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🌈🌱 | Mostly writing, art, bad jokes - sometimes venting | Artist/Podcaster @unnamed_drag 👑 | I watch far too much Judge Judy... | Opinions my own (obviously)

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Joined Twitter 1/5/19

@mermanpoet the scenes: A serious artist taking their art seriously.'s my birthday tomorrow and in gay years - I'm dead. @cidergoblin Cream crackers dragged through margarine.Mum often emails me crap like money saving tips and arts jobs but over the weekend she sent me the 'Not married but… saying I'm slacking with my admin but I've got 34 emails to read and my current filing system is a poetry book… @Mistress_Graves Tag yourself I'm "Emergency brown sauce"Today's the day I get rid of the cobwebs above my desk. This isn't a metaphor, there's literally a cobweb above m…
No but srsly once again thank you to anyone and everyone who's picked up "Choose Your Own Mediocre" on presale, it… the morning I'd love to wake up to another book order, especially one from a haunted baby using stolen credit ca… if 'British white potatoes' were renamed 'pasty white tits' That's it, that's the tweet. @wisecrackingowl It got in the car unfortunately but it ain't staying for dinner, I've had enough! @wisecrackingowl We made it out mostly unscatched if you don't count the near 2 hrs of walking 😂 @wisecrackingowl Honestly I feel there's no better time for me to vanish into thin air than with a white wine hango… @mizzpennydreadf Blidworth Woods!What in the Blair Witch bullshit.... took his white wine hangover for a wander in the woods... We couldn't find the body, sorry. We did all that w… @ScottFlashheart'S MY 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF BEING FULL TIME SELF-EMPLOYED IN ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT! Something bloody worth celeb…
You can argue it's "the price of celebrity" 'til you're blue in the face but NO ONE - let alone an 18y/o woman who… preview of this makes me seem so melodramatic, like I'm referring to a tiny crease on my knuckle. Oh no, trust… @jellyseab 10/10 not recommending housework. I've spent most of my day on that shit and have the injuries to prove it.A poem about Housework I trapped my finger in the stepladders so I can safely say I've fucking had enough of fuc… @jellyseab I'm sorry if it's psychosomatic! Like when someone mentions nits or fleas then you can't stop feeling itchy! @linguistwink See also: "What's that doing in there? That's not where it belongs!" @jellyseab That dog is the millennial mascot. @jellyseab @linguistwink I'm box room. @jellyseab I've narrowed it down to too much caffeine or lowkey anxiety, so it's probably both.Of all the hobbies I've got into recently, jaw clenching is not one of my favourites.Wondering when the box room in our house became a sanctuary for unwanted wigs. @femmemins I have 100% time for this interpretation @capitangian I regret nothing, other than not having a third donut. @capitangian Tempted to boil the kettle and do it again tbh.First time in my near 34 years having coffee and a donut for breakfast and I can absolutely see what all the fuss is about.
@jamesgent101 @druzif Came here to say exactly this. @lamethyst44 @ChrisLanyon It's an Arthole Guarantee 👌🏻 @lamethyst44 @ChrisLanyon They were wearing plimsoles in comparison, this is all stiletto heels, babeh! 😂 @ChrisLanyon *in that awful RuPaul voice* Available... on Big White Shed website @ChrisLanyon I promise there are many poems in my new collection that do exactly that 💅Hanging out with the Power Rangers waiting to Skype with local telly about Nottingham Writers' Studio! @saralevy2013 An apron's not the only thing she'll tie around you. @saralevy2013 That's a whole series right there. She uses Zoflora disinfectant as a lube.Christ, this pandemic really has turned me into a boring bastard. I'll be Instagramming before and after shots of a carpet cleaning next. have arrived so I'm hiding in the kitchen messaging Marilyn, "THE MEN ARE HERE, TABITHA! THE MEN!" @capitangian @PenguinIEBooks I audibly gasped at multiple times. Srsly. @capitangian @PenguinIEBooks Absolutely loved it. So stunning and compelling. Read it in one night!Me posting my 3000th tweet.
