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de-motivational speaker / I tested positively toward negative

4,808 Following   13,511,224 Followers   13,731 Tweets

Joined Twitter 5/11/09


@MohanadElshieky Tis a joke, comedian @toyfantv You become both an infinitely stronger and a supremely weaker person lol @rynej__ LOL if it is I’m leaving johnI was gonna cc a bunch of big directors but a shocking amount are not on Twitter. CANT HANDLE THE HEAT???? ugh they… https://t.co/1ficNi3XPgLol so stupid I love it so much. I really love these by the mouthful https://t.co/7m7KJxv9pUThen this happened!!! On my PHONE of course https://t.co/U1XQ21MU98Family shoot went...right as I thought it would, actually https://t.co/5SUOiWS9QrEntire time. Never stopped. Still understand nothing except that it was gorgeous and great and that I will NEVER un… https://t.co/wVaS82BORlYou: uncultured swine. Me: https://t.co/j1LgvsUWKX @MollyBSnackin But I don’t....I mean yes I shouldAwwwwww 🥰 https://t.co/2KPSHprN97 @WhitneyCummings Wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww just text me @mb00gie Yes! And @AdeenaSussman has an amazing persimmon cake recipe for it in her book! @kfury THIS IS ME. WITH EVEN REALLY GOOD FRIENDS
12/5
2020
@USMCSundevil @rileyellle Well that’s why I said “to me”would die but also be so happy I could tell this story and get make other people majorly cringe laugh lol so there’… https://t.co/NTwLnrhVlJmade john change to match me to take a cool photo at my office but @AdeenaSussman made us stop at the store to get… https://t.co/04xHWuJmd6
12/4
2020
@BCEAGLESJU @yashar I appreciate this more than u know kind sir @yashar Fuckin losers. Def not us we aren’t losers look at us!!! Here not being losers @NickStopTalking If I don’t see them facing the same way within one minute I will crumble and dieJohn could do it. I wouldn’t care.Meanwhile if any of us, any of us!, were called by the wrong name, WE WOULD NOT CARE? I can’t imagine caring @seanybrams It is actually good that that happens to you so you know who is AN IDIOT @Evfields People think I meant pronouncing wrong which is also AHHHHH but I meant calling them the wrong name!To me, the most embarrassing thing in entire entire entire entire entire entire entire entire entire world, as in I… https://t.co/w0rRyUQnU6Omg no! I misspoke. I meant... @fangsandrobots @brookandthecity Every tweet has a delete button. @samduction Please send link @fangsandrobots @brookandthecity normalize reading the thread
12/3
2020
@Txgeekgirl42 @KarizmaK Whyyyyyt do you keep doing it! lol @Txgeekgirl42 @KarizmaK Again, you can say normalize formula without making it about normalizing breastfeeding. Nor… https://t.co/qxPVt6l7Xm @RachelVHer My brain and body went to the depths of hell. It had been so long without pain I forgot what it felt li… https://t.co/FZL8mgZMAK @Txgeekgirl42 @KarizmaK I don’t wanna try and one up each other anymore. and tbh it’s all hard and I dunno, we just… https://t.co/qcQgmsxpVv @RachelVHer Girl, I HEAR YOU, you have no idea how much I felt that. but if you can make it, and you CAN I promise… https://t.co/6GrlBqFGEc @Txgeekgirl42 @KarizmaK the comparison you guys are doing is kinda unreal to me but I’m gonna say, again, that you… https://t.co/9IunwzMEcJ. https://t.co/UPy8hctm68 @KarizmaK One, it’s not a fight over who has it worse but formula-using moms like me who had postpartum literally w… https://t.co/7wabbUhYl9 @Basti My mom thinks you’re a robot too!I wanna break it and see what’s inside so badAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH https://t.co/f1aXqIrPZO
12/2
2020
@SneKhumaloSA lol shitohhhhhhh trust me, I know ! https://t.co/EiqUD3mVwY @PosadistM @jrhennessy Perfect @lexlanham @TaylorLorenz !! @jaydahardy206 @fahrmaiden @PadmaLakshmi @AlisonLeiby lol @jrhennessy I keep saying it really truly love it here so much @mattryanx Who amongst us hasn’t made the life altering decision of going private to take a moment, forever lol god… https://t.co/ii2DiC4tQC @TaylorLorenz HIRE BETTER DUDES AHHHHHHHHH @jaydahardy206 @fahrmaiden @PadmaLakshmi @AlisonLeiby ok be mad about it, that’s a u thing @fahrmaiden @PadmaLakshmi @AlisonLeiby As in that is what they’re saying when she made an innocent tweet about gett… https://t.co/ztbolPrKOr @PadmaLakshmi @AlisonLeiby like...u impulsively picked chocolate and then prob more chocolate but fuck YOU! @PadmaLakshmi @AlisonLeiby Came here to defend this moronic insanity. guess it could have been read as “well, a gro… https://t.co/21I91VqSGQ @TheEllenShow ♥️ accepted and saved and hopeful. love to you, P, and...honestly not sure what or how many animals y… https://t.co/221zJv97yL
