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Groucho Marx then Richard Marx then Karl Marx. Standup/@realpunknews/Daily Dot/Photos: https://t.co/EoxA1kHan4

1,217 Following   2,678 Followers   14,441 Tweets

Joined Twitter 2/17/11


@ThiccSonic That book should come with a disclaimer.TONIGHT is going to be amazing!!! Get there early, order some food & spend the night laughing! 💖 Feat: @sammorrilhttps://t.co/ikJXokgV0X
Retweeted by John-Michael BondChrist still wins the award for weirdest hill to die on.
Retweeted by John-Michael BondMike Bloomberg promoted a stop-and-frisk program that terrorized communities of color. Now @MikeBloomberg is aggr… https://t.co/MfOZK74ZeG
Retweeted by John-Michael Bond @Baklava_in_CA @anthagiox @CassandraRules @michellemalkin @KaitMarieox @ohiou @realDonaldTrump Where was the violence you hilarious cuckold?Me sowing: Haha fuck yeah!!! Yes!! Me reaping: Well this fucking sucks. What the fuck.
Retweeted by John-Michael BondJesus Christ: MAN I DIED FOR YOUR SINS! Me: Why you always bringing up old shit?I know someone who turned down a 360k a year job working for Bloomberg. That takes way more principle than blaming… https://t.co/2IstiwzauS
Retweeted by John-Michael Bond
2/18
2020
@Gunsbutnopants @dantelfer @pattonoswalt Did they knock down someone’s door or something? Or just express pain in a way you found militant.yo I’m a cool comic in LA let’s link up fam https://t.co/roHQcw0eRy
Retweeted by John-Michael BondThe red-baiting here! #BernieSanders doesn’t say that he prefers the Soviet way of life. He does, however, say that… https://t.co/9iaWfogIHw
Retweeted by John-Michael Bond😍😍😍 #NXTTakeOver https://t.co/OTNNPBQuOG
Retweeted by John-Michael Bond @royaldmd1 @mamagigi8 @BlueTxBlue @StuffedFantod @sppeoples @BernieSanders You’d rather have Trump destroy the worl… https://t.co/paHGigZQSQ @BlueTxBlue @sppeoples @BernieSanders This was Warren supporters but thanks for playing.It's your Prerogative to think that, but it's clear you're young like a Roni and Every Little Step you Take will be… https://t.co/HEcrRqBEZs
Retweeted by John-Michael Bond
2/17
2020
They coarsen our culture, erode our economic future, and diminish our democracy. The ultra-rich have no redeeming s… https://t.co/8lc1AT2dqz
Retweeted by John-Michael BondLet’s laugh on TUESDAY!!! With the super fun @sammorril @DebraDiGiovanni @megstalter @sara_hennessey @BondJohnBondhttps://t.co/dik9h0N60s
Retweeted by John-Michael Bond @danadonly It’s incredible to see such a perfect subtweet of an entire city. Respect.
2/16
2020
@CoreyRForrester @Diet_Hellboy I still love his comedy!Is it meta to flurbert someone’s butthole? @BigHern Oh no what did Tom say.