I'm usually more buoyant than this, I swear lolEvery night Sense of dread Brushes teeth Gets in bed Ponders wanking Picks up phone Skips past porn Gets lost in… always said "You can never showcase too much elbow." @burninpaperhart I end up lying or sitting on the floor quite often to watch TV, because the sofas we had were abso… sofas arrive tmrw but the charity we gave the old ones to already collected. Very endearing to find Nick's sat… @saralevy2013 Yeah, let's be honest about what a desperate attempt at positive spin this was 🙄Just tried to roll a cig and the paper had literally no gum on it to stick, is that a sign of good luck or something? 🤞🏻Here are my potentially useless lockdown survival tips: - If you can't go outside, at least open a window to chan… @StuartDeVille Says the 40 year old 'Twilight' fan over here. @StuartDeVille I was thinking more the horror of frozen in your flesh prison and you just can't die.Omfg could you actually imagine becoming immortal starting now? This back pain and economic system? No thank you.
It's true, it's going to the printers this week and everything! @cidergoblin My husband once described her voice as "intrusive" and I've never heard a better way of putting it since.Now my husband's coping mechanism is saying "What a sad little life, Jane" to me. FFS, what have I started? of the content I've been editing today has made me fully guffaw to myself. It's nice to be reminded I am indee… @mermanpoet That's the thing - I absolutely know that on a rational, logical level but we all have that goblin who… @mermanpoet Doesn't help that the NHS charts have declared me I'm overweight for all of my adult life. To be 'healt…'m 34 next week, isn't it about time that thing kicks in where I don't give a shit about my weight?Good morning from me and this precious gremlin.
@CarrotDrag Like you even need to ask. was a tweet earlier in 2020 asking if anyone else felt like they were finally getting their shit before rona… @jellyseab 💋💋💋Apparently my latest corona coping mechanism is sighing "What a sad little life, Jane" to the empty room.Make it pointy. Happy Birthday, Stacie 👄 #ArtholeTuesday intros for the 'Ghoul's Night in' - just did a 'Purge' gag about chasing Bojo with a hammer. 10/10 cathars…'s been so fucking mind-numbingly tedious - I just opened up my diary and I swear it yawned. @missbelluk I've inherited a ring recently and want to get it valued out of curiosity - everywhere asks for a fee o… @missbelluk I've had too many weird emails to the studio today. So much so I've actually researched two of them to… @pikepoet @MattMiller2805 That's genuinely fantastic. I just listened to 'Movies' by Alien Ant Farm twice in a ro… coffee made. Nu-metal playlist on. Ready to absolutely batter some emails. What's everyone else up to today? @simon_b_1994 I'm playing to both my strengths.So what are we thinking for our new careers in cyber, sex or goth?
@msmoomakeup Raw is exactly it. There's so many countless people who there ain't a slice of the pie for and it just sucks.I've just had to tell my husband to pack it in telling me what local music venues have received funding to keep goi… I envisioned the release of this book being in some charmingly dingy bar, with us all spilling wine on eac… @pikepoet Lean into it! I have been!I'm just going to keep being creative. If I don't create, I don't function. I think that's my only way through this. @jennyslate is a fucking beacon of light and I won't be told otherwise. @JayneAuthor @BergamotLoretto Just a gentle nudge to everyone that we all need to take better care of ourselves, be… @LEMcClelland "I just found out how long mayflies live for, being a person - what a scam" @LEMcClelland "Is it bad when you hang a shirt up by its neck and feel jealous?" @LEMcClelland "Uh oh, Nana... we still talking about the laundry?"🙃 @Ice_Kreacher Thank you, I give credit to dad for my cheekbones, and to mum for my overwhelming need to please 😂🖤… @BergamotLoretto 🖤🖤Ever start a household task with such enthusiasm then realise halfway through just how much you can't be bothered? @DavidLedain A reminder for me as much as anyone else 🖤Seeing a lot of struggling at the moment (including myself) so just to check-in: - This situation's fucking horri… didn't post anything for #NationalComingOutDay but I admired the messages of strength, hope, and growth - AND see…
@megrozfozz TRUE STORY! He slid into my Myspace DMs @peachydouglas Yeah but before an online drag show? That's like listening to techno before you take a nap. @peachydouglas Don't even know what old email it was linked to! It would be cute to see the first message he ever s…