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Author of novels, most recent: THE WHITSUN DAUGHTERS. She/her. Blah, blah, blah, fishcakes.

751 Following   341 Followers   7,431 Tweets

Joined Twitter 3/1/18


look I'm never watching that A Million Little Things Is Us show so stop tryingseveral times a day I think about how everyone acts like it's normal to have a department called "Compliance" in a company
12/2
2020
nothing warms my heart more than the notion of some giant public event being cancelled https://t.co/oCsCpdrVNl
12/1
2020
@xtinarc [insert advice here] yes @xtinarc same and also I quit recently myself and I'm older than you and also it's hard message me if you feel like choking someone
11/30
2020
The latest TinyLetter from @CarrieMesrobian is right TF on. (Note: they’re always right TF on.) You should subscrib… https://t.co/xyVZysMuW6
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobian
11/28
2020
Same spot in the White House. Tragic downgrade. https://t.co/nurskn5jHJ
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobiandid they just drag the piano bench over for him or what https://t.co/BqWfqsGrSU
11/27
2020
It's been gray and gloomy the last two days and I'm bereft, how does Seattle even exist, is everyone just in bed all the time @ivamarie God, stop being so cute @JWiley8974 I do love roasting a turkey - I've got a method that I've refined over the years - but this year my imm… https://t.co/7k0xcgHLUm @amycrea mmm, what kinda pie?tomorrow's menu: bbq ribs, smashed potatoes with Peruvian cilantro sauce, lemon/garlic-dressed salad greens, asparagus, pecan piefor sure this means great things for the state of literatureguessing this means they'll finally be able to pay the talent properly, right? yayayayayoh look, publishing, a business that's so fabulously run, now will have a MEGAPUBLISHER.Mitch McConnell’s Stimulus plan: $0 for unemployment, $0 food assistance $0 for rental and mortgage relief Nothing.
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianEveryone has gone at Hillbilly Elegy pretty hard, so all I have to add is something I would also say about a lot of… https://t.co/jNw8kervwd
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianThe sun clocking out every day at 3 pm https://t.co/fseKSEWTb3
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobian
11/25
2020
Given the trajectory of the Republican party, I wouldn't be surprised if a gun in Oakley sunglasses wins the 2024 nomination.
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobianare you "passionate about B2B communications and customer experience" or are you normal @mimicross also, there's the whole "this is now your identity, hope you don't fuck it up" concept that's attached to raising a kid @mimicross I had the opposite of transcendent pregnancy, with a scheduled one. Ugh, whatta racket @AaronStarmer @ca_london it's an illness. I love an ending that makes people wonder if the printer made a mistake in the binding process @ca_london @AaronStarmer thatta baby! the masses are asses! DO YOUR OWN THING @AaronStarmer there are pros and cons to every choice. some years, you just don't feel like be celebrated and rumun… https://t.co/mnIKFoxYVc @AaronStarmer I don't know, Aaron. I was gonna do this but then I decided that it wasn't a good time for extra money and validation. @AaronStarmer you must have a better policy than I do, LUCKYeverything about this is just, holy shit https://t.co/i3SvN9aY04
11/24
2020
j/k, that was sarcasm, it has not been, sighhhhhhhhhwriting books along these lines has been extremely lucrative, lemme tell you https://t.co/EeRtLR8Lzsthis is still my favorite quarantine meme https://t.co/2lITvrb0em
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianI will hate with my dying breathe every single politician who chose to ignore this pandemic, from failing to provid… https://t.co/88EK1wSnS8
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobian"I guarantee you..." https://t.co/HRjKjtrziV
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianTell us your favorite Thanksgiving dish, and we’ll share some of what we know about the work behind the ingredients… https://t.co/bgF1jPrqF1
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobianthe main point though is it will remain canon in the Fox News Cinematic Universe, and by extension the entire Repub… https://t.co/VBuLW7W4li
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobianit's like the entire country keeps failing the marshmallow test.
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobian
11/23
2020
Owen looks like pure evil here https://t.co/hUx7YrP7bilove living in a nation alongside all these people who want to argue about their "rights" with viral organismsyou're real dumb https://t.co/xFym6AXhhEIf this piece doesn't make you think #Fuck12 forever, then you are beyond critical thought and lack imagination to… https://t.co/S9dyc4tlYxNo. https://t.co/ZcLLoeicuv
11/22
2020
A teenage murderer is a hero of the right. During a time where countless people are in need they raised $2,000,000… https://t.co/Y8tCwLMFpS
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianHow you feel watching Fox News vs how you look https://t.co/dhLhLOBexd
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianJust say that Trump’s real sin was taking the inherent cruelty and bigotry of the GOP platform and making it loud a… https://t.co/WSlTZaMtwH
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobianroll your gun leggings into a ball and cram them in your mouth, please https://t.co/i99X6PDBpcthat Chanel promoted ad for the CRUISE collection makes me want to lay down in the road @Shelltex "no really! this kills coronavirus on contact!"EXTENDED FAMILY: so, how's your latest book doing? ME: well, I don't have to work on it anymore, so, I'd say it's doing pretty good“Oh, right, UNSOLVED Mysteries” - me at the end of every episode
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianKayleigh: I know that Forever21 isn't hiring right now but maybe put in an application all the same? https://t.co/ECCyDyDhWuSucks when there’s receipts. https://t.co/CJqOkR5FPc
