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de-motivational speaker

4,808 Following   13,696,675 Followers   14,334 Tweets

Joined Twitter 5/11/09

@SallyMackay3 Oh I love how it’s broken up into areas!date night way to go. If you also need something to do with your hands at all times, I highly recommend diamond painting this is why you get 10000 bells for arapaimas @rubylaren The wrinkling would killll me on A but if you never plan on sitting it’s sooo pretty @rubylaren a but you would look good in literally anything @CraigJCG Everyone keeps saying I can do it and I’m like I’m saying I literally cannot. It is a program I do not know how to usePandemic aside, I feel like I aged so much in the last year. I just feel like everyone in the world is now younger… @WFKARS @akshatsharma “I don’t know what mNRA is but I am allergic to it god dammit”
Buy her cookbook here!!! It’s finally out!!’T YUCK HIS YUM!!! you’re in LA, my favorite thai spot, Night + Market, is now serving my mom’s bowtie pad see ew!! Get it delivere… thinking about how I can please the men of Twitter men are so mad at this. Im such a bully !my favorite play is on !
how did they know @STFUParents @PeanutInTheGall might be the dumbest analogy I have ever seen lmaooooo fucking morons, I missed you!!! @NASA hello I’m with a high powered telescope right now, can you tell the space station to wave!!!!! @dannybthree @ChristianLament imagine teaching your kid that being kind is embarrassing. you’re such a badass.I’ve spent weeks just saying tweets to shampoo bottles choose to take the bad with the good!!turns out it feels TERRIBLE to silence yourself and also no longer enjoy belly chuckles randomly throughout the day…
God I have said fucked up shit and killed myself over it as much as you killed me. But one thing I haven’t learned… have made my mistakes, throughout years and in front of hundreds of thousands, and been held accountable for them… encourage you to know and never forget that your words matter. No matter what you see, what that person portrays,… desire to be liked and fear of pissing people off has made me somebody you didn’t sign up for, and a different h… life goal is to make people happy. The pain I feel when I don’t is too much for me. I’ve always been portrayed a… it’s time for me to say goodbye. This no longer serves me as positively as it serves me negatively, and I think…
@Nerdista yeah. that is not “mean” and you know it.I didn’t make it!! I got cocky at erewhon @yashar was the plate not enough!!!! where is itWowowowowow I was so proud to bring a tuna wrap wrapped with collard greens instead of carbs upstairs as my night s… @JenBunny_27 I mean at its best it could not be uglier. Lolanyhow almost done with luna’s panda guys are truly just fucking mean. I’ll never get over it. @leather_hunny @ashlyboBASHly @getsafely @KrisJenner my god. just fucking mean.just for comparison, john got to be the king of music
Ew blows my mind when people just say shit like that. Because it’s true. Just only special kind of people say it. I… Stephanie said she put something for Harris to eat in his shorts for the trip home. like pocket food?? knew he had another side. John didn’t think so but oh, I did farm kids who live with the parents are def the happiest. or at the least they like to have sex with each other… night’s 90 days oh my godddd. “No I not give ring back! I want to remember how miserable you make me” jaosksjz… @upulie he does, but @upulie @assilanedyah work lolI really don’t wake up every day trying to make you mad but somehow I manage. and u say I have no talent. that’s something I guess @upulie Ooo I love it! Season 1 EP 1? @alissa_bobissa @getsafely @KrisJenner that’s fine too. not trying to piss anyone off here.Years in the making - excited to finally announce the launch of @GETSAFELY with two absolute bosses, Emma Grede and…
2021 10. Gulp not it
Look at him LIVING for this. A whole bitch. Lmaonot that it matters OR that you'd ever get the chance to take her to any dinner, anywhere, she has a communications…
@ecareyo That’s her little sister !!! I too was riled at firstJust leaned about jacket potatoes
@sundownmotel Sopping LOLwe should all hope to one day trip on the way up to our personal jetI don’t feel I can do anything well enough or right. I dunno. Maybe just a rough patchdo u ever feel like everyone hates you? I feel like everyone hates me. I’m not looking for you to tell me you don’t… was absolutely a blueberry scone covered in potato skin fuckin way I buy this. a coverup @KindlyMyers @90DayFiance YES DETECTIVE!!No it’s very crumbly like a scone but it was made on the top rack of a grill! It’s killing me @mets311grl @90DayFiance No it’s very crumbly @GlassofChamps @90DayFiance No it’s the only thing he made for dinner and it was on the top rack of a bbq!someone please. I beg u. it was made on the bbq and its dinner. I need to know what it is @90DayFiance
The Atlanta shooter blamed a specific race of people for his problems, and then murdered them because of it. If tha…
Retweeted by chrissy teigenMorse code for I’m tired
I know what this is...will leak the info for a price...taking offers.
Retweeted by chrissy teigenthe fans have spoken and they LOVE us together !!!!! DID IT, KRIS!!!! rule: people don't get to decide whether they are racist; other people decide this based on their actions
Retweeted by chrissy teigen
been my bible, too! have I never heard of braciole! @AlyseWhitney got mine yesterday, too! beverly center? @Ntombi like superhero levelok yikes AGAIN seriously all these combined I didnt know it was possible to be THIS racist @A_mer_LA @instagram @johnlegend sick just seeing this! I was so so hungover by 7pm @franklinleonard The WORST😭 @UrFavPeruvian I get selfies and casual pics but I’m talking legit magazine like photo shoots I do not know how the… @AustinOnSocial the fragility. trying to get people riled up about me in your thread, then getting mad when I see i… @MSOrbea @nytimes @Twitter it is opinion that the latter is true @tjchambersLA @tweetsoutloud so weird you just said this. I will tell you why in a couple months!! @AustinOnSocial I think you are mad I unfollowed but go off. start a whole convo! @AustinOnSocial @MarindaReads “Pls stop” excuse me sir ? @MarindaReads not even talking about selfies. Like full legit photo shoots.file it with “aren’t you cold?” seriously do not get how so many people I follow on Instagram have so many photos of themselves.before u write someone “why are you still up” ask yourself: “why do I choose to be so annoying? is there still time to change”was gonna ask if he still had a table at elaine’s so I could sit by it and boo him on the daily (i’d relocate) but it’s closed :(Mia is some sort of dream human birthed by two angelshe always wrote, for someone else to say, what a loved genius he was in some way. douche. weirdo.fuck woody allen and his quirky dumb shit that I’m proud to say I always found dumb and self-jerking