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tv writer // bottoms up and the devil laughs

1,382 Following   84,977 Followers   27,949 Tweets

Joined Twitter 2/27/09

Women Are Perfect neighbors are throwing another party and they haven’t even played WAP yetWhy does he tweet this every weekend like we’re all going around yelling “there’s no covid on the weekend” @SamanthaaaReece sent me fruity magnet bois and it’s the most exciting thing that’s happened in weeks so-called “yoga domes” are NOT safe!! Giants will think it is bubble wrap!!! @iamcardib Yes Cardi @GoldieGoldberg Frame them put them above your bed, maybe add one of those precious moments cherubs praying underneath the wordsY’all better be careful with Cousin Greg @allanmcatee @Sethrogen @PointGrey @hbomax @joshfagen @JamesWeaver30 @LoreliAlba Loved you as “busy elevator lady.”…
@megangailey Wow!! Gross!!!!Choosing the wrong lane at the Dodger Stadium covid testing center is the new choosing the wrong checkout at the gr… get the feeling James “accidentally” hit play on the video 10-12 times last night @ShelbyWolstein LOOOOOL @mollylambert Midnight margaritas, can you even imaginethe clean version of '#WAP' was cute, but my goodness... the EXPLICIT VERSION?!?!?!
Retweeted by caitie delaney @AlexontheMic Lmaoooo @jupygloop Play video games, go to McDonald’s, we can do all kinda stuffI would die for Cardi and Megan @sweatpantspapi No there is no discernable difference in any waybig s/o to @i_zzzzzz for the working title "Hertch"Zoom in for a surprise @ecareyo the shit all over the floor... iconic
@allanmcatee I’m Jonah @DrewMikuska There she is! @allanmcatee It’s really Your Time right now... it’s so beautifulOh my god look at these photos @KevinTPorter took the other day... the Sears portrait studio could never @michellemlanz It was... it wasI did it to myself, for sure, but I now have multiple people a day sending me Mindy Kaling tweets @aubreybell !An American Pickle on HBO Max today... new episodes of Selling Sunset on Netflix tomorrow... folks it’s never been… @allanmcatee DA PICKLE MOVIEEEEEEEEEESure I talk about the ending of My Best Friend’s Wedding a LOT but I am thinking about the ending of My Best Friend… just dropped my bottle of expensive vanilla extract on the kitchen floor and scared myself with the sound of my own devastated screech @mfbenji Oh my godThis is the announcement version of the tiny trailer they put before the actual trailer on YouTube @theashleyray Beyond me absolutely beyond me @theashleyray I wish I didn’t know what it was 🥴 @jourdayen Looool seriouslyDumb. Deranged. A personal attack on me
@1followernodad Lmao the whole thing is so deranged, literally learn one thing about scientific advancement Cory, l… @1followernodad Love the assertion that people can only be incentivized by the prospect of getting rich and ignorin… things are going well
Retweeted by caitie delaney @aplusk @TheEllenShow “She never pandered to celebrity” says the celebrity @danadonly When you’re definitely straight af @RedHeadedScot Oh man I didn’t even realize I’d done that! @1followernodad my chairs are everything to me!!!!I love my new workspace! Now.... to absolutely... go forth and... do said work @dakotacdsmith Is that like... a dareWhen I was doing therapy for fear of flying, my therapist had me name the place I hated the most, then made me hang… @1followernodad This website has changed my opinion of almost everything$2 @Kenziestav He’s a robot or whateverat least Edward Scissorhands can’t catch coronavirus. Yeah I bet you didn’t think of that you morons @anylaurie16 Bob you old so and so @AlexontheMic I am dying for someone to tell me @AlexontheMic Useless, tangly, an abominationWhen I was 10 I had a true obsession with procuring the magna duster @danielleweisber Yeah girl what are u screaming @Buncahn Oh yeah man. I see that for you. Sinking into coupon obsessionDesperate for someone come over and do this to me’m going to venture deep into the wilderness to find a large cave that I can scream “should I get into couponing??…’s still physical distancing and not going to bars and restaurants luvs 💕💕Love to see a person who exposed dozens of people I know to covid because of their carelessness retweeting a “it’s… @BeeBabs Like congrats, you watched the film
@limitlessjest Did you say you were gonna drive everyone to Regal?? We didn’t quite catch that over here in the quad @limitlessjest Y’all this is a fucking library get out @OnlineAlison Text me regarding this ANY time @benmekler I love her!!! I love you!! 💕❤️Celebrities defending Ellen is the new Imagine video @rosykinss @gleegz @ellyayli She brings people together 💕 @MovieOrangutan @PersilProClean How much are they paying you Andyme scrolling mindy kaling’s twitter feed that... the enforcer @GKuhlenschmidt They’ll get it this time @Dave_Horwitz LET IT RAIN @ellorysmith @danielleweisber @niccolethurman I’ve seen one like “nöœr” @katya_zamo I simply immediately thought of you when this video just resurfacedRemember my terrible Aussie accent @niccolethurman @danielleweisber Wow I... forgot about this videoMy brain is self-lobotomizing from rapidly oscillating between “fuck the LAPD” and “fuck influencers” @IfyNwadiwe I’m saying to myself “whats this guy lookin for? Vape?” Buddy... I was right @BloodSuckinBug Fuck u broMosquitos looking at my ankles as soon as I step out of doors there bitch
@jupygloop REPLACE 👏 ELLEN 👏 WITH 👏 KIRK 👏 FOGGI hate it when people think they KNOW ME because they read my tweets. Newsflash: you don’t know ME. You know Tony,… @mfbenji @mfbenji I wonder if we have any of the same houses saved @emmabarrie Covid 19: day today super booked, it wouldn’t even have OCCURED to me to say, “E Tu, Brute?” I would’ve just been SCREAMING
Retweeted by caitie delaney @iluvbutts247 Singing is my passion @mrleenewton Oh no @BeeBabs It was a long road but it’s all worth it in the end 🥰🥰After a 5 month hiatus, pleased to announce I just wrote four garbage pages of shit dialogue ✨💕Flo Milli shit
Retweeted by caitie delaneythe vibe than anything I miss pacing around my kitchen, preparing dinner and talking shit about whoever while a friend… @dwoodyd It’s so true!! Every time