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Ben Kling @benkling Brooklyn, NY

am i good or bad please let me know thanks 🌱 I'm making @drypforplants ● Formerly—@ClickHole & @tumblr

1,718 Following   10,093 Followers   15,532 Tweets

Joined Twitter 7/11/07

Good Morning, Have A Great Day!
Retweeted by Ben KlingPraise and glory unto thee, most vital of features @NBCTheSIap nobody's online anymore sorryPOOL NOODLE (1/5)
Retweeted by Ben Kling @mark_drizzle are you counting "it's fine to cum on a cat"
money laundering is a prosocial victimless crime that provides the state tax revenue send tweet expanding popularity of expressions like "you really wanna die on that hill" and "wrong/right side of history"—… bio for an unhinged finsta toowhen savvy Parisians see you in caving gear near a known catacombs entrance they say "bon descent" and sometimes I… @MichaelFails HahahahahaLol this listing summarizes the last 8 years neatly
@bransonreese In a wild stroke of luck I got Balloon BoyWho’s Mueller? Is he one of the new Ghostbuster???
Retweeted by Ben KlingJust noticed this poster in Dwight's daycare about how good the Hanging Gardens of Babylon would be, if it wasnt ruined by its obnoxious fanbase
Retweeted by Ben Kling @ayoedebiri Visionary!This person just....makes these this makes me want to die fast? "Do you not agree that it takes a village, or" J "No I understand that it takes a village I'm just wondering sort… "We're actually super close, I'm suuuuper close to them." J "I'm close with them as well." K "Close..." (unison)… you're bored & looking for a new sexual fantasy might I suggest John & Kate competing over who's closer with you @taylortetreau @whatthe_shea Amy taught this, yes?
@D_Ricky1 Like I used in this tweet hahaha""The Jets are gonna have their day / tonight" insane. idiotic. contradictory. sondheim retire b*tch" —me talking in my sleepTo see if you had scoliosis???
Retweeted by Ben Kling @SpicyLime415 did you end up in this body what were you building @catccohen proud to say I still don't know what it/they are! never seen one.starting an advice column called "Couldn't Help But Overhear" where I respond to letters written to other columnist… @ManiLazic please mani it is lore @ManiLazic I woke up this morning with that mandate ringing in my soul @ManiLazic ok crotchety at the very least @ManiLazic thank you for often faving my mean tweetslol *poptimism somehow autocorrect hasn't learned it yet @sidneyg156 two lil crescent ear-spaced dents in the headboard @sidneyg156 fully. if Deadmau5 is concocting elaborate mythological narratives and giving self-serious deluded inte… be clear I think people are enthusiastically misfiring from both sides of this contradiction"stop sexualizing children also I hope Eleven fucks chicks, you know, when she's ready" is a super normal stance to have
truly a perfect image"all the celebs are performers in a transmedia meta-narrative, so it's actually a sophisticated fixation to have"… has made rationalizing dummies out of so many people but most destructively it's elevated all performance… @ChillMoon @BAKKOOONN me? : I love to see it~I really like "lore"? maybe it's just me but having utter control/narrative license over people's impressions of m… an artist I choose to focus mainly on styling & re-styling myself, the way I write my name, the things ppl asso… like 90% of y'all would become this person if granted upper-middle celebrity so his name is Stinkyman and he's basically a nasty ghoul who is half dead & his receding hair is made of s… since The Office ended has anyone done small details/verisimilitude as well as Chris does know any tattoo artists in brooklyn who can do a thin-line loopy cursive "stranger things looks fine" on my foreheadnobody loves anything more than british dudes love to fill stadiums and go "duh duh duh" to the melody of a song
Retweeted by Ben Klingmillennial doctor: soo your pancreas is having an existential crisisnot offended just confused there are so many words available in english that aren't "traffic"is there like a reason to include "traffic" and "human" so close together in this hed? i'm lostʜᴇʟʟᴏ, ᴊᴇʀʀʏ 𝙝𝙚𝙡𝙡𝙤, 𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙬𝙚𝙣
Retweeted by Ben Klingrich kids, take note: all it takes to avoid the contempt of newly radicalized socialists is to do the dumbest shit…
Retweeted by Ben KlingThis is why I'm too scared to learn another language"no one would argue that [music is sounds]" I would, actually!I understand that "argue" and "dispute" are synonyms when used intransitively but for future reference when they ar…, in their head: i've cracked the code my unique blend of relatability and insight has earned me this position… surprised when I hang out with someone in person whose sense of humor seems stagnant and overconfident & then… yes they are will vindicate my position on catcumgatehonestly I think it's fine to cum on a cat send tweet @vrunt Nothing has made me feel less online in a while. Thank you!!!! @tommphilip Old bitch!
Retweeted by Ben Kling
@tayallard Kingya wcw fantasizes about being famous so she can do the defiant head-down all-business hand-hold with her partner in paparazzi shots @sasimons , nerd ass bitch! @sasimons Seth these! Are very good. I stick one in my pocket whenever I'm headed out. If… @tayallard I only send dick pics to people with dicks I don’t want anyone else finding out what a dick looks like @tayallard King
@screaminbutcalm @bransonreesecat mom • love child of liz lemon & april ludgate • doing my part to fight racism by broadcasting my radical sexual attraction to actorssome very brave white women on here suggesting "john cho or idris elba" (both of the male actors of color) for every role @PAWGJacksun @notsofiacoppolahave never gotten over the Princess Unicorn doll scene from The Office "it's even better than the one I wanted"when ppl shit talk carpool karaoke it’s like, shut up!!! it’s not FOR you!!!!! it’s for people who are stupider than you
Retweeted by Ben KlingThinking of building a composting bin on my rooftop—anyone have experience with at-home composting? What should I know?sometimes I do this with astrology nowthinking about how in high school I'd pretend to be a young conservative to get my friend's Fox-News-addicted paren…
ok great so I'm not the most famous person being called "Egg Boy" in their mentions anymore, today sucks @alanna I went to the farmer’s market and OD’d on greens so we’re eating good on Tuesday @ManiLazic Videogames too!!!here’s my impression of the engineer who was in the studio with Fat Joe that day
Retweeted by Ben KlingToday's the day! Three-O Walcott! @theowalcott @RealDMitchell @arobertwebb @Isysuttie
Retweeted by Ben Kling @emilywithcurls it's not even noon yet emily @pleizar just too many being submitted during the election. They Said Whats are best when you're not repeating the… a while at clickhole there was a moratorium on bernie sanders quotes so I would just make these is right : ) i like all of you : ) blessings
Me: I think Todd hates me. Well, I hate Todd. Fuck him. *Todd likes single Instagram post* Me: Todd is a light in…
Retweeted by Ben KlingExtremely very shocked that this sentiment is met with crickets lolLove and support to all the passive & easy-to-guilt kingsAll those dudes who insisted that "nice guys finish last" thought it meant not getting laid, but it really means be…
@neon_daixus if women get WcDonald's then men should get Mendy's otherwise I will riot @rosadona and i'll not stand for the perversion of the golden arches into an emblem of pendulous breasts......smh.......feminism has gone too far........ her ass. drag her. absolutely destroy her
Retweeted by Ben Kling