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My tweeting style is dad jokes, horror movies, and dad jokes about horror movies.

888 Following   2,380 Followers   22,475 Tweets

Joined Twitter 5/10/16

@chickendynasty Thanks! I’m really happy with how they turned out. They are so yummy my mold to make some homemade peanut butter skulls. These. Are. Delicious.
@DarthDuck415 Absolutely. never throw people under the bus. I shove them in front of the bus. It’ll do more damage that way.
Wife: “Our relationship is perfect, because I’m bi and you’re so masculine, yet you smell like a woman.” Me: @horror_hosts @itsjessipashia I just rolled out Pillsbury and pressed it into the mold, then folded and pinched the… @MafiaQueenAZ @itsjessipashia Ooh! I like that
@gimetzco We do. He’s grown, though. @Nee_goddamnit I wouldn’t be able to resistDinner tonight: Pizza stuffed skulls and ghost cookies. 💀 👻 @doomedmoviethon My daughter actually is. Well, by @itsjessipashia, at least. 😜 @gimetzco They don’t care for the season. all. And Andrew doesn’t even like anything scary. I feel as if… @incrediblebean Me, to my kids: @deadtimestory_ Oh! I meant the season itself. But, they’re also not huge fans of the original movie, either.When both of your children tell you that they don’t really care about Halloween.
@Reefuzz @MistyMoon65 Oh, yeah. We moved here in March. I’m so much happier. @Spookyladyyy She said “Awww! I miss her.” @MistyMoon65 It’s not cold, but it’s soooo nice. weather. A warm fire. Monster jammies. Warm apple cider with juuust a touch of spiced rum and a cinnamon stick…
@moneymunson1981 Me: “Dinner tonight is a slice of white bread.” Daughter: “MORE SPICE?!” @PotataHed I’ll make her “favorite meal” only to be told she no longer likes it. The next week, she’ll be asking fo… @moneymunson1981 Milk is just a tad too peppery for her. @laceycakes118 Thanks! It was gifted to me by my friend, @Spookyladyyy @Synnamintwist Thanks! It was gifted to me by my friend, @Spookyladyyy @Heisenherr @thehorrorchick I’ll be around. Just popping in from time to time, instead of spending an exorbitant amount of time… @CareyTrounson77 Which things?Me: *sets a plate of unseasoned white rice on the table* Daughter: *swats plate across room, shattering it against…
I don't get people that want to live forever. I get exhausted just trying to stay up past 9.
It’s about damn time, Target! @tommyjoker73 @JuliusBarthelme I’m not leaving, per se. Mostly just tweeting, then leaving. And I may scroll through from time to… @ThatOtherDude12 I’ve devoted far too much time to social media and it’s beginning to take its toll. The news, poli… @furkyourwurk Enjoy not leaving, but my interactions with others are down lately (& will continue to decrease), as I’m trying to spe… @doomedmoviethon daughter may be TOO into the Halloween spirit, as she's clearly trying to add to the decorations by putting me in an early grave. @JesKarakashian @ThatOtherDude12 @ThatOtherDude12 I can’t find them anywhere! 😡 @calum_macdonell Now’s a weird time, as there’s little to no audience. But WWE recently had Summerslam and AEW just… @iamcorey1978 @maxreborules
@Darbmilne I don’t even understand it. Their pitch was like the bit in StepBrothers. Management. Financial portfoli… @TeddyRay1 @Darathus @SammyHain I watched AEW, Raw and Smackdown. Varying level of entertainment. Some good, some bad, but it was nice t… @aj_macready We’re living in Idiocracy. I honestly don’t know how much more of this I can take. I can’t even use Tw… @lousywithghosts Same here. It’s still a picked over back to school section. Smh. @JPVriess @Leester37 MELONI! @Leester37 @Leester37 @JuggernautMN Safe travels! @Darathus I’ve survived more layoffs than I can count. I’m like a cockroach. The living embodiment of Milton: @RKOLemonJack @DonniegRetro Although, I’m certain it doesn’t mean a raise. @DonniegRetro It’s apparently more of a rebranding and repurposing than a simple name change. Apparently, we’re mov… @spazzaferro employer has announced that we’re rebranding as a new company. 16 years, 6 companies. Mergers, buyouts, renaming… @sommerjam @KarenFlieger8 @CrankyRaconteur Yeah. Not what I’d expect, but not bad. Terrible story that didn’t feel…
@CrankyRaconteur @sommerjam I don’t like Mark Wahlberg and I was thoroughly underwhelmed by Scoob. @Astrronomy I know we’ve called him something in the past, but I’m drawing a blank ATM. @BedeJermyn I’m happy with it, but we lost so many of our decorations to the weather over the last few years. Water… up the outdoor Halloween decorations. @Kevin_U_87 It drives me nuts. They’re the only place near here that has Voo Dew, MOTU figs, cheap DVDs, Transforme… @ChuckysSideGirl @LangenkampH @RobertBEnglund I met Heather and Nick Corri last year and had them sign the blades o… @galaxiezero Yeah. A lot of there stuff I’d pricier than it should be. But I still love it. At this rate, they’ll b… @Kevin_U_87 It’s so disappointing, because I hate Walmart, but it’s the only brick and mortar store carrying any of… @Heather_Kozan They never carry men’s Halloween shirts. Just union suits, for some reason. @tyliston We’ve been watching all the eps in order. We’re currently 4 seasons deep. I’m obsessed. @TheHauntedLigh1 Those lone skulls make it even more depressing @theFAN2000 Stuff in the Bullseye section and about a half aisles worth of candy. @Kevin_U_87’s app said their Halloween items were in stock at my location. I got to the door and they had candy corn dec…
@BoundingWthBeth @itsjessipashia Me: “Where did our candies go?!” @itsjessipashia: @Spookyladyyy @itsjessipashia split into teams and competed to see who could build the best house. I’m not sure what was worse. My MIL laughin… @MidnightRemains They’re probably my favorite yearly treat.
We want @TimesUpMovie to get to 100% of its campaign goal by the end of Friday! 🏆 There's new killer perks and fun…
Retweeted by Brian is Spooky RadTonight is gonna be lit. @TheMike31 I’m so sorry for your loss. @dlando71 head. Big nose. Beard. Dress shirt. Slacks. My look today is “Out of shape HHH”. @thehauntedvcr @Spookyladyyy Sorry, Spooky. I hope things are better tomorrow @PotataHed Oh, man. I love me some circus peanuts! @GneissPetunia Her hair has been 10 different colors in the last year. She has beautiful, naturally blonde hair, bu… @TheNerdyPumpkin Live footage: @PotataHed @furkyourwurk @danpullenbooks @TheMorgster I already liked the movie, but the song pushes it into love. @shyvioletisme It’s so beautiful! @TheMorgster I’m a fan! @mockwerks You’re a brave man. @problemclausser Walmart, unfortunately, as I’ve been avoiding going there. It has the bottles only. @FreddyInSpace “I’m dyeing my hair again.” Me: “You’re dyeing your hair too much. You’re going to damage your hair and… @Arozeb04 @Spookyladyyy @iamcorey1978 My parents moved us to Arnold my 8th grade year. I got out of there and moved… @ASAMUELFEATURE @MountainDew Yep! @Arozeb04 @Spookyladyyy @iamcorey1978 I went to Fox
@Spookyladyyy @iamcorey1978 Im pretty this is her. I have the name on the tip of my tongue, but I’d have to find my… @Spookyladyyy @iamcorey1978 Really? I’m being 100% sincere. Although the picture would technically be from 90-91 and not the 80s. @iamcorey1978 I’m pretty sure one of these is someone I went to school with.