizman Jesus. Shit.I asked myself, "Is that a thing??," and turned on CNN just in time to hear @andersoncooper ask @Acosta "Is that a… https://t.co/5JSU3RQkOE
12/2
2020
When I first saw it, this poster made me gasp and clutch my pearls! and it still does!!! @jeremywins is very good… https://t.co/TtfNztgOOf @erikpatterson Ok that sounds amazing!When I was a kid I got so disappointed when I found out that "dropping the New Years ball in Times Square" meant "g… https://t.co/ordviDnKMsI...was in every single one of these plays https://t.co/kab6gfGFcc @kibblesmith Twice in one day wowTwo of my stories got published! https://t.co/XhExTB35fs
Retweeted by Ariel Dumas @cameronesposito WELL!?????? Don’t hold back, now!!!
12/1
2020
@dave_schilling @HalleKiefer YES. MANY. SOUPS. ARE. THE. SAME. SOUP. @BrandyLJensen I gasped and then GASPED. This has been such a Monday treat thank you. @TisherTisher Surprise it’s your mealThe FAILING New York times is trying to CONVINCE YOU that these are supposedly THREE. DIFFERENT. SOUPS. https://t.co/akyNuQJcFO @karencheee Karen!!! These are really good!
11/30
2020
@lingerie_addict Oh I’m so sorry for your loss. How heartbreaking. @MrsPeteEsq @anylaurie16 Hahaha oh no! @shrimpJAJ Yes this one!!!The way the NFL is handling this covid shit makes me think they didn’t even cancel the rest of that game that Bane… https://t.co/vpLQwdzFJj
Retweeted by Ariel Dumas @DocHackenbush Do it! Do it!I really enjoy this thread. https://t.co/UcjitOIQgM @sonicdork Dr. Camembert The Cookie Pusher Groop Leech Boy The Twizzler™️ USA MAGIC MAN @WFKARS @cxcope AGATHA CHRISTIE EAT YOUR RACIST PIECE OF SHIT HEART OUT @otherotheryan She was the first in our family to get an iPhone!It is I, the master of Christmas deception. https://t.co/fzOiDZU7CB @jilltwiss Skims velour pajamas and forewarning the pants are gonna be Loooooooong. So just trim em! For lighter,… https://t.co/n1KvNnufCV @anylaurie16 Ok I read the thread and mostly I was like “what’s this melty delicious taffy???”
11/29
2020
@MarlaCaceres I am deadClose your eyes. Picture Prince. Picture him on a Christmas ornament. Look at the reply to this tweet.
Retweeted by Ariel Dumas @joshgondelman @MaraWilson A HUMAN GETS TO RIDE ON THE CLAYMATION TRAIN BEAST??? @tomtificate @MaraWilson SCHEMER @MaraWilson Omg no I haven’t! I would like to!!Kids today are SPOILED by PREMIUM TANK ENGINE CONTENT. Back in OUR DAY we only got a LITTLE TASTE of Thomas and his… https://t.co/kS5SEBaXjt @KFILE Sending you and your beautiful girl all my love and thoughts. @asherperlman It me!!! @JuliaACohen ❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️ sending you both love. congrats to your mom. ❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️every rom com villain https://t.co/1oU0QpCNnk
Retweeted by Ariel DumasLET. ME. NAME. THIS. CAT. https://t.co/fkX0LrsnJB
Retweeted by Ariel Dumas
11/28
2020
Wait the minks had BURIALS? https://t.co/zgc37WoGlxThe Sims could NEVER https://t.co/BL5AuSoZCxIt is my religious right to not wear a seatbelt. Also, I can crash into other cars. Also, I can dump poison into my… https://t.co/QyXfB6IjqB
Retweeted by Ariel DumasTrump: it’s a normal size desk? desk guy (barely keeping it together): yea https://t.co/eatmbEkiyu
Retweeted by Ariel Dumas @jestom Ooooh amazing. And great job protecting those wingtips!! @ambermruffin OMG yes @Amber_Bear1 A classic!!!
11/27
2020
We drove around and saw so many people gathered together in homes. Like cars packed in the driveway. I guess what I… https://t.co/Qo4SDIUoNf @sarah_gioia Whoah amazing!!! @ArielDumas @level5leaders Never thought of it this way, but it’s so true. As a pessimist, this season has really been my time to shine.
