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Putting the pun in pundit. Satirist at @DuffelBlog and @Reductress, Soldier, storyteller, exaggerater.

4,005 Following   12,358 Followers   12,427 Tweets

Joined Twitter 1/27/15

BREAKING: More than 200 E-4s endorse ‘whoever gets us out of here by 1600’
Retweeted by Blondes Over Baghdad
@ketup_lover @EnormaSass @toomanycommas3 @FirecrackerKatt @bencaplanmusic @LittleMissAngr1 @ambercnash @DrewliusCaesar I’m not nobody. @ethangarrett3 I hope someone says yes. @HersheyBarPanda Ah ha ha. @topherbone Yay!
@KirkFreemanLaw Buy an unnavigable suit. @Lizteratures Sounds perfect @IMLL1138 @AN_Goldstein So you’re already ready. @PopularChuck @sydney_lunn Sounds amazing, TBH. @txcbth I’m confused which emoji is the good one. @KeraRolsen Here for this. @CarlForsling Oh yeah, I always thought it was the first one. @Bound_Unicorn Oh, but your molon labe tattoo is okay? @txcbth High five! @bulldoggeneral Chicken strips? @pad_illa Yes! @Bound_Unicorn Boooo. @FOB_Haiku That’d be hardcore cultural appropriation. @MikeKlemmer Weeee! @bulldoggeneral I’m sure it was about paint stripper. @CarlForsling I’m going to remember that the next time I have a meeting with zoomies. @sydney_lunn This is the reboot we need! @NicholasHeurich Ha ha ha. @epc303 @RPG_volley I said what I said.Callsigns would be better if you had to dress like your callsign to keep it. @halbritz Brought to you by the people who will look at a news article about someone convicted of war crimes and fo…
@halbritz Honestly, it feels like punching down and I’m not into it. The poor contractor/E6 trying to communicate a… @SNAFU_SGT Amen.
@dfielder2 @XOofXOs See, it’s not a boilerplate. @Ceberus_Dog @XOofXOs I wrote, “excels at solving problems of her own creation.” on an NCOer once. Got called into… @XOofXOs In fairness, my dude was going through the UCMJ process. The referred OER was just a double tap. Tepid is… @XOofXOs I thought the one referred OER I did was easy. I just wrote the opposite of every leadership attribute. It… @XOofXOs Don’t worry, if you commit a crime, the media will still call you a “decorated combat veteran.” @S1Your The world may never know. @ladyparabellum @ScottZ101 Ascots shouldn’t just be for OCS. @S1Your I think he likes me @ArtfulDodger183 @RvaUnicorn But then we can pass the military grade scrunchie technology to the private sector.
@ScottZ101 Perfect. Perfect idea.What’s the most needed new uniform item and why is it an issued scrunchie? @BlackSheep_06 KIPPING IS FOR GYMNASTS @ClimatActionDan @pptsapper @DuffelBlog Who needs to touch their toes? That’s for fancy people. @DJSeero @HistoryNet Caveat in the Geneva Convention for safe passage. @KaraMGreene Not me. I had a TDA, so In other words, The Giving Tree.I just asked my husband to be my assisted pull up machine. @HemiBParks America.
@HemiBParks Facts. @dfielder2 @Hondo_n_Chief @DuffelBlog You must not look upon the man cold. @AlecKlasna @PPoyner @DuffelBlog @DoctorWho1975 That’s how you WIN.I lost most of the pictures from my first deployment when my external hard drive crashed. So...It crashed because m… @Hondo_n_Chief @DuffelBlog Max the minimum @robertcaruso @DuffelBlog @Hondo_n_Chief @dfielder2 @DuffelBlog Points for each arthritic joint in your 20s? @cynicinwinter @DuffelBlog You earned it, buddy. @HemiBParks I have because of the 21st. @JFrancis61 🇺🇸 @pineywoozle @312pigsofwar @mrglenn The horror! All amendments are equal! When I crash on your couch, It is akin to violating free speech. @HistoryNet A very strict textualist.🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 @dfielder2 @DuffelBlog Details to follow. @DisneyNCO But it’s a trade-off, for sure. For me, in comes down to how DC is full of strivers. Professionally and… @DisneyNCO Compared to the flyover states, I thought it was a huge transition. Now I love it. I find I don’t miss c… @acagoldsmith @pptsapper @DuffelBlog I thought that was a sham in my first enlistment. I don’t anymore. @KirkFreemanLaw @DuffelBlog Dream big there, buddy.Your 2 minutes of push ups are cute? Have you tried 20 years of pain? My latest for @DuffelBlog @DisneyNCO Agree with the people who say it changes with every mile. Take the commute seriously. Do you care about… @gardewind @LadyLovesTaft I’m holding out for Kai Ryssdal @bettorstrategy @LadyLovesTaft In my dreams I never knew life could be this sweet, but here I am with with an NPR e… @terry_go_online @LadyLovesTaft I deserve that. Like I deserve this Planet Money T shirt. @S1Your @BaghdadMBA @LadyLovesTaft @NPRinskeep He talked to you? I mostly awkwardly stand on the other side of the… @AElliott1980 @LadyLovesTaft Should have donated a high mileage hatchback with a rusty quarter panel. @bettorstrategy @LadyLovesTaft Just year Joshua Johnson was there no big deal. @LadyLovesTaft Donated my tow-away car to NPR. Best offer I ever got on it was $400. Somehow NPR auctioned it for $…
@PeterLucier @halbritz ☝🏼 it’s so true
@HemiBParks Smart plan! @Korean_DMZ_Vets @acema606 It seems cool that ladies aren’t required to wear an undershirt until the first time you… @MAJMikeF Yes! It’s precious. @kampfplan Once a dammit is in your house you can never throw it away. Those are the rules. @BreakParDDB Hard agree. @HemiBParks Okay, but when you got promoted you still saved them off your old insignia before you got rid of it, ri… @DoctorWho1975 Sad for you. @greenedwardl @YourFave3E9 No one yells “frog!!!” When they drop one, mmmmkay? @NeedBirds Technically, this is a frog, but I agree that a lot of people call them that. Officially they are called… @MichaelPHoltz I did a lot of killing in Iraq. Killing time. @oneguynick @YourFave3E9 Nerds. @NeedBirds @loaded_hook Yes. @YourFave3E9 Yes, correct, but frog is wrong.If you don’t have a weird bowl full of dammits from every piece of insignia you’ve ever owned are you even a soldier?
@UnqualifiedE Perfect. @Patrickjd59 My baseboards look GREAT. @lisaazbirder Like walks? Walks are great.
Once in Iraq about 10 of us were surrounding one guy's laptop with a bootleg copy of the Miami Vice reboot (bad cho… @CraigB68 Yes. That has to be true. @amy4prez Get ready to see some of the most poorly rendered international food of your life. @amy4prez I think it runs deeper. You’re trying to not get attached to something that will surely leave you.My favorite vegetable at the chow hall is Texas Pete.