Sign in with Twitter


Chase Mitchell @ChaseMit Los Angeles, CA

I write for TV and clean up my dog’s shit with a little bag

1,870 Following   84,124 Followers   12,119 Tweets

Joined Twitter 3/30/09

@christophurious I love 3 Mics, and Neal! I consider it a standup specialWhen you click like on someone’s tweet and then they follow you and then you follow them, that’s actually sexOh cool so there's like a light coup going on, that's fun. Probably not indicative of anything that's gonna happen…
Cable. You've invented cable. @edgarmomplaisir @seanoconnz is the most rational, inarguable, even-handed take on this whole thing
Excited for my son, @seanoconnz, my daughter @marinarachael and everyone else at @latewithlilly on this new show, p… @jimmycthatsme @nbcsnl Can you just, do the opening scene of Thunder Road as your audition @TuckerThaTruckr @MunchingZombie @RyanHoulihan Mike Flanagan has literally not made one bad thing yet @oliversigismund I didn’t... do thatI’m never ready for how high Ben Shapiro’s voice is before I hear itJust once I wanna see WeRateDogs be like “Fuck. This dog sucks. Sorry everybody. Wow. 2/10” @nickwiger “Get off the tracks when the choo choo’s comin’ through”Why hasn’t HBO branded Succession and Gemstones as Fucked-Up White Family Sunday Night yet1.) Wait, what? They're just making short dinosaur attack movies now? I support this 2.) This incorporates the HIGH… @noredavis @Succession_HBO This was cool! @benschwartz_ @andylevy From the second he was outside the window at the end of the pilot, I was mesmerized @zandywithaz @andylevy Clearly talking about Wendy Williams. It could still happen!Worried that Fisher Stevens’s head is going to tip over and break his neck @elizaskinner @AndyBeckerman Andy these are real good @ScottWamplerBMD It looks like he’s a smart dude who just hates the junket parade - being asked the same questions… @AlishaGrauso You’re gonna change your mind on this, I guarantee it @sarahtiana Get the paddles @LukeMones This is 100 percent a character from the theme park in Succession @k8zasowski Haha no! Someone clicked like on it!I, too, Helmet My Falcons @MarthaKelly3 It’s kinda fun as a curiosity but it sucks butt. Ballsy ending tho @NightPromoting ah, meth, famously stored in a test tube @gabutch hey david is this real
Masked Singer seems fun but it’s sad that Robin Thicke guesses Paula Patton every time :( @saundersjoe But, can any of them bake a competent pumpernickel loaf*foot on someone’s throat* This guy won’t even say hi to me @bdgrabinski Insane. You don’t get MI: 4-6 without 3. 2 almost tanked the franchiseI truly believe Joe Biden can win the presidency as long as he never has to speak in public or in private @nanglish @nickwiger @Gabrus My only counterpoint to this would be that *if* there are going to be new ones, the gu… @nickwiger you cynical, correct son of a bitchIt’s hack to make jokes about Mike Pence being secretly gay. The man fucks horses @ditzkoff "Let's take this out to the lobby" @seanoconnz On the bright side, your wife and your hair show that you can gracefully win and lose in the same photo @BuckyIsotope I actually think gervais is being weirdly reasonable here and is saying “pc culture!” alarmists are f… is absolutely true, but if Gary Larson is bored and decided he has more to say about cows, I am fuckin in @MunchingZombie @RyanHoulihan ...Stephen King? @JohnRoycomic @InquisitiveDick @SixHundredBucks @nickwiger I personally think 3 rules and that the only reason it g… @JohnRoycomic @nickwiger 2 people who should never be horny in action movies: tom cruise and the rock @JohnRoycomic @nickwiger 2 is bananas. One of the weirdest scores in movie history and an obscenely horny Ethan Hun… @JohnRoycomic @nickwiger Put 3’s villain with 4’s action setpieces and baby you got a stew goin*calming him down* Joe you were just at breakfast. That was ur cereal! Listen... to... Ricky... Gervais? That can’t be right Larson is going to save comedy @gabeliedman The way they literally STARE DOWN someone who dares to use A PEPPER is infuriating! Imo! @pattymo You should see @TheDweck and @MikeDrucker sing it at karaoke
@ASFleischman @EricDSnider Is this downtown Decatur? @nanglish I said it my whole life, then consciously stopped using it in college because I was ashamed of being from… I am reminded that my mom gets a notification on her phone every time I tweet @AndyRichter Don Jr has these in his living room @lizzzzzielogan Just tag PixarDamn i never got to ask who her dad was @A_Rock_83 i only heard it today for the first time - it rules! @ambermruffin *This* is pushing boundaries“A fucking nonstop sex machine with a smooth normal cock.” Wow I’m honored @danielralston Love those four *squints* tiny hunks of shit @kenklippenstein Hey Ken just checking in man are you horny for a cannibalPeople make a big deal about this but it’s actually really easy to respect someone’s pronouns. For example: THEY re… @MrJonCryer @vincentdonofrio So weird they got this pic of you guys @edgarmomplaisir @ANDREWTI lol got that Sprite @Bez Wait is that what they were throwing on the flame @bowenyang 2 kings @TommyMcNam Where’s the lie
Congratulations to Felicity Huffman on making it into an exclusive institution based purely on merit Lori Laughlin has been sentenced to 14 more episodes of Fuller House @EliOlsberg the perfect mug for your still-functioning hand @tonyzaret @eliyudin in the end, it doesn't even matterTo be fair, Tim Tebow's stance of "Don't pay me to play football" also extended to his NFL career talking shit about the new york city boroughs MANHATTAN is the capital of the world THE BRONX has so much hi…
Retweeted by Chase Mitchell @DaveKingThing Main takeaway from this joke: “podia” @scottgairdner You know how it works - Lorne does one audition at Groundlings, one at Clem’s Olde Timey Vaudeville RevueMe? Not much just thinking about the very different days Bowen Yang and Shane Gillis had @caitiedelaney “Most of my comedy sucks shit” however a surprisingly relatable defenseDid you know that if Elizabeth Warren says John McCain 3 times, Meghan McCain will disappearWhat a lot of people don’t realize is that because this debate is on ABC, it is technically part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe @MarlowNYC Also? Steve Carell’s pecs were kind of insane?Biden seems like a good choice if you want that uneasy feeling of watching your grandpa give a toast at thanksgiving, but for 4 years
Lol I know no one is perfect but this seems very easy not to say @jacquisneal @edgarmomplaisir Well first of all I’d stop calling it CK @ditzkoff Won’t last @ditzkoff @nbcsnl This is good @corietjohnson This is fuckedMy dude, the diapers WERE the story @DanGurewitch What about bill burrSo you wish 9/11 always just happened? That’s fucked up man @MikeDrucker @McJesse (Bruce Wayne definitely needed his ass wiped when he got his back broke by Bane) @MikeDrucker @McJesse This is why I can’t watch Pennyworth. The dude’s like executing elite special forces missions… @DanaSchwartzzz This is the most insane moment of an insane movie (I love it) @DanaSchwartzzz @McJesse I dunno, joker’s dudes have to laugh at all of his jokes. They’re basically a comedian’s girlfriend but as a job @DanaSchwartzzz It’s *supposed* to be cold @patrickcotnoir What’s the packet like
@sarahtiana @chrisbrockman Holy shit congrats!We got so patriotic after 9/11 that even the terrorists are American nowSaw @bejohnce and @kateberlant perform last night and, in case you were wondering, they are still extremely funny