2/15
2020
Jesus' most famous miracle is showing how the sacrifice of one person can feed 5,000 people. Dying for your sins is… https://t.co/RvaxrIrhSg @MaxFine12 https://t.co/i13e6vtn6l @MikeBloomberg Post how much you donated to each one.Oh no. Mike Birbiglia is sleepwalking again. https://t.co/8HcfHx5QLO @ConorLambPA @BernieSanders @AOC And fracking will ultimately eliminate millions of lives.This is fascism. This is what liberals don't get. When I called Beto a coward for not condemning ICE, a certain Pod… https://t.co/hy8bKqIAEd
Retweeted by John-Michael Bond @luisadieznuts From Tennessee, can confirm it's not gibberish.Lots of petty racism and bigotry is based on a desire to feel superior to others. Combat this by embracing other ki… https://t.co/UboFH07Gt5
2/14
2020
@nesgritton No my dyslexia is just awful on a phone haha @nesgritton Oh Christ I just realized it says “Peele’d” haha. @nesgritton You are an angel. @scifibabexxx Love nerds who turn handsome but are still bitter about when they weren't.Hello gays: Last night on All Elite Wrestling, a transgender, Native American woman defeated her opponent to becom… https://t.co/2udiPsdyAp
Retweeted by John-Michael BondHere's my Rotten Tomatoes page. Learn to love me. https://t.co/80lEojqLU4Any publications looking for a review of Jordan Peele’d Hunters? My main gig has someone on it but I’d love to writ… https://t.co/UA4GGX37Ql @Bucs06 @ByronYork @ChuckRossDC Yeah because the defense was fine with it. Do any of you people understand the systems you’re so mad about? @brockwilbur Hicks coming back immediately after they kill the impeachment is too blatant. Lord. @ayobrobro Truly the best.I met my friend Jesse here on the internet and we talk about politics often, he’s so good at breaking things down a… https://t.co/oW9altJQap
Retweeted by John-Michael BondSo an anonymous bloc of Democratic Party donors is launching a PAC specifically designed to stop Bernie Sanders and… https://t.co/IgpFsbgd0s
Retweeted by John-Michael BondNever met a Hecter who made a bad sandwich.You do NOT want to miss out on TUESDAY!!! Come early, order food & get ready to laugh the night away with… https://t.co/BSZiUAEmVq
Retweeted by John-Michael Bond @chelsea_davison johnmichaelbond@me.com
2/13
2020
@suddnlydeceased We got all sizes though we'll be selling them bootleg on the street outside the show until they kick us out. <3Every single frame of this is perfect and the final music cue is art. Can't wait to see TikTok kids become film edi… https://t.co/ukgfK2HLFR @KillAndBeCool @SarahMowrey This is hilarious."For the first time, it might be voters in the middle , not leftists, who have to hold their noses and vote for can… https://t.co/P9OJOfgcc6
Retweeted by John-Michael Bond @anylaurie16 I had to repost the ad but if anyone is curious what's missing come out Feb 24th! Apologies Laurie and… https://t.co/j1BV2zIUCbThrash is back Feb 24th at @TheLoveSongBar inside the Regent Theater at 8PM. We've got an absurd lineup featuring… https://t.co/YencD82QdT @nataliesurely @CarlBeijer This reads like a Caroline Calloway instagram caption.If it's any consolation, I still wish 2016 Elizabeth Warren was running for president. Sadly she's been replaced wi… https://t.co/5eg4xzen2z"You'll never pay to work in this town again!" - when you bomb at a bringer showI think that most people know that the right would prefer fascism to socialism. I think this election is making a g… https://t.co/YfS63r4haR
Retweeted by John-Michael BondSounds like a Bong Joon-ho movie. https://t.co/HY6879jINS
Retweeted by John-Michael Bond @PeteButtigieg This is a Trumpian lie. Why are you such a small liar? @PeteButtigieg This is a truly sociopathic lie.A reminder: if Bernie Sanders pulls off even the slimmest win, it is still an incredible against-the-odds feat beca… https://t.co/RXuxWwyuIu
Retweeted by John-Michael Bond @tripgabriel @amyklobuchar @PeteButtigieg @BernieSanders Odd how the number one story is never the guy winning.“vote blue no matter who” is shorthand for “if bernie wins most primaries - but doesn’t reach the 1991 delegate cou… https://t.co/7X5BopfEEh
Retweeted by John-Michael BondWhenever our dog finishes eating, she whines until my wife or me burps her. This happens every day https://t.co/wPHUTAijKN
Retweeted by John-Michael BondWhen people say "well how come Bernie didn't do as well in New Hampshire as he did in 2016" remember it was basical… https://t.co/zBGSq0U9G2
