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Joined Twitter 12/15/08

John Cenaโ€™s trajectory from โ€œwhite rapperโ€ to โ€œtroopโ€ is a trajectory shared by about 1/3rd of the white guys I went to high school with
Retweeted by ๐“™๐“ธ๐“ฑ๐“ท ๐“ฃ๐“ฎ๐“ผ๐“ฑ ๐“•๐“ช๐“ท ๐“ข๐“ฒ๐“ฝ๐“ฎI agree't ask me why but here's 22 seconds of catherine o'hara saying bebe
Retweeted by ๐“™๐“ธ๐“ฑ๐“ท ๐“ฃ๐“ฎ๐“ผ๐“ฑ ๐“•๐“ช๐“ท ๐“ข๐“ฒ๐“ฝ๐“ฎitโ€™s critical to remember that as we approach 2020 it is impossible to both want to run for president and be a cool person.
Retweeted by ๐“™๐“ธ๐“ฑ๐“ท ๐“ฃ๐“ฎ๐“ผ๐“ฑ ๐“•๐“ช๐“ท ๐“ข๐“ฒ๐“ฝ๐“ฎIs it so much to ask of Universal Studios to have a nightly after hours event for adults where Harry Potter fucks King Kong
Two nights in a row of just laying in bed not sleeping does some legit horrific things to your brain :)a karaoke place called Just the First Verse and Chorus. you welcome.
Retweeted by ๐“™๐“ธ๐“ฑ๐“ท ๐“ฃ๐“ฎ๐“ผ๐“ฑ ๐“•๐“ช๐“ท ๐“ข๐“ฒ๐“ฝ๐“ฎDewey Crowe from Justified as Charles Manson. Forget DiCaprio, gimme just this movie.
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Full on insanely talented @cassidyrouth and @capnbrielle also did some fantastic graphics in this and every day I tโ€ฆ very lucky I got to make some very fun sci-fi looks for this very good piece. Give it a very watch
I don't really know what words to use since the best has been coopted out of meaning but Kady Ruth is actually theโ€ฆ one: no one: no ooooooone: alicia keys: can get in the way of what Iโ€™m feeling @HannahAWright Allegedly @MattMattMayer It was on my Whenever I Get Around To It list, but now I gotta watch! @bradyocallahan Wow actually this guy sucks @kaitlinfontana Sorry Kaitlin but youโ€™re way off base here, anyway happy Labor Day to you and yoursIt must be so disheartening being Cory Booker, comfortably telling your one joke on loop to your audience of BBQ daโ€ฆ
@missbreton holy shitI shouldโ€™ve posted the video in this tweet. Bad instincts like this are why Iโ€™ll never break 30 million followersI think about the scene where Captain Phillips gets rescued and examined a lot. I think itโ€™s the best acting perforโ€ฆ my age my mom had 2 kids, 2 jobs, and was a youth pastor The first thing I read this morning was โ€œI didnโ€™t fuck my catโ€ @youranalogbuddy What city is thisPolice use pepper spray on protesters, and the wind blows it back into their faces.
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These pretzels are making me girthyI hope this is your whole feed today. Lets hook our boy up. Just saw him again this weekend and heโ€™s back, guys. Itโ€ฆ
Retweeted by ๐“™๐“ธ๐“ฑ๐“ท ๐“ฃ๐“ฎ๐“ผ๐“ฑ ๐“•๐“ช๐“ท ๐“ข๐“ฒ๐“ฝ๐“ฎhalf of Viacom went on strike for this literally 12 years ago how is everyone just now finding out about this shit wanna talk about how Extremely Online they are but then theyโ€™re all โ€œwhoโ€™s Shane Dawsonโ€ and Iโ€™m embarrasโ€ฆโ™ซ but the cat came back the very next day the cat came back he wanted some more fuckin so the cat came back thisโ€ฆ
@youranalogbuddy St. Patrickโ€™s Day could use a few less naughty lads and lasses and a lot more call your dads and pastors
@TheHardMantra Where does one acquire this, maybe the most appealing food item Iโ€™ve ever heard ofWhen itโ€™s 10am and theyโ€™re out of everything bagels @cassidyrouth I canโ€™t speak for everyone but I sometimes put my lil poops there tooThe first true sign of adulthood is buying a box of girl scout cookies for no one but yourself The second true sign is diabetes @DanSpenser Tonk on, brotherThe top comment of every youtube video of a white street rapper is some uncle saying you can tell this guy is a reaโ€ฆ
let beto sweat @youranalogbuddy The Pokedex of ManHoly shit this is literally Google Wave
