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Chase Mitchell @ChaseMit Los Angeles, CA

I write for TV and clean up my dog’s shit with a little bag

1,761 Following   83,380 Followers   11,136 Tweets

Joined Twitter 3/30/09


@doughboyspod @BDayBoysMitch @maroldswan @nickwiger Jesus Christ guys the other boot in Two Boots is LouisianaI’m gonna take a walk around the block and when I get back, somebody just tell me if I should like Jussie Smollett or not @whatrosasaid Hm @gabutch If you will read to the end of the tweet, it clearly says Panera. How’s your day goin @AndyRichter Any tips for crushing with my therapistI just asked what the soup of the day was https://t.co/3nEVU6h63QWhen someone says that Karamo doesn’t do anything on Queer Eye https://t.co/oz0In1NVz3This is how they do the Diet Coke and Mentos thing in hell https://t.co/XNqD6Grx0E @ditzkoff @JordanPeele Brag much @NickBossRoss Wait, fuckin, is this on American TV yet? What the shit? @DanaSchwartzzz Onion-ass headline @kibblesmith @vornietom I also fucking read it and... it’s nothing? It’s nothing. I hate this. Still so mad. @kibblesmith I hate this. It worked on me. I got so mad. @PressSec @realDonaldTrump Do you remember when you stopped wearing eye shadow because Michelle Wolf made fun of youMichael Avenatti broke the first rule of wanting to be president: Facing consequences for your crimes
3/26
2019
@whatissteph Wow @kibblesmith If ever there was someone in a position to bring about change*says while tap dancing* Mitch McConnell Is going to hell When he dies https://t.co/AbwTTzTrTF @timunken @AlexanderWatt we stan a stepdaddy @GraceSpelman mutedTo be fair, a lot of things are punishable by death in the Huckabee family, such as "being a dog" https://t.co/xyIVPd7UCdIt's cold comfort, but still always funny to remember that Manhattan's thirstiest social climber now has to get his… https://t.co/x1MbS2StRR @kibblesmith @kthorjensen he had a real lie-field day with these (does this track) @Party_Harderson @Delta I really like imagining Delta’s social team watching these panicked and trying to decide how to respond to themI took a date to see Pearl Harbor. Plus I left my headlights on and my car battery died, so we were stranded in the… https://t.co/eFX5jeHfTP
3/25
2019
In hindsight, this explains why the president was acting so calmly about the investigation that entire time @TheMikeLawrence on brand @arvalis @BillCorbett Wait so no more feathers?? This has been a real rollercoaster of a day @NightOpening This wasn’t long enough ago for people to look like thisAh well. He’s probably just a totally normal guy completely surrounded by criminals then. @anylaurie16 One time, pilot left his mic on and did a big long groan/moan into the microphone. We thought he was e… https://t.co/XIgqKmVLtXThe LA Marathon is proof that even *other people* exercising can ruin your day @BillCorbett “Marty!” @BillCorbett I hate this shit @NikkiGlaser lolJust overheard a 12 year old tell her dad who was taking her picture, "get my good side". It made me so sad bc she really didn't have one. 😔
Retweeted by Chase Mitchell @MikeDrucker @akilahgreen I’m mostly ready for this whole dispute to be over so that I can tell who is who in my timeline again @akilahgreen @MikeDrucker People call him DruckerUs is scarier than Get Out, but Get Out is the better movie by a hair. Both modern classics. Also not to brag, and… https://t.co/7oY9i6eDK3 @crushingbort The only thing this guy is punishing is his waistband @yusefroach It’s not a movie that’s meant to be logic-ed to death. Also: stop spoiling it for people in your feed, dude @bridgmandrew still more believable than a Cyborg doll @mikelucianosup @NightOpening This is as close to a real life Friends episode as there ever was“So look, for starters, I am very rich” https://t.co/gfoOLdESCy
