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I’m not a narcissist, I’m an exorcist | looking more like Beaker everyday

235 Following   112 Followers   2,619 Tweets

Joined Twitter 6/9/13


Emilio tried telling me about Harry Potter. “You know the tall, emo guy?” “Harry runs away from his parents in… https://t.co/Jzrn7swf5z
11/15
2019
.@itssawnjuh and @ParkHopperDiego EXCUSE ME WHERE TF ARE YOU IM LONELY @itssawnjuh @heyitskaitlin And bring the dummy I mean Diego @itssawnjuh @heyitskaitlin Yes! Come in for hourssssssssThe only reason I’m going to work is bc I get to work with @heyitskaitlin
11/14
2019
🆘I can’t stop sobbing over the baby panda in Born in China🆘“Do you wanna hear about my areolas or my butthole? Because I’m gonna tell you about one of them.”Due to personal reasons, I've decided to replace my hair with snakes & turn people who stare at me into stone.
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕“Kate, all of your nipples are in the vending machine!” -@MegsMarieB“My nipples are the size of like three peanut M&M’s put together.” -me “Wait what?!” -@gollymissholly “Wait do y… https://t.co/CpD7puIeMg
11/13
2019
@forgetfull124 @itssawnjuh I’d like to deny it but it’s true😂😂
11/12
2019
Wtf is wrong with me?Yesterday I was in the elevator at work when I started to panic bc I didn’t have my seatbelt on.I just tried to fix my earpiece bc it wasn’t on my ear anymore. I’m laying in bed.🙃
11/9
2019
@MegsMarieB You’re telling me that Barry is short for BARTY?!😂😂 @jadelizabethhh Barold sounds right😂I’ve been really good at distracting myself from how much I miss my best friend but wow just a few texts and I reme… https://t.co/E8dZuSXmfEokay but everyone say thank you billy eichner for blessing us with this video of chris evans running to "let's go l… https://t.co/wuh538nCQe
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕What the fuck is the name Barry short for?“No I’m not a republican, I’m like the gayest person alive!” Same, @billyeichner, same. @FabulousHelen1 Wow so true. What would I do without you? @cedeshern It’s Illinois but yes😂😂 @cedeshern I’m SCREAMING😂😂😂😂As excited as I am to move home and go back to school, it’s really hitting me that I’m gonna miss the people I work with so bad. 😭How bad is it if I put these in a bowl with milk and eat them like cereal? https://t.co/PHRishfWtb
11/8
2019
@jwhitneynix How far the radius of where they kill is. ITS FOR SOMETHING IM WRITING I SWEAR @cedeshern I wanted to know what time the Starbucks near me opens but I was lazy😂😂😂Why is this my search history? https://t.co/NpJeplgaAS
11/7
2019
October 31 vs November 1 https://t.co/3WwpqiXDM5
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕“Be honest, how many times a day do people ask you what the hell is wrong with you?” -@forgetfull124
11/2
2019
“Wow that’s a lot of missing Reggies” - @BarricadeBandit
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕IT’S OFFICIALLY CHRISTMAS🎄🎅🏻❄️☃️ https://t.co/BQfQDSZr34
11/1
2019
friend: it's still Oct- us: ❄️ 🎅 🎄 🎁 ✨ ❄️ 🎅 🎄 🎁 ✨ ❄️ 🎅 🎄 🎁 ✨ ❄️ 🎅 🎄 🎁 ✨ ❄️ 🎅 🎄 🎁 ✨ ❄️ 🎅 🎄 🎁 ✨ ❄️ 🎅 🎄 🎁 ✨ ❄️… https://t.co/CZxeXE3iQH
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕I got very little sleep and just drank a Monster, someone stop me from starting the shift meeting with “WHAT’S UP FUCKERS?!”I slept for about two hours, I walked into a spider web, and the only cereal Bistro had was Special K and Kashi. HAPPY HALLOWEEN🙃I LOVE not being able to sleep two nights in a row🙃
10/31
2019
Hi hello yes why do I have Glamorous by Fergie stuck in my head at 4:45 in the morning?
10/30
2019
Wow I love Franky
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕Fammmmily https://t.co/XApHNvXWnK
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕
10/28
2019
A man just watched me sitting in my car in the Target parking lot laughing hysterically bc I was opening the Hatchimal I bought 💁🏻‍♀️Me trying to convince myself that my hair is growing https://t.co/Kd6Kl2cQE2bye straight people
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕.@UniversalORL want to make Fast and Furious as good as Kong? Picture this: at the very end, a giant animatronic Vi… https://t.co/zf2lXHqtE9
10/27
2019
*leaning against a crate in gravity* “I hope a rat bites me on the ass.” #donewithHHN #isitchristmasyet
10/26
2019
I clocked in at 4:06, thank you! https://t.co/z0VZBisl5CSmelli libertarian cooki https://t.co/Z81simvxxS“There’s Pringles all over me, hold on.” -@Creative_Omar
10/23
2019
An actual text received tonight at HHN: “Get your boi Austin and the stay puft in his jacket”
10/22
2019
@LieselBee_ THAT WASNT ME I SWEAR! I DIDNT SPILL!!
