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Author of novels, most recent: THE WHITSUN DAUGHTERS. She/her. Blah, blah, blah, fishcakes.

751 Following   341 Followers   7,431 Tweets

Joined Twitter 3/1/18

look I'm never watching that A Million Little Things Is Us show so stop tryingseveral times a day I think about how everyone acts like it's normal to have a department called "Compliance" in a company
nothing warms my heart more than the notion of some giant public event being cancelled
@xtinarc [insert advice here] yes @xtinarc same and also I quit recently myself and I'm older than you and also it's hard message me if you feel like choking someone
The latest TinyLetter from @CarrieMesrobian is right TF on. (Note: they’re always right TF on.) You should subscrib…
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobian
Same spot in the White House. Tragic downgrade.
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobiandid they just drag the piano bench over for him or what
It's been gray and gloomy the last two days and I'm bereft, how does Seattle even exist, is everyone just in bed all the time @ivamarie God, stop being so cute @JWiley8974 I do love roasting a turkey - I've got a method that I've refined over the years - but this year my imm… @amycrea mmm, what kinda pie?tomorrow's menu: bbq ribs, smashed potatoes with Peruvian cilantro sauce, lemon/garlic-dressed salad greens, asparagus, pecan piefor sure this means great things for the state of literatureguessing this means they'll finally be able to pay the talent properly, right? yayayayayoh look, publishing, a business that's so fabulously run, now will have a MEGAPUBLISHER.Mitch McConnell’s Stimulus plan: $0 for unemployment, $0 food assistance $0 for rental and mortgage relief Nothing.
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianEveryone has gone at Hillbilly Elegy pretty hard, so all I have to add is something I would also say about a lot of…
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianThe sun clocking out every day at 3 pm
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobian
Given the trajectory of the Republican party, I wouldn't be surprised if a gun in Oakley sunglasses wins the 2024 nomination.
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobianare you "passionate about B2B communications and customer experience" or are you normal @mimicross also, there's the whole "this is now your identity, hope you don't fuck it up" concept that's attached to raising a kid @mimicross I had the opposite of transcendent pregnancy, with a scheduled one. Ugh, whatta racket @AaronStarmer @ca_london it's an illness. I love an ending that makes people wonder if the printer made a mistake in the binding process @ca_london @AaronStarmer thatta baby! the masses are asses! DO YOUR OWN THING @AaronStarmer there are pros and cons to every choice. some years, you just don't feel like be celebrated and rumun… @AaronStarmer I don't know, Aaron. I was gonna do this but then I decided that it wasn't a good time for extra money and validation. @AaronStarmer you must have a better policy than I do, LUCKYeverything about this is just, holy shit
j/k, that was sarcasm, it has not been, sighhhhhhhhhwriting books along these lines has been extremely lucrative, lemme tell you is still my favorite quarantine meme
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianI will hate with my dying breathe every single politician who chose to ignore this pandemic, from failing to provid…
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobian"I guarantee you..."
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianTell us your favorite Thanksgiving dish, and we’ll share some of what we know about the work behind the ingredients…
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobianthe main point though is it will remain canon in the Fox News Cinematic Universe, and by extension the entire Repub…
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobianit's like the entire country keeps failing the marshmallow test.
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobian
Owen looks like pure evil here living in a nation alongside all these people who want to argue about their "rights" with viral organismsyou're real dumb this piece doesn't make you think #Fuck12 forever, then you are beyond critical thought and lack imagination to…
A teenage murderer is a hero of the right. During a time where countless people are in need they raised $2,000,000…
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianHow you feel watching Fox News vs how you look
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianJust say that Trump’s real sin was taking the inherent cruelty and bigotry of the GOP platform and making it loud a…
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobianroll your gun leggings into a ball and cram them in your mouth, please Chanel promoted ad for the CRUISE collection makes me want to lay down in the road @Shelltex "no really! this kills coronavirus on contact!"EXTENDED FAMILY: so, how's your latest book doing? ME: well, I don't have to work on it anymore, so, I'd say it's doing pretty good“Oh, right, UNSOLVED Mysteries” - me at the end of every episode
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianKayleigh: I know that Forever21 isn't hiring right now but maybe put in an application all the same? when there’s receipts.
