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See that she chews her food well, and sets her foot down firmly on the ground when she walks, and you're all right.

1,628 Following   148,566 Followers   101,663 Tweets

Joined Twitter 3/20/15


i'm sorry but what could this possibly be a card for https://t.co/HI1dRBwJSh
Retweeted by Brandy Jensenme at 12 putting on my dad’s shoes to take out the garbage https://t.co/2LIjddnXQx
Retweeted by Brandy Jensenmy powerful brain has handled this picture of a mother and daughter easily https://t.co/JA0Xv3pLvH
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen
12/7
2021
her smirk when she asks "should we just send [a covid test] to every american?" makes me sick dude. yes, that is ex… https://t.co/NkNEGbbfim
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @barry 😇new trailer: yes! YES!! https://t.co/6recJg7GCHEvery time https://t.co/tlIPViNqtN https://t.co/PfanjsCx6H
Retweeted by Brandy Jensenand this: https://t.co/XMyiAyNXgAtwo things i wrote in 2021 that i think are pretty good: https://t.co/IFHgrdC9LJI’m in TEARS 😭 https://t.co/j5a4BpZEWB
Retweeted by Brandy Jenseni mainly watch pbs documentaries these days but this is also good advice https://t.co/lTXJPUPskThttps://t.co/1TFfEc52Gm
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @bananafitz ah bless @bananafitz i’ll take your word for it 😇 @_uncoolniece oh wow lola few apartments back i used to get mail for a Farley Le Grange and i think about that name quite a bit https://t.co/JHYYtwz1ciI saw this author's name once in the 90s and I've never forgotten it. It's in my top 10 names for sure. Please tell… https://t.co/sS0LJ9Mhtk
Retweeted by Brandy Jensenhttps://t.co/FRTbcL3W1M https://t.co/8ifIPW7cKp
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @Lubchansky i turned to tim and went “he said it!”Venom: Let There Be Carnage. now THAT is a fun movie @kathbarbadoro i mean when former child actors seem incredibly well-adjusted and chill in comparisonhe sounds like an absolute maniac lol https://t.co/nxI9c8ce2y
12/6
2021
Shang-Chi: honestly pretty fun, still no idea what Ben Kingsley was doing theremy vibe irl https://t.co/VNHUATIZ0r
Retweeted by Brandy Jensenpommy: mother may i have a sweetie australian: OI MUM GIVE US A FUCKIN CLANGER https://t.co/j8qiY1Ixpe
Retweeted by Brandy Jensenhttps://t.co/oY9cKCNOgX
Retweeted by Brandy JensenI just pissed myself https://t.co/SjKAfCHFEp
Retweeted by Brandy JensenFinally technology has solved the one problem that plagues all authors: too many people are reading our books. https://t.co/bX5Cyhi4Pj
Retweeted by Brandy JensenWe used to be a country. A proper country. https://t.co/8qGt2CcQ7v
Retweeted by Brandy JensenMe reading the comics on the train. https://t.co/qf9qzdB8HV
Retweeted by Brandy JensenMy one Christmas tradition that I abide by without fail is sharing the worst short story of all time every December… https://t.co/8OFb5eZ2PB
Retweeted by Brandy Jensenthis coverup is absolutely killling me https://t.co/WWm7d1dEXa
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @ByYourLogic just watched the entire series. still don’t entirely know whythat’s right king https://t.co/iYuzVfraq0 https://t.co/XnI2r9O4tQ
Retweeted by Brandy Jensenon the toilet!!!
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @pattymo 😔i’m an extremely punctual person which is a quality all my friends fucking hate about me
12/5
2021
Yo twitter has a "you about to get dragged" warning now https://t.co/nOW0szlVuH
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @bloodberry_tart great i’ll use that too @bloodberry_tart is that the one that depends on the time you were born @thomas_violence that’s a nice way of looking at it @dwaldenwrites hahaha @ClareCoffey yes well you’re very hot you can pull this offsadly resigning myself to the fact that if i want to have more luck dating women i must get better at hiding my contempt for woo woo shitnot a cell phone in sight. just people living in the moment https://t.co/vGOFm5PS1Z
Retweeted by Brandy JensenWinona Ryder, Jodie Foster, and Julia Roberts, 1989 https://t.co/NoFuCXHw1T
Retweeted by Brandy Jensenin the early 2000s the absolute coolest you could do on tv was pretend the camera was going inside a human body @crulge it’s like 8 bottles and they’re all very necessaryi’ve reached a point where it’s impossible for me to feel anger when i read a stupid tweet. i can only laugh. for e… https://t.co/7EpxTbCPFs
