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Chase Mitchell @ChaseMit Los Angeles, CA

I write for TV and clean up my dog’s shit with a little bag

1,870 Following   84,124 Followers   12,119 Tweets

Joined Twitter 3/30/09


@christophurious I love 3 Mics, and Neal! I consider it a standup specialWhen you click like on someone’s tweet and then they follow you and then you follow them, that’s actually sexOh cool so there's like a light coup going on, that's fun. Probably not indicative of anything that's gonna happen… https://t.co/y4CWXkqOcL
9/18
2019
Cable. You've invented cable. https://t.co/MZNALSoytx @edgarmomplaisir @seanoconnz https://t.co/D63ErujVmKThis is the most rational, inarguable, even-handed take on this whole thing https://t.co/FHCFS3VvuW
9/17
2019
Excited for my son, @seanoconnz, my daughter @marinarachael and everyone else at @latewithlilly on this new show, p… https://t.co/7joz4DHc2u @jimmycthatsme @nbcsnl Can you just, do the opening scene of Thunder Road as your audition @TuckerThaTruckr @MunchingZombie @RyanHoulihan Mike Flanagan has literally not made one bad thing yet @oliversigismund I didn’t... do thatI’m never ready for how high Ben Shapiro’s voice is before I hear itJust once I wanna see WeRateDogs be like “Fuck. This dog sucks. Sorry everybody. Wow. 2/10” https://t.co/5Y8NB79FZi @nickwiger “Get off the tracks when the choo choo’s comin’ through”Why hasn’t HBO branded Succession and Gemstones as Fucked-Up White Family Sunday Night yet1.) Wait, what? They're just making short dinosaur attack movies now? I support this 2.) This incorporates the HIGH… https://t.co/f457cbJA91 @noredavis @Succession_HBO This was cool! @benschwartz_ @andylevy From the second he was outside the window at the end of the pilot, I was mesmerized @zandywithaz @andylevy Clearly talking about Wendy Williams. It could still happen!Worried that Fisher Stevens’s head is going to tip over and break his neck https://t.co/53RCVY1q1H @elizaskinner @AndyBeckerman Andy these are real good @ScottWamplerBMD It looks like he’s a smart dude who just hates the junket parade - being asked the same questions… https://t.co/GZ8delzn4q @AlishaGrauso You’re gonna change your mind on this, I guarantee it @sarahtiana Get the paddles @LukeMones This is 100 percent a character from the theme park in Succession https://t.co/4l7m6yJt1B @k8zasowski Haha no! Someone clicked like on it!I, too, Helmet My Falcons https://t.co/ZHK0W2NPEp @MarthaKelly3 It’s kinda fun as a curiosity but it sucks butt. Ballsy ending tho @NightPromoting ah, meth, famously stored in a test tubehttps://t.co/gR9anPCWiQ https://t.co/pU079mjTJk @gabutch hey david is this real
9/16
2019
Masked Singer seems fun but it’s sad that Robin Thicke guesses Paula Patton every time :( @saundersjoe But, can any of them bake a competent pumpernickel loaf*foot on someone’s throat* This guy won’t even say hi to me https://t.co/dbyVSbR2xV @bdgrabinski Insane. You don’t get MI: 4-6 without 3. 2 almost tanked the franchiseI truly believe Joe Biden can win the presidency as long as he never has to speak in public or in private @nanglish @nickwiger @Gabrus My only counterpoint to this would be that *if* there are going to be new ones, the gu… https://t.co/dCzbAPHKeG @nickwiger you cynical, correct son of a bitchIt’s hack to make jokes about Mike Pence being secretly gay. The man fucks horses https://t.co/fHUgAwtnA7 @ditzkoff "Let's take this out to the lobby" @seanoconnz On the bright side, your wife and your hair show that you can gracefully win and lose in the same photo @BuckyIsotope I actually think gervais is being weirdly reasonable here and is saying “pc culture!” alarmists are f… https://t.co/sMCBJk3D5qThis is absolutely true, but if Gary Larson is bored and decided he has more to say about cows, I am fuckin in https://t.co/cib3zzyisg @MunchingZombie @RyanHoulihan ...Stephen King? @JohnRoycomic @InquisitiveDick @SixHundredBucks @nickwiger I personally think 3 rules and that the only reason it g… https://t.co/MwYlzr9VkQ @JohnRoycomic @nickwiger 2 people who should never be horny in action movies: tom cruise and the rock @JohnRoycomic @nickwiger 2 is bananas. One of the weirdest scores in movie history and an obscenely horny Ethan Hun… https://t.co/VqDYAJASL8 @JohnRoycomic @nickwiger Put 3’s villain with 4’s action setpieces and baby you got a stew goin*calming him down* Joe you were just at breakfast. That was ur cereal https://t.co/jQUpwoKr0GYeah! Listen... to... Ricky... Gervais? That can’t be right https://t.co/rt1jSsdy27Gary Larson is going to save comedy https://t.co/CByoVXW7mm @gabeliedman The way they literally STARE DOWN someone who dares to use A PEPPER is infuriating! Imo! @pattymo You should see @TheDweck and @MikeDrucker sing it at karaoke