10/21
2019
@b12powers I LITERALLY JUST TOLD YOU THE OTHER DAY THAT IM IN LOVE WITH YOUDo we think I’ll be able to drink my cold brew today without spilling any on my shirt?No one tell Franky bc he has to spend the night with me at Revenge but my shoes smell really bad and he’s gonna be so mad😂😂
10/20
2019
@gollymissholly Wow i love both of them so much
10/19
2019
Emilio just literally THREW HIMSELF DOWN THE STAIRS bc he wanted to roll past the office. Wtf is this place?OH YOURE GOING TO GET ME FIRED?? I’M GONNA LOST MY JOB??? okay that’s fine I honestly don’t want it anymore.
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕THESE GUESTS ARE REALLY ON THEIR BULLSHIT TONIGHT
10/18
2019
@redheadinafield This was pretty quick bc apparently the problem is a clog in my downstairs neighbor’s A/C stuff so we can’t even fix it🙃I forgot how much I love to write☺️ I’m v content rnThere’s a guy in my apartment fixing our A/C rn and like what’s the etiquette? Do I leave him alone to figure it ou… https://t.co/kqO0Q8n3A6My downstairs neighbor just sneezed so loud I jumped. Sir, calm down.
10/15
2019
cultural impact: █ █ █ █ █… https://t.co/zd19DflaFA
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕date a girl who says things like: - drive safe - i'm so proud of you - Burke killed JonBenét - Avril Lavigne has b… https://t.co/oqGeRFhphH
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕No one: Franky: I love cows. Cows are beautiful.
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕As much as I complain about being at Fallon bc it’s boring, the Team is always so excited to see me and it’s so swe… https://t.co/5MQLxIMqpk
10/14
2019
#hopeful https://t.co/jvxPhClbtq
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕In my defense, I’ve been really sick for the past week so I’m still not all here.Instead of looking at my phone to check the time, I just said, “Alexa, what time is it?” This would’ve been complet… https://t.co/THCxXOgk2W
10/13
2019
Hey, I’m gay.
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕
10/11
2019
Not only did I wake up with an even worse cold than I had before, but I then poured boiling bacon grease all over m… https://t.co/Sc2uMFtgRA
10/9
2019
@heyitskaitlin So handsomeI put on like 3 different movies before I realized that I have a specific brand and I shouldn’t try to vary from it. So I’m watching Cheers.
10/8
2019
Women in suits > men in suits
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕
10/7
2019
@redheadinafield I was like “uh excuse me, Sara would never”😂The HHN leads keep standing in the doorway to the Fallon office while they obnoxiously gulp water. I’m in my own personal hell.
10/6
2019
“If you shit on my hand, I have a right to strangle you.” -Jacob
10/5
2019
This is me and @heyitskaitlin https://t.co/PbYe9MMSJHTalking to my mom on the phone always makes me so excited to move back home. We’ll get to hang out so much, I can’t wait! @FikeMallas @DelTaco I’m obsessed tbh @FikeMallas Good to know I have one follower @FikeMallas @DelTaco I’ve been there 4 times in the last week so I guess sameStranger Things IS just Finding Nemo for adults. @ me about it. @MyFavMurder has taught me that @DelTaco is delicious and that’s the best thing I could’ve ever learned.“Stranger Things is just Finding Nemo with people. Oooooo that’s good I’m gonna tweet that!” -@BarricadeBandit
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕Fuck I love @DelTaco https://t.co/e6VarORLCBSitting at a picnic table a Chez Alcatraz drinking is my HHN aesthetic and has been for years. @FabulousHelen1 At least everyone would remember me
10/4
2019
As a single woman who does most things on her own, one of my biggest fears is choking and not being able to do the… https://t.co/lxVGs5aUr5Wow I cannot wait to be in my bed
10/3
2019
The man in the drivethru just referred to me as “young lady”. I love this placeLike bury me with a chicken soft taco in my hand plsI’m obsessed with @DelTaco 🤷🏻‍♀️
9/30
2019
I’m being bullied https://t.co/Takq2iZOYV
9/29
2019
@FabulousHelen1 Omg I can’t believe I haven’t told you! My bad! Texting you rn!People angrily asking me why I’m moving and then being really supportive when I say I’m going back to school is hon… https://t.co/cVUTHtS1Ot
9/28
2019
@Rainman_415 you and dad at that Vietnamese place https://t.co/zrRhX2gpFa
9/26
2019
Wake up you sexy bitch it’s time to sin
Retweeted by Pizza Boi🍕I just wanna go home and watch Cheers tbh
9/23
2019
Give me pizza fries or give me death. #HHN2019
9/19
2019
@RiggedPig My little babushka understands https://t.co/FH4BsFz3fb
9/16
2019

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