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See that she chews her food well, and sets her foot down firmly on the ground when she walks, and you're all right.

1,628 Following   148,566 Followers   101,663 Tweets

Joined Twitter 3/20/15

i'm sorry but what could this possibly be a card for
Retweeted by Brandy Jensenme at 12 putting on my dad’s shoes to take out the garbage
Retweeted by Brandy Jensenmy powerful brain has handled this picture of a mother and daughter easily
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen
her smirk when she asks "should we just send [a covid test] to every american?" makes me sick dude. yes, that is ex…
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @barry 😇new trailer: yes! YES!! time
Retweeted by Brandy Jensenand this: things i wrote in 2021 that i think are pretty good:’m in TEARS 😭
Retweeted by Brandy Jenseni mainly watch pbs documentaries these days but this is also good advice
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @bananafitz ah bless @bananafitz i’ll take your word for it 😇 @_uncoolniece oh wow lola few apartments back i used to get mail for a Farley Le Grange and i think about that name quite a bit saw this author's name once in the 90s and I've never forgotten it. It's in my top 10 names for sure. Please tell…
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @Lubchansky i turned to tim and went “he said it!”Venom: Let There Be Carnage. now THAT is a fun movie @kathbarbadoro i mean when former child actors seem incredibly well-adjusted and chill in comparisonhe sounds like an absolute maniac lol
Shang-Chi: honestly pretty fun, still no idea what Ben Kingsley was doing theremy vibe irl
Retweeted by Brandy Jensenpommy: mother may i have a sweetie australian: OI MUM GIVE US A FUCKIN CLANGER
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Retweeted by Brandy JensenI just pissed myself
Retweeted by Brandy JensenFinally technology has solved the one problem that plagues all authors: too many people are reading our books.
Retweeted by Brandy JensenWe used to be a country. A proper country.
Retweeted by Brandy JensenMe reading the comics on the train.
Retweeted by Brandy JensenMy one Christmas tradition that I abide by without fail is sharing the worst short story of all time every December…
Retweeted by Brandy Jensenthis coverup is absolutely killling me
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @ByYourLogic just watched the entire series. still don’t entirely know whythat’s right king
Retweeted by Brandy Jensenon the toilet!!!
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @pattymo 😔i’m an extremely punctual person which is a quality all my friends fucking hate about me
Yo twitter has a "you about to get dragged" warning now
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @bloodberry_tart great i’ll use that too @bloodberry_tart is that the one that depends on the time you were born @thomas_violence that’s a nice way of looking at it @dwaldenwrites hahaha @ClareCoffey yes well you’re very hot you can pull this offsadly resigning myself to the fact that if i want to have more luck dating women i must get better at hiding my contempt for woo woo shitnot a cell phone in sight. just people living in the moment
Retweeted by Brandy JensenWinona Ryder, Jodie Foster, and Julia Roberts, 1989
Retweeted by Brandy Jensenin the early 2000s the absolute coolest you could do on tv was pretend the camera was going inside a human body @crulge it’s like 8 bottles and they’re all very necessaryi’ve reached a point where it’s impossible for me to feel anger when i read a stupid tweet. i can only laugh. for e…
Retweeted by Brandy JensenI wrote a piece about Stephen Glass, love and a new lie
Retweeted by Brandy JensenYou can think Wallace was actively dangerous to the women in his life, and that it should darken his reputation mor…
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @Vanessa_ABee Ume!!!! @MsShade @maggieserota it isgot houseguests this weekend the weekend like Toshiro Mifune, with a strong drink and no pants
Retweeted by Brandy Jensengrimes is down bad lmao
Retweeted by Brandy Jensengreat deal
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @ComradeLuanne loli do like the emo music when the guy cant sing a little bit
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @willystaley @CTWritePretty i would have incorporated something about “the female gaze” @SamAdlerBell @BenBlippenstein i can do that @phil_christman i notice @Jesse_Brenneman it does @SamAdlerBell @BenBlippenstein does this mean i’m not invited back @BenBlippenstein @SamAdlerBell thank you @BenBlippenstein @SamAdlerBell excuse me i’ve been ON his podcast @BenBlippenstein @SamAdlerBell sam is a lovely writer @SamAdlerBell the consequences of thinking otherwise would be unbearable and so i soldier onthere are a number of possibly untrue things i need to believe in order to live somewhat peacefully and one of them… A.V. Club's new editor-in-chief told his primarily Chicago-based staff that they were being "invited" to join a…
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @DaraKaye 😄
gambled on an afternoon nap and lost badly. feel like shit now! @jbouie that’s rightpersonally i think susan sarandon’s vote *should* count more than anyone else’s. having some of history’s greatest… ho ho! He’s going to murder his ex-wife
Retweeted by Brandy Jenseni begged him not to use this title
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @sophiekleeman lol same and yescheck out this Pee-Wee’s Playhouse ass couch i found on fb're hiring a news editor at @chronicle, someone to help us boost our in-the-moment journalism. This position woul…
Retweeted by Brandy JensenI wrote an essay for @Gawker in which I try to answer the question: why do I love The Grateful Dead so much?
Retweeted by Brandy Jensenthis is so good and somehow the craziest part of it has nothing to do with the band.
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @ChampagneSharks lol yes @judyberman @margareteby @judysquirrels i’m starting to already @judyberman @judysquirrels this is the right answerwhy does this look like a musical is how you write a topic sentence
Retweeted by Brandy Jensenim sorry WHAT
Retweeted by Brandy Jenseni want to be an interior decorator for a millionaire who is Insane
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @RachelConnoll14 same! i want a whole essay about the Aunts Mary
Retweeted by Brandy JensenI haven’t stopped thinking about these sentences since reading them over four years ago.
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @alex_shephard okay deal @notnotnuanced @alex_shephard hahaha @alex_shephard between you and sophie i am being persuaded to get into the dead"There is a dark side to any obsession, and this one, the Grateful Dead, is no exception." This, about America's gr…
Retweeted by Brandy JensenJack Nicholson being so cool that Prince is like that's the Partyman right there, I will now write a song about this
Retweeted by Brandy Jenseneven if, like me, you have never intentionally heard a Grateful Dead song I think you will still find it very movingi just adore this ⁦@SophieHaigney⁩ essay on being a Deadhead