3/24
2019
@BillCorbett Great, now do Edge Of TomorrowMy review of “Us” is that I guess I gotta get a fuckin CBS All Access subscription now @patrick_cassels Let’s take this to text @GovMikeHuckabee @realDonaldTrump On second thought maybe what your son did to that dog was an act of mercyIs this that “bad side” Barbara Streisand is afraid to be photographed from https://t.co/2N29PdJOzU
3/23
2019
@AlisonAgosti This is an all-timer
3/22
2019
“Narcotics dealer”? https://t.co/EzL3FYzn9h @rob_sheridan "oh man, what a fun game! let me just — oh" https://t.co/tmA4L78Dv0 @jp_mcdade On the bright side, she said you're cute!
3/21
2019
@TotallyAllen i'm the same but with bleeding @Randazzoj what database are you uploading these to @gavinpurcell "could be fun" @Chase__Chase i've got a thingLove to sit at the computer with a glass of wine and get nostalgic for the illegal war I helped sell the American p… https://t.co/NIkXQT0KaU @DrewMcWeeny Yeah probably because it seems like a spoiler? @_david_matthews It’s actually the opposite. I am so good at dunking that I am bored with it @llamsoyd @IanKarmel @seanoconnz This guy gets it @IanKarmel @seanoconnz Wow, didn’t realize you guys were anti recycling. Interesting. @seanoconnz Give me a nice, gentle 3 any day @seanoconnz 😉 @MikeDrucker Of course, you don’t want to alienate your base @Randazzoj Damn ur right I never thought of it like thatIt doesn’t really make logical sense that slam dunks are considered cool. You’re just taking extra care to put some… https://t.co/cw4BZTB7O2 @ellorysmith so sad to see that he has died @travishelwig @jenstatsky hey if I can take down a marriage with this tweet that’s icing on the cake
3/20
2019
@GerryDuggan @mikedeodato @Marvel @frankmartinbox holy shitJust figured out where I’ve heard Elizabeth Holmes’s speaking voice before https://t.co/VIQm8CGDh2I stand with the WGA but would also prefer to continue showing off my strong jawline @mattsinger Police Academy @jenspyra The robotic luggage concierge likes to watch @Randazzoj Thak yu for this @nickwiger Easy to see why there’d be rumors swirling around town though. It’s such a sight to behold @nickwiger doesn't seem particularly secret or hard to find @katystoll God I thought this said Elizabeth Holmes for a second @DesiJed Paint em brown @franklinhardy I demand that scientists stop discovering things about dinosaurs @MsCherieGrant @benmekler ^i like this. But I’ll have to try it to make sure @hayesdavenport Showing solidarity with the WGA by not writinghttps://t.co/Fhco9NLAl8 @JakeSBender @bradfordevans Oh shit! I remember this! Steve-O cameos as one of the judges and he goes “That was crazy, even for me” @OnlineAlison I am very sorry to do this but https://t.co/09UMFTvCpK
3/19
2019
@BillCorbett "stand on my lunch, king" @seanoconnz hm ok @chelsea_davison @adamconover @nickwiger Adam Ruins The Crafty Tablehttps://t.co/lhqUYXIwDC @chelsea_davison @nickwiger she says, as she's dragged away in handcuffs @chelsea_davison @nickwiger This is insanity. Commit to something in your lifeOn this episode of The Cracked Podcast, @AlexSchmidty is joined by working TV writers @jenboseph and @ChaseMit for… https://t.co/7VYBNNv53p
Retweeted by Chase Mitchell @speedlevitch @HMonHBO This was fantasticAll YouTube guys are called PewDiePie to me and all new bands are called Imagine Dragons. That’s how it goes. I’m 3… https://t.co/zAYZXDoApZ @youranalogbuddy Thank u for putting in the work @MikeDrucker Wow @Dave_Horwitz do you see this shit @Dave_Horwitz May I have the first question @merosskimball @arthurmeyer13 I quit you piece of shitJOB INTERVIEWER: What are your 5 biggest strengths https://t.co/baK6ocG5W4 @nanglish One thing is for sure, he’s a guy who definitely did not fuck or cum on his cat
3/18
2019

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