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My tweeting style is dad jokes, horror movies, and dad jokes about horror movies.

888 Following   2,380 Followers   22,475 Tweets

Joined Twitter 5/10/16


@chickendynasty Thanks! I’m really happy with how they turned out. They are so yummy https://t.co/GdYhbr5pOdUsed my mold to make some homemade peanut butter skulls. These. Are. Delicious. https://t.co/rhJsuKxdmQ
9/23
2020
@DarthDuck415 Absolutely. https://t.co/v4T88ZTaqkI never throw people under the bus. I shove them in front of the bus. It’ll do more damage that way.
9/22
2020
Wife: “Our relationship is perfect, because I’m bi and you’re so masculine, yet you smell like a woman.” Me: https://t.co/MqJS6DeAL7 @horror_hosts @itsjessipashia I just rolled out Pillsbury and pressed it into the mold, then folded and pinched the… https://t.co/yyUCTKO4EH @MafiaQueenAZ @itsjessipashia Ooh! I like that
9/21
2020
@gimetzco We do. He’s grown, though. @Nee_goddamnit I wouldn’t be able to resistDinner tonight: Pizza stuffed skulls and ghost cookies. 💀 👻 https://t.co/PEobY4Uy65 @doomedmoviethon My daughter actually is. Well, by @itsjessipashia, at least. 😜 @gimetzco They don’t care for the season. Like...at all. And Andrew doesn’t even like anything scary. I feel as if… https://t.co/0OJgPXx90n @incrediblebean Me, to my kids: https://t.co/3ekyEISTot @deadtimestory_ Oh! I meant the season itself. But, they’re also not huge fans of the original movie, either.When both of your children tell you that they don’t really care about Halloween. https://t.co/memLFQa76E
9/20
2020
@Reefuzz @MistyMoon65 Oh, yeah. We moved here in March. I’m so much happier. @Spookyladyyy She said “Awww! I miss her.” @MistyMoon65 It’s not cold, but it’s soooo nice. https://t.co/YBdrUgff3dCool weather. A warm fire. Monster jammies. Warm apple cider with juuust a touch of spiced rum and a cinnamon stick… https://t.co/B1Q9q6mtr5
9/19
2020
@moneymunson1981 Me: “Dinner tonight is a slice of white bread.” Daughter: “MORE SPICE?!” https://t.co/Iyj4ubvgdG @PotataHed I’ll make her “favorite meal” only to be told she no longer likes it. The next week, she’ll be asking fo… https://t.co/qEuWcI3rEC @moneymunson1981 Milk is just a tad too peppery for her. @laceycakes118 Thanks! It was gifted to me by my friend, @Spookyladyyy @Synnamintwist Thanks! It was gifted to me by my friend, @Spookyladyyy @Heisenherr https://t.co/m57k9EVpP2 @thehorrorchick I’ll be around. Just popping in from time to time, instead of spending an exorbitant amount of time… https://t.co/Ar3JlmEI7o @CareyTrounson77 Which things?Me: *sets a plate of unseasoned white rice on the table* Daughter: *swats plate across room, shattering it against… https://t.co/CBxZQKelKJ
9/18
2020
I don't get people that want to live forever. I get exhausted just trying to stay up past 9.
9/16
2020
It’s about damn time, Target! https://t.co/kQKB3ui69D @tommyjoker73 https://t.co/ZqJyTAFbPe @JuliusBarthelme I’m not leaving, per se. Mostly just tweeting, then leaving. And I may scroll through from time to… https://t.co/HqfQbF8Z9z @ThatOtherDude12 I’ve devoted far too much time to social media and it’s beginning to take its toll. The news, poli… https://t.co/8iNMWSl4b0 @furkyourwurk Enjoy https://t.co/rW5723L0oPIm not leaving, but my interactions with others are down lately (& will continue to decrease), as I’m trying to spe… https://t.co/GU3gBpxMhI @doomedmoviethon https://t.co/MYthcI1mZpMy daughter may be TOO into the Halloween spirit, as she's clearly trying to add to the decorations by putting me in an early grave. @JesKarakashian https://t.co/Dek1IT5jjE @ThatOtherDude12 https://t.co/5EVQIYMEBs @ThatOtherDude12 I can’t find them anywhere! So...no. 😡 @calum_macdonell Now’s a weird time, as there’s little to no audience. But WWE recently had Summerslam and AEW just… https://t.co/ZYoIO0fhvI @iamcorey1978 @maxreborules https://t.co/AkxAhH8la1
9/15
2020