Retweeted by Ariel Dumas“Sadly can’t make it tonight but happy thanksgiving!” - you saving anywhere from 1 to 250 lives with a single text
Retweeted by Ariel Dumas @15Deloreans Been there. Omg you gotta get a mesh glove. I bought one for each hand bc I don’t trust myself (but —-… https://t.co/yNF5eWIHza @jagosaurus SAME @oakenguy Omg that sucks!!! Ok turkey tomorrow? Try filling the sink with cold water!! (And put in the turkey lol) @hordie https://t.co/J8DfuhSg3RHappy Thanksgiving! What kind of cooking injuries are we getting today? @Pappiness @ZackBornstein @ziwe @kashanacauley @anylaurie16 Wow that is very kind, thank you! Please disregard my r… https://t.co/BQPm8dfnyI @ambermruffin Wow. Those are some moves! @sidleykate Goddamn there was skee-ball in our old building’s common room!! It was so fun. I would go have my thera… https://t.co/NLnPS7BFDr @larryowenslive Happiest birthday! You are an epic talent and incredible person. @halosparkle @alizlow12 Omg please stay safe. That’s so scary! @ehirsch Hahah it was a real lesson in how not to debate using rhetorical devices! @ArielDumas The one thing I know about James Stockdale is that he gave the only truly good answer I’ve ever heard i… https://t.co/tbUvsnA1ze
Retweeted by Ariel Dumas @tira_tira_tira My god do you ever sleep???sir there is a whole wikipedia entry https://t.co/7tCrnOmfQ1 https://t.co/UB8R7jysLS
Retweeted by Ariel Dumasadding ira madison III to the lineup lol thanksgiving is canceled https://t.co/K9QEOHt8oM
Retweeted by Ariel DumasI’m sorry to my future nephews who are reading this for all the profanity.Hi, my favorite podcast, @radioambulante is hosting two very cool workshops for people who want to do podcasts. If… https://t.co/U74A2sGHgu
Retweeted by Ariel Dumashey, seconding this offer from my good friend Felipe!! if this is something you'd like to do but you can't swing th… https://t.co/Hj6sJ1TvwO
Retweeted by Ariel Dumas @sbtan @BransonPalsip That’s so frustrating and painful. I’m so sorry. @ArielDumas Yep. We cancelled ours. Good we did. Found out today that our dentist, who my husband went to see Frida… https://t.co/0bJauaurF0
Retweeted by Ariel DumasAnyway. We got this. I got this. You got this. We can do it. Hold tight, stay in, otherwise we’ll end up murdering… https://t.co/r6UduPxnVrListen, this is all bad but we have it so good. I’m drinking whiskey & watching a show where people make fancy cake… https://t.co/nHJUCjTXPyAnyway. It’s hard. It’s hard and dumb. I don’t even know much about Admiral Stockdale (Ross Perot??? WTF), but his… https://t.co/6jdVGTvMRIHere he is in an interview with researcher/speaker guy? Jim Collins (@level5leaders). This is the set of ideals thr… https://t.co/JXVvoovF3GMeantime, please let me share this quote from Admiral James Stockdale, a survivor of a six-year imprisonment in the… https://t.co/JytjdV76hGWe’re all gonna smooch and hug and drunkenly sing our brains out in tiny crowded rooms. We’ll fly on packed airplan… https://t.co/kRbAx10iBwCancel your fucking holiday. Your family still loves you. I promise, when we have a vaccine, we will all get togeth… https://t.co/whuGtLKj1wAlso I was BOGGLED as to why people apparently had too many feeeeeeeewings to just cancel the holiday and lock it d… https://t.co/ceLVTLzYq4So many people I’ve talked to are like “Because of covid, we’re not traveling for Thanksgiving. So we’re just going… https://t.co/ncNW7Fl9QZ @hels THROW THIS IN THE TRASHdoes anyone know any black womxn animators or cartoonists? or are you one? lol. please email me with some examples… https://t.co/YagyhuDT8w
Retweeted by Ariel Dumas @jennyjaffe Wow this hit home
11/26
2020
“what would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? the world would split open.” -muriel rukeyser a priv… https://t.co/cpnFixrerN
Retweeted by Ariel DumasTurkey: tasteless Cranberries: gross swamp pellets Mashed potatoes: available anywhere, any time Green beans: c'mon… https://t.co/1Jft7cdGTk
Retweeted by Ariel Dumas @LilyYily Whoah that’s like four double As @hunteryharris @SubstackInc This. Is. VERY COOL.Could not have smashed that annual subscription button faster. https://t.co/79J2Ezycb8 @nicolesjchung I can’t wait until we all just start wearing comforters. @nicolesjchung This...this is real. I outgrew my leggings. I recommend just buying more pants. @LaughingDan Kon-MOMMY!!!! @rgay @lisabexperience is a genius and comedy treasureMy favorite is the thanksgiving turkey but sliced thin and piled on a roll with lettuce, cheese, tomato, mustard, a… https://t.co/EDlE5Ger8p @bessbell Hell yeah!!! @aruraljuror Hahahah Eric!!! ❤️
11/25
2020
I absolutely believe in unity so long as it’s not with people who willingly facilitated the separation of babies fr… https://t.co/9jebl6NAhM
Retweeted by Ariel Dumas @hinadirah Nadirah...I thought about this one for a long time!!!Lisa Beasley @lisabexperience is amazing and u should give her your jobs and money. https://t.co/tCySYnn7vWgettin fingered by one a these is the only way i can cum!! https://t.co/f0k8wnix2kYes the fuck we do https://t.co/xVwXCFxyDO
Retweeted by Ariel DumasAfter attempts to get this published in the WSJ, the Times, and various other places failed, I've published a respo… https://t.co/yUr9sjg8VH
Retweeted by Ariel Dumas @unitednoodles @AndyRichter SEE @AndyRichter??? THE NOODLES HAVE SPOKENThe following is a true story. It's an American story. Maybe the most American story. Stick around to the end.
Retweeted by Ariel Dumas
11/24
2020

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