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I’m not a narcissist, I’m an exorcist | looking more like Beaker everyday

262 Following   112 Followers   2,908 Tweets

Joined Twitter 6/9/13


Here’s how this scene was viewed live in Australia. One of America’s closest and most dependable allies. Rendered s… https://t.co/Zq31nLkKwI
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕
6/2
2020
FUCK (AND I CANT STRESS THIS ENOUGH) THE POLICE https://t.co/iKN7kZU5pt
6/1
2020
Like, I’m not an adult yet. I’m just a kid who can legally drink beer and rent a car.People who have gotten married at 25 or younger, what’s that like? Bc I’m 25 and I live with my parents and love it… https://t.co/5oHxnB3VFuI love when a show is in English but the British accents are so thick that you have to turn on subtitles.
5/31
2020
As my father explained during his lifetime, a riot is the language of the unheard.
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕 @Mike_Pence Eat a dick, you worthless piece of garbage.
5/30
2020
i’m not black, but i see you. i’m not black, but i hear you. i’m not black, but i mourn with you. i’m not black, b… https://t.co/pkV4Y3F0L6
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕Black lives matter. Not just when someone is murdered. Not just when it looks good for your social media page. Blac… https://t.co/gJcN0itJyb
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕The police officer who killed George Floyd should be charged with murder.
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕 @dudewheresmikey Sorry bro https://t.co/yHQqkwf93S @Sisterray63 @victoriaxxviii This is immediately what I thought of! One of my favorite places!
5/28
2020
I really enjoy Twitter….. Minus the Dumbfucks.
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕
5/25
2020
@Sashey_C I keep forgetting about mine and then I look in the mirror really close up for whatever reason and I see how awful they are😭
5/23
2020
Holly’s snoring is THE cutest thing in the world.Hi hello I miss @gollymissholly and @heyitskaitlin so much it’s ridiculous
5/20
2020
@Sashey_C I HATE YOU
5/19
2020
Id say this even if schools werent closed in fall but TAKE YOUR FIRST YEAR OF COLLGE AT COMMUNITY COLLEGE. its a mi… https://t.co/CZGozVRtdQ
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕I just startled myself when I walked past a mirror bc I forgot I put makeup on today and I look so cute. Yes, I did… https://t.co/ULAyqguw6u
5/18
2020
Docs in the streets, crocs in the sheets https://t.co/ykA6PPbUMG @MegsMarieB ~~flavour~~ @BonniePuns @StevenRayMorris This is so deep. I think I’m having an existential crisis now
5/17
2020
@gollymissholly @heyitskaitlin And then going absolutely crazy bc of all the caffeine and ridiculous guests @gollymissholly @heyitskaitlin HOLLYANN I MISS YOU SO MUCH😭😭😭I MISS YOU SO MUCH https://t.co/aWcJcp1H0A @heyitskaitlin The CUTEST😍
5/16
2020
Remember precedented times? Those fucking ruled.
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕
5/15
2020
Like yes my dad watches whatever trashy reality tv show I’m into with me but I want something we can talk about and… https://t.co/9WaPWZPahJBut also we only have Deathly Hallows Parts 1 & 2 left so someone suggest something we can watch together so I can… https://t.co/WjpsnxicZUMy mom asked my dad to set up their new tv tomorrow night and he said he couldn’t bc he has a date already. The dat… https://t.co/UgClSOSQES
5/8
2020
I scooted closer to Holly to give her some snuggles and she immediately got up and I figured she was annoyed with m… https://t.co/0pqBjJh1i4
5/5
2020
@SamFishell WHY DID I ORIGINALLY READ THAT AS @TheTedAllen ?!?! 😭😭😭My mother and I didn’t coordinate what we were putting into the Walmart Pick-Up for today so we now have 5 lbs of asparagus and 17 bananas.
5/2
2020
Watching the @parksandrecnbc reunion with waffles and Snake Juice! https://t.co/ibjJGnuuqM
5/1
2020
WELP CEDRIC’S DAD JUST HUGGED HIM BEFORE HE WENT INTO THE MAZE SO IM TRYING TO CRY WITHOUT MY DAD NOTICINGOh GOD they’re starting the maze and I CANT HANDLE ITSnape as a character was HORRIBLE. Alan Rickman as Snape was PERFECT.Rupert Grint in Ron’s dress robes is probably what made me gay.“You know how I like it when they walk.” Me @ any girl everFuck, and I mean this wholeheartedly, Rita Skeeter and her Quick Quotes QuillWe’re on Goblet of Fire and it’s KILLING ME to not point out Barty Crouch Jr’s idiosyncrasies, or how close Cedric… https://t.co/ucQtDCJsOUMy dad and I have been watching the Harry Potter movies bc he’s only read and seen the first one and let me tell yo… https://t.co/ocEyZ59pR8I’m pissed that I made a typo but I don’t take back my statementI would kill for Minerval McGonagall without even the slightest hesitation.My little brother is old enough to be able to enter the Tri-Wizard Tournament. He could NEVER go against a dragon!
4/30
2020
My dad just brought me another beer and a bag of Funuyns. I’m living my best life.My dad and I just cut the grass and now we’re sitting outside having a beer together and it smells like freshly cut… https://t.co/kXTxu9gWPVThere’s something so sad about realizing how small the tree you grew up climbing actually is.
4/26
2020
