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Hi. I live here now.

1,033 Following   746 Followers   22,264 Tweets

Joined Twitter 5/23/13

A perfect kahuna ❤️
Retweeted by a man called alan
@SachaBaronCohen they got rich by not having employing moderators.Thanks for the expertise man in the shop, yes, many people die every year from falling down stairs but that's not i… take my roland TB-3 out visiting tonight. @Okeating my former self who decided to not bother buying bitcoin for 0.08p each. that guy's an idiot.aawwwww thread. *single tear*
Retweeted by a man called alan*Rings The Friday Bell* @brianstelter of course he would.I've been cheating on my wood burner with a beautiful radiator. So warm and huggable. @JohnCleese King Canute was astute. trump is not. @mutablejoe build it and they will come. then sue you.I was into self-isolating before it got famous.
Retweeted by a man called alan @lotsofuss @Tartanveggie good call. @Tartanveggie that's dodgy ground.Altered Carbon. ... It's back. @Okeating Release the quacken.
Retweeted by a man called alan @TimRunsHisMouth @realDonaldTrump and you blame everything on democrats. @realDonaldTrump Well you did shut down virus protection schemes around the world that Obama established, so , there is that.12 months ago today it was also raining. 12 months ago today i got the phone call that my dad had died. that 4 mile… @Bigshirtlesscol @jamajestical tend to vanish from the twitter when work needs to be done. @MiaFarrow let's hope so. @KevinMKruse and it didn't cost him a thing because trump don't pay bills.Toby Young wants to defend free speech but won't accept people who says things he doesn't like.That's it. I've had enough of this weather now. I'm writing to the council. @SarahBurris seriously out of his depth.Anyone else’s Mr Men book end this way? 😂 #whyaremrmenbooksolong
Retweeted by a man called alanIf the gov was serious about how HS2 would benefit 'the north' they would start building it in 'the north' Also saw… @davelee1968 I still think it was a scam by security companies. @maimonides_nutz I'm taller in real life.Friday Weather Status: @SteveDoherty1 In charge of the cellar that fed three bars of a music venue in the late 80s - The night Hakwind pla…
@fourfoot half moon and dangly. @confusatron @ShootyDoody @LittleMissAngr1 David Cross nailed it with that one. @idlewildgirl @Bigshirtlesscol well that's no more drinking custard for me then. @Jacob_Rees_Mogg I very much doubt that. @sharkastic @christhebarker too soon. @AlanKelloggs al m on the drums. @DrKayfabe @LukeBarnett Insurance driven economics more like.The cost to get tested for #Coronavirus with no insurance being $3,270 is the most USA thing that could ever USA.
Retweeted by a man called alan
*swears in cockney*Am back on Twitter for a moment just to flag the gravity of the situation in India for people who haven't yet twigg…
Retweeted by a man called alanBinxs @Thomas18766 I'm older than that and I can't even.I think Rachel Riley might be pregnant.Breathe In. Breathe Out. Hold Your Breath. *Aphex Twin Noises* You can now breathe normally. @jayforeman I only say 'ouch' when it really really hurts. @posthuman a smoke machine operator sneezes. club goes silent.It's not just the #YorkshireTeaGate, it's the comments about #YorkshireTeaGate and the comments about those comment…
Retweeted by a man called alan @packagingman @Salfordcityguy @CassAnders1 @yorkshirefloss2 @CassAnders1 @TheCeefax there was a guy like that in my local town. said he 'didn't care' about the ticket he gave… @ourrachblogs @BenGilbert1 Do you like tuna subs? Me: Yes, she was great in Give Us A Clue
Retweeted by a man called alan @JeremyVineOn5 nope.In Portugal, all drugs were decriminalised in 2005 and users treated with humanity. 15 years later, drug deaths hav…
Retweeted by a man called alan @sulaAlice Sue, you're shouting at tea. Please do look after yourself and try to be kind to others. We're going to mute you now.
Retweeted by a man called alanPlease spare a thought for Rick Astley at this time of year, he really struggles with Lent.
Retweeted by a man called alan @Nigel_Farage oh go away nigel. @agnessjonsson same day.
Paging Dr Well-Actually. @Biffo183 certainly do. I still keep candles to hand. @AmbJohnBolton @BernieSanders @AIPAC @IlhanMN You blindly worship an authoritarian, you don't get to judge anyone.If Trump had a dog it would be a Shar Pei. @j42070 it's turned back to the runny stuff now.snow .capitalism: a primer
Retweeted by a man called alanWe’ve got a new cleaner at work and her name is Tina. And I feel nothing but happiness about this.
Retweeted by a man called alan @matthewjdowd @SantiagoEvies @marcorubio It's like the guy doesn't even read the replies.'Stay at home, self isolate and try not to see other people' - It's like the Coronavirus was created by Netflix and Twitter.I don't even like yorkshire tea. there. I said it.Donald Trump is patient zero. @SarahSurgey1 Sandra. Sandras fight dirty.
@JimMFelton @BoskyJim for the pedantic record, I posted this as they were reading the verdict. @BoskyJim @JimMFelton mystic meg. @donno90 @mrnickharvey @_DHOTYA ah yes, we've been expecting you. @JimMFelton @BoskyJim'll take a wild guess that Harvey Weinstein isn't using a walking frame now. @agirlcalledsoo fine. only a little fluffer so the wind must have knocked him down. sat perched for a minute then f… @HamsterMckenzie wounded sausage.Found this having a little sit down. stupid hair. stupid name. passing exams. refusing to fight. Garden boys have forced the average up.
I've been unfollowed by several.. that'll show me. @fourfoot daaaayummmm @ghud68 leave. it. alone. *wags pointy finger in a patronising way* @KillineyBrian 'bout time for a re-write.a script waiting to happen - @quantick I asked for an airbrush. I got a custom car magazine. go figure. @JamesBlunt only a bit though. @guardian good. lets get it to £100m @Okeating I fully expected some small children to walk in on him. @EssexCanning the door closed. @Alrightpunk they all know. @pearofdestiny I like to think I do.....but I don't. I went once in early 90s. Loved it. Catching a fish kinda spoiled it though.I didn't resist. Of course I wash my nets I'm not an animal. @gillmurphyinte1 ...with ep 02 tomorrow? oh joy. @gillmurphyinte1 according to my gadget, it's starts today.Spring must be round the corner because I've just had an uncontrollable urge to wash my nets.