12/1
2020
@chaosfilter Lol! @yashar Is this code...for poopingJust ordered Miles a Christmas gift that won’t deliver in time so telling them Christmas is January 4th lol kids ... can be funthe credits lol https://t.co/qhIzpPoyZP
11/30
2020
@javachik ! @JamesKortney 😩💕 ty @MeadowGood @stuboo @acog I’m down! @hottakestakeone Ah! Chills @CruzanChoklate @phllyjwn @ImSuperCeej @d let me know if u need backup lolLast one I recall was the final Allison Williams scene in Get Out. Oooooooh boy we all went nuts. https://t.co/4U8FVPoJAYhello who made this, truly would like to credit its beauty https://t.co/oLAPnkr37q @jdav1023 Thank u for noticing lol @jamesreb oh my god I didn’t even notice, poor Parker has seen this shit before! we made friends after and apologized, he was so wonderful @PRbyMichelle oh that was unplanned bahahahacrate and barrel was so mad at mom and I for pretending it was Black Friday today lmao sorry Parker we ♥️ you thank… https://t.co/AVJbzRaAErI love it here. pry it from my cold dead handsit’s..it’s his part from their...their duet. like. he is on the song https://t.co/IFhWB8TdO7:) https://t.co/MEpKsHu0PS https://t.co/eu3bysL428 @LinaDiamond98 @travissouders XxOh I’ll just respond to myself, actually: the point is not how great breast milk is. WE KNOW THAT. the point is FOR… https://t.co/UcOoa2SQicAaaaah yes thank u good sir, tell me more about your titties https://t.co/RMw3NXklgM @_WhiteAF_ @egrattan @InHaught @FindingEmerland Honestly you guys are having a very real and honest conversation an… https://t.co/mN7O0whosb @MrTommyCampbell I only trust women, tom lol talk to my therapist @thecoldestrain lol sorry! was desperateYESSSSSS THE WEEKND, IT WAS! https://t.co/Un7CIUhJ0I @MatthewBresler W h o a but I couldn’t have even done that honestly lolYOU SWEET ANGEL!!!!!!!! https://t.co/JBpvqyVIo4Oh man had so much hope just now but no! https://t.co/ODogNiFvmgIt was new but sounded 80’s, might have been The Weeknd but might have not, and it’s not blinded by the light ! https://t.co/wtLA2KPD5iThen it played AGAIN as we were going into a parking garage and stopped before we could Shazam. Phew, the anguishI have listened to I THINK every weeknd song for a few seconds to try to figure out, to the point where I forget wh… https://t.co/DkTdhcYGwIGoing bonkers trying to figure out a song I just heard twice the morning on the radio. Sounded like The Weeknd but… https://t.co/azXKui4M7f @MissKlept GIVE BOOB A TRY, SURE, AND GETTTTTT THE FORMULA. WE ARE ALL DOING THE BEST WE CAN WITH WHAT WE HAVE. @MollyRoseTarpey truly, IN EVERY ASPECT. "normalize minding your fucking business as long as it is not hurting anyo… https://t.co/8IyulVkDtAthe stress of it, combined with the guilt that you cannot do nature's most natural thing for your own baby is too m… https://t.co/Qez1O4kkNuI remember pumping my ASS OFF, highest mode, so often, because I didn't trust milk was going into their mouthes if… https://t.co/wWVibqPVbZ @clasavie !"normalize breastfeeding" is great. "normalize formula" is great, too! so yeah. that's all! normalize formula! your… https://t.co/UOdohJd3ytpeople have surrogates, people have trouble breastfeeding and all you hear as a new, anxious mom is how breast is best.normalize breastfeeding is such a huge, wonderful thing. but I absolutely felt way more shame having to use formula… https://t.co/qT5Ze97P2Fok I'm gonna say something and you all are definitely gonna make it a thing but here goes: normalize formula.
11/29
2020
@raesanni Can we lower that please god, for meArrivederci , bucatini al pesto! https://t.co/8uwyAA59B9I’m not kidding. The women who stopped black people from doing basically anything, the Trader Joe’s mask freakers, all the Karens.Without a doubt: Karens https://t.co/qL3gWPaTFRimportant https://t.co/fM3ww4XEoAThis is so sweet and kind but even my depressed mind knows 35 is *not* old lol https://t.co/BpjvTWGnh4
11/28
2020

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