@Darbmilne I don’t even understand it. Their pitch was like the bit in StepBrothers. Management. Financial portfoli… https://t.co/wWKVaPT4FR @TeddyRay1 @Darathus https://t.co/iIMpWIczjn @SammyHain I watched AEW, Raw and Smackdown. Varying level of entertainment. Some good, some bad, but it was nice t… https://t.co/ziOLqlPy71 @aj_macready We’re living in Idiocracy. I honestly don’t know how much more of this I can take. I can’t even use Tw… https://t.co/Kz37gObJDh @lousywithghosts Same here. It’s still a picked over back to school section. Smh. @JPVriess @Leester37 MELONI! @Leester37 https://t.co/0lNGpfrLNW @Leester37 https://t.co/MYlTu7rvB9 @JuggernautMN Safe travels! @Darathus I’ve survived more layoffs than I can count. I’m like a cockroach. The living embodiment of Milton: https://t.co/b1PtF85SoT @RKOLemonJack https://t.co/YbQQfBfh6P @DonniegRetro Although, I’m certain it doesn’t mean a raise. https://t.co/O3bTxRX0JB @DonniegRetro It’s apparently more of a rebranding and repurposing than a simple name change. Apparently, we’re mov… https://t.co/oHf4kszXof @spazzaferro https://t.co/VHhuEwkGZZMy employer has announced that we’re rebranding as a new company. 16 years, 6 companies. Mergers, buyouts, renaming… https://t.co/DonUQn4L0z @sommerjam @KarenFlieger8 @CrankyRaconteur Yeah. Not what I’d expect, but not bad. Terrible story that didn’t feel… https://t.co/dnKgksikcu
9/14
2020
@CrankyRaconteur @sommerjam I don’t like Mark Wahlberg and I was thoroughly underwhelmed by Scoob. @Astrronomy I know we’ve called him something in the past, but I’m drawing a blank ATM. @BedeJermyn I’m happy with it, but we lost so many of our decorations to the weather over the last few years. Water… https://t.co/Kspj35SFJSPut up the outdoor Halloween decorations. https://t.co/ODiQnIVG6k @Kevin_U_87 It drives me nuts. They’re the only place near here that has Voo Dew, MOTU figs, cheap DVDs, Transforme… https://t.co/sqX50mjdIO @ChuckysSideGirl @LangenkampH @RobertBEnglund I met Heather and Nick Corri last year and had them sign the blades o… https://t.co/Lv2bshSR8X @galaxiezero Yeah. A lot of there stuff I’d pricier than it should be. But I still love it. At this rate, they’ll b… https://t.co/tFDv04ZBIK @Kevin_U_87 It’s so disappointing, because I hate Walmart, but it’s the only brick and mortar store carrying any of… https://t.co/1aj0riLrpb @Heather_Kozan They never carry men’s Halloween shirts. Just union suits, for some reason. @tyliston We’ve been watching all the eps in order. We’re currently 4 seasons deep. I’m obsessed. @TheHauntedLigh1 Those lone skulls make it even more depressing @theFAN2000 Stuff in the Bullseye section and about a half aisles worth of candy. @Kevin_U_87 https://t.co/Ruux7uSYurTarget’s app said their Halloween items were in stock at my location. I got to the door and they had candy corn dec… https://t.co/Yyg3Ac7E6S
9/13
2020
@BoundingWthBeth @itsjessipashia Me: “Where did our candies go?!” @itsjessipashia: https://t.co/HRZ15j7anl @Spookyladyyy @itsjessipashia https://t.co/K2HRVVcDcUWe split into teams and competed to see who could build the best house. I’m not sure what was worse. My MIL laughin… https://t.co/N4ay71uCxb @MidnightRemains They’re probably my favorite yearly treat.
9/12
2020
We want @TimesUpMovie to get to 100% of its campaign goal by the end of Friday! 🏆 There's new killer perks and fun… https://t.co/zzJbQq3N1Y
Retweeted by Brian is Spooky RadTonight is gonna be lit. https://t.co/UDLjZ6fCYP @TheMike31 I’m so sorry for your loss. @dlando71 https://t.co/9U6zCLIkNXBald head. Big nose. Beard. Dress shirt. Slacks. My look today is “Out of shape HHH”. @thehauntedvcr https://t.co/lNSjRYbvF0 @Spookyladyyy Sorry, Spooky. I hope things are better tomorrow @PotataHed Oh, man. I love me some circus peanuts! @GneissPetunia Her hair has been 10 different colors in the last year. She has beautiful, naturally blonde hair, bu… https://t.co/IFdhS6wXF5 @TheNerdyPumpkin Live footage: https://t.co/V0zbHjEGIA @PotataHed https://t.co/wbzafdNTQc @furkyourwurk @danpullenbooks @TheMorgster I already liked the movie, but the song pushes it into love. @shyvioletisme It’s so beautiful! @TheMorgster I’m a fan! https://t.co/m0Ge0ApqvD @mockwerks You’re a brave man. @problemclausser Walmart, unfortunately, as I’ve been avoiding going there. It has the bottles only. @FreddyInSpace https://t.co/cTCiYwJoTkDaughter: “I’m dyeing my hair again.” Me: “You’re dyeing your hair too much. You’re going to damage your hair and… https://t.co/Z1tgIXB2wZ @Arozeb04 @Spookyladyyy @iamcorey1978 My parents moved us to Arnold my 8th grade year. I got out of there and moved… https://t.co/S3saPwZ6Kr @ASAMUELFEATURE @MountainDew Yep! @Arozeb04 @Spookyladyyy @iamcorey1978 I went to Fox
9/11
2020
@Spookyladyyy @iamcorey1978 Im pretty this is her. I have the name on the tip of my tongue, but I’d have to find my… https://t.co/hoFhFdNW0U @Spookyladyyy @iamcorey1978 Really? I’m being 100% sincere. Although the picture would technically be from 90-91 and not the 80s. @iamcorey1978 I’m pretty sure one of these is someone I went to school with.
9/10
2020

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