2/12
2020
For anyone who wishes The Cure was headlining #CruelWorld. https://t.co/rKdm8DaqYd https://t.co/05dzIIrhYS https://t.co/YwjpSE7Qzb @cruelworldfest For anyone who wishes the Cure was headlining. https://t.co/rKdm8DaqYd https://t.co/ybvKgCfFdr @Magicknegro AmenJust saw someone say that calling a person a nerd is ableist and I'm done with neo-liberals for the day. @jackallisonLOL Nerd is ableist?“Oh, your Mom died? I need a suggestion for a location it happened and an activity she was doing!” - a very tough improv coach7 albums to know me: 1. Warren Zevon - Life Will Kill You 2. Benjamin Tod - I Will Rise 3. TV on the Radio: Despe… https://t.co/4yIL1HDy6fOne of the most evil things Donald Trump's administration has done is, shudder, make me long for the integrity of s… https://t.co/jho2icwrKF @tretilldeath It’s truly an insane movie. Charlize Theron stays with Jason Baitman after everything but doesn’t keep using her powers. @tretilldeath He’s actually a greek god and Charlize Theron ends up being his mirror image who is also a God but th… https://t.co/aDOV17lliA @preising @MarkSimoneNY @travisakers Ok, I will also not vote for Trump. @Eli_Stevens @Relentlessbored @MarkSimoneNY @dilanpcook Yes, the traditional military service where you go from ent… https://t.co/jzWWN9plowThis is a political rally for a 78-year-old presidential candidate. https://t.co/AcFUFLCdow
Retweeted by John-Michael Bond @TruthDG19 @ChuckRossDC If it was scorched-earth they wouldn't have had Mueller, a guy who didn't even fight to get… https://t.co/WZtw4EV3UdWhy does MSNBC pay @chucktodd over a million dollars a year to figuratively spit on Tim Russert's grave when they c… https://t.co/jDBXAa6eXv @ChuckRossDC I always hate when I'm charged with process crimes, also known as crimes. @MatthewMacVane @nesgritton Yeah but only because I grew up in Tennessee.I just can’t stop thinking about a moment this intimate existing as a context free gif for the rest of eternity. https://t.co/W1ECYsTp5L
2/11
2020
@MaxFine12 Maybe the most subtle "I'm bi" joke of all time.Between Game of Thrones, Power, and Lost how about we just cancel shows on cliffhangers on their next to last seasons.anyone who says I'm trying to "weaponize my grief" is absolutely right. I'm trying to turn my grief into the sharpe… https://t.co/2jCTGzSJDv
Retweeted by John-Michael Bond
2/10
2020
It's getting comical at this point... https://t.co/JcDTgZf6C2
Retweeted by John-Michael BondFrom Tennessee to California, there’s rarely anything as beautiful as someone dealing with meth addiction working o… https://t.co/AjqmR50Hkc
Retweeted by John-Michael Bond @Drake_Works Haha traveling.From Tennessee to California, there’s rarely anything as beautiful as someone dealing with meth addiction working o… https://t.co/AjqmR50Hkc
2/9
2020
Even a fascist is correct once in awhile. https://t.co/8W7S4eg7h2My Dad used to beat me on Principal. Then we moved to Juniper street and he beat me there too.My favorite moment in science fiction is when Ray Liotta plays a 21 year old in Goodfellas.
Retweeted by John-Michael BondIf you hire me to take pictures you also get whatever weird edits I make while waiting for files to export. https://t.co/36mhL04TZ4 @KennyDeForest Hahaha @waitressboner It’s Dahlia and the Weakerthans haha https://t.co/Ewf6B5hxwQ @waitressboner I got a tattoo last night because I needed to kill an hour after letting a stranger borrow my camera… https://t.co/sShzqOTz9I
2/8
2020
@papapaintvids Might be my favorite poem about love.Got a tribute to The Weakerthans and my cat Dahlia, who was my pleading Virtute last year. https://t.co/axytJXymLSI am a one issue voter. Abolishing ICE. I believe my brother would still be alive if he wasn’t unfairly deported to… https://t.co/pf1zsne15S
Retweeted by John-Michael BondThis made me cry because of the suffering my friend experienced and the realization of how close I came last year t… https://t.co/w2iA3lmq95Watch this and consider that the official Democratic Party is prepared to silence these voices in order to appease… https://t.co/E5hQqo3ocp
Retweeted by John-Michael BondAs I've said repeatedly, we can't have a primary process where it is even perceived that a thumb was on the scale.
Retweeted by John-Michael Bond
2/7
2020

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