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de-motivational speaker / I tested positively toward negative

4,808 Following   13,511,224 Followers   13,731 Tweets

Joined Twitter 5/11/09

@MohanadElshieky Tis a joke, comedian @toyfantv You become both an infinitely stronger and a supremely weaker person lol @rynej__ LOL if it is I’m leaving johnI was gonna cc a bunch of big directors but a shocking amount are not on Twitter. CANT HANDLE THE HEAT???? ugh they… so stupid I love it so much. I really love these by the mouthful this happened!!! On my PHONE of course shoot went...right as I thought it would, actually time. Never stopped. Still understand nothing except that it was gorgeous and great and that I will NEVER un… uncultured swine. Me: @MollyBSnackin But I don’t....I mean yes I shouldAwwwwww 🥰 @WhitneyCummings Wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww just text me @mb00gie Yes! And @AdeenaSussman has an amazing persimmon cake recipe for it in her book! @kfury THIS IS ME. WITH EVEN REALLY GOOD FRIENDS
@USMCSundevil @rileyellle Well that’s why I said “to me”would die but also be so happy I could tell this story and get make other people majorly cringe laugh lol so there’… john change to match me to take a cool photo at my office but @AdeenaSussman made us stop at the store to get…
@BCEAGLESJU @yashar I appreciate this more than u know kind sir @yashar Fuckin losers. Def not us we aren’t losers look at us!!! Here not being losers @NickStopTalking If I don’t see them facing the same way within one minute I will crumble and dieJohn could do it. I wouldn’t care.Meanwhile if any of us, any of us!, were called by the wrong name, WE WOULD NOT CARE? I can’t imagine caring @seanybrams It is actually good that that happens to you so you know who is AN IDIOT @Evfields People think I meant pronouncing wrong which is also AHHHHH but I meant calling them the wrong name!To me, the most embarrassing thing in entire entire entire entire entire entire entire entire entire world, as in I… no! I misspoke. I meant... @fangsandrobots @brookandthecity Every tweet has a delete button. @samduction Please send link @fangsandrobots @brookandthecity normalize reading the thread
@Txgeekgirl42 @KarizmaK Whyyyyyt do you keep doing it! lol @Txgeekgirl42 @KarizmaK Again, you can say normalize formula without making it about normalizing breastfeeding. Nor… @RachelVHer My brain and body went to the depths of hell. It had been so long without pain I forgot what it felt li… @Txgeekgirl42 @KarizmaK I don’t wanna try and one up each other anymore. and tbh it’s all hard and I dunno, we just… @RachelVHer Girl, I HEAR YOU, you have no idea how much I felt that. but if you can make it, and you CAN I promise… @Txgeekgirl42 @KarizmaK the comparison you guys are doing is kinda unreal to me but I’m gonna say, again, that you… @KarizmaK One, it’s not a fight over who has it worse but formula-using moms like me who had postpartum literally w… @Basti My mom thinks you’re a robot too!I wanna break it and see what’s inside so badAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
@SneKhumaloSA lol shitohhhhhhh trust me, I know ! @PosadistM @jrhennessy Perfect @lexlanham @TaylorLorenz !! @jaydahardy206 @fahrmaiden @PadmaLakshmi @AlisonLeiby lol @jrhennessy I keep saying it really truly love it here so much @mattryanx Who amongst us hasn’t made the life altering decision of going private to take a moment, forever lol god… @TaylorLorenz HIRE BETTER DUDES AHHHHHHHHH @jaydahardy206 @fahrmaiden @PadmaLakshmi @AlisonLeiby ok be mad about it, that’s a u thing @fahrmaiden @PadmaLakshmi @AlisonLeiby As in that is what they’re saying when she made an innocent tweet about gett… @PadmaLakshmi @AlisonLeiby like...u impulsively picked chocolate and then prob more chocolate but fuck YOU! @PadmaLakshmi @AlisonLeiby Came here to defend this moronic insanity. guess it could have been read as “well, a gro… @TheEllenShow ♥️ accepted and saved and hopeful. love to you, P, and...honestly not sure what or how many animals y…
@chaosfilter Lol! @yashar Is this code...for poopingJust ordered Miles a Christmas gift that won’t deliver in time so telling them Christmas is January 4th lol kids ... can be funthe credits lol
@javachik ! @JamesKortney 😩💕 ty @MeadowGood @stuboo @acog I’m down! @hottakestakeone Ah! Chills @CruzanChoklate @phllyjwn @ImSuperCeej @d let me know if u need backup lolLast one I recall was the final Allison Williams scene in Get Out. Oooooooh boy we all went nuts. who made this, truly would like to credit its beauty @jdav1023 Thank u for noticing lol @jamesreb oh my god I didn’t even notice, poor Parker has seen this shit before! we made friends after and apologized, he was so wonderful @PRbyMichelle oh that was unplanned bahahahacrate and barrel was so mad at mom and I for pretending it was Black Friday today lmao sorry Parker we ♥️ you thank… love it here. pry it from my cold dead handsit’’s his part from their...their duet. like. he is on the song @LinaDiamond98 @travissouders XxOh I’ll just respond to myself, actually: the point is not how great breast milk is. WE KNOW THAT. the point is FOR… yes thank u good sir, tell me more about your titties @_WhiteAF_ @egrattan @InHaught @FindingEmerland Honestly you guys are having a very real and honest conversation an… @MrTommyCampbell I only trust women, tom lol talk to my therapist @thecoldestrain lol sorry! was desperateYESSSSSS THE WEEKND, IT WAS! @MatthewBresler W h o a but I couldn’t have even done that honestly lolYOU SWEET ANGEL!!!!!!!! man had so much hope just now but no! was new but sounded 80’s, might have been The Weeknd but might have not, and it’s not blinded by the light ! it played AGAIN as we were going into a parking garage and stopped before we could Shazam. Phew, the anguishI have listened to I THINK every weeknd song for a few seconds to try to figure out, to the point where I forget wh… bonkers trying to figure out a song I just heard twice the morning on the radio. Sounded like The Weeknd but… @MissKlept GIVE BOOB A TRY, SURE, AND GETTTTTT THE FORMULA. WE ARE ALL DOING THE BEST WE CAN WITH WHAT WE HAVE. @MollyRoseTarpey truly, IN EVERY ASPECT. "normalize minding your fucking business as long as it is not hurting anyo… stress of it, combined with the guilt that you cannot do nature's most natural thing for your own baby is too m… remember pumping my ASS OFF, highest mode, so often, because I didn't trust milk was going into their mouthes if… @clasavie !"normalize breastfeeding" is great. "normalize formula" is great, too! so yeah. that's all! normalize formula! your… have surrogates, people have trouble breastfeeding and all you hear as a new, anxious mom is how breast is best.normalize breastfeeding is such a huge, wonderful thing. but I absolutely felt way more shame having to use formula… I'm gonna say something and you all are definitely gonna make it a thing but here goes: normalize formula.
@raesanni Can we lower that please god, for meArrivederci , bucatini al pesto!’m not kidding. The women who stopped black people from doing basically anything, the Trader Joe’s mask freakers, all the Karens.Without a doubt: Karens is so sweet and kind but even my depressed mind knows 35 is *not* old lol