@LieselBee_ Holly only ever snores like a 62-year old man🤷🏻‍♀️Craving a vegan hot dog from the stand across from IBarTelling @koleDOTplay the moment I knew I was gay https://t.co/K62kxYNFL7Quarantine Day 41: Me @ Ryan: Your hairy ass is what made me gay. @FabulousHelen1 Ryan tried to explain it to me but he called him “Bill Clampton” so I stopped listening
4/24
2020
@FabulousHelen1 Ooh I’ll try Irish tomorrow!!😂This quarantine has driven me to talk to myself in whatever accent I can think of. Yesterday it was an Eastern Euro… https://t.co/q67q7vjzpM
4/22
2020
Quarantine Day 39: *Cut to me chasing Holly around the front yard yelling, “We don’t eat random bread we find out… https://t.co/xgF2q77jlW
4/21
2020
When there’s a waitlist at Cracker Barrel https://t.co/TrodecxdZM
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕
4/19
2020
This Tweet from @RexChapman has been withheld in response to a report from the copyright holder. Learn more.
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕Update: The bitch is backHolly just LEFT MY BEDROOM TO GO DOWNSTAIRS. I HAVE BEEN BAMBOOZELED. @KarissaC48 @heyitskaitlin That sounds like I’m being mean but I’m wine drunk and was trying to be funny. Pls laugh @KarissaC48 @heyitskaitlin No she’s just guessingTrump couldn't hate women more if they were made of books and salad.
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕SHE WANTED ME TO GO TO BED BC SHE WAS READY FOR SLEEP. So instead of watching Harry Potter like I wanted, I’m tweet… https://t.co/yjjyxoT8EHSo I turn on Sorcerer’s Stone and not five minutes in, Holly (my dog) starts staring at me and then at the stairs.… https://t.co/gP8m2chcbOStory Time: I don’t have Directv in my bedroom, just netflix, etc. So last weekend when all 7 Harry Potter movies w… https://t.co/xD232setGt
4/14
2020
@ParkHopperDiego The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause over The Santa Clause 2
4/10
2020
I MISS YOU SO MUCH https://t.co/J61tH92i2k @LieselBee_ OKAY IVE BEEN MEANING TO TEXT YOU FOR DAYS NKWHorny but for uhhhh reciprocated emotions and someone holding my hand while doing the thumb thing and honestly just… https://t.co/wv48DlCxQ8
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕My parents are watching Parks and Rec for the first time. They just got to the episode where Lil Sebastian dies and… https://t.co/MvwOJMfpeP
4/9
2020
Two men in medical masks just tried to walk up to us outside to give us cupcakes. WHY WOULD WE WANT YOUR CORONACAKES?!? @BrandyLJensen @StevenRayMorris I bit through my mouth guard last night so we’re doing great!
4/8
2020
Prom vs now https://t.co/sXqmucJn0Z https://t.co/JwY1lf01nN
4/7
2020
Update: The entire instapot is now smoking.Day 22 of Quarentine: My dad filled the instapot with all the ingredients to make chicken tacos for lunch. He just… https://t.co/UGGZeQExxk
4/4
2020
I love it when Holly comes into my room while I’m watching tv bc it means that she was thinking about me and wanted… https://t.co/BJVN4Jjxb5
4/1
2020
@itssawnjuh Thank you!!💜💜 I’m 25 today which makes me old af but it’s cool😂😂 I miss you tons!!! @djbhawkins86 Thank you!! Miss you all!💜💜 @b12powers Thank youuuu!!! I love you!!!💜💜💜💜THE BOYS STILL GOT IT!!!! https://t.co/wXZ5TTW6dg
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕
3/30
2020
You’re doing this quarantine wrong if you’re not double fisting a glass of red wine and whiskey.
3/29
2020
Social Distancing Day 15: Ryan: “Imagine if you froze an onion next to a bean...”
3/28
2020
@devin_stypa My dog now knows that 1:30p is nap time so she comes into my room everyday at the same time to snuggle… https://t.co/Yg7J5A625y @Sashey_C @LieselBee_ I hate you😂😂lorde save us
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕 @LieselBee_ I don’t 🤷🏻‍♀️ Loljk I miss her being mean to me everyday😭😭😭😭
3/25
2020
@CashApp $kateisdrunkagain
3/24
2020
@thedanieb I was OBSESSED with the Brandy version but none of my friends knew who she was. I knew even then they we… https://t.co/5kduIUQKAjMe: We should have game night tonight! My dad: Gay night? Isn’t that every night for you?She’s mesmerized. https://t.co/jYLdXGK4rlHolly (my dog) never watches tv but she’s been hypnotized by Rocketman. I guess it makes sense, seeing as her nickn… https://t.co/1aj0lKWFZi
3/22
2020
Doing great in self isolation here’s my show where I interview dogs https://t.co/zc1hpLwhP8
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕
3/21
2020
Fact. https://t.co/VGov7drAfV
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕Most people staying home aren't doing so out of fear; they're trying to avoid becoming coronavirus vectors that cou… https://t.co/KfgwMXVuKf
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕But yes, go to the gym, and bars, and continue complaining about people telling you to stay inside. You probably wo… https://t.co/pd3evq5Jq2I know you’re probably thinking, well I’m young so the chances of me dying from COVID-19 are so slim. WHAT ABOUT LI… https://t.co/SvYRDWE9G9At this point, if you’re not taking this seriously and staying the fuck home, you’re being a garbage human. This wh… https://t.co/Vq66lDCKCeMe being discovered after one week of quarantine https://t.co/RNrkgsQ9VI
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕
3/16
2020

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