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianJan Morris, who has died at the age of 94, lived a life crammed with romance, discovery and adventure https://t.co/WlktzRaY8O
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobian
11/21
2020
you're real dumb https://t.co/TKafUL0Yq2Reminder: a COVID relief bill has been sitting on Mitch McConnell’s desk for 50 days while millions struggle to keep food on the table.
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianEd Norton has entered the post-election chat. https://t.co/Z32Ojax4zW
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianMitch McConnell adjourned the Senate. In the middle of probably the worst spike of the COVID pandemic. 250,000 live… https://t.co/dMXTH4X3X7
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianLook, I too once tried to save face by pretending to win something I had lost. Then I turned six. Start the transition.
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobianmy sister was like, too bad neither of our weddings were scheduled during the pandemic bc wouldn't that have ruled… https://t.co/XMveZHeO1X @ivamarie for sure. it has to take place in a locker room or the warming house at the skating rinkthey don't have college loans to repay, then, dumbass https://t.co/xeBgteIYDisomeone make a comic called Sweaty Rudy @andrewkarre that is no question your son
11/20
2020
Asking for an extension on my paper on account of I'm celebrating international men's day (watching Top 10 Trampoline Nutshots)
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianNikki, I’m suggesting Republicans find the spine to stand up to their corporate donors & vote for the same measures… https://t.co/oBxa7j8aIT
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianThe only good thing that happened today was I found out Wonder Woman 1984 is going to stream on HBO Max on Christma… https://t.co/HP2VE3kobVJust a little warning to you sporto parents, we theater and choir parents who have been shut down from the get-go, do NOT want to hear it.
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobiandid someone make a failing Westworld droid of Guiliani and then tried to put it on TVSo @senatemajldr hates the idea of giving away money -- even if it's not HIS money -- so much that he'll accept 250… https://t.co/jcKd5mvkR6Every time he crosses my tl, I’m going to remind you that, in addition to being a white supremacist, Cawthorn was h… https://t.co/KeW8rIWg0u
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobian @KMesrobian that last bit is a touch of realism, since that happens to you every 15 minutesJust a reminder that all Joel ever had to do was talk about farm economics and not my race, but he couldn’t. https://t.co/XOreiDqp0m
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianP.S. kinda awkward to work for an EVANGELICAL institution when you are not even slightly xtian. Do not recommend.Also: I was not one of those singing, dancing foreign language teachers. COME ONNB: I actually had that job. For TWO years. While there was no piano conflict, the place was absolutely DRENCHED in… https://t.co/ToHImEZ3JwLast night's dream: I'm teaching high school Spanish again. In an EVANGELICAL private school, again. And I'm in a c… https://t.co/RuTXIemVbU
11/19
2020
is everything shut down again in the MN or should I just go back to my mole hole and mind my own business.@KerriMPR our 12-year-old Pablo has always been an "old man." Very hesitant about things like thresholds, staircas… https://t.co/AF3PfkQei1tuning in! https://t.co/S0yFIoStl7 @KerriMPR Pablo, age 12 https://t.co/thasn01LVi
11/18
2020
I read these books in this order recently and have a lot of new feelings on sex and sexual assault and girlhood and… https://t.co/SD0UZ2Gtw2
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobianwaiting for 99 people to get out of the document I need to edit like https://t.co/dDtlgK12qZEvery day @GSAEmily serves ego rather than country pushes back the moment you get the vaccine. Think of each day pa… https://t.co/ceDHIw2z4I
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobian @CiteSomething I have one scheduled too and am having the same feelingsjust when I thought the approaching holiday season couldn't get any more gloomy it occurred to me these are human f… https://t.co/MIriYFitfk
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianIf these allegations are true, @LindseyGrahamSC should resign. He’s the chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee,… https://t.co/ZTChx48ohK
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobian @misskubelik Budget Bytes saves the day in our house all the time
11/17
2020
https://t.co/ROQfUDCOJl https://t.co/o3YbdkPp9o
Retweeted by Carrie MesrobianWe make reading an awful tedious chore in school & then act surprised people don't read as adults. The classics are… https://t.co/usk0rOstXp
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobian
11/16
2020
Andy Ngo purposeful chose to share only one part of a video, retweeted by Trump, which only showed a right wing 'pr… https://t.co/FvNDom3dKG
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobian
11/15
2020
this book is so damn funny https://t.co/g7KjQkiL1GCan we drop our kids at bars and gyms on Monday if schools close? 🤔
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobian @CiteSomething Love to you all. This is so hard.We. Dont. Need. To read. Shakespeare. Every. Year of school. Find. Someone. Else. https://t.co/KGVnvDRJ7w
Retweeted by Carrie Mesrobian
11/14
2020
@findmereading not at all! the money is the same color and gets the same groceries from the store. you write what y… https://t.co/KVhPRap1lm @AaronStarmer gonna kill it in the easy reader chapter book market @AaronStarmer high-sticking, cross-checking, slashing, spearing, hooking: a target-rich environment, son @AaronStarmer YOU ARE NOT @AaronStarmer oooh! oooh! do one with PENALTY BOX @AaronStarmer help me out here, pal Tonsil Hockey: The Return Tonsil Hockey: SHOTS ON GOAL Tonsil Hockey: Live Without A Net
11/13
2020

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