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Humorist/Artist/Absurdist, Full Frontal with Samantha Bee (Views here are mines own)

716 Following   1,194 Followers   2,880 Tweets

Joined Twitter 11/8/10


@nsilverberg Holy shit Nicole @cvrlne @DocDre Ok weird ones! there was a wild thornerrys online game where you rescued animals and, millsberry (t… https://t.co/Gb7qLzmW7tWhen the HBO static plays, what shows opening sequence do you hear by default? My brain always expects the entourage theme“Yo wtf” https://t.co/tx3ynXEHZW @ecorty @Starbucks I give props to Starbucks every day for their choice to keep bananas in stock regardless of your… https://t.co/dEBqfHax3n
6/16
2019
Hi I would like a where are they now episode of the lil boy that stole his grandmas car to do hood rat shit w his friends
Retweeted by Cassidy Routh 🕷
6/14
2019
@JustthetipInmar @morganfbryson Me?UNBIELIEVABIEL! https://t.co/KGyRylA87k
6/13
2019
@DanSpenser do not spread lies about my spiders @DanSpenser DANIEL!!! I TELL YOU THIS EVERY DAY. STOP SPREADING LIES. WE DON'T EAT SPIDERS. THEY DON'T LIKE THE WARM WET MOUTH.I had just a really good night and I’d like to thank @ wine @missbreton @arturocastro85 @ chickensandwiches @ life 😈
6/12
2019
so excited that the first opening title sequence i animated is for A VERY GOOD SHOW ❤️ https://t.co/r7nmqCcy4pThe Yankees.. a proud supporter of straight pride https://t.co/MYmoJbqGo1Holy shit this mf just DUNKED on pianos &&& gaming?? Savage! https://t.co/lDnU4Uo8IC
6/11
2019
@jackie_mal Florida. Lmao.. no. @corypalmer @DanSpenser Make the cheese Velveeta™️ Add Monster Energy™️ I don’t think this party Was meant for folks like me @elizacossio @ProblemAreasHBO I’m so bummed to hear that, y’all did an incredible job ❤️ @corypalmer @DanSpenser Pasta for my baby All she asks for lately I say babe I love you She say pass that Ragu™️
6/10
2019
Jersey changed me! https://t.co/gVB07IKvp6
6/9
2019
10 min into Chernobyl and I’m already shopping for a gas mask for my dog https://t.co/2mzSoQ7dtC @carolimeschaper oui chef!!!!
6/7
2019
@JustthetipInmar @coffintexts_ I walked to work and then home from work and then to the nail salon where I got drunk @coffintexts_ SupPSA to women: when you’re getting your nails done, don’t be a cunt. Don’t tell the specialist assigned to your hand… https://t.co/mRNVohQd9SWhite girls talking like “I love music” https://t.co/oivT8o7kkINOTE TO SELF: ask for Tina at nams nails she is an angel
6/6
2019
Now I’m also 2 wines deep in the waiting zone @morganfbryson @JustthetipInmar Shut up Morgan!!!! @morganfbryson @JustthetipInmar I love what he says! No matter what!!!Smoked before my nail appointment forgetting to anticipate that they would forget my appointment @schlife what about HYPOTHETICALLY someone who did date in high school but forgot how or whytrump just found out he coulda been saving hours a day not gluing on his hair every morning by wearing a hat :( https://t.co/GyGAdwqL2K
6/5
2019
A Florida person who wants ALL guns in the US taken away https://t.co/sEUwGPd20t
Retweeted by Cassidy Routh 🕷My friends are either a lil famous or doctors. who am I? No one knows ;) @gaelyng Genuinely jealous
6/3
2019
As a kid I thought the only thing women couldn’t do was be a nascar driver
6/2
2019
Having fun with my parents https://t.co/HWDraAxPjj
5/30
2019
@missbreton Hmmm not enough tacos! @corypalmer Wow wow I’d scream that’s fucked
5/29
2019
@DanSpenser Dan you have a whole week off, if you’ve already googled ‘bird’ what the hell else do you have planned? Slow down!!Oh please, consumption is what my father had. Call this tuberculosis.
5/27
2019
@Patrick903 No more Mercedes club??Hi I have a confession: I hate city kids who are scared of my very cute dog. Fuck you. you are lucky he even looked at you let alone LUNGED
5/26
2019
@morganfbryson Prolly he was taking a napYo.. true? https://t.co/OkbTlw6rNy
5/25
2019
I’m always mad but also always laughing 😈✨🤗🌹🆘🌸🐟‼︎😎
5/24
2019
@morganfbryson I’m really excited for youfuckin WHO KNOWS here's a beast i drew 4 no reason https://t.co/OLsPPUEOl5
5/20
2019
