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I tell fantastic lies so you can forget plain reality. Author of MISTER POSTED AND THE BRAIN FREEZE GODDESS #mpbfg

1,669 Following   1,392 Followers   10,602 Tweets

Joined Twitter 7/15/16

@teachrobotslove Yo 🤚 @Veronika_or Yes! It works the best for me :)Day 23 of #zd30script socks ✔️ Fluffy blanket ✔️ Hot cocoa with frothy milk and cinnamon sugar ✔️ A good book by @carlrjennings If…
Retweeted by Carl R. Jennings, N.V.M.R.
@Jamie_Nash Should have given you a discount. That is clearly 6 and 5/8 figures. @TheCriticalDri2 This one perhaps wins the gold foil medal of the group. by the kid who told me that Batman visited him one night in his room. @MRKR Then... they're lying.On the lap blanket for day 22 of #zd30script!
"And I still had enough to star in a one goddess rendition of 'Saving Private Potato Patron'!" is one of my favorit… 21 (for me) of #zd30script @pmloveland Dead Space for games.
Day 20 of #zd30script. Knuckling down for the approaching final stretch. @TheCriticalDri2 Sounds like someone needs to go back into the Naughty Box.We’re heading toward most of y’all’s favorite time of year & nearly a year ago @gimetzco dropped this design on us…
Retweeted by Carl R. Jennings, N.V.M.R.You Can't Steal This Idea Because I Just Did (tm) keeps asking me which beer I'm likely to buy, and I tell them none. Yet they keep giving me ads for beer, a… I get a telegram or something from @ChurchofSatan for this milestone? @RobotThomas This is the way the world ends This is the way the world ends Not with a bang but with a "Im not a SHE…'t. Ever. Let. Someone. Censor. You. If you do I will personally find you and give you a good smacking. buying plastic skeletons for Halloween. It’s terrible for the environment. Locally sourced, all natural skelet…
Retweeted by Carl R. Jennings, N.V.M.R.
Day 19 of #zd30script @jeffvandermeer We're resisting the Resistance who resists our Resistance against the Resistance that's resisting Resistance. @cee_cee I'm so happy it could help 😊If you're looking for a mini series about the absurdity of the United States today then take a gander at my pilot K… #RBG, certainly. But being defeatist--saying it's all over now--takes a piss on how hard she worked her whol…
I spread shave butter on my morning toast to save time.One of the greatest scenes in movies, and it's from Robocop 3. BONERS: Leave it to @EmilioAmaro92 to recommend a raunchy 1970s sex comedy written by Gene Roddenberry and di…
Retweeted by Carl R. Jennings, N.V.M.R.If you make popcorn shrimp and don't do the Swedish Chef voice at least once, are you even eating pupercurn shrimper?
Day 17 of #zd30script on the lap. pause during day 16 of #zd30script @somaddysmith Yo 🤚We all want to scream into the void. Who could have predicted that the void was one another?
@WinnieChester3 @elliott_downing Eh, maybe for me but I'd be a spoiled prick. @teachrobotslove No, this is a place where vehement detractors and sycophants have the loudest bullhorns. @elliott_downing I'm glad I'm not surrounded by the number of enablers that Kanye is.Planning characters Me: "She has a lot of personality." Then me: "So she's an asshole."Alright, season 2 of The Mandalorian is looking hopeful. 15 of #zd30script
@KaylaChowShow I don't know why that guy in old face is dancing energetically over there but if you need it I won't complain.Cross your fingers everyone that THE IMPORTANCE OF PUNISHMENT makes it in the short category! @DoctorUlysses Right?! Just a little more pizazz lolJames Bond is Leisure Suit Larry for the mainstream. Change my mind.#NewProfilePic @JamesCullenB General Tso's Chicken, Jurassic Park, and Batman: The Animated SeriesWhat the headline says: "JK Rowling's latest book is about a murderous cis man who dresses as a woman to kill his v…
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@teachrobotslove Your Avengers moment! 14 of #zd30script and the match pile is growing in proportion to the number of legal pads I've filled. there! Are things not feeling science-y enough for you? Then why not try QUANTUM(tm)!? With QUANTUM(tm), everyt… @rhipratchett I guess they start as they mean to go on, eh?#thewatch show can go to hell now. I figured it was going to be awful but now they're not even going to MENTION Ter…'s still day 13 of #zd30script for me. writing career summed up is: I can STILL give you more ridiculous things than reality does. Come on, take a chance, roll the dice. @StevenSheiner I mean, look around you. @Massawyrm That's why I have a special shouty resume prepared.
@ghoulieschool So-so. They're more just a vehicle for the slashing. Like when someone in a Jason movie goes searchi… @ghoulieschool I believe the surreal elements are more incidental, a secondary natural progression of the story as… @KristenVanNest @ghoulieschool Not bad at all. @salemhorrorfest A cult of pumpkin pie enthusiasts try to harness the natural macabre elements of the town in order… 12 of #zd30script
@RebeccaTKaplan @RebeccaTKaplan A game where you're a janitor cleaning up after all the exciting space monster stuff is over.Nothing humerus today. I'm not depressed or anything it's just you all have been getting too much free shit. @RebeccaTKaplan Wait until you find Visera Cleanup Detail. @ghoulieschool I know a number of men who won't think along these lines. From experience your feelings seems to be… nostalgic for walking along the Santa Monica pier sipping lemonade and eating corn dogs, holding on to your…
Retweeted by Carl R. Jennings, N.V.M.R.Technically the next day but I haven't been to sleep yet so it counts to me. Day 11 of #zd30script up for SPOOKY SEASON and need a jumpstart to your horror-fied rockabilly house party? Break open the Pabst…
Retweeted by Carl R. Jennings, N.V.M.R.Need some entertainment lawyer suggestions, please. Who do you work with? Let’s make a thread for video game and movie lawyers:
Retweeted by Carl R. Jennings, N.V.M.R.I wrote something and now I gross. The only good thing about it is now you'll all read it in the next book and feel…
@garethlpowell Nah, we just need to call Rick O'Connell. He yells back. are about communication
Retweeted by Carl R. Jennings, N.V.M.R. @Authoralexp I don't remember inviting you into my home, please leave. @elliott_downing Heh. It's funny because it's plausible. @feminist_th0t Brown flex bean soup.I've sold two books mysteriously. They don't show up on my reports from any platform but there's the royalties so... 🤷‍♂️ @darkowlpublish @JamesCullenB I read about that! That expression definitely says it haha
@J_Motoki Nope lol: The Musical25th anniversary of Pinky and the Brain Today. Please watch some episodes if you get a chance! My Dad wrote many of them. ❤️
Retweeted by Carl R. Jennings, N.V.M.R. @JamesCullenB Bladerunner 2049 @JamesCullenB "Muh baaaaaaayyyyybe!" @MollyJongFast Some excuses take time to build. Can't go off all half-cocked.What awkward angles we concoct to keep the trash out. Day 10 of #zd30script @Gabino_Iglesias Zombies are played out anyway. I want a pirate apocalypse! Ninjas as a close second.TRIGGERED! @madmanmarz85 gets a little pious (not really) with this look at SPLATTER UNIVERSITY's killer "priest,"…
Retweeted by Carl R. Jennings, N.V.M.R.The Devil's Towel. great content, still has me in it. @GoIntoTheStory The Shining is the perfect example. Danny and Windy don't confront the Overlook at the end, they confront the worst of Jack.Heh heh. How suggestive. is what zero empathy looks like. @pattonoswalt You're asking for a lot of spine from a bunch of sponges.Mont Blanc tastes with a Bic wallet. Day 9 of #zd30script @DoctorUlysses You've got it bang on. @Gabino_Iglesias It's a lovely motto.