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Shawn @BackpackingDad Silicon Valley, CA

Ph.D. in philosophy that they can't take back - Funniest person my kids know - Lazy writer

647 Following   15,171 Followers   81,631 Tweets

Joined Twitter 6/2/08

@Caissie And really difficult to find fresh. @scalzi @tadwilliams Word to your mother. @Caissie It has always tried to replace "chicken" with "Chechen" for me. It made shopping lists weird. @scalzi I feel like that Menlo Park date is new (or that it replaces a different peninsula town from a previous lis… money is powerful, but it doesn't always win. I know that firsthand. When I ran against an incumbent Republic…
Retweeted by Shawn @JeriLRyan I’m watching you on my TV! I will executive produce a Rangers show right now. I have two credit cards.This thread. @WendyLiebman
BREAKING: Bob Iger to be succeeded as Disney CEO by Bob Igest
Retweeted by Shawn @ricktillery Nice try, Flurbion from Rygel 4.I know that aliens exist and walk among us because a guy just walked into this restaurant and ordered "soda water".…
I am. Thank you. I am thinking about how it took 90 women coming forward for two guilty convictions....
Retweeted by Shawn @altonbrown The Eternal Recorded No Recurve No Recorder No Receive No Recurrence.Crony capitalism sounds benign. It's not. It's built on regular capitalism. Bureau of Indian Unfairs. There, I did it. My satire will force the BIA to do some deep reflecting on how it m… fact: You can't spell "Neil Degrasse Tyson" without "no ty".Watching a butterfly: O such fragile beauty, its mercurial flight pattern the perfect illustration of the ephemeral…
Retweeted by ShawnMy take is so important and mind-blowing and common-sensical that I have to make a video expressing it while I'm al… @PadmaLakshmi WHEN I WAS A KID ANYTHING THAT WASN'T KRAFT SINGLES WAS EXOTIC RICH PEOPLE CHEESE. #WEAREYELLINGABOUTCHEESE
@drwave I just went to Canada and put my spare batteries in my carry-on. Here's a fun report about FAA incidents wi… @birbigs Presiduals.For someone who triages his inbox and replies to emails according to his energy and their urgency, I sure am impati… on easy mode. It's fun. Work on medium. You already exist on hard.Vote for whom you trust, not for the theory you believe in. Candidates are not their theories, and it takes a cult… have to trust your presidential candidate, not just believe in the economic system they claim to support. You h… used to be that we'd see the occasional clip of a Japanese talk show or game show and be so perplexed. What were… can't resolve that thing with those reactions. They went for a transitional rebrand of the franchise to get rid… @rebeccawatson "I always think of a third thing when I'm listing things." ~Liz Lemon, guruI watched Terminator: Dark Fate on the plane yesterday. I was totally on board with it right up until this one char…, I have a new, can't fail, get rich quick scheme.
ABDJ: Always Be Dad-Joking. I’ve taught her well. @GailSimone No.“Establishment” is a fun word to not understand. @ava @Aviatrixt Someone told him, “You’re PRETTY Borg-y, but you could be Borgier.” @jennyjenjen This belongs on a blog, not on the NYT Cooking site. “I have no expertise. Here’s what I think.” “Yo… have a Soundcloud to promote. What’s a viral Twitter game or controversial opinion I can share for engagements?Jiggity jig.
Flying away from Canada now. Bye, Canada.Someone else definitely made your clever Twitter reply already. BUT YOU GO AHEAD AND SEND YOURS ANYWAY I BELIEVE IN YOU! @PadmaLakshmi I once dusted tilapia with cinnamon then fried it because I thought it would make it taste exotic. @ExMi Did I mis with all my poutine tweets over Christmas? It’s a whole Canadian thing. Fries, gravy, and cheese cu… dad's wife Jackie just made me a farewell poutine. She went out and bought cheese curds for it too!