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me 4 hours into red dead redemption 2, in a stage that would retroactively be called "between looks" @youranalogbuddy makes me look pretty good, actually!lol every single person who frantically tweeted BETO 4 PREZ about 30 seconds after texas was called for cruz is nowโ€ฆ @MrAlexisPereira sorry I just asked and she's mad you never asked her to be in a Pantry BoyThe 40 year old son wanders the tower, forcing eye contact with each peon he meets. โ€œYou see my post last night?โ€ฆ sorry forgot instagramโ€™s here right now, having a great time in st lucia! ๐Ÿ˜ŠSometimes I think of when my grandparents were young and wonder if every third tweet of theirs was a desperate cry for help too
yeah i know Instagram???? Atleast the Soulja App isnโ€™t down ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿพโ€โ™‚๏ธ
Retweeted by ๐“™๐“ธ๐“ฑ๐“ท ๐“ฃ๐“ฎ๐“ผ๐“ฑ ๐“•๐“ช๐“ท ๐“ข๐“ฒ๐“ฝ๐“ฎ @krispy_kreen been thinking about this all day @cassidyrouth Itโ€™s the best thing to happen to the human race since mocha French toastSome of you idiots when to elite colleges and I went to a school where they put little crosses in front of the cafeโ€ฆ
Retweeted by ๐“™๐“ธ๐“ฑ๐“ท ๐“ฃ๐“ฎ๐“ผ๐“ฑ ๐“•๐“ช๐“ท ๐“ข๐“ฒ๐“ฝ๐“ฎthis fucking dope doesn't even flinch at how fucked this is. burn the media industry down and start again weโ€™re talking school: every homeschooled kid in America graduates with a perfect GPA, and about .01% of themโ€ฆ[extremely to the tune of Tell Me Something Good] โ™ซ co-dependent fruit โ™ซ @TheMatthewCohen @taylordotbiz Is this hollywoodIโ€™m $40,000 in debt from getting the worst bachelors degree in America from the morally bankrupt church school runโ€ฆ well fuckn me too dude
@cassidyrouth did this because i played the song wife bought me a college to get me out of the housethis is why my kid's going to the school of hard knocks, where the only bribe you need is a hot grandma slice and aโ€ฆ another thing, these coffee machines @johnapurcell @bradyocallahan thank god @johnapurcell @bradyocallahan did you @eliyudin Youโ€™re about to meet The Volcano @eliyudin Island my fist in your solar plexus you guff me like this again palnot to cause too much controversy, but starting to think people need a little less "link in bio" and a little more "readin' bible"Excited to announce I have been cast as the island on the next season of Temptation IslandConfession time: over the past decade I have bought the rights to nearly 250 of the worldโ€™s least impressive waterfโ€ฆ
you bet I grew up a fan of the WIGGLES W - Wrath I - Pride G - Greed G - Gluttony L - Lust E - Envy S - Sloth
Retweeted by ๐“™๐“ธ๐“ฑ๐“ท ๐“ฃ๐“ฎ๐“ผ๐“ฑ ๐“•๐“ช๐“ท ๐“ข๐“ฒ๐“ฝ๐“ฎ @bradyocallahan is this a prank
Retweeted by ๐“™๐“ธ๐“ฑ๐“ท ๐“ฃ๐“ฎ๐“ผ๐“ฑ ๐“•๐“ช๐“ท ๐“ข๐“ฒ๐“ฝ๐“ฎwell aware that I'm deeply late to the party on this but GOD ALMIGHTY
@JerryFalwellJr @realDonaldTrump Ah yes and who could forget the iconic Sermon on the Mount, a satellite event of Cโ€ฆ @bradyocallahan once
If youโ€™re out there feeling down, look into my eyes and know that I mean this just for you matt gets me @TheMatthewCohen it's so fucked up that the melody utterly slays @HannahAWright this is how it starts, welcome @TheMatthewCohen twice in the past year I've looped this song for over an hourLost a board game tonight and now I get the petty anger Trump felt at that correspondentsโ€™ dinner that made him run for president @youranalogbuddy the moleShout out to ppl who somehow think โ€œomg this show is exactly like my lifeโ€ and somehow manage to not roll right aloโ€ฆ
End Tech @supitsrachel rachel it's time for the big reveal that these are all meEnd Tech @DanSpenser @FullFrontalSamB @cassidyrouth @ed_mundy one of these is me! @mjwooolf @youranalogbuddy @JamesFolta Jeff Jeff Fonksworthy @youranalogbuddy @mjwooolf @JamesFolta Eminnie Pearlpatine and whatnotIโ€™ll never forgive this web site for horse_ebooks @JamesFolta Grand Moff Tarkenny Chesney, things of that natureDesperately want America to come around on the wealth of tremendously beneficial social policies and programs commoโ€ฆโ€™s deeply fucked that shibble, a fun thing to say, is not a word @adultswim doug flutiecurdled my babyholy shit
@kadyrabbit holy shit same @supitsrachel tell them who they are rachel people care about the human elementGiving up stuffing my mouth full of uncooked noodles and punching myself in the jaw as hard as I can, my only vice, for lent