@gaelyng Oh my god @missbreton Yo I started to but it was freaking Pete out!!!! @missbreton My drill was on the other side of the door 🙃I got locked out last night and a monster charged me $550 to get back into my apt. He took a drill to the lock IMME… https://t.co/RstO0Yiir0Did you know: locksmiths are bad peopleEarlier tonight I thought I locked myself out, but my keys were in my pocket. THEN, an hour later, I locked myself out.Booksmart cured my depression
5/18
2019
@teresalaflare Fucking yes!!!ok GALLOP DON'T TROT to watching this. lil nas x is for sure the cutest person alive https://t.co/kCtlGgW8b2 @HannahAWright I’ll listen but truly how could Tyler have a drop I wasn’t ready forok im clearly surrounding myself w the wrong people cause i DIDN'T KNO igor was dropping today but i did kno carly… https://t.co/Y32LGCM1NM
5/17
2019
It happened to me: a brand interacted with me on TwitterUr not an adult til all ur furniture is from raymour & flannigan. Sorry! I don’t make the rules, just strictly enforce them.
5/16
2019
Am I a deal queen? Did I buy 25 matte lipsticks for the low low price of $81 when they were originally $500? Do I w… https://t.co/L1K4SifykLMan I didn’t believe folks when they said PEN15 was weirdly on it, but fuck, this is spooky accurate
5/13
2019
I woke up from a nap to White Snake playing out of my tv thru a French radio station??Fuck the raccoon I bought it393 people found this helpful https://t.co/Vi1BlLZhUCHOW THe FUCK AM I JUST HEARING ABOUT THIS https://t.co/1ILmwwXsLBFuckin hyped for all the fat thors coming thru this Halloween ❤️🙋🏼🙋🏼🙋🏼🙋🏼🙋🏼🙋🏼🙋🏼🙋🏼 https://t.co/9VyGjRVazX
5/12
2019
Downloaded Snapchat to see me as a man https://t.co/OCfzFkPAs4
5/11
2019
I was just scrolling my Venmo feed and LIKING OTHER PEOPLES’ TRANSACTIONS, take my phone away!!!
5/10
2019
@teresalaflare Deadass I gave one to Morgan, if she hasn’t lost it yet you should try it lmao It’s Urban decay
5/8
2019
@DanSpenser NoATTN: if they were writing 'Bored of the Rings' for today's audiences, it would be called 'Game of Groans'. can i h… https://t.co/UUgNv4w6twI’m sorry but if you go to the Met Gala and don’t wear something absolutely devastating, I hate you!In the sequel to Yesterday, when he wakes up, no one has ever heard of Spy Kids 😱
5/7
2019
I think the floss dance sucks but I’m glad white people are working on learning rhythm
5/5
2019
i havent tweeted abt how angry i am tht Santa Clarita Diet got cancelled in a few days. fuck u @netflix why u gotta be like thisthis seems to be going greatwow i think that last one warrants a tweet of its own. unthreaded, untethered!!I went to the eye dr today and apparently my eyes got better???????i'd like it to be a fun surprise. also i hope spider-man comes back to life immediately cause otherwise...SNOOZEif i have had anything spoiled 4 me yet abt endgame its that we see chris evans' ass? do not confirm i dont want the spoilerFollowing is a thread of tweets i wrote after taking an edible AND a sleeping pill by mistake:HAHAH this is a subtweet by me, about me: this bitch really been taking sleeping pills instead of her anti-migraine… https://t.co/3tfnjkwd9k
5/2
2019
Yes everything is bad, but remember it’s all much worse than we even know ✨
5/1
2019
@corypalmer Let go of those weights @corypalmer Put his belt on all the waywalk thru a standard doorway https://t.co/Wqkwfslte8this weird thing keeps happening where if i listen to spotify on my laptop, after 1 song it decides we're gonna lis… https://t.co/mbEo85TrWL
4/30
2019
@aaronparodyacct Whoa ur not wronghttps://t.co/xhhogS1IZ9
4/29
2019
I hope every napkin is a sanitary napkinNothing like the nations capital to highlight how culty American government is
4/28
2019
🎵 Annie are you Oakley are you Oakley are you Oakley Annie 🎵I asked so GOD DAMN nicely!!!!! Fuck!!!!!!!! https://t.co/kEOFdsJiYL.@netflix fuck man just give me the one thing I need my weird tv https://t.co/1N6YKIzBgKFuck this fucking bullshit I am going to the streets https://t.co/8RxLAsdYXt
4/27
2019
RIP Cassidy Routh 1993-2019 Her tombstone reads: choked on a welcome cupcake at a hotel check in and died of shame @corypalmer CASSIDY ROUTH Flaked: bad.
4/26
2019

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