… @GailSimone Right now I’m directing the second musical I’ve written for elementary school kids, 100 kids divided in… I was young, intellectual irritation spurred exploration and growth. Now I am old and intellectual irritation… @AllCharisma I couldn't think of anyone as a whole, but kept thinking "Katie Couric smile". @GailSimone Mario isn’t so much a character as a cursor.To be in Canada is to realize how little hockey there is on major networks in the States. I’ve watched hockey every… my forehead’s doppelganger @tomcruise’s forehead? @stephgrk I don’t know what it’s going to take to get through to you. We have the evidence!This is really cool, nerds. @donttrythis @SiliConSJ Will there be a party where attendees get to eat tacos in a replica of your workshop and yo… @alexisthenedd I have met Karl Urban twice, at the same party two years in a row, and even in this context he had r… @NotJoeCreighton *without @stephgrk Dinosaurs were real, Steph! @NotJoeCreighton That Cherry Bubbly is Dr. Pepper with the flavour or calories. @JewelStaite @stephgrk I have never played #MYST. I’m like you and how you don’t believe in dinosaurs.Diedrich Betterer.
@Danotage @JustSeum Nope. You have to just do the thing I said. And record it. @JustSeum @Danotage As long as when you see each other you say, "I'm so happy to see you and that Shawn introduced… or nay, Internet? a Canadian hospital waiting room last night, I overheard an older couple who believed this exact thing. They wer… 2020.
@emmacaulfield @trutriciahelfer You can’t say this kind of thing on Twitter. I feel as shocked as I did when Ned St… computer scientist responsible for cut, copy, and paste, has passed away night poutine-fueled political tweets.Trump failed every Republican purity test, but once he was the frontrunner after more traditional Republican candid… a democracy, only votes count. A vote for someone despite the refusal to release medical records is worth as muc…"Crazy" can mean out of control, wild, unpredictable-- yes, Harley Quinn is those things. Crazy, though, should nev…
Retweeted by Shawn @stephgrk I think the Wii U has SuperC available. @PeteButtigieg This is a terrible argument, and you know it's terrible, which means you intend it as manipulative r… @stephgrk I wish the Wii U store had more NES era games. I have a few, but the original Contra is noticeably absent. @ambalagia We take our joys where we can find them, covered in cheese and gravy.Workin' on my night cheese. And my night gravy. And my night potatoes.Midnight. Bubba's. Kingston. @NotJoeCreighton Here we go. @SarahLena @meganamram I'm a pretty good wrapper.Now my dad and I are watching his Canadiens play my Red Wings. Tie game in the 3rd. Still in his basement. Update:… @SarahLena @meganamram Foiled to the Brim Tin-O-Shanters A Third Thing Bonus Shops on Foil Row: Foil Metal Jackets Purses Foiled AgainI have answers, but a) nobody asked me b) Sarah specifically asked @meganamram and 3) I always list a third thing w… tweet is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. @JamesUrbaniak @robdelaney @GailSimone I will never understand how people can miss this badly. It’s like Cyclops trying to hit any target with his heat ray eyes. @emmacaulfield I have $40 Canadian on me.The Leafs are getting TAKEN APART by the Penguins. This has been a hockey tweet from my dad’s basement where we are… @WendyLiebman @frankievalli @Jerseyboys Wen-dy, (Wendy Liebman) Wen-dy, (Wendy Liebman) Weh-en-en-en-en-dy Liebman… @GailSimone Unfortunately, my favorite Batman story only comes in small and extra large. @PadmaLakshmi I just want to say to all of them, “Hi, hitting the dad jokes hard, I’m dad.”
@JPinNV Thanks Joe.Also, #FuckCancer.I’m in Canada again so soon after our Christmas trip because my dad is fighting cancer this winter. It’s not easy,… this tweet gets 200K likes, my adopted platypus says she’ll quit doing heroin. Pls like and retweet to save a li… @PadmaLakshmi @SamSifton @nytimes What food should you always go out to eat rather than learn how to make it at home? @RahulKohli13 @ManMadeMoon This body style. @RahulKohli13 @ManMadeMoon The 1980s one with the t-top? My dad had that 1980 Cobra when I was a kid. It was not great.I learned how to pronounce Reince Priebus and for what
Retweeted by Shawn @PetCobra I'm so sorry Jason. I'm visiting my dad now to take him to his first chemo/radiation treatment tomorrow.… people went all in on social media, it used to be commonplace to get 10s or 100s comments on blog posts. I g…
Retweeted by ShawnBeing a comedian in your 40s is tough. As soon as you turn 40 it's like, "Here's your joke about ibuprofen. Make fo…, I guess you’re the authority, but Neuromancer is by no stretch of the imagination a book of short stories.
Retweeted by Shawn