Retweeted by Brandy JensenI wrote a piece about Stephen Glass, love and a new lie https://t.co/xildjuFb7r
Retweeted by Brandy JensenYou can think Wallace was actively dangerous to the women in his life, and that it should darken his reputation mor… https://t.co/PhYKfCfQVJ
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @Vanessa_ABee Ume!!!! @MsShade @maggieserota it isgot houseguests this weekend https://t.co/W9klryASTiCelebrate the weekend like Toshiro Mifune, with a strong drink and no pants https://t.co/8vgr7NNE43
Retweeted by Brandy Jensengrimes is down bad lmao https://t.co/lar3IEREna
Retweeted by Brandy Jensengreat deal https://t.co/cw3gqsDwzI
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @ComradeLuanne loli do like the emo music when the guy cant sing a little bit
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @willystaley @CTWritePretty i would have incorporated something about “the female gaze” @SamAdlerBell @BenBlippenstein i can do that @phil_christman i notice @Jesse_Brenneman it does @SamAdlerBell @BenBlippenstein does this mean i’m not invited back @BenBlippenstein @SamAdlerBell thank you @BenBlippenstein @SamAdlerBell excuse me i’ve been ON his podcast @BenBlippenstein @SamAdlerBell sam is a lovely writer @SamAdlerBell the consequences of thinking otherwise would be unbearable and so i soldier onthere are a number of possibly untrue things i need to believe in order to live somewhat peacefully and one of them… https://t.co/ZSOdlNp19wThe A.V. Club's new editor-in-chief told his primarily Chicago-based staff that they were being "invited" to join a… https://t.co/Sj00vhpQoT
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @DaraKaye 😄
12/4
2021
gambled on an afternoon nap and lost badly. feel like shit now! @jbouie that’s rightpersonally i think susan sarandon’s vote *should* count more than anyone else’s. having some of history’s greatest… https://t.co/zDHsuiidY7Ho ho ho! He’s going to murder his ex-wife https://t.co/KaRLAKwSMF
Retweeted by Brandy Jenseni begged him not to use this title https://t.co/2DsqeOblfM
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @sophiekleeman lol same and yescheck out this Pee-Wee’s Playhouse ass couch i found on fb https://t.co/GOFKMvarazWe're hiring a news editor at @chronicle, someone to help us boost our in-the-moment journalism. This position woul… https://t.co/rtSPZILOS0
Retweeted by Brandy JensenI wrote an essay for @Gawker in which I try to answer the question: why do I love The Grateful Dead so much? https://t.co/I02SSHhuGQ
Retweeted by Brandy Jensenthis is so good and somehow the craziest part of it has nothing to do with the band. https://t.co/duSvTPyPCK https://t.co/UaC0iV0pu1
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @ChampagneSharks lol yes @judyberman @margareteby @judysquirrels i’m starting to already @judyberman @judysquirrels this is the right answerwhy does this look like a musical https://t.co/lvMeHuEuksThis is how you write a topic sentence https://t.co/7hdRuKLxez
Retweeted by Brandy Jensenim sorry WHAT https://t.co/vNYe5bN4Yq
Retweeted by Brandy Jenseni want to be an interior decorator for a millionaire who is Insane
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @RachelConnoll14 same! i want a whole essay about the Aunts Maryhttps://t.co/8B0Hq2Ovgh
Retweeted by Brandy JensenI haven’t stopped thinking about these sentences since reading them over four years ago. https://t.co/OJzLOBNoul
Retweeted by Brandy Jensen @alex_shephard okay deal @notnotnuanced @alex_shephard hahaha @alex_shephard between you and sophie i am being persuaded to get into the dead"There is a dark side to any obsession, and this one, the Grateful Dead, is no exception." This, about America's gr… https://t.co/SZuysn9IQF
Retweeted by Brandy JensenJack Nicholson being so cool that Prince is like that's the Partyman right there, I will now write a song about this https://t.co/Yz3w7xZZBn
Retweeted by Brandy Jenseneven if, like me, you have never intentionally heard a Grateful Dead song I think you will still find it very movingi just adore this ⁦@SophieHaigney⁩ essay on being a Deadhead https://t.co/3NhqA0cnf5
12/3
2021

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