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianJan Morris, who has died at the age of 94, lived a life crammed with romance, discovery and adventure
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobian
you're real dumb a COVID relief bill has been sitting on Mitch McConnell’s desk for 50 days while millions struggle to keep food on the table.
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianEd Norton has entered the post-election chat.
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianMitch McConnell adjourned the Senate. In the middle of probably the worst spike of the COVID pandemic. 250,000 live…
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianLook, I too once tried to save face by pretending to win something I had lost. Then I turned six. Start the transition.
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobianmy sister was like, too bad neither of our weddings were scheduled during the pandemic bc wouldn't that have ruled… @ivamarie for sure. it has to take place in a locker room or the warming house at the skating rinkthey don't have college loans to repay, then, dumbass make a comic called Sweaty Rudy @andrewkarre that is no question your son
Asking for an extension on my paper on account of I'm celebrating international men's day (watching Top 10 Trampoline Nutshots)
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianNikki, I’m suggesting Republicans find the spine to stand up to their corporate donors & vote for the same measures…
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianThe only good thing that happened today was I found out Wonder Woman 1984 is going to stream on HBO Max on Christma… a little warning to you sporto parents, we theater and choir parents who have been shut down from the get-go, do NOT want to hear it.
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobiandid someone make a failing Westworld droid of Guiliani and then tried to put it on TVSo @senatemajldr hates the idea of giving away money -- even if it's not HIS money -- so much that he'll accept 250… time he crosses my tl, I’m going to remind you that, in addition to being a white supremacist, Cawthorn was h…
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobian @KMesrobian that last bit is a touch of realism, since that happens to you every 15 minutesJust a reminder that all Joel ever had to do was talk about farm economics and not my race, but he couldn’t.
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianP.S. kinda awkward to work for an EVANGELICAL institution when you are not even slightly xtian. Do not recommend.Also: I was not one of those singing, dancing foreign language teachers. COME ONNB: I actually had that job. For TWO years. While there was no piano conflict, the place was absolutely DRENCHED in… night's dream: I'm teaching high school Spanish again. In an EVANGELICAL private school, again. And I'm in a c…
is everything shut down again in the MN or should I just go back to my mole hole and mind my own business.@KerriMPR our 12-year-old Pablo has always been an "old man." Very hesitant about things like thresholds, staircas… in! @KerriMPR Pablo, age 12
I read these books in this order recently and have a lot of new feelings on sex and sexual assault and girlhood and…
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobianwaiting for 99 people to get out of the document I need to edit like day @GSAEmily serves ego rather than country pushes back the moment you get the vaccine. Think of each day pa…
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobian @CiteSomething I have one scheduled too and am having the same feelingsjust when I thought the approaching holiday season couldn't get any more gloomy it occurred to me these are human f…
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianIf these allegations are true, @LindseyGrahamSC should resign. He’s the chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee,…
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobian @misskubelik Budget Bytes saves the day in our house all the time
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianWe make reading an awful tedious chore in school & then act surprised people don't read as adults. The classics are…
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobian
Andy Ngo purposeful chose to share only one part of a video, retweeted by Trump, which only showed a right wing 'pr…
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobian
this book is so damn funny we drop our kids at bars and gyms on Monday if schools close? 🤔
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobian @CiteSomething Love to you all. This is so hard.We. Dont. Need. To read. Shakespeare. Every. Year of school. Find. Someone. Else.
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobian
@findmereading not at all! the money is the same color and gets the same groceries from the store. you write what y… @AaronStarmer gonna kill it in the easy reader chapter book market @AaronStarmer high-sticking, cross-checking, slashing, spearing, hooking: a target-rich environment, son @AaronStarmer YOU ARE NOT @AaronStarmer oooh! oooh! do one with PENALTY BOX @AaronStarmer help me out here, pal Tonsil Hockey: The Return Tonsil Hockey: SHOTS ON GOAL Tonsil Hockey: Live Without A Net