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See that she chews her food well, and sets her foot down firmly on the ground when she walks, and you're all right.

1,544 Following   132,677 Followers   88,992 Tweets

Joined Twitter 3/20/15

@generalslug i already have a couple tattoos that are way more embarrassing than any emoji and i paid to get them done lolI'm so fucking sick of these people and their tireless, shameless dedication to every cheesy grievance. I hate that…
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @laurenoyler lol god he’s such a loser @scumbelievable “brunette”thinking about this rn
Retweeted by Brandy JensenMe directing a porno: Okay now go ahead and kiss her on the forehead
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @oseaneta incredible! @liz_franczak @JimmyJazz1968 @bencjenkins not yet i’m still at the research stage (listening to podcast episodes)i hope this is true lmao
The fact that our city doesn’t have an official registry of rental units is not only absurd but is hurting our most…
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @flglmn no idea but i want to read this now @classiclib3ral lolWell my man...that is indeed a first. Congrats! Wear it in good health. I will now text this pic to Oz creator Tom…
Retweeted by Brandy JensenI wonder what bari weiss and bret stephens make of ross douthat, who is farther to the right than either of them bu…
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @Lowenaffchen “ruth bader ginsberg has munchausen’s” is a theory i could get behind @JoannaMang californians 🙄 @bernucca lmao @halibutpants138 damn that’s so smarthuge pressure these days to be a person who can successfully eyeball produce, rather than pick up and put back a bunch"The Trump administration has ordered hospitals to bypass the CDC and, beginning on Wednesday, send all coronavirus…
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @aBobtheBob if people enjoy them now just imagine how much they would love them *written slightly better*!My friend’s mum knits these incredible jumpers for cats and really all I can do is sit back and say “mood”
Retweeted by Brandy JensenAT THE DRAFT OFFICE Draft Officer: So, is there anything that would preclude you from service in the US Army? Me:…
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @KatzOnEarth @ashleyfeinberg i assume it’s backed by the CIA so yeah probablydamn caitlin i hope one of the five remaining outlets devotes some serious time to this scandal in between rounds o… has lost its fucking head. Why would I donate to my host? I can't even afford one house.
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Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @bijanstephen lolplease come on in and have a seat to believe we all live in a very specific hell made by @ashleyfeinberg’s mind @AllezLesBoulez lmao @jpbrammer i’d love to circle back to an emu biting jair bolsonarothe joy of quitting a job is being all “i’m out of here, suckers!” not whining about how nobody liked you lol what a loser @ashleyfeinberg either way she will certainly get another job very quickly and i’ll still be unemployed hahaha @ashleyfeinberg oh wait it’s just persuasion i think? whatever @ashleyfeinberg the persuasiongot this tip from a gun nut friend who's not online.... if someone comes at you with an AR-15 (assault rifle no.15)…
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @laurawags this dek lmao @OldTZPosts it is though! the baked in assumption that people are being judged and not the work is flawedconfusing aesthetic judgment of a work with moral judgments of its fans is exactly what got us here Friedman, Daniel Lee's attorney, says her client was strapped to a gurney for four hours while the Justice Dep…
Retweeted by Brandy Jensenthe concept of a guilty pleasure is stupid but at least it gave people a way to say “i realize this thing i love is… @aBobtheBob oh no! shit! should i simply delete or send an apology to the very rich, best-selling author? surely a… hate this feature so much @paulrpotts man if you think this is mean you are on the wrong website @haircut_hippie yes exactlyhere’s a winning idea i just had: the dresden files books, but written slightly better
Retweeted by Brandy JensenI'm never leaving twitter.
Retweeted by Brandy JensenMy god, this story: Student at Groves HS in Birmingham, Mi, is incarcerated in a juvenile facility on the alleged p…
Retweeted by Brandy JensenAll songs about the sea absolutely bang
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @rosalyster that fish listens to ska @emmaroller ahhhhhhahaha @wordscience imagining telling your parents that after years of work you were part of a thrilling scientific breakt… @wordscience it’s so wonderfulBolsonaro bitten by emu.
Retweeted by Brandy JensenHe said he wouldn’t ban fracking last week lol
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @joekennedy you’re a Kennedy you dipshit @bencjenkins right off the bat i have to say i love that people think adelaide would be a hot bed of international spy activity. adorable! @bencjenkins just googled it i’ll let you know what i come up withMe at my first social gathering after this is all over
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@Lubchansky Paul HolesIf you like your healthcare, you can keep it.
Retweeted by Brandy Jensenoh no what happened to javier bardem @vjetoria lmao whattwitter should limit how many times a tweet can be quoted in one hour. get your joke in early or wait for the next one imolooking for a bf like this
Retweeted by Brandy JensenCalifornia is closing down again as hospitalizations and ICU admissions hit new record highs
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen.@edyong209: “A country that, 7 months into a pandemic, still cannot ensure that its healthcare workers have enough…
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @BrandyLJensen Substantiate your accusations or vacate the cottage forthwith, sirrah
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @MatthewSitman Live Laugh Love Bari Weiss @MikeIsaac god... bean-to-bar day was so funi simply will not abide calumny against newspaper columnists in my French country home @willmenaker @ByYourLogic will it’s so fucking good!!!!
Retweeted by Brandy JensenTry to write a funnier tweet
Retweeted by Brandy Jensendoes the Boyfriend Cliff mark the moment when you freaks stopped openly thirsting after Cuomo @SzMarsupial i genuinely couldn’t come up with something this weird @leyawn are you trying to blow him off the boyfriend cliff @EmilyGorcenski Boyfriend Cliffthis poster feels like the result of covid-induced cognitive decline??????? John Cornyn said during a TV interview last week that it's unclear whether children can get and transmit COVID…
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @minkahunter i’m so sorry for your loss ❤️ @jack_hamilton lol @moiragweigel @Thessaly Barbara wrote this for me last year and I think it’s so smart and correct your “wear a damn mask” energy with “pay people to stay home” energy and “cancel rent” energy
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @FARTRON would you say canada is a good example of this? @libbycwatson yes lol (relatedly, i had no idea it was famous for jam, which is a very funny concept)the secret about restaurant kitchens is that most of them are disgusting. not dirty, but still disgusting, since i… @libbycwatson lol @BrandyLJensen that's what they mean by For You Covid-19
Retweeted by Brandy Jensenwhat don’t count problems we want to discount. See also Covid, gun wounds, and police violence
Retweeted by Brandy Jensenthis is so worth your time does this even mean
Retweeted by Brandy JensenThis is a moral question that needs to be asked by sports reporters both inside and outside the bubble. In Florida…
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