9/15
2019
@ASFleischman @EricDSnider Is this downtown Decatur? @nanglish I said it my whole life, then consciously stopped using it in college because I was ashamed of being from… https://t.co/2k3X9k4IrQSometimes I am reminded that my mom gets a notification on her phone every time I tweet @AndyRichter Don Jr has these in his living room @lizzzzzielogan Just tag PixarDamn i never got to ask who her dad was https://t.co/GzVz0bvV9M @A_Rock_83 i only heard it today for the first time - it rules! @ambermruffin *This* is pushing boundaries“A fucking nonstop sex machine with a smooth normal cock.” Wow I’m honored https://t.co/m8bcUIj1pw @danielralston Love those four *squints* tiny hunks of shit @kenklippenstein Hey Ken just checking in man are you horny for a cannibalPeople make a big deal about this but it’s actually really easy to respect someone’s pronouns. For example: THEY re… https://t.co/9d1nPGpdoM @MrJonCryer @vincentdonofrio So weird they got this pic of you guys https://t.co/r4cx5VPsqq @edgarmomplaisir @ANDREWTI lol got that Sprite @Bez Wait is that what they were throwing on the flame @bowenyang 2 kings @TommyMcNam Where’s the lie
9/14
2019
Congratulations to Felicity Huffman on making it into an exclusive institution based purely on merit https://t.co/olGbIPkZ5OMeanwhile Lori Laughlin has been sentenced to 14 more episodes of Fuller House https://t.co/olGbIPkZ5O @EliOlsberg the perfect mug for your still-functioning hand @tonyzaret @eliyudin in the end, it doesn't even matterTo be fair, Tim Tebow's stance of "Don't pay me to play football" also extended to his NFL career https://t.co/kGOj0g44RbSTOP talking shit about the new york city boroughs MANHATTAN is the capital of the world THE BRONX has so much hi… https://t.co/0pxefknELc
Retweeted by Chase Mitchell @DaveKingThing Main takeaway from this joke: “podia” @scottgairdner You know how it works - Lorne does one audition at Groundlings, one at Clem’s Olde Timey Vaudeville RevueMe? Not much just thinking about the very different days Bowen Yang and Shane Gillis had @caitiedelaney “Most of my comedy sucks shit” however a surprisingly relatable defenseDid you know that if Elizabeth Warren says John McCain 3 times, Meghan McCain will disappearWhat a lot of people don’t realize is that because this debate is on ABC, it is technically part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe @MarlowNYC Also? Steve Carell’s pecs were kind of insane?Biden seems like a good choice if you want that uneasy feeling of watching your grandpa give a toast at thanksgiving, but for 4 years
9/13
2019
Lol I know no one is perfect but this seems very easy not to say https://t.co/bGWfNRjbzd @jacquisneal @edgarmomplaisir Well first of all I’d stop calling it CK @ditzkoff Won’t last @ditzkoff @nbcsnl This is good @corietjohnson This is fuckedMy dude, the diapers WERE the story https://t.co/dgbbAvcxVp @DanGurewitch What about bill burrSo you wish 9/11 always just happened? That’s fucked up man https://t.co/ggtmFnT25n @MikeDrucker @McJesse (Bruce Wayne definitely needed his ass wiped when he got his back broke by Bane) @MikeDrucker @McJesse This is why I can’t watch Pennyworth. The dude’s like executing elite special forces missions… https://t.co/P89O3Ey5eL @DanaSchwartzzz This is the most insane moment of an insane movie (I love it) @DanaSchwartzzz @McJesse I dunno, joker’s dudes have to laugh at all of his jokes. They’re basically a comedian’s girlfriend but as a job @DanaSchwartzzz It’s *supposed* to be cold @patrickcotnoir What’s the packet like
9/12
2019
@sarahtiana @chrisbrockman Holy shit congrats!We got so patriotic after 9/11 that even the terrorists are American nowSaw @bejohnce and @kateberlant perform last night and, in case you were wondering, they are still extremely funny
9/11
2019

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