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Chase Mitchell @ChaseMit Los Angeles, CA

I write for TV and clean up my dog’s shit with a little bag

1,737 Following   78,570 Followers   13,147 Tweets

Joined Twitter 3/30/09

@Randazzoj @JohnnyMcNulty Look we’re all RossesI would love if the site that told me I’m a Chandler took down an American president @AlisonLeiby Welcome back @natashavc This looks like if you pressed a button it would turn into a full Iron Man suit
@BrettRedacted sounds like fixing this studio is a real Mission Impossible! @doughboyspod @nickwiger @hodgman @BDayBoysMitch Why do you look like a gameshow host and two losing contestants @gavinpurcell That also might just actually be youLiterally watching an episode right now where the owner says “We closed the kitchen because my son hung himself the… @davidlsims Just looking forward to the fuckjerry guys finally taking home that Oscar! @ericdadourian @philorphilip @danlicatasucks Christopher Walken’s son from Batman Returns-lookin ass
@HelloCullen @GraceSpelman hey get back to sopranos buddy @GraceSpelman devastating @GraceSpelman hi @yoyorobot @natefernald mikey, you've done itlol that art is gonna suck ass @BrianStack153 @HelloCullen It’s true, I did @HelloCullen It’s great and when it’s funny it’s funny on purpose. Trying not to be mad at this tweet because you don’t know yet @Complex you might want to tell your Instagram person to try a little harder to find who wrote this tweet (hint: it…
@HalleKiefer Yet. @HalleKiefer meanwhile the other one is produced by the fuckjerry guys, who also helped advertise the festival. wil… @dalykyle @robwhisman Yes! Totally! It makes all the overdramatic/fawning descriptions of him (“jester of the surf”) ring even funnierLove the classic Bill Withers song “Ain’t No Sunshine When She’s Gone,” about a man who is fucking the sun @robwhisman There’s also something so hilariously specific and familiar about that feeling of seeing a piece of pop… @gabutch @NickKocher @DanGurewitch David’s kids are crying in the background right now. “Stop, daddy’s talking to his friends.” @hunterw @RobertMaguire_ “Many, many french fries” @DanGurewitch Well now I’m just thinking of Pinocchio without pants onJust found out the Fuckjerry guys produced the Netflix Fyre Fest documentary, so it’s just gonna be the Hulu Fyre F…’s Burgers“I’m a lineman from rural South Carolina and this is probably the most important thing that will ever happen to me.… every one of these people had to act like this was awesome famous line from the movies, “Missions: Accepted” @davidlsims No punch up pleaseHe went from talking to the kid in Home Alone to just straight-up being him
@GraceSpelman @caseyJsalengo I love you just the way you are @GraceSpelman this is fucked up @nanglish Come back Elizabeth Warren Beer Catastrophe is my favorite jam band @GraceSpelman Hm yes good photo @GriffLightning Jeff Daniels in one of those 4-hour Ted Turner-funded Civil War moviesWhen the plane taxis to the gate and that ding happens... everyone should have to fightThe only thing I like about Lindsay Graham is that he looks like one of those coquettish piggies outside of a BBQ r…
Retweeted by Chase Mitchell
@nealbrennan This feels like its coming from a place of hurtThe most zen place in the airport is the “get your shit together” bench after going through securityJust saw a Burger King commercial where a chicken nugget hits the table in slow motion and splits in half and I...…
@brittanynews_11 It’s not sold out as far as I know so please try / apologies if there’s not! @weismanjake @corporate Would have been there and assume I was extremely missed @BrianStack153 It’s mildly infuriating that he’s so immediately great at podcasting, but it really is my favorite new thing @scottgairdner Lookwell himselfAh yes, the Williamsburg Diet
motherfucker looks like he's turning into a whywolfTed Cruz is starting to look like a remake of Castaway where even the volleyball doesn't wanna hang out with him @pattymo I would like to recommend your podcast but according to the rules we have to become mortal enemies first crunched the numbers and this mathematically undoes being in a band Bezos rolling up to an Amazon warehouse in sweatpants like “Is it cool if I crash here for a couple nights”
@DanaSchwartzzz You might also recognize Jason Clarke from being actor Joel EdgertonThis tweet is *offensively* bad and I will prosecute all 276 of you who liked it @BrettRedacted Coming to this @philyuck @YTWFXX Favorite show, favorite people @johnwhaskell It’s almost 5 pmWell excuuuuuuuuse me for caring about a little thing called foreplay Live is THIS FRIDAY with an awesome line-up @ChaseMit @curlycomedy @TheSamhita and a Prince dance party afte…
Retweeted by Chase MitchellWow think about everything Prince gave us and all he wanted was our extra time and our kiss
@DanHopp @Jordan_Morris Dan the amount that you are good at Simps triv came up this week in casual conversation and it was actually annoyingNever sounded more like a dude who was frozen in the 1940s @GraceSpelman WhoCongrats to Green Book on proving that a black man and a white man can come together and make something amazing. Oh… @seanoconnz I saw it again yesterday and it rules so fuckin hard I can’t fuckin stand it @DanaSchwartzzz Dana you gotta talk to some peopleI like watching an actor spend their entire career doing American accents and the second they win award it’s like “… know a lot of people shit on the Golden Globes but I am very down for a drunk rehearsal of something that’s a much bigger deal
@MatteoLane I like knowing the line where you stop being progressive @AlisonLeiby It’s not over until you strangle all the partridgesI am giving yet unsparingly honest you imagine retweeting a photo of yourself where you look like you’re trying to push out a shit? I mean I can butGame Of Thrones, home of that classic wall that totally works
@joshgondelman Really down for all these “drunk Gondelman” tweets in 2019 @seanoconnz “from”? @LukeMones Only if that’s his actual size compared to the rest of the people on the poster
@danielralston you on those good pain meds? @BabsGray @c0linM Barbara, put peanut butter between two of them and make a sandwich out of it. It’s how I got fat… I get kicked out for pissing myself at Universal Studios’s your favorite Bruno Mars song? I like the one where he says you look decent enough that he won’t attempt to…
Operation “Make Them Look Fun and Hot” still going great for the right @pattymo He shuts off the lights like Danson in the Cheers finaleEvery photo of Ricky Gervais looks like it should be in a dusty frame hanging on the wall at a comedy club in Flags…“I saw more computer boards than I think that they make today.” Ok man yeahHow can someone be so weird and so exhausting at the same time
Telling me there’s a great show on CBS All Access is like telling me there’s a great pizza place on Staten Island.… @rob_sheridan Love all this but feel like you’re shortchanging Keaton a little. He’s great and funny and weird in i…
JUST CALM DOWN AND ENJOY THE RIDE think the thing that will bring the president down is comparing things to dogs in a negative way @mikescollins Kiwi Berry Mist is legit great @hordie Honestly don’t know why people keep inflicting self-harm with this app @robwhisman Hell yeah buddy. Only 397 flaws to go @ecareyo ❤️ @SamuelMoen Go off kingDon’t like a lot of his policies but this is how drunk you should be on New Years Eve.
Retweeted by Chase Mitchell @danielralston Please do not